


Season Pass

by mistysinkat, sallyamongpoison



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Dates, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Meet-Cute, Summer Vacation, Zoo, aquarium, dolphin trainer dorian, high school teacher cullen, mia's children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-09 20:59:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 115,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7817026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistysinkat/pseuds/mistysinkat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallyamongpoison/pseuds/sallyamongpoison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A class field trip to the aquarium, a summer with his niece and nephew, and a trio of season passes turns Cullen's world upside down when the devastatingly handsome dolphin trainer Dorian Pavus catches his eye. Both men feel a force pulling towards each other... but will that force be enough to pull them together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Field Trip

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to our third collaboration! 
> 
> Fair warning: This is a published roleplay, so expect frequent changes in POV after the first two intro chapters. Dorian is written by Sally, and Cullen is written by Misty.
> 
> Enjoy! <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aquarium is hardly Cullen Rutherford's idea of a fun time, but he doesn't have much of a choice when he has to chaperone his class on their senior field trip. Still, when a group of students drags him to the dolphin show, he finds that the aquarium isn't entirely awful...

“Mr. C, We have our slips! Here, here, hold on… they’re in here, I swear…”

Cullen Rutherford - Cullen to his friends, Mr. C to his students - crossed his arms and shifted his weight back as he watched the elven twins, Meria and Brannyn, practically dump the entire contents of Bran’s backpack out looking for their field trip permission slips. Cullen watched, bemused, as notebooks and pencils and not a few comics scattered at their feet. “You know, those were due yesterday, you two…” he started, but the look the two siblings turned on him with their eyes, wide and sad, stopped him short.

“But, but... we _got_ them… they’re signed and everything!” Bran pleaded as his sister kept looking. She’d abandoned his backpack and began pulling things out of her own, brows furrowed in determination and, if Cullen knew them at all, a little annoyance with her brother.

“And _not_ forged by Bran this time… honestly Bran, how could you lose them?”

“Oh, come off it. You forgot, too, Mer.”

“Beside the point… oh! Here they are, here they are!” Meria cried triumphantly as she waved both of their permission slips in one clenched fist. “Can we go? Mr. C, can we go?”

As this little bit of sibling strife played out, Cullen watched with his head tilted to the side as an amused smile turned the corners of his scarred lips upward. He really was too soft-hearted sometimes, because he couldn’t, for the life of him, say no to those big, pleading eyes.

“Pleeeeaaaase? Pretty please?” Bran added, grinning because he knew he had Cullen's number.

 _Ah, it’s a dumb rule, anyway_. _So long as it’s signed…_  

Still, he had to make them sweat a bit, so he made a show of getting out his reading glasses and inspecting the signature on both slips, holding each one up close and then out again at arm’s length as he sighed heavily and tried to hide the grin he felt inside. “I don’t know kids,” he said, but there was a smile in his voice, “This is _highly_ irregular…”

“Are you going to deprive us of _our_ _education_ because of a technicality?” Meria asked in a scandalized tone, but she was smiling, too. After having been in several of Cullen’s science classes, from biology to anatomy and physiology, over the past four years at Skyhold High, she knew when the man was going to cave.

Cullen sighed again as he shook his head with a grin. “Fine, you two. You win. But if anyone asks… _especially_ if it’s Vice-Principal Pentaghast… just tell them I misplaced them. That’ll be my story, too when I inevitably have to hand them over… _late_.”

“We can go?” Bran asked… like he didn’t know the answer.

“Yes, you can go. Take your seats, you two. The busses will be here soon… but clean this mess up first!” Cullen answered before they scampered to pick up all the things they’d tossed from their bags, offered up their thanks, and hurried back to their seats.

Senior class field trip day. It was usually Cullen’s least favorite day of the year - he enjoyed _teaching_ , not being relegated to glorified babysitter as teens flitted this way and that, overly excited by the freedom afforded them on this one day. At least this year, he could leverage it into something that was remotely related to his classes, so there was that. He’d already made a few lesson plans around it, much to the chagrin of the students in his classes. They were of the opinion today was all about fun, and had grumbled darkly when he’d handed out a worksheet to complete throughout the course of the day. Really, it was one worksheet with ten fairly simple questions - was that too much to ask? Apparently so, if the death glares he’d gotten yesterday meant anything.

Still… the aquarium. They were going to the aquarium this year. He’d actually never been, and it was no wonder - Cullen Rutherford was, in all things, stout and reliable… but for some reason, more water in one place than could fill a bathtub reduced him to a nervous wreck. At least this water would be confined to tanks… but still, he didn’t trust it. All that water, full of things with teeth and stingers, just behind glass… he was practically getting hives just thinking about it - and he was still standing at the front of his classroom, miles away from their destination.

The day progressed much as he’d expected it to. There was a lot of herding. A lot of standing. A lot of moving slowly from one area to the next. A lot of trying to find Bran and fearing that he and his cousin from the next class over had snuck off to do something ill advised. A lot of eyeballing glass walls holding back more water than Cullen cared to really think about. A lot of being ready for the day to end. Still, it did warm his heart to see his students enjoying themselves. There was at least that much going for the day. They deserved it, after all.

At lunch, after he’d made sure his class was all present and accounted for, he sat back, relishing the chance to rest and get off his feet for a while. The kids were mostly occupied with sandwiches and chips and idle chatter, so he took a chance to check his phone for the first time that day.

_[Mia (10:30AM)]: Hey, I’m sorry. Can you call me on your break?_

_[Mia (10:31AM)]: Wait, you have that field trip thing today, don’t you?_

_[Mia (10:34AM)]: I’m taking your silence as a yes. Call me when you can. It’s important._

_[Mia (10:35AM)]: Also, don’t forget to have fun. ;)_

Normally, he wouldn’t take a personal call while he was working, but he hadn’t had a break and that word - _important_ \- made his forehead crease with worry. Plus, Mia had shot those messages off quickly, rapid fire. She’d ended it all with one of those smiley faces, but Mia was good at staying light when things were rough, so Cullen cast his eyes about to make sure there weren’t any shenanigans happening before he tapped call and put the phone to his ear.

“Cullen?” Mia’s voice was pleasant, but Cullen could hear the strain there.

“Yeah, Mia, it’s me. What’s up?”

“How’s the trip? As much fun as last year?”

“Oh, even more, if you can believe it. We’re at the aquarium.”

“Nice. Those fish all keeping their hands to themselves?”

“Oh. Haha. Aren’t you hilarious.’

“I try,” Mia said with a chuckle and then she paused. Cullen heard a deep sigh from her end, full of exhaustion and a little resignation. “Look, Cullen… I don’t want to take up too much of your time… but I think I need help.”

 _She needs help?_ In all his life, he’d never known Mia - capable, witty, stubborn Mia - ask for help. At least, not like this. Her words seemed heavy, and that look of concern was back on Cullen’s face as he licked his lips and took a breath.

“I’ll worry about my time. You just tell me what you need, little sister.” Cullen said, hoping his tone was soothing.

“Well, it’s just… they’ve called Nathan back in for active duty,” she began, voice shaking… but it didn’t sound like she was sad… Mia was angry. Furious, though she was trying to hide it.

“I’m not surprised, the Wardens…”

“Oh, _hang the Wardens_ ,” she hissed through her teeth before taking a breath and continuing with a calmer tone, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just… he’s done his tour and we’d thought… well, it doesn’t matter, does it? He can’t say no.”

“Mia, I’m so sorry. How can I help?”

“Well, he’s leaving soon, and I just… it’s the timing, Cullen. We can’t afford summer camp for the kids… maybe one or two weeks of it, but not the whole damn summer. Do you know how expensive those things are? I looked it up this morning, and sweet Andraste, it’s hardly fair is it? But I looked for hours to find _something_ , and I was hoping you knew of some program or...”

“I’ll take them,” Cullen said, cutting her off before she got too wound up.

“What? Cullen, no! That’s your break, too,” Mia argued, but Cullen could hear surprise and relief both in her tone.

“It’s not a problem, really. I’ll watch them while you’re at work this summer. It’ll be fun,” Cullen reassured her. And really, it would be… for the most part. His niece and nephew were 10 and 6 respectively, so they were young enough to still like hanging out with uncle Cullen when he brought them along for museum trips and movies... but old enough that they could play mostly on their own when Cullen needed a break. “Really, Mia. It’s ok. Don’t worry about it. You just spend as much time together as you can before Nate ships out. When does he leave?”

“Day after tomorrow. They didn’t give us much time, the complete assholes. Sorry, sorry. I’m still reacting. I’ll get over it.”

“Don’t apologize to me,” Cullen answered with a huff, “School’s out at the end of the week, graduation’s on Friday, then half days next week at the school for wrap up paperwork, that sort of thing. They can come along for that, if needed. Just warn me before you drop them at my door, ok?”

“I will. And Cullen?”

“Yep?”

“Thanks for this. Really. You’re the best, you know?”

That was high praise indeed from his sister, and Cullen’s cheeks flushed for a moment before he laughed and answered, “I am not. You take care of you, ok?”

“You take care of you, too,” she answered with a smile in her voice and hung up the phone.

So there it was. His summer would be spent with the kids. That wasn’t so bad, really. He lived alone, didn’t go out very much… the kids would be welcome company that would maybe force him to get out of his house and his little workshop for a while. He just needed to figure _how_ he could possibly entertain two young children all summer.

Ah well, that was a problem for later. Lunch was ending… which meant it was time to head back into the slightly horrifying world of glass and sea to keep tabs on teenagers that had just been refueled. Great.

“Mr. C?” a girl’s voice called from above him, and he looked up from where he still sat to see one half of his elven twins.

“Yep. What’s up, Meria?”

“We want to go see the dolphin show.”

“Sure,” Cullen shrugged. He didn’t see a problem with it. They were free to go from exhibit to exhibit or check out the shows. Just so long as they had a teacher with him, it would be… “Oh. Oh, you need a teacher.”

“Bingo,” the young elf said with a grin. “Come with us. Please? They’re dolphins. Everyone loves _dolphins_.”

“Well, I’m not everyone,” Cullen muttered as he stood, “Alright then, lead the way. Maybe I’ll learn to love them, right?”

So he followed the group of kids through the crowded atrium, trying to ignore the obnoxiously loud music and the odd cackle or playful yelling here and there as he did. They crossed over and out into a reasonably-sized outdoor auditorium. Well, it was like an auditorium, except at the front where there should have been a stage, there was a pool with glass walls so the audience could see underwater. The ushers were saying something about a “splash zone,” and Cullen was having none of that, so he herded his charges up the rows of benches laid out in stadium seating, straight towards the back.

“Mr. C, we won’t be able to see anything!”

He stopped and looked back at the kids following him. They were all looking at him with expectant eyes, and he sighed. He really was too soft-hearted sometimes. So, he picked a row of benches in the middle that was just a little farther back than the halfway point.

“This is called _compromise_ , kids,” he said with a half-hearted grin as he took his seat.

The room filled to capacity quickly, filled with teenagers that spanned the gamut from excited to aloof along with other teachers like himself keeping a watchful eye out. He felt sorry for the adults that got stuck in the splash zone, and thanked his lucky stars that his group, at least, hadn’t wanted to sit there, too. Still, Meria and her friends were good students, were there to learn, so they chatted about graduation and college plans while they waited, only stopping when that loud music was suddenly thumping, making his teeth rattle, as the lights dimmed and the show started.

“The Aquarium of Ferelden welcomes you to Dolphin Adventures! Put your hands together for our dolphins and their trainers!”

Cullen clapped along with everyone else - it was only polite. And ok, maybe he was a little interested to see what sort of adventures these dolphins would be doing. But only a little.

“On stage right, we have Korcari and his trainer, Sera!”

There were audible gasps when a sleek, grey _thing_ \- a dolphin, Cullen assumed, but it was swimming so fast it was hard to tell - shot out from one side of the pool, did some sort of somersault, and swam up to a high-energy blond elf woman, who was waving and grinning around the whistle in her mouth.

“Stage center, we have Alamarri and her trainer, Lavellan!”

The spectacle from before repeated itself, except the dolphin this time swam up to a brown-haired elf man who waved to the audience before tossing some sort of fishy something out to his dolphin.

“And finally, stage left, there’s Oswin and his trainer, Dorian!”

A third dolphin shot out from… what? Dolphin backstage? Wherever they were held when they weren’t out _adventuring_ , anyway, and Cullen snorted at the idea as he looked over to where the third trainer was greeting his dolphin and…

_Hello._

This whole thing suddenly got a _lot_ more interesting. The trainer - Dorian - he was smiling just like the other two, doling out snacks and tweeting that shrill whistle just like the other two… but he was _not_ like the other two, and not just because he wasn’t an elf. He was… well, there wasn’t any other way to say it, the man was beautiful. The most beautiful man… no, scratch that… the most beautiful person Cullen had ever seen with his own two eyes, and for a moment, his face was slack as he processed it. All thoughts of the summer with Mia’s kids and the field trip and any plans he had for later that evening… all of them melted away in that moment, and he just… enjoyed the view.

And what a view. Bronze skin. Dazzling smile. Strong nose and high cheekbones. A bit of scruff about his jawline. Dark hair pulled back from that strikingly handsome face in a messy bun. A body that was well fit under that wet suit. Movement that was controlled and fluid. Graceful.

Cullen Rutherford was a realist. He didn’t believe in love at first sight, scoffed at the very idea. This wasn’t that, he knew that, but he’d never felt such a powerful pull of attraction to any one person after only a few seconds. He’d never felt his heartbeat increase just from looking. He’d never been so… entranced by another human being based on looks alone.

Well, at least until the man spoke, and then there was an odd sort of warm melty feeling in Cullen’s stomach as Dorian talked the audience through what his dolphin was doing in tones that were velvety smooth and carried a posh sort of accent. Cullen’s hands clasped together tightly as he felt himself sitting forward, attention focused on the trainer that occupied stage left. No disrespect meant to the dolphins, but that trainer - Dorian - he was the most interesting thing out there, and, try as he might, Cullen couldn’t tear his eyes away for too long.

The show was a meager 30 minutes. Not long enough, in Cullen’s estimation, and he felt a real sense of disappointment as he filed out of the room with the kids. Cullen could have stood for another… oh, several hours of watching that captivating man speak and move.

“Mr. C?” Meria’s voice cut through the thoughts running around his mind, all of which involved the handsome man with the smooth voice who was now answering questions and speaking with a crowd of kids around him.

“Hmm?”

“I was asking… what was your favorite part?”

Cullen felt a flush creep up on his face, and not for the first time in his life, cursed his own complexion for giving his emotions away like that. It was… silly, juvenile to have been so enraptured with the trainer, especially to the point where he couldn’t really remember the show itself. So the blood ran to his face in embarrassment as a hand raised to scratch absently at the back of his neck. “Oh… um… the whole thing was… good. Yeah, good.”

_Nice, Cullen._

The rest of the day was identical to the morning, and Cullen _almost_ put the trainer out of his mind. It wouldn’t do to dwell, anyway. That sort of beauty was… well, it was nice to look at, but really, never in a million years would Cullen act or expect any action to have results. That sort of beauty was… it was something he’d expect to see in a magazine or a movie screen. Any fantasizing that would happen would be just that… fantasizing. So, he kept herding children, kept his eyes peeled for any trouble, and finished his day. Exhausted, but at least it was over.

On the way out, though, his eye caught a sign at the Guest Services desk.

**Save on summer fun! Don’t forget your season passes!**

_Well, the kids would like it here, wouldn’t they?_ He thought as he walked towards the desk, reaching for his wallet.

He was definitely not thinking of dark hair and bronze skin. He wasn’t remembering the way that voice seemed to resonate in his bones. He wasn’t looking forward to that bright smile and the way the man moved, graceful and confident. He definitely wasn’t thinking about the way that wetsuit hugged the planes and curves and lines of the man’s body.

He wasn’t thinking of seeing Dorian again, even just from afar, as he paid for three season passes to the aquarium.

Except, of course, he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written by Misty as an intro to this AU's Cullen. He's a far cry from a broken musician or a surly crab fisherman, but I hope you like him. <3


	2. Dolphin Days of Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's high season at the aquarium! And with that comes long lines, long hours, and all kinds of people coming in. A certain someone has caught resident dolphin trainer Dorian Pavus' eye, and over the weeks he tries to come to terms with it because... Maker, he's gorgeous.

“Which one?”

“Okay, you see the guy wearing the shirt with the flames all over it? Back right.”

“Seriously?!”

Dorian rolled his eyes, “No, not _that_ one! Behind him. The blond.”

Next to him, Sera leaned up closer to the crack between the two doors they stood behind, “Oh, wait... really?” She turned and gave him a look with one eyebrow raised. The look on her face didn’t do anything for the way Dorian was trying to look completely indifferent. And failing. _Miserably_.

“What?”

“Not usually your type, is all.”

“I never said he was my type. I just said-”

“You think you’ve seen him before.”

One hand went to brush through his damp hair, and Dorian sighed, “I _have_ seen him before. A couple of weeks ago when that huge school trip happened, he was here. He was with a group of kids.”

“So, a teacher then?” Sera asked, then turned to grin up at him, “that’s a bit lowkey for you, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know,” Dorian argued, “maybe he was a... volunteer?”

“I mean, I guess he’s cute. In a... man kind of way.”

“Thank you,” he deadpanned, “that’s really helpful.”

\------

Middle of the show. It was hot and the sun was beating down a bit, despite the shade that made the pool even somewhat tolerable. Dorian was already tired, and it was only the second show of the day. Oswin had been a little stubborn since the morning, which always tried Dorian’s patience just a little bit, and as he stepped up to the edge of the shallows, he cast a slightly weary eye over the crowd. He was smiling, of course he was smiling, and stood just a bit taller.

_Fake it til you make it, right?_

That was his mantra when his energy wasn’t where it needed to be. The morning had been long, as had training when he’d gotten there, and he cast his gaze back down to the pool as he watched Oswin swimming alongside Korcari. They were quite the pair today: a bit stubborn and willful, but ready to play. At least that was something. It was easy to bolster his mood when they were happier.

Then, the jump with the flip, and Dorian quickly tucked his whistle between his teeth to let off the two sharp reward sounds. The two dolphins were perfectly in sync today, and he grinned over at Sera, who was across the giant pool and grinning just the same. The crowd erupted into claps and cheers as the two dolphins did their second circuit, and Dorian looked back at the crowd before his gaze settled toward the middle bleachers.

Blond hair. Pale skin. Freckles. Dark eyes shaded by one hand. _Him_. Again. _Him_ , and he wasn’t even watching the dolphins. Dorian could feel that gaze, it was almost like a blanket had been dropped across his shoulders for the weight of it, and he knew the man was looking at him. Dorian knew it better than he knew himself.

Well then.

When it came time for he and Sera to dive into the water for the second half, perfectly choreographed as it was, Dorian didn’t _just_ do the basic kind of move. Oh no. If there was going to be someone watching _him_ then he was at least going to make a bit of his own show. A perfect jack knife into the water, a move that would have shown off the long lines of his body, and when he surfaced he couldn’t help but look over again as Oswin curled around him from the left.

He was sitting closer this time.

\------

“Just _talk_ to him!” Lavellan whined, “for all you keep talking _about_ him, you should at least try to... I don’t know, _talk_.”

“During all that free time we have?” Dorian asked as he pulled himself up onto the walkway that crisscrossed the backs of the tank. It was early. They were working on some new behavior training, and Oswin was feeling rather cuddly after all the reward fish he’d been getting all morning. He swam back and forth under Dorian’s feet, knocked at his shoes with his nose until Dorian leaned over to rub his hands over the smooth skin of his back, “what do _you_ think, hm? You like having someone special come to see you, don’t you?”

Sera snickered as she grabbed down another hoop from the back wall and wandered over, “I don’t think it’s for _him_ , if you know what I’m saying.”

For a moment Dorian looked practically scandalized, and he moved to cover the sides of Oswin’s head like there were ears, “Don’t listen to the mean lady, Oswin, everyone loves you.” It earned him a chirp, and Dorian looked down at the dolphin with affection in his eyes, “and me. Yes, you’re right.”

She rolled her eyes, “Maybe don’t take advice on who you want to rub your man parts against from the animals, hm?”

“Speaking of, apparently there was another _incident_ in the whale tank yesterday,” Lavellan sighed as he dropped down beside Dorian and stretched, “all in front of a summer camp class. Dick out and ready and everything.”

All three of them laughed, and Dorian just shook his head as he tapped the top of the water for Oswin to follow, “Poor kids,” he chuckled, “scarred for life, you think?”

“Sutherland said it was another ‘dancing’ metaphor,” Lavellan answered, “but you know kids today, right? They probably know about all that more than _we_ do.”

Sera snickered again, which made Dorian look up, and she pointed at him, “Oh, I dunno... I think Dorian needs some _practical anatomy_ study, eh? Maybe with his new friend that he’s so obsessed with?”

“I am not obsessed.”

“He was _there_ today!” she mimicked, badly, in his accent, “left fifth row! He sat in the _sixth_ row last week! He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

Dorian made a disgusted noise, “That’s really not helping, you know.”

“Talk. To. Him,” Lavellan said slowly, then grinned and pushed Dorian back into the water. When he came back up, though, he had a very rude gesture for the other trainer and quickly had Oswin turn and flap his tail to splash them both.

\----

Two days. His weekend. He had two days off. Two whole days to sleep and not be wet and Maker help him, but Dorian was looking forward to it. He was stiff and sore after his four days on, and he wanted nothing more than his bed for at least one of those days. After two full mornings of working with Merise, who seemed to really be warming up to him now, he was ready to be somewhere quiet with no whistles and no chirping. Not that he didn’t love his new charge, of course he did, but she was still a bit skittish, and it took a fair bit more effort than it did with Oswin these days. He’d forgotten what it was like to train a pup, which she still was a three years old really, and while it was wonderful that they’d finally started to connect it was still a workout like he hadn’t had in a long time.

Dorian had already changed and grabbed his bag from his locker when Lavellan made his way over, and he grinned, “Saw your man today.”

“He’s _not_ my man, and you know it.”

The elf shrugged, then leaned back against the other locker, “Couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”

A grin, “Most men can’t.”

“You’re bad.”

Dorian wasn’t _wrong_ , though. He’d never had trouble getting a date before, though here recently after the shows there were decidedly more women that came up to talk and flirt. He didn’t mind it, though. It was fun, and it was always nice to see people appreciate him for _both_ his appearance and his skills. That said, for all that wonderfully handsome man had been coming at least once a week... he never stopped to talk after. It made Dorian wonder.

He always had kids with him: a boy and a girl with the same curly hair like he had, and Dorian had to wonder if they were his. Maybe... maybe they really did just like the show. They were kids, after all, and kids liked the show. Maybe it had nothing to do with him. Maybe he was barking up the wrong tree. Maybe this guy had a pretty wife at home who worked normal hours and he was tasked with taking the kids to something fun during the summers.

Maybe...

“Oh!” Lavellan prompted, and nudged Dorian’s arm, “Can you do me a favor?”

One eyebrow cocked, “...Sure?”

“So, can you take my Experience class on Thursday?” he asked, “Elia could only get into the doctor at three, and she needs me to drive her.”

Of course. Lavellan handled all of the up close Experience classes that they had twice a day, which had not really appealed to Dorian. He was good at his job, sure, and didn’t mind the people, but he’d always had a bit of trouble actually talking about what they do in a way that didn’t really have a ton of the jargon they used between each other. It usually got him a few blank stares, so he tended to let him or Sera handle that kind of thing.

But he owed Lavellan after that incident last month where he’d been a _bit_ too hungover to come in on one of his usual days and the elf had been kind enough to go in on his day off. Dorian hated being beholden to anyone, and he was actually glad to have that favor taken care of. So he agreed, reluctantly, and headed out to his car. Two whole days off. That would be enough time to recover and prepare himself. And it wasn’t even like it was _both_ of the Experience shows. Just one.

Dorian could handle just one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written by Sally as an intro to this AU's Dorian.


	3. Operant Conditioning [1 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the children insist on meeting the dolphins up close and personal, Cullen gets more than he bargains for and Dorian takes a chance.

The kids had been suitably impressed with the news that they could go to the aquarium pretty much whenever they wanted over the summer - Cullen even got a hug from the both of them. That was a bit of a surprise, and even though he felt maybe a little guilty for some of the motivation behind buying the passes in the first place, the hugs were welcome. With Nate in the Wardens, Mia and the kids had gone through enough, so Cullen really was happy to help. The grateful and _relieved_ smile his sister flashed him when she dropped the kids off for the first time had been thanks enough, really.

“When can we go? When, uncle Cullen?” the eldest, Annabelle - _Annie_ , she would insist stubbornly if she was ever called by her given name - asked that first day.

“Hmmm,” Cullen had replied and winked, “How about… now?”

He found he was just as excited about it as they were.

The first visit with the kids was… fun. More fun than he’d thought, really, and Cullen found all that water a little less disconcerting than it had been when he’d been there last. He enjoyed every “ooooo” and “ahhhh” from his tiny companions as they watched sharks and sea turtles and all manner of sea creatures move gracefully through the large tanks. He laughed along with them as they squealed and giggled at the touch tanks. He let them decide where to go, and followed along happily.

But still, he wondered. Was that trainer… the one who’d dominated his thoughts the day of the field trip, and yes, that night, too… was he really as captivating as he remembered? Or had Cullen’s memory managed to somehow idealize him? There was only one way to find out, so he’d eyed the program while they dined on overpriced burgers in the cafe and dropped a very casual, “Huh. They have a dolphin show here…”

Of course, that’s all he had to say, and the kids were all over it, wanting to know when and could they pleeeeeeease go see the dolphins, uncle Cullen?

It wasn’t long before Cullen found himself sitting stage left, closer to the front than before, fanning himself for the heat. Glad for the heat, really, because he found he hadn’t idealized the man at all. Not one ounce, and the heat made it easier to explain the flush that crept up his face when Dorian came out.

“You like the dolphins, too?” the younger sibling, Toby, asked with wide eyes.

“Hmmm?”

“You’re smilin’. You like ‘em, too!” the boy observed.

“Oh, yes. They’re lovely, aren’t they?”

So they went, once each week, and every time, Cullen sat on the side closest to Dorian, though he found himself moving further and further forward with each show. Close enough to catch the warm looks of affection he’d give his dolphin… Oswin, he thought its name was… and Cullen began wondering what sort of _person_ Dorian was. Beyond the devastatingly good looks, of course… those little smiles and pats reserved for his aquatic friend were genuine, and Cullen couldn’t help but think he was also a kind man. Or could be. Or something.

So he watched closely for little clues. He was convinced this was just an... obsession, that it would never really go anywhere… but he couldn’t help but wonder… what would it be like to have those eyes looking back at him? Sometimes, it seemed like they were, that the beautiful trainer would look Cullen’s way after a dive that was a little more showy than usual… but that was surely his mind playing tricks on him. There was no way Dorian could have picked him out of all these people. It was silly to even consider.

It _was_ fun to think about, though.

On the third week, the kids discovered that the aquarium had something called a Dolphin Encounter, where, apparently, people who paid a little more could actually play with the dolphins… somehow. Cullen eyed that large pool with wary eyes, wondering if that meant actually _getting in_ with them, and tried to talk them out of it at first, until he realized that Dorian could very well be the trainer that led the _encounter_ … and then Cullen blanched 

“N… no. It’s, ah, probably hard to get in, anyway,” he offered weakly.

“We have season passes! We’ll get in eventually, won’t we?” Annie had countered.

“Maybe… hey, how about we go see the whale shark again, hm? He was pretty cool, right?”

“I wanna pet the dolphins! Please?” Toby asked, loud enough that passersby looked over at them curiously.

“Yeah! We wanna pet the dolphins! Pretty please? With sugar on top? And a cherry?”

“I don’t like cherries,” Cullen grumbled as he realized he was fighting a losing battle. “But fine. I’ll go see.”

A quick trip to guest services had them signed up for an encounter the following week with what Cullen assumed was the senior trainer, Lavellan. At least there was that. And if he had to be the awkward jerk hanging out by the pool rather than _in_ it… well, at least he wouldn’t be the awkward jerk hanging out by the pool rather than in it in front of Dorian. He could still anonymously admire the man from afar, dignity mostly intact.

\----

Oh, but those two days off were wonderful. Dorian had spent the first one lounging in bed and enjoying catching up on sleep and soothing his overworked muscles in the bath, then the second one was... well, the less fun stuff. Cleaning, shopping, the gym, all that kind of thing kept him busy from the time he woke up nearly at dawn to when he’d fallen into bed at ten. It was going to be a slightly longer day, too, because he had that Encounter session this afternoon, and just about after lunch Dorian was starting to drag a bit.

The first day back was always the hardest.

He’d stretched a little once he hopped up on the walkway and casually tossed Merise a fish. These last few weeks he’d been working more with her, and she clicked happily once she resurfaced and splashed her tail a few times. Dorian rolled his eyes at that and clapped his hands together a few times in her direction.

“Yes, you’re very impressive, darling,” he told her in a soothing kind of tone, “now be good while I go wrangle these kids, hm?”

A cursory drying of his hair later, and he made his way down to the entrance of the auditorium. Now would be about the time that he’d be stretched out across a bench with a bottle of water and a snack, but... not today. Today, he had a smile on his face and amped himself up for half an hour of working with a small group. According to the ticket manifest, there weren’t that many people, a set of three and then another two groups of two, so that was something. Oswin was ready, he was already doing laps around the tank happily, and Dorian could only chuckle and shake his head as he went to get the groups.

“Hello!” he greeted, and leaned against the door with one arm as he regarded everyone: a (presumably) father and son, two teenage girls, and…

_You’re shitting me._

Dorian’s eyes widened just a little, and he found that he couldn’t quite make his words come out. That _man_. That man with the blond hair that he’d seen so many times, with the same two blond kids in tow, was standing _there_. Waiting. For _Dorian_. Or... maybe not. Still, he was there and he was... Maker, he was _perfection_. He was tall and well built with eyes like gemstones, and freckles... and Dorian had been right about the lip scar. It bisected his upper lip and made them even more beautiful than any one man had any right to be.

“Um,” he began and licked his lips, “come on in, guys, Oswin’s all ready to make your day.”

He pushed the door open and leaned against it as they filed in, and Dorian couldn’t help how his eyes lingered over that man. Dorian _also_ couldn’t help sneaking a look at his arse as he walked past either, but would anyone blame him? Maker take him, but he would have loved to just... curl up and around that man and just feel how solid he was. _That_ part of him was Dorian’s type for sure.

It was going to be an interesting afternoon, that was for sure. Maybe first, though, he ought to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t daydreaming.

\----

Once he’d learned that there wouldn’t be any _actual_ time in the pool, Cullen had felt much better about this whole Dolphin Encounter thing. In fact, the kids’ excitement was more than a little contagious, and he _may_ have even been looking forward to it. He could hang back, learn a bit about the creatures he’d been supposedly going to see once a week for the past month, and then go home with a happy niece and nephew. Done and done.

So he took Annie and Toby to the show as usual and tried to look more interested in the acrobatics of the dolphins than those of one trainer in particular. And now, here he was, waiting with two other groups for their up close and personal look at a dolphin… and Cullen couldn't help but think with a snort that that wasn't exactly what - or who - he wanted to be up close and personal with. In fact, the dark-haired dolphin trainer had been on his mind more than was probably healthy and had featured in some of his more… private moments.

_Definitely for the best that this thing’s run by that Lavellan fellow…_

“Hello,” a voice greeted them. A voice that pulled Cullen right out of his thoughts and made a jolt run down the length of his spine. _His_ voice. Dorian’s voice.

A beat passed, and Cullen may have been imagining it, but it felt strangely like the man was sizing him up somehow. Either way, his eyes - bright, but Cullen couldn't tell what color they were, even this close - flicked over him for a moment… and just that alone had his heart pounding in his throat.

He hung back, waited for the other two groups file in before he followed with Annie and Toby, his fists jammed in his pockets for fear that everyone would see how his hands shook.

\----

Once they were inside the auditorium and headed up to the little edge that ran along the back of the tank, Dorian smiled. This was where they usually started off with the... lecture portion. Five minutes of history and various biology, and a bit about what they did. It was all about the rewards: the fish, the whistles, pats on the head, all that kind of thing. The groups would get to do a bit of that, so it was important to talk about it.

“Now, Oswin is nine years old. He came here when he was two, right about the time I started working here, so we’ve been best friends since then,” Dorian explained, and bent to pick up a fish from a bucket before he reached out with his other hand to tap the top of the water. Oswin shot over from the other side of the tank, and Dorian turned to smile at the group, “you’re in luck that he’s not feeling stubborn today. This bit of behavior training took a while for him to really take to.”

“What’s it do?” the boy, the one with his father, asked.

Oswin poked his head up then and nudged at Dorian’s empty hand, “I’m glad you asked,” he said, “see how he went for my free hand and not the one with the fish? We train them with that disturbance to the surface of the water, which they can hear through their echolocation, on where to go. We tap, they follow. And no reward until they touch our hand to prove they listened.”

Slowly, Dorian stood back up and held out the fish to the boy, “Want to give him this?” he asked 

“Ew, no way!”

“Oh come on!” Dorian chuckled, “it’s just fish.” He turned to the others and held the fish out, “any takers?”

\----

_That smile is criminal,_ Cullen thought as he watched and listened from what he considered a safe distance. He didn’t want to seem rude… but he didn’t want to seem too eager, either. He was just a normal guy having a normal day of fun with his normal niece and nephew. He was not at all jittery with nerves like a schoolboy with a crush and… Maker, that’s exactly what this was, wasn’t it? Cullen was an adult man with adult responsibilities… who had a _crush_ on the cute guy at the pool.

_Maker help me._

“Oh! Oh! Can I do it? I want to give Oswin the fish!” Annie’s voice, high with excitement chirped in his ear before she practically teleported to Dorian’s side, blond curls bouncing around her face. She turned to look at her uncle with chestnut eyes as her little brows pinched together. “Or, isn’t he _your_ favorite, Uncle Cullen? Do you want to?”

“ _My_ favorite… ?” Cullen asked, genuinely confused for a moment until, with a sigh of relief, he realized she meant the dolphin. “Ah… no… I mean, he’s a great dolphin, but you go ahead Annie. Ask the…” _ridiculously gorgeous_ “nice man if you can.”

Annie huffed and rolled her eyes. “ _Dorian_ , uncle. You know his name.”

Cullen cut his eyes to the rest of the group and shrugged, _sorry_ written in his eyes, before he waved a hand at his nice - _go on._

The young girl turned and, in her very best and sweetest voice, asked, “May I feed him?” Then she said, in a more hushed tone, “I think he’s the _best._ Don’t tell the other dolphins, ok?"

\----

Oh, _well_. Dorian grinned in earnest then and stood beside the little girl. Anyone who loved Oswin was a friend of his, after all, though he couldn’t help looking up at that gorgeous man as he chatted with...  _his niece. Not his daughter_. That was an interesting development. “I promise not to tell them, but you can tell him, hm?” he offered, and helped the girl bend down and toss the fish into his open mouth.

“Wonderful!” Dorian praised her, and made a clapping gesture with his hands, which Oswin mimicked with his fins. “Now, if you’re feeling a bit brave... what did you say your name was, dear?” he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

He cast a glance around the group, though it was mostly an excuse to look over at this Uncle. He was standing back a bit, like maybe he wasn’t so sure about being up so close, and that... maybe Dorian would have to try to get him to come closer. That, and something about Oswin being his _favorite_ , hm? Dorian could work with that. Somehow. He’d figure it out somehow.

\----

“I’m brave!” Toby cried out before Annie could answer Dorian’s question, then rushed forward to join his sister. The others gathered around all snickered, but Cullen’s heart jumped straight up into his throat. Toby was 6 - he wasn’t toddling about anymore, and he had control of most of his motor functions… but Cullen had no idea how deep that pool was, and his nephew was precariously close to the edge. A little knife edge of fear sliced through him as he realized he had no idea if Toby even knew how to swim. Cullen definitely couldn’t, so if anything happened…

“Toby, careful!” Cullen called out, his voice high and cracking as he took a step forward and reached his hand out toward the little boy. He stopped when he felt the weight of everyone’s eyes on him. Likely overreacting. Probably making an ass of himself in front of… oh. Oh, no. His eyes… his eyes were - _grey, they’re grey and sparkling and lovely and watching me_.

\----

“Whoa, hey, it’s alright,” Dorian soothed as both the boy and then the _Uncle_ moved up closer, “it’s alright. Everything’s fine.”

Dorian rested a hand each on both kids’ shoulders, if only to help ease the man, and he got down on one knee so he was a bit more eye level with them both. “Okay, so... you have to be a little gentle now, right?” he asked, and nodded his head back so Oswin came up a bit closer and boosted himself up a little more. “Think you two can lean in and give him a kiss?” he offered, “just on the tip of the nose. Very gently though, okay? It’s very sensitive.”

As the kids did so, he cast a glance back at that blond, Cullen had been what the girl had called him, and Dorian smiled. “They’re in good hands, I promise,” he told him gently, and looked back at the others, “how about we line up along the edge here and I’ll show you some of the motions we do, hm? I’ll teach each of you a trick and you can have Oswin do it. Sound good?”

\----

One hand ran quickly through blond curls before stopping to rub at the back of his neck, and Cullen could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. He watched as the kids followed Dorian’s instructions dutifully, beaming with barely contained excitement all the while. They were having so much fun already, despite Cullen’s worries, and seeing that went a long way towards calming his nerves.

_Just breathe for a second. Don’t ruin their day because you’re afraid of the water._

And then Dorian was looking at him. Speaking to him in a soft, soothing sort of voice before shifting immediately back into trainer mode, and Cullen felt like he’d caught a glimpse of who the man was when he wasn't… performing? Is that what the dolphin shows were, performances? Either way that look and that tone… they were kind, but Cullen expected all that was likely out of pity for the poor, jumpy schmuck in cargo shorts and flip flops.

Great.

Cullen rather wished he could go hide under a table somewhere. It was far better to be one of the faces in the crowd, admiring this singular man from afar than to be known and be so… _Cullen_ about the whole thing. He’d be happy if Dorian just kind of conveniently forgot he existed, in fact.

Alas, the encounter continued, and he found himself lining up next to Annie and Toby… determined that he wouldn't ruin their day. He could at least do that.

\----

And so each of them got a few turns to do some of the simple tricks: clapping, showing off his tail, nodding, swimming back and forth, a jump, and rolling over. All age appropriate, of course, and he smiled for just how delighted everyone seemed to be. Then, because Oswin was in it for the attention just as much as Dorian was, everyone got some time to pet him and rub his belly. That seemed to be a big hit, and Oswin was thrilled to be at the center of it all. Between tricks, Dorian gave off a few reward whistles and then tossed him a fish before he turned back to the group.

“So now, while I’ve still got you here, I think Oswin might want to show his appreciation,” Dorian said, and quickly sent the dolphin back down to the other end of the tank, “if I can have everyone line up at the edge and kneel down a bit with one hand out?”

There was a bit of chatter for that, and he took that moment to really let his gaze take Cullen in. He was a bit standoffish, it seemed, but that was alright. Dorian could, though he wasn’t like that himself, understand. Maybe not everyone wanted to be up close with an animal with the potential to kill. Not that Oswin would hurt anyone, he knew that much, but still. The standoffishness didn’t make him any less handsome, and Dorian looked up to catch those amber eyes for a moment before he smiled.

“Right,” he went on, “everyone ready?” Dorian asked.

\----

Well, this was certainly interesting. Not exactly dignified, but it was _interesting_ to find himself on his hands and knees while he reached a hand out over a saltwater pool. At least that outstretched hand wasn't shaking. _Much_.

“Uncle Cullen,” Annie whispered in that not-whispery-at-all hoarse tone kids sometimes used when they wanted to be secretive. “Uncle Cullen, he's pretty isn't he?”

“Yes, Annie. Oswin’s a very handsome dolphin,” Cullen answered in that same tone, smiling over at her and forgetting, for the moment, the slightly embarrassing position he was currently in.

“Not Oswin, silly. Dorian.” she explained, still using that tone that wasn't quite quiet enough, “He has pretty hair.”

Cullen's brows shot up and his mouth was suddenly very, very dry. He hadn't said a word to either of the kids… but did she somehow still _know?_ More importantly… had Dorian _heard_ her?

_Shit. Shitshitshit. What am I supposed to say to that? She's not wrong, but still. Shit._

“mmmm… Oh, look, honey, I think the dolphin’s coming over!” he chimed, a little too exuberantly for how he felt about this whole situation… and he had no idea where the dolphin was, or if it was at all inclined in their general direction. Really, was it too much to ask to make it out of this thing without being embarrassed within an inch of his life? Or, well, any _more_ embarrassed, anyway.

\----

It was... well, Dorian was concentrating half on Oswin circling back so he could gesture with one hand up, but he was _also_ half concentrating on hearing that little girl talk to her uncle. She and the boy had stuck close to Dorian, so it wasn’t hard to hear, and hearing _that_ almost made him chuckle. Almost. It wouldn’t do to show he was listening in, but... still.

And Cullen’s reaction was... well, if Dorian didn’t know any better (between the few scant glances he’d allowed himself), it seemed like _maybe_ the girl wasn’t the only one who thought that. Or he could hope. There was still the chance that Cullen was just humoring her, and that he was straight as a line, but... maybe not. Dorian wasn’t that lucky, but it was nice to think about.

Then Oswin was swimming by them on his side, one fin up and extended, to give the line of people a high five. That seemed to make everyone laugh as they got to their feet, and when Oswin came back up, near where they were standing, he gave a very subtle movement with his fingers. No one would have noticed, not really, and the dolphin rolled and playfully splashed at the group...specifically the little group of three so the water only came up over their feet.

“Oh, now,” Dorian laughed, “That means he likes you.” With a quick turn to the side, too, he put the whistle in his mouth and let off a short reward sound for doing that.

How else was he going to flirt, after all?

\----

Alright, so Cullen had to admit that the dolphin high five, or low five as it were, was pretty cute. The kids were eating this up, and he laughed along with them as the dolphin did his little swim by… and it was, to his surprise, actual, genuine laughter. There was still that undercurrent of nervous energy rippling below the surface, but there was also some fun there, and that was unexpected.

As Cullen pulled himself to his feet, serenaded by the giggles and snorts of young children, he took just the quickest of moments to cast his eyes Dorian’s way for the first time since Toby had run up to the edge of the pool. If the trainer had seemed beautiful from where Cullen sat in the audience during the normal shows… well, he was simply breathtaking up close. Way out of his league, of course, and probably hounded by women or men or whatever it was he wanted… but still. Cullen tried, he really tried, to keep those thoughts out of his mind while he was there with the kids, but it was just so hard to be that close and _not_ wonder what Dorian looked like with his hair down and wearing normal clothes. Whatever a man like Dorian even wore. Probably something trendy, Cullen decided. Hopefully fitted.

_Not like it matters,_ he thought, shaking his head. Not like he’d ever see the man outside of this aquarium… but again, fun to ponder.

And that’s exactly what he was doing when he felt a little wave of water splash over his feet and up his shins a bit. The kids were beside themselves with glee, and Toby was screaming “Again! Do it again!” while Annie just looked happy that, apparently, Oswin liked them.

Cullen wasn’t convinced, though, and his eyebrow arched when Dorian blew his whistle. “In the habit of rewarding him for splashing your guests?” Cullen asked, one corner of his mouth hitched up in a little half smile. “The whistle, right? Operant conditioning and all that. You just trainer high-fived him for getting us.”

\----

Oh, so he _was_ paying attention. That was something. Dorian just smirked over at Cullen and motioned for Oswin to do it again, much to everyone’s delight. Oswin loved the attention, and Dorian... well, he rather liked the attention as well. For different reasons, of course. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied, then winked at Cullen.

Perhaps a longshot, but worth it. The man was gorgeous, and Dorian would have kicked himself if he didn’t try.

\----

The laugh that had been bubbling up at the kids’ squeals of delight for that second splash died in Cullen’s throat and his mouth closed with a snap. Again, that heat was on his face and his eyes went wide because _Maker’s breath did he just wink at me?_ He had - he had definitely winked at Cullen, and while it was probably just part of the show - the covert splashing, the generally friendly attitude, all of it - it still had Cullen reeling, wondering what in the world he should say to that.

Luckily, all the kids descended on Dorian at once, asking for Oswin to do more tricks, wondering whether or not they could swim with the dolphin, telling Dorian how they all wanted to grow up and be dolphin trainers, too. Even the two young ladies were getting in on it, though Cullen didn’t miss the way they smiled and jockeyed for Dorian’s attention. Which left… well, Cullen and the dad who had been there with his son standing away from the group watching. Great. He might as well just line up a bunch of puns and start wearing socks with sandals now.

But Dorian had winked at _Cullen_. At least there was that.

\----

Just like with the end of the shows, there was a crowd of people all asking questions and talking, and Dorian smiled as he took care to answer all of them. The kids, even the two older girls, were so inquisitive, and he handed out a few high fives of his own at how they said they wanted to do this later on. Hopefully, they’d stick with that. It was always fun to do this kind of thing, despite the fact that he hadn’t really wanted to when Lavellan had asked him the other day. Now that he’d done it... it was fun. It was made even better by the fact that the mysterious Cullen had been there, up close, and Dorian had a chance to at least say two words to him. That was nice.

With another sound on his whistle, Oswin made one last pass along the group to the tune of Dorian saying, “Wave goodbye!” before he dove under to the back tank in their training area. That done, the groups started to file out: the father and son, the two girls, and then... well, there went Cullen.

It made his stomach hurt a bit to see him go, and he hadn’t even really _talked_ to him. But... there wasn’t much to do about it. Clearly, the two kids were enjoying the shows, and this Encounter, so maybe it really was for them. Maybe... maybe he’d gotten his hopes up. It wouldn’t be the first time. After everything, after seeing him from afar for over a month, Dorian wanted _more_. He wanted _something_. He wanted to hear that beautiful Fereldan lilt say his name like it was his favorite word. Okay, that was maybe a bit much, but still.

He didn’t want him to go.

That said, it seemed like the kids weren’t content to leave just yet. They stayed behind, which made his heartbeat pick up a little when it seemed like their uncle hadn’t noticed yet, and kept on with the questions. Of course he wanted to answer, and he kept smiling all through them, but he couldn’t help but cast a glance over at the man (and his phenomenal backside) who was heading for the door.

\--- 

“So, so… um, Dorian? How long does it take to be a trainer?” Annie asked “Because we come here every week, and I wanted to…”

“Dorian? Dorian? Can we…” Toby began talking over his sister.

“Toby, shhh. That’s _rude_ ,” Annie hissed at her little brother before smiling back up at the trainer. It seemed like he wasn’t paying attention, though - like he was looking off somewhere behind them even though he was smiling, and that was a little rude, too. But still, that was ok. Adults could be like that. You had to be patient with them. “Dorian? I wanted to know if…”

“Can we swim with him or… or… or… um… um… can we RIDE a dolphin? That would be so cool!”

“Toby! I’m _trying_ to ask a question!”

\----

His attention snapped back to the kids, and Dorian smiled again. This time it was warmer, more present, and he knelt back down so he was more eye level with the two again, “One at a time,” Dorian soothed gently, before he smiled again. Ah, kids. They were good... in small doses. Dorian couldn’t imagine having them around all the time. The dolphins could be stubborn enough, but kids were a whole other animal.

“I had to do a lot of school and training before I came here, and before I worked here I worked at an aquarium in Tevinter,” Dorian explained to Annie, “so it takes a little while, and there’s a lot of work that goes in, but if you really love it then it goes by like that,” and snapped his fingers with a smile. “When you go to school you can sometimes get your training hours at some volunteer programs, like places that rescue animals, so that definitely makes it better,” he went on.

Then he turned to Toby and smiled again, “And sadly we can’t ride them _here_ ,” Dorian told him, “but there are places you can go and they let you get in the water and swim with them. But we can’t here, which kind of sucks.”

Again, he turned back to Annie, “I think if you’re really interested, though, you should maybe think about it when you get older, hm? Do you like your science classes in school? I know we have a few schools that come here for field trips, so if you come back maybe you can show your friends the tricks you had Oswin do? A little mini-trainer, maybe?”

\----

It didn’t take Cullen long to realize that the kids weren’t following him - the silence being the one and only clue he needed. A noise that was somewhere between alarmed and exasperated escaped his lips as he looked about in a momentary panic, turning to see the kids, still crowding around Dorian and asking him questions.

_Maker’s breath, what now?_

He could only guess that Dorian would be annoyed. Who knew how many hours the man had already been working. He’d completed a whole show, dealt with the encounter group and now… Toby and Annie were still hitting him with a barrage of questions. Cullen took a few quick steps back into the pool area, but then Dorian knelt down and smiled and Cullen stopped to just watch in wonder as the two kids calmed down and listened - _actually listened_ \- to what the man had to say. It was… Maker help him, it made something in his chest ache a little to see how he was with those two kids - patient and warm with soft eyes. The way Dorian had been careful with them before, they way he’d taken a moment to soothe Cullen when he was worried about Toby… Dorian seemed like a genuinely kind person - a beauty that went deeper than his fine features or flashing eyes.

And that… that was dangerous. Cullen's little crush was threatening to become something more than an idle fancy, if that achey-melty feeling was any indication. And more was always… well, _more._ More trouble. More heartache. More disappointment. So, yeah… dangerous.

Even so, he stood there for a moment, watched their conversation unfold, indulged himself and let that warm feeling wash over him for just a little while before he joined their little group.

“Your mom will appreciate that the racecar driver talk is over,” Cullen commented as he rested a hand on Annie’s shoulder. “Sorry if they’re a bit… overeager. They’re big fans of the show… thanks for taking the time, man.”

\----

And then he was back, and Dorian felt something _flutter_ in his chest for the sound of Cullen speaking, and Dorian just... well, he beamed. He couldn’t help it. It was like the man was a magnet, and Dorian was pulled to him. Cullen was _beautiful_. He just... he was. There was no other word for it.

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Dorian answered before he smiled at the kids and got to his feet, “I’m always happy to answer questions.” There was a quick pause before he reached out a hand, “Dorian Pavus,” he introduced himself, “glad to meet anyone interested in the wildlife.”

His hand practically itched to touch Cullen’s, which was stupid, but another thing he couldn’t help. That pale skin looked soft in all the right ways, and just having him so close reminded Dorian of just how _solid_ Cullen seemed to be. Dorian liked that. He also liked the way those amber eyes went soft and warm when he was talking to the kids, and then trained on him.

“Uncle Cullen likes the shows too!” Toby interrupted, practically bouncing as he did so, “he always wants to come see them when we come. And we come a _lot_! Like once a week! Ever since we got done with school!”

\----

Sweet Andraste, but Cullen had spent most of that up and down sort of day wearing a blush, and he only felt it deepen with Toby’s excited admission. Well, if he was honest, more than a little of that pink on his cheeks was due to the way Dorian’s face brightened with that wide smile, but Toby certainly hadn’t helped things. He rolled his eyes a bit, coughed lightly to clear his throat, and tilted his head down to meet Toby’s eyes. “And we also go see the otters and sea lion show, too, little man,” he replied before looking back up at Dorian, trying hard to return the smile he’d been given, “I’m watching them during the day this summer while my sister’s at work, and I thought season passes here would be a good idea. You know,” he explained. Dorian’s hand was still out there, even after all that. Cullen reached out to shake it, trying to ignore the instant warmth he felt spreading up his arm and just how _aware_ he was of the feeling of Dorian’s skin under his fingers - far softer than he would have imagined for someone who spent so much time in salt water - even as he felt his blood heat. “Cullen Rutherford. Pleasure to meet you.”

Thank the Maker, his voice came out sounding reasonably confident and _normal_ , despite the decidedly abnormal way that simple handshake was sending jolts right through him.

“Uncle Cullen thinks you’re the best trainer, Dorian. Don’t you, Cullen?” And just like that, Annie’s voice deflated any victory Cullen had felt over introducing himself like a normal person.

\----

That hand in his was strong. It was warm. It was one of those kinds of hands that Dorian wanted to have running over his skin. Not that _that_ was the right train of thought to be on at the moment, but still. Dorian squeezed that hand just a little before he let go and rocked back on his heels. Cullen was blushing. His cheeks were a brilliant pink, and Dorian loved that. The man was so handsome, and that blush only made Dorian like him more.

“I think season passes are great, but I might also be a little biased,” he answered, then turned to look down at Annie. Her words made heat spread into Dorian’s chest, and for a moment he felt his own cheeks heat. Cullen thought _he_ was the best? That was about as close to music to his ears as this was going to get. Hopefully, that was actually true.

He took a breath then, “and I always like being the favorite, if I’m honest.” Grey eyes lifted to meet amber ones again, and Dorian smiled at Cullen before he turned back down to Annie and Toby, “so what else do you guys do when you hang out with your uncle? Other than come see me?”

\----

Leave it to the kids, right? Thankfully, Dorian shifted subjects, but not before he’d flashed Cullen with another one of those heart-stopping smiles, and Cullen… well, he didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

“Cullen’s a teacher, so we go do lots of learning stuff,” Toby explained

“So, like, different kinds of museums, that stuff… but we go to the park and the movies and stuff, too,” Annie added, “And sometimes he lets us help him when he builds his…”

_No_

“That’s right, educational things and the park,” Cullen cut his niece off as he squeezed her shoulder to get her attention. That particular piece of Rutherford trivia was something he wasn’t willing to share right now. Or maybe ever. “And the aquarium, of course… oh, not… not that this place isn’t educational… that’s, ah, not what I meant… it really is… educational, I mean… conservation and habitats and the food chain, all that… I had my classes do a worksheet when we were here,” he finished weakly.

And there was the nervous, stuttered rambling. Right on cue. Nice.

\----

That same smile didn’t shift from Dorian’s face, and he leaned back with his hands on his hips as he regarded Cullen for a moment. He was... nice. That face said it all, as did how he talked to the kids, and for a moment Dorian was a bit lost amid all this _niceness_. He didn’t date a lot of nice men, not that he was dating Cullen, but he didn’t really know what to do with nice men that weren’t just work mates or friends. That, and the way that blush still coloured his features... it was beautiful.

“Is that the old ‘make sure they pay attention and don’t just spend the day giggling with their friends’ trick?” Dorian asked, “I remember that. I also remember it being a pain, but... I can understand needing to wrangle however many of them at once.”

Just then, Toby reached up to tug at Dorian’s arm, “will you hang out with us for a while?” he asked, “please? Cullen always gets excited when we go see you and you’re really nice!”

Dorian blinked twice as he looked down at the boy, then up to Cullen, “I... well, I can’t today. I’ve still got some things to do, but…” This was going to be a long shot, and hopefully not weird. “Have you guys been to the zoo?” he asked before he smiled at Cullen again, “because we all work under the same company, I get passes for all the parks, and I never use them. I could... I mean, if it’s not too forward... if you maybe wanted to go?”

\----

Annie turned, tiny face tilted up to hit Cullen with the full force of her finely honed pout, “The _zoo_ ,” she breathed, “Uncle Cullen, they have _pandas_. And we've _never_ been.”

“Pleeeeeaaaaase?” Toby asked, green eyes large and pleading.

The zoo was more Cullen's speed, but he was still recovering from Toby’s little _‘Cullen always gets excited when we go see you’_ and everything was just moving a little too fast for Cullen to get his feet back under him. At least Dorian hadn't commented on what the boy had said, had taken it in stride.

But now he was asking if they wanted to go to the zoo. He waited to hear Cullen's answer, those lovely grey eyes set in a fine face and framed with messy waves of dark hair. The man was all beauty and the pull of attraction stronger than anything he’d experienced before, and Cullen opened his mouth to let the first thing that came to mind tumble out.

“What, with you?”

_Stupid._

He could have slapped himself in the face - almost _did_ before he caught it - and went on, “That is… we wouldn't want to impose on your day off.”

“Awwwww, Cullen!” Annie whined and crossed her arms. “Please? He _asked._ He doesn't mind. Right, Dorian? You _want_ to go with us and Cullen to the zoo, right?”

\----

_What, with you_?

That stung a little, Dorian wouldn’t lie. He almost frowned for that, but it seemed like Cullen wanted to amend it. And then... concern over his day off. Which, yes, he rarely wanted to give those up. Still, the prospect of maybe getting to spend more time with Cullen, this man he’d been secretly hoping had been coming to see him for weeks, was worth losing a day. The zoo wasn’t bad, either. He knew a few people who worked there, and it always sounded like an interesting place to go.

“I don’t mind,” he answered, and smiled down at Annie before he looked back to Cullen, “so long as _you_ don’t mind. I know it might be a little, uh... short notice? Since, you know... just meeting and all, but I really don’t mind. Those passes should get used, and if the kids want to go it might be fun to make a day of it.”

Dorian licked his lips then, and he realized that his stomach felt a little unsettled for some nerves. He _wanted_ Cullen to say yes. He wanted to go out with them and maybe get to know this man a bit better. He was _excited_ at the prospect. Maybe Cullen wasn’t into men. Maybe he wasn’t into Dorian. None of that mattered, at least for now. Dorian just wanted to get to know him.

“But, I mean... I understand if it might be a little weird…”

\----

Huh. Well, then. If Cullen didn't know any better, he'd think there may have been a touch of something like nervous energy in that handsome face… but no. No that would be silly. A guy like him? He was surely just being nice. That's… that's all this was. That's all it could possibly be. To entertain anything else right now… just, no.

“It's not… I just… ah…” And that seemed to be the extent of Cullen's ability to form words. An hour ago, this scenario seemed impossible. Dorian was… well, he'd been a bit like a unicorn… beautiful but unattainable. Not that this made him _attainable_ … but it did make him real.

“Come on, uncle Cullen. We wanna goooo. We wanna go with Dorian,” Toby prompted, “Please?”

“If you're _sure_ you don't mind…?” Cullen asked, raising shy eyes up to meet Dorian's face and smiling a little hesitantly. “They can be a handful… stubborn, like their mom.”

\----

“Stubborn’s never bothered me,” Dorian chuckled before he smiled up at Cullen. _Yes_. That was good. That was what he wanted. Even with the kids there, which wouldn’t be bad, Cullen had agreed. That was more than he could have hoped for.

He lifted a hand to run over his still damp hair, and then bit a little at his lower lip, “and it’s always fun to go with people who are actually excited, you know?” Dorian went on, and searched Cullen’s face. He almost looked as nervous as Dorian felt, though he couldn’t imagine why. “It might also be nice to... get to know you a bit?” he went on, then cast a glance back down at Annie and Toby, “as well as my little mini trainers, hm?”

“I’m off tomorrow, actually... unless that’s too short notice?”

Now it was Cullen’s turn to have Toby pulling at his arm, “Tomorrow! Please! Pleeeease, Uncle Cullen! It’s going to be so much fun!”

\----

_Tomorrow? Really, tomorrow?_

There was the feeling that, right now, Cullen was just along for the ride. However strong the pull to Dorian was, outside of that… Cullen didn't make friends easily. Oh, he had lots of acquaintances, both at work and in the club that took up so much of his time over the weekends, but _friends_? Those were few and far between. Maybe… even if the fantasy Cullen had concocted in his head over the past month or so was still just that (and he was dead certain that it was), maybe Dorian could be a friend.

That… that would be nice.

“Ok, ok… I know when to give up,” he laughed and scooped Toby up onto his shoulders in one smooth movement. “Zoo tomorrow, then. It'll, ah, be nice to have another adult to talk to, if I'm honest. Wh… when should we meet you, or…?”

\----

“Maybe around ten at the entrance?” Dorian offered. Seeing Cullen scoop Toby up like that was sweet, and he smiled as he watched. It didn’t hurt to see those strong arms moving either, and he couldn’t help but look over them and watch how Cullen moved. How he would have liked to feel those arms wrapped around him.

That was maybe getting ahead of himself, though. There was probably little chance Cullen would be interested in him, at least not like that.

He looked around, in search of a clock, and turned back to them, “How about I go grab my phone from the back and meet you guys out in the atrium?” Dorian asked, “we can... exchange numbers? At least then if we miss each other we can get in touch and find a place to meet up?”

_And because I want your number._

\----

“Yeah, of… of course,” Cullen answered, and his stuttured response wasn't just because Toby was squirming with excitement on his shoulders. “We, ah, may duck into the gift shop and have a look see, if that's alright. Take your time.”

It had been _at least_ a decade since the thought of exchanging phone numbers had made Cullen's blood run simultaneously hot and freezing cold. It made sense that Dorian would want his contact information - it would surely make meeting up tomorrow easier - but still…   _Dorian_ wanted his phone number.

He very much wanted to pinch himself, but assumed that would be a little on the obvious side.

\----

Dorian nodded, “I’ll catch up to you in a bit,” and smiled at the kids, “try not to spend your uncle’s retirement, alright?” A quick tease, and he winked at Cullen again before he headed for one of the doors to the back.

When he made it back to their area, Dorian all but collapsed onto one of the benches for a moment to breathe. His heart was pounding in a way that it hadn’t in a long time. Then again, he’d never spent _weeks_ watching someone and hoping they might talk to him. This was more like he’d been drawn to Cullen and now he finally had... well, now he had him, at least in a way.

He took a breath.

This was fine. It was going to be good, _and_ he was going to get Cullen’s number. That was something. And he would see him outside of work for the first time, which was mildly terrifying, so _that_ was something. He was giddy. He was feeling like the first time he’d ever had a real crush, and now he was going to give them his number.

It was wonderful and terrifying, especially if Cullen wasn’t interested. But he had to try. Of anything, he needed to try.

When he made his way back out to the atrium, after changing out of wetsuit and into the pair of (regrettably) ratty jeans and the aquarium shirt he’d gone to work in that morning, Dorian sought out the now familiar three blonds in the gift shop. He smiled when he saw Annie practically bouncing with one of the plush dolphins, and made his way over. The badge he wore around his neck bounced against his chest as he walked, and he sidled up behind them so he could look over Annie’s shoulder, “Now what do we have here?” he teased.

\----

They’d walked over to the gift shop just like that - Toby on Cullen’s shoulders and Annie skipping happily along beside them. Both kids were chattering nonstop about the animals they wanted to see tomorrow, but Cullen was still in shock, truth be told. He’d wondered over those long weeks, of course, what it would be like to talk to him, what Cullen would say. Of course, in all those scenarios, Cullen had been somewhat… smoother than he’d been this morning. As they drifted into the gift shop, which was really the size of a small department store, Cullen set Toby down to walk with his sister and then began running every little detail - every look of panic cast towards the pool, every stuttered response, every blush - of the past 45 minutes or so back in his head… and he wasn’t impressed.

And yet, somehow, unbelievably, here he was. Poking around the gift shop, waiting for _Dorian_ to come out and get his phone number so they could basically spend the day together tomorrow. He was filled with equal parts excitement and confusion - in his wildest dreams, he hadn’t thought this would ever happen, but he really had to wonder why it was.

_He’s really nice. Just a stand up kind of guy. You know better than to get your hopes up, man._

“... so can we have them?” Annie’s voice asked from somewhere below.

“What’s that, honey?” Cullen asked.

Annie gave him an exasperated look - _grown ups, right?_ \- and set about explaining again, more slowly than before, and held up a little plush dolphin. “I _said_ we want to be dolphin trainers when we grow up, so we think we should have our own, right, Toby?”

“Yep! We gotta have somethin’ for _practicin’_!”

“Well…” Cullen began, unsure. He’d told them the first week that since they were going to be there a lot, they were going to steer clear of the overpriced toys and baubles in that overlarge gift shop, and they’d been very good so far about it. But, really, today was a little special… and not in small part because of them… so… “What the heck. Sure. I think a little something to take home would be ok.”

That got a little happy dance from both of them, and Cullen had a good laugh for it. It really did warm his heart to see them so happy.

_Now what do we have here?_

That voice sent a little shiver through Cullen - he couldn’t help it - and he looked over to see Dorian in… not a wet suit. Work clothes, probably. It was odd seeing him the man in old jeans and a t-shirt; it made him seem a little more normal… but it didn’t diminish his beauty one bit. Cullen still felt his heart jump for how close the man was, ratty jeans or no.

“They’re our dolphins!” Toby answered excitedly.

“We’re gonna train them!” Annie added, “Mine’s gonna be called Ozzy, I think. Like Oswin, but, you know, for short.”

‘Mine’s gonna be Dory!” Toby interjected, “And he’s gonna be a space dolphin!”

\----

Dorian looked between the two kids and chuckled a bit. Standing there, holding the much smaller and fuzzier versions of the animals he worked with every day, they looked just like he did when he was their age. It made him happy, and he looked back up to meet Cullen’s eyes so he could give him a smile that was... warmer. Slightly softer. Maybe a bit shy, because under all of this excitement, he was a bit shy.

There was something about Cullen, about all this, that made him feel a little more shy than usual. It was so strange, considering that Dorian often felt at ease with people. With Cullen, with those kind eyes on him, he felt like he was one step away from making a fool of himself somehow. Sure, he could _play_ cool. That was easy. Actually _being_ it?

Especially because there was a part of him that would have loved to sit with the kids and start telling them about the behaviors they could use to “train” their new friends. At heart, as much as it pained him to admit, Dorian Pavus was a bit of a nerd.

“That sounds awesome!” he laughed to Toby, and then smiled at Annie, “I’ll have to tell Oswin he has a baby brother around. He’ll be thrilled.” With a quick glance back up to Cullen he nodded toward the registers, “Come on,” he prompted, “we can chat in line a bit?”

As they got settled behind a few people, Dorian rested one hand in his pocket and just watched as the kids tittered and played with their dolphins. While they were busy, he nudged Cullen with his elbow. It was just a touch, just something Dorian wanted to do, and he smiled up at the other man, “So... what’s your number?” Dorian asked.

\----

Oh, sweet Maker help him. Cullen had assumed there would be a quick exchange of numbers, then Dorian would be on his way. Surely, he had better things to do than continue to hang out with two kids and a big, awkward, nervous wreck. Apparently not, because he made no move to get out his phone and then joined them in the checkout line. Cullen’s pulse was racing and his palms began to sweat because, Andraste’s blood, he was just _awful_ at small talk and he just wanted Dorian to like him.

Maybe not like _that_. Cullen wasn’t even sure if Dorian would even appreciate something like _that_ from a man… and even if he did, there was still the fact that Cullen was… well, Cullen. And right now, he was standing stiffly and lost in his head, worrying about the whys and hows of the situation, and he needed to get out. Well, if he wanted to seem like a normal human being and not scare the man away, anyway.

But then, Dorian nudged him. Was standing _close_ enough to nudge him, and Cullen felt his internal temperature rise, oh, several degrees just from that proximity. His head whipped over and he caught an eyeful of that smile. That smile. This close, it was enough to make his knees weak and his chest ache. For a heartbeat, he couldn’t manage even a single breath as he just… stared. He stared with eyebrows raised and lips parted as he got a little lost in the lines of Dorian’s face and the sparkle in the man’s eyes. For the first time, Cullen noticed a little dark mark that rode high on one bronze cheekbone, and he had a ridiculous urge to just reach up and trail his fingers over it in gentle strokes before pressing a kiss to those full lips that just looked impossibly soft. The blind want to just pull the man in close was high, and Cullen’s face was slack and his cheeks burned as his brain geared up to parse together the words Dorian had said. The machine was rusty and slow, though, and he heard himself asking, “I’m sorry… what?”

Ridiculous, to be so taken off guard by a single look from a man who may or may not even have a taste for other men, let alone men like Cullen, while he was in line to buy stuffed dolphins at an aquarium gift shop. He really needed to get his shit together if he was going to survive a trip to the zoo.

\----

For a moment, just for a moment, Cullen almost looked like he might want to kiss him. The way he looked into Dorian’s eyes, then over his face and to his lips, and Dorian almost leaned in to meet his lips. Maker, but he would have loved that kiss. It was ridiculous to think about after only having one conversation with the man, but Dorian had kissed others after less than that in his life.

Maybe not in line like they were, but... he would have loved to know what Cullen’s lips tasted like.

It was his turn to wander a bit, studying Cullen’s face like he was, and Dorian blinked twice before he pulled out his phone, “Um... your number?” he asked, “so we can, you know... find each other? Tomorrow?”

_Or so I can maybe text you later. Unless that’s weird. Please don’t let it be weird._

“Are you okay, Uncle Cullen?” Annie asked, “your face is all red. Did you get a sunburn?”

\----

_Right. Of course. His number. Silly that Cullen had forgotten that._

But really, anyone who'd ever actually _seen_ Dorian would probably understand. Probably. Unless, of course, that _anyone_ was a clueless 10-year-old niece… in which case, they'd apparently seek to embarrass Cullen at nearly every turn. Still, he couldn't say he didn't deserve it for just how poorly he was keeping it together. Honestly, it was like he'd never been near a reasonably attractive human being before.

_Well, I haven't… not like this._

“Might have, sweetie,” Cullen answered with a smile, eyes lingering on Dorian's for a heartbeat before he turned to his niece. “We can't skimp on the sunscreen, right?”

“Right,” she answered and nodded her head seriously before turning to look Toby over, presumably making sure the little boy wasn't similarly burnt.

Except Cullen wasn't sunburned and he knew it. For the Rutherford clan, sunscreen in the summer was like air or water - they just needed it. The kids were slathered in it. Cullen was slathered in it. So, no, the red in his face had nothing at all to do with a sunburn and everything to do with Dorian so near.

Cullen turned his attention back to Dorian, impossible as it was to look at him without feeling butterflies in his stomach, and offered up a shy grin. “Mind if I just put it in?” he asked, holding his hand out for Dorian's phone.

\----

He looked down at his phone for a moment. Handing off his phone was something Dorian _never_ did. The thought of doing so made him sweat a little, actually, and he gripped it tighter. Still, Cullen wasn’t asking to look through it. Just... put in his number. That was alright.

“Sure,” he answered, and held the phone out so his fingers brushed Cullen’s ever so slightly. Like before, when they’d shaken hands, Dorian felt that touch arc up his arm, and he smiled. It was... nice. Cullen’s skin was soft yet rough in all the right ways, or so Dorian imagined, and he wanted to touch more of it. Just... maybe not in line at the gift shop.

\----

That barely-there brush of fingers sent a little tingle right to Cullen’s head, and he focused on tapping in his phone number a little more intently than perhaps he needed to… especially considering he’d had the same number for, what, 10 years now? It was either that or risk getting a little lost in those eyes again, though, so he stared at Dorian’s phone, entered his number, and hit call. When he felt his own phone buzzing in his pocket, he tapped end, and handed the phone back off to Dorian. “There you go, and I have yours now, too… so… ah… we’re all set, I suppose,” he said with a little nervous laugh as the moved forward in line. “10, though, right? Out front?”

\----

“Ten,” Dorian agreed as he took his phone back. He looked down at the contact information, quickly wrote Cullen’s name at the top of it. He’d fix that up later, but for now he had _Cullen’s_ number. In his phone, he had it. After weeks of imagining it, he actually had it.

By then, they were next in line, and Dorian followed them up to the register as the girl behind the large desk rang up the two plush dolphins, much to Toby and Annie’s delight. He cast a smile back at Cullen, then held out his badge for the girl to also scan, and smiled as his discount kicked in. It was the least he could do after imposing like that.

“So... I’ll see you three at ten tomorrow?”

\----

“Yep and we’re gonna see ephalants and lions and tigers and I wanna see a big snake!” Toby answered Dorian’s question with glee as he held Dory the Space Dolphin aloft and spun in circles.

“ _El-e-phants_ ,” Annie corrected him in a tone that was only slightly snotty.

“That’s what I said. Ephalants.” Toby answered, still sending his dolphin in waves and loops through the air.

Cullen laughed and ruffled Toby’s fluffy white-blond curls with his fingers, “Close, little man. But yes. We’ll be there at 10 for lions and snakes and tigers and… ah… ephalants.”

“Elephants!” Annie corrected.

“Right, _elephants_ ,” Cullen said and winked at Dorian as he waited for his receipt. It was fun sometimes to wind them up a bit, after all. “Listen, thanks for letting us use your discount. You really didn’t have to do that. Especially after helping us out with your passes and everything… how ‘bout I pick up your snacks and stuff at the zoo tomorrow? Just so we’re even?”

\----

“Oh, you might come to regret that,” Dorian laughed, though he did feel a spark of heat go through him for that wink. Maybe Cullen was flirting back with him. Of course it could have been just being friendly, but... maybe not. Dorian knew better than to get ahead of himself, but he couldn’t help how handsome Cullen was and how much he liked being part of that little inside something.

He smiled down at the kids for a moment as he watched Annie and Toby with their toys, then looked back up at Cullen, “I can put away some snacks, so... we might need to go halves on that much, but... I mean, I _did_ just invite myself along with you guys.” His teeth pulled at his lower lip just a little as he looked into those beautiful brown eyes, which he lost himself in for a moment, then breathed. _Clear head. Keep a clear head._

“We can play it by ear tomorrow and see how it goes,” he offered, then waved to the kids, “I’ll see you two in the morning, alright?” Dorian asked, then glanced back up at Cullen, “and you too, hm?”

\----

“Yes. Me, too,” Cullen answered quickly, not caring for the crack in his voice or how high-pitched it was. The way Dorian had bit his lip in thought, _that_ was a mental image for later when he was alone and the lights were out and his mind wandered…

_Maker’s breath, I am really going to have to stop doing this. _

Fixating on every little thing the man did was just going to get him in trouble, especially if he had to survive an entire day without giving anything away or seeming like some kind of dopey creep.

Cullen took a second to clear his throat and steer his tiny charges away from the checkout counter before turning back to Dorian. “We’ll be there. I’m pretty sure there’d be mutiny otherwise,” he chuckled softly, “You ah… have a good night, Dorian.”

That was… that was probably the first time Cullen had actually _said_ Dorian’s name out loud - though he’d _thought_ it plenty of times. Cullen liked it, liked the way it rolled off the tongue and just… felt right.

\----

Maker, but Dorian would have loved to hear Cullen say his name over and over again. For just a moment, he pictured them far from the gift shop, maybe in some low lighting and their bodies pressed close, and Cullen murmuring Dorian’s name into his ear. It made his body temperature go up a bit, and he swallowed thickly. It was going to be a long night of waiting and looking forward to the morning now.

And tomorrow was going to be... interesting, that was for sure.

He’d have to calm down this crush if he was going to make it through the day, at this rate. The flirting was good, though. If he managed to keep it from the kids, anyway... maybe he could feel this out a little better. Never mind that now he had a nice little way to send Cullen a text later, should he want to.

Which he did. He did very much.

“You too,” he said finally, “I’ll, uh, see you in the morning, Cullen.”

\----

With a nod and a bashful smile, Cullen turned and made his way to the exit with the kids. They kept up the chit-chat in the back seat the whole way to Mia’s, arguing about the best way to become a trainer and exactly how many space adventures an actual dolphin would have. Annie was adamant that the number was quite close to zero, but Toby wouldn’t hear it, citing a show he watched that inexplicably included an ostrich in space as proof to support his stance. Cullen snorted and had to admit that he had a point. After a while, though, he tuned them out as his mind went down other avenues, going over the events of the afternoon that had all somehow led to meeting the man who’d featured in many a lazy daydream for a day at the zoo, of all places. It just… it didn’t seem _real._ But it was. It was real… and the way Dorian had said his name before they left, in that velvet soft accent… it was like he’d never heard his own name spoken before. Well, and he hadn’t. Not in that voice, anyway. Dorian made it sound beautiful, a staccato beat followed by a gentle wave. Crescendo. Decrescendo. Everything he said was music.

But there he went again, letting himself go off into his own world. Tomorrow was a trip to the zoo with a new friend and two children. That’s it. That’s all Cullen could expect, all he _should_ expect, or risk disappointment. _I can’t assume anything._

So he went back and forth in his head, catching himself as he started to feel that giddy wave of happiness descend upon him, reminding himself that the next day didn’t necessarily mean anything. How could it? Surely, Dorian could have his pick of whatever it was he wanted. Guys like Dorian - interesting, witty, beautiful people who drew others to them like moths to a flame - they didn’t go for guys like Cullen… that is, boring homebodies who’d rather stay home tooling away in a workshop than out on the town. That’s just how it was.

Right?

Before he knew it, he was at Mia’s, and the kids were unbuckling themselves from their booster seats. They took off for the front door like a shot, inside before Cullen even got out and closed his door. When he finally joined them, they were bombarding Mia with the events of the day and, for her part, she was listening intently though the kids’ stories could take a very long time to get out.

“... and then, and then… um… mommy, and then… Oswin splashed us and _Dorian_ said we could go to the zoo with him tomorrow!” Toby was explaining as Cullen walked into the kitchen.

\----

Ah, the clamour of her children coming home. Mia had only been home a little while as well, and she braced herself for the explosion of stories the kids told about their adventures with their beloved Uncle Cullen. One hand rested on the top of Toby’s head as he spoke and was shoving the plush dolphin he’d come home with up into her face.

“Whoa, whoa,” Mia laughed, “Is Dorian your dolphin?” she asked, “he’s going to the zoo with you tomorrow?” The same amber eyes, ones that matched Cullen’s lifted as her brother came into the kitchen and she laughed, “they’re _very_ excited.”

Annie sighed from where she was already tapping on a tablet on the counter and looked up, “No, Dorian’s the _trainer_ , mom!” she said, “he does the dolphin show that we go to. The one that Uncle Cullen always wants to see!”

One of Mia’s eyebrows raised, “So he’s... not the dolphin?”

\----

What he _should_ have been doing on the drive over, Cullen realized now as Mia’s eyes met his, was coming up with a way to tell his sister why her children were going to the zoo tomorrow with a veritable stranger. He hadn’t though, Maker help him, so now he was at a loss as to what to say or how to even begin.

_Yes, Mia. Dorian is the man I’ve been practically lusting after for a month now, and even though I’m pretty sure it doesn’t mean anything, we’re all going to the zoo tomorrow… despite the fact that I know nothing about him other than the fact that his ass is amazing in a wet suit._

Somehow, he didn’t think that would go over very well.

“Oswin’s the dolphin, silly,” Toby explained with a giggle, “Dorian teached him all the tricks and jumps and, and, and… it’s pretty awesome. We _kissed_ a dolphin, mommy!”

“And uncle Cullen _always_ sits on Dorian’s side of the stage…” Annie added.

“That’s… that’s enough, you,” Cullen interrupted with a weak laugh. This was getting out of hand quickly, but then again, the kids always seemed to do that. “We went to the little dolphin encounter thing after the show today, and Dorian was the trainer in charge of that. He heard that I was entertaining these two this summer, and offered up passes to the zoo tomorrow. That’s all.”

\----

That was a lot of information to take in, but Mia was slowly putting it all together. She smiled then, and headed for the fridge, “Why don’t you two go get washed up, and we’ll think about what we want for dinner, okay? You can tell me all about the dolphins once you get cleaned up.”

“Okay!” Annie chirped as she picked Ozzy up and hugged him to her chest. She smiled brightly at Cullen before dashing off for the stairs, Toby right behind her, and when they were gone Mia sighed and pulled out a pitcher or iced tea from the fridge.

She casually poured two glasses and slid one over to Cullen before she leaned against the counter, eyes on her brother’s face, “So... care to tell me about all this?” Mia asked, “and who this _Dorian_ is? That you’re going out with? Tomorrow?”

\----

“I thought I just did?” Cullen answered, but he knew he was being vague. There was a reason for that… he didn’t want his sister to know he had a crush on someone like he was still in high school. How embarrassing. “Dorian’s one of the dolphin trainers there. We see the shows every week, and the kids wanted to do a little more, so we did their, ah, small group thing where you can sort of play with the dolphins. The kids wouldn’t leave him alone - you know how they are, no sense of personal space or stranger danger… ah… not that he’s dangerous. But again, we’d seen him every week, so it’s almost like he’s not a stranger. Anyway…”

Cullen shrugged. When he said it out loud like that, it was even more surreal. It wasn’t every day that an almost perfect stranger offered something like this, after all. It was… curious. “We chatted a bit afterward, he found out I’m running out of ways to entertain them… and said he had passes to the zoo. The kids about lost their minds over it… so here we are. Going to the zoo tomorrow with the dolphin trainer. It happened kind of fast if I’m honest.”

And he was talking kind of fast. Hopefully, though, that would be enough to tide Mia over. He really, really didn’t want to have to explain any more than that… or why, even now, he was blushing.

\----

Mia blinked a few times then sipped her tea, “So this Dorian the dolphin trainer... is he cute?” she asked with a smile, “is that why you’re blushing?” Maker help her... did Cullen have a _crush_? It had been years, and she’d honestly forgotten was it was like to see her brother blushing and speaking so quickly about someone he’d met.

\----

_Damn it all._

“Is that important?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant about the whole thing as he busied himself with grabbing a cookie out of the jar Mia kept on the counter.

\----

“Maybe?” she asked with a grin, “since I can’t imagine you would have agreed to go with a stranger otherwise.” Mia started laughing then, and shook her head, “Oh, come on... you can tell me. What’s he like? I’m sure the kids will tell me, but there’s got to be something there if my practical brother agreed to all this.”

\----

“Have you met your children? You know how they are when they want something,” Cullen returned with a testy edge to his voice. “Like I could have said no.”

But he could have, and Mia was right… honestly, if that had been anyone else today, he’d have politely declined and then probably bought full price passes to the zoo to make it up to the kids. He’d have never willingly agreed to socialize with a stranger on that level. Not all day, and certainly not in a way that left him beholden.

Mia knew him better than most people, he had to give her that. Cullen sighed heavily, admitting defeat. “Fine, yes, he’s attractive. But don’t you get any ideas. He just seems like a really nice guy. I’m sure that none of this means anything.”

\----

“So tell me about him!” Mia exclaimed, and shuffled closer so she could stand next to him, “and come _on_ , who asks some random person plus two kids to go somewhere unless he’s interested?” She hoped that maybe this could be something. Cullen had been alone for a while, and she worried. He worked a lot, did so much for the school and had his weekend hobbies, but he was still alone. He was such a good man, and deserved to have someone that cared for him.

By then, the sounds of the kids coming downstairs made her lift her head and she smiled, “anyway... I’m sure it’ll be fun. And maybe it _will_ be something. If you don’t talk yourself out of it." As Annie and Toby zoomed in, both talking over each other about the tricks they wanted to teach their dolphins, Mia just shook her head and turned back to Cullen, “want to stay for dinner?”

\----

“Mia, there’s _nothing_ to talk myself out of, trust me,” Cullen answered quietly so the kids wouldn’t hear. And there wasn’t. This was probably the world’s most one-sided infatuation, really, and he didn’t want to mistake kindness for interest. Because that’s all this was - one guy being incredibly nice and helping another out.

“What do you think kids? Should I stick around for dinner, or have you had enough of me?” He asked, louder and brighter. Of course, they both squealed that he should stay, and he was grateful for the offer. Maker knew that Mia’s home cooked dinner was bound to be better than anything he pulled together at home… if he even made a proper meal. So he stayed, joked with the kids, laughed at the way they insisted the little plush dolphins sit at the table with them, and ignored Mia’s amused little smirks when they brought up Dorian. Outside of that bit of embarrassed discomfort, it was an all-around pleasant evening, complete with a hearty meal _and_ dessert. On the whole, it could have been worse.

But later, after he’d hugged and kissed the kids goodbye and rolled his eyes at Mia’s encouragement, he couldn’t help but wonder on her words as he drove home. How many people really would ask a stranger and two kids out somewhere if there wasn’t a little interest there? What if…

_Oh, stop. Just go home and go to bed and quit this._

He did manage to make it home… but he couldn’t quite get that little needling voice out of his head. He knew better than to get his hopes up, of course, but still… what if?


	4. Operant Conditioning [2 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the zoo trip arrives, and between laughing and playing with the kids, the two men begin feeling each other out and both wonder what it is that the other wants.

The rest of the day had been a bit of a blur. Dorian had gotten into the tank, trained a little more with Merise and played with Oswin, but he hardly paid attention. His mind was on the afternoon, on the possibility of the next day, and he was _giddy_. The dolphins seemed to pick up on it as well, and Oswin had flitted back and forth all while nudging Dorian more than he usually did. Perhaps he’d picked up a bit on the kids’ affection for him, and he smiled as he pulled the dolphin in close for a hug and a kiss to the top of his head before he left.

Home was... quiet. Normally, he would have dropped himself on the couch to start his following day off ahead of time, but not tonight. Tonight was a long, hot bath followed by a hair treatment and a luxurious amount of time spent rubbing moisturizer and scented lotion into his skin. He wanted to look good for the zoo trip tomorrow and not some salty, dried out husk. When he was soft, warm, and happy, he did stretch out on the couch with his phone in hand and looked at the clock.

It wasn’t late. Surely... surely Cullen wouldn’t be in bed, right? The prospect made his stomach do a flip, and Dorian licked his lips. Even if Cullen wasn’t interested, which maybe he wasn’t, Dorian still was. And what harm would it do? Right?

Right.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: So... I really hope me inviting u guys out tmrw wasnt too forward._

He hit ‘send’ and took a breath. Now he had to wait. He had to wait to see if Cullen answered, and what he might say. Dorian could only _hope_ that it would be something... and something good. Something nice. He did seem so very nice, after all. It would have been great to get something nice in return to that.

\----

After he got back from dinner at Mia’s, Cullen went to his workshop and fiddled about with a few little projects he had going, if only to try and occupy his mind and his hands while he waited to be tired enough to go to bed. It didn’t exactly work, but it was something. With as much denying as he’d been doing, Cullen was still excited about tomorrow. Really excited. Excited to see Dorian - even if it was one sided and would never go anywhere, Cullen was happy for the chance to actually get to know the man. Happy, and also a little sick to his stomach with all that anxious energy. Maker help him, he didn’t remember it being this bad, even back when attraction and crushes were new…

With a heavy sigh, Cullen decided that nothing of substance was going to be accomplished that evening, so he turned off the light in his workshop and began the short walk to his side door when he felt his phone going off in his pocket. He didn’t recognize the number immediately… at least, not until he read the message and then remembered that he’d never really added Dorian to his contacts. With several taps, he rectified that, if only to give him time to calm down and think about what he should say back.

_[Text: Dorian]: Not at all. The kids are over the moon. You’re kind of a lifesaver... I’d completely forgotten the zoo existed._

There. That was friendly and thankful without being too obvious. Wasn’t it? That last thing he wanted to do was make tomorrow awkward before it even began.

\----

_Ding!_

Dorian practically dropped the spoon he was eating with when the phone went off. It wasn’t dignified, and he knew that, but he was alone, and there was no one there to judge him. Maybe it was stupid, stupid that Dorian was sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal and a documentary on the television while he waited to see if Cullen would text him back. He _was_ paying attention to what he was watching though. It was interesting: deep ocean life and phosphorescence. He wasn’t _just_ waiting for Cullen to text him back.

Mostly.

And the answer was... good. A bit vague, but good.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Happy to help ;)  
[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: I just didnt want to freak u out. I figured it might be weird if some random person just offered up something like that_

There. That was nice, right?

\----

Cullen was a little surprised at how quickly he got a response. Surprised, but pleased. There was a bit of warmth spreading that wasn’t due to the temperature of the evening and his heart rate quickened as his eyes scanned over the words.

Well, hm. It was perfectly pleasant, like a nice guy would be, right? Cullen chewed the inside of his cheek as he wondered if a winky face meant anything and what in the world he should even say to it.

_[Text: Dorian]: You’re hardly random... as often as I’m there._

Shit… that made it sound like Cullen was some kind of… of _stalker_. That wasn’t good.

_[Text: Dorian]: With the kids. They really enjoy it, you know._

Well, now it sounded like Cullen didn’t like the show, and that was the man’s _job_. Way to be offensive.

_[Text: Dorian]: Not that I don’t_

\----

One of Dorian’s eyebrows rose for those responses, and he chuckled a little. Cullen was... wonderful. He made Dorian smile even without being there, and suddenly all those little daydreams he’d had over these weeks seemed a bit more attainable. Some of them were a little more _private_ , of course, but there were some that Dorian entertained that had slightly more to them than just falling into bed with the man.

Not that he’d be opposed to that. Maker, he would have loved to know what felt like to have those big hands running over him. Just the thought of it made his blood heat, and Dorian swallowed as he studied over those texts again.

 _[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Good to know_  
_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Its always nice to know theres people out there who come to see me_  
_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: And if Im being honest Im actually looking forward to tmrw. Is that weird?_

He’d winced when he’d sent that last one and put his phone down to immediately go back to eating and staring at the television. Dorian was blushing and his blood was hot. It was the most flirting he’d done, in their all of two conversations, but still. Now he had to wait. He had to wait to see if Cullen bit a little and maybe Dorian had a chance.

\----

For a long few moments, Cullen had a hard time putting those words together. Dorian. Looking forward to it. To hanging out on his day off… with him. Well, with him and two kids. What did that mean? It was getting harder and harder to keep his hopes in check, and Mia’s words banged around in his head while he wondered. Should he put himself out there? Was he really ready for that? How in the world had he gone from fairly comfortable anonymity to texting back and forth with the most ridiculously handsome man he’d ever laid eyes on? How did that _happen_?

But Dorian was looking forward to tomorrow. Dorian, with his glowing skin and bright eyes and full lips and a voice that reduced Cullen to a quivering mess inside. That moment in the checkout line surfaced in his mind, the one where he’d forgotten for just a heartbeat that there was anything else in the world besides the two of them and all he wanted to do was kiss the man. Just pull him in and feel his warmth and taste his lips and what if tomorrow meant that…

_What am I doing?_

With a heavy sigh, Cullen turned and went into his house, walked to his kitchen and got a glass of ice water. Something. Anything to cool off and let him think before he shot off some text he’d regret later.

_[Text: Dorian]: It’s not weird… I am, too._

_[Text: Dorian]: The kids should have fun. And like I said… it’ll be nice to have another adult to talk to._

_[Text: Dorian]: Hope it’s worth your day off, though. Sorry about that, but I’m really grateful._

\----

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: I dont mind. Believe me. Itll be more fun than Id have at home by myself._

The Maker only knew how much fun he’d _like_ to have with Cullen. He’d like to have taken that moment, that one where he almost leaned in and kissed him, and ran with it. Something about the man drew him so strongly. It was like he’d suddenly woken up somehow. Maybe not that dramatic, but something like it.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Plus u and the kids seem like the kind of people Id like to hang around with. I meet a lot of people but this is kind of the first time Ive wanted to get to know them better. U know?_

\----

Cullen _did_ know, actually. He couldn't remember the last time he wanted to get to know someone who wasn't a coworker or part of his… club. Even then, though… nothing had been like this, not for a good long while. Cullen was usually more than happy floating along, doing his own thing with his comfortable and familiar and _small_ group of friends. Everything about this was so far out of his comfort zone, it was no wonder Mia raised her eyebrows and jumped to a few conclusions.

That didn't change the fact that he really, _really_ wanted to get to know Dorian better. Even when the inevitable happened and it was clear that Dorian was just there for… what? Friendship? Maybe.

_[Text: Dorian]: yeah, I'm much the same… my circle of friends is pretty small_

_[Text: Dorian]: nice if it grew by one, though_

_[Text: Dorian]: assuming i don't bore you to tears_

\----

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Please. I have an eye for these kinds of things._

And he did, usually. Cullen didn’t seem the type to be... bland. He was maybe a bit more shy than Dorian was used to, but that was alright. Shy was refreshing. Besides, everyone had _something_ interesting about them. They’d only chatted twice and Dorian _wanted_ to get to know Cullen more. That was a sign of good things. Dorian knew he had good taste, that much was for certain, and he had every confidence that Cullen would be included in that.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: I just hope I dont put u off or anything. Promise not to talk about my 2 too much. Mostly._

\----

His two… his two what? Cullen's mind immediately went to kids, and he wondered… does he have children? That didn't _necessarily_ mean anything, but sweet Andraste, it put another item on the ‘ _reasons_   _he can't possibly be interested in me like that’_ list. Was this whole thing just, what, an interview to see if he wanted to set up a playdate with Annie and Toby?

That actually made a lot more sense than someone like Dorian wanting to get to know someone like Cullen, in whatever capacity. He figured something like that would be the case, but the disappointment was… a little thick.

_[Text: Dorian]: Don't worry. I'm a teacher remember? I get it all the time. How old are they?_

\----

One eyebrow cocked for that, and Dorian chuckled.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Well u already met one of them. The other one is 3.  
[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Probably a bit different to the kids u usually teach huh?_

He’d finished his cereal by then, and packed up to head for bed. It wasn’t that late, but anymore he had such trouble staying up past nine. His body was tired after a long day, excited as he was, and he knew if he was going to look any kind of presentable in the morning he’d have to be up and doing for his usual run with enough time to get ready and get to the zoo by ten. It was going to be another long day, though a different kind, and he was excited.

Maker, he was excited like a teenager going on his first date.

\----

_Oh. Oh… the dolphins. He meant the dolphins._

Amber eyes blinked rapidly as that bit of truth sunk in, and Cullen couldn’t help but laugh at himself as he leaned down over the cool granite countertop that covered the island in his kitchen. Of course, it didn’t change much more than the fact that this wasn’t a tryout for kiddie playdates… but Cullen did allow himself a moment to feel relief. Perhaps he _could_ let himself hope that maybe, _maybe_ , this was closer to something that would result in an actual date-date.

_No. Stop. Seriously, you’re just going to be disappointed._

_[Text: Dorian]: Ah, well in that case, talk away. The kids will be delighted._

_[Text: Dorian]: And I’m interested, too._

In more than just a-day-in-the-life-of, dolphin edition sort of way… Cullen was quite interested in hearing about the things that made Dorian smile in the gentle way he sometimes did during the show, the things that he cared about and made him happy. Cullen was interested in _Dorian._

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, maybe he’d see if somehow, beyond belief, Dorian was interested in him.

\----

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Im pretty interested myself ;)_

Dorian held his breath when he sent that text, and actually pulled the blankets up over his head. Hopefully that little flirt would be understood and maybe not look like he was talking about being interested in himself. He wanted to know more about Cullen. He wanted to see what the man was like outside two conversations. He wanted to know what it sounded like when he laughed long and loud and what he was like when things were quiet and warm. Dorian wanted to see him in private, talk to him over dinner and listen to the stories he had to tell, and wanted to know his mind and maybe... just maybe his heart.

Under the blankets, Dorian squeezed his eyes shut and tried to imagine what it would be like. He wanted to know _everything_. He wanted all those little moments he’d let himself imagine over these weeks come true. Maker help him, but it was like Cullen swept him up in a wave. The man was _always_ at the corner of his mind, even if it was just his imagination, and that was something he’d never known before.

It was those eyes. It had to be. And that hair. And that _smile_. Just everything about him. The man made him feel like a teenager again, nerves and overthinking and all, and there was a part of him that loved it. It was nice to be _excited_ again.

\----

Very slowly, Cullen set his phone down on the counter beside his glass of water and then, just as slowly, he lowered himself down to press his face against the cool stone. Just for a moment. Just enough to cool the burning in his cheeks and help him find his center again because _I’m pretty interested myself_ made his heart pound and his stomach fill with fluttering little moth wings and he really wasn’t sure if his knees could support him if he’d tried to remain standing.

_Oh, this could be so dangerous. Or it could be…_

What? Well, good. It could be so good, if only Dorian’s _interested_ was the same as Cullen’s. Well, the man was clearly interested in something to have asked them out at all… but exactly _what_ remained to be seen.

_[Text: Dorian]: Big fan of the zoo, are you?_

\----

That reply... wasn’t what Dorian expected. It wasn’t much of anything. It was maybe a little flirty, if Dorian was reading it right, but it wasn’t... quite what he expected. Then again, Cullen wasn’t at all what Dorian ever expected. He couldn’t put those expectations on Cullen like that. It wasn’t fair. Magnetic or not, Cullen was _different_. He was quieter, just based on those few moments they’d spent talking, and he needed to... at the very least, understand that.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: U might say that._

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: But I think it it might be time for bed for me. Gotta be up early. Apparently Im going to the zoo tmrw._

\----

The clock read 9:25 when that last text made Cullen’s phone buzz on the countertop. Not really early, but not exactly late either, and Cullen… well, he had no idea how to take that. On the one hand, not everyone was on summer vacation. Maybe Dorian just went to bed early-ish normally. On the other hand… well, maybe he was just done for the night.

Or maybe Cullen should stop reading into texts.

So he sent another text - _Apparently so. See you tomorrow. Sleep well._ \- before finishing off his glass of ice water and making his way back to the bedroom to _try_ and sleep.

Try being the operative word, of course. That was one of the most restless nights Cullen could remember in a long time, spent dwelling on every word Dorian had said or texted to him all day, wondering what it all meant. His brain refused to shut down, refused to stop thinking about the gentle smiles and the way he was with the kids that afternoon, patient and caring and even protective when Toby rushed over to the pool. That was probably for Cullen’s benefit, but he couldn’t help but speak to the man’s nature. 

And when he finally did manage to clear his mind long enough to doze, his brain would serve up something else to ponder. Something like the way the man moved during the shows Cullen had sat through. Dorian was like nothing he’d ever seen, every movement full of intent and a graceful confidence, which left Cullen wondering if that sort of confidence carried over into other… areas of his life.  Maker, but he was in trouble.

And if the night was restless, the morning was worse. Cullen had gotten next to no sleep, had given up and risen far too early to shower and obsess over whether he should shave. He decided against it, didn’t want to seem too obvious or desperate, and then pulled on one of the many pairs of cargo shorts he owned and a short-sleeved green and blue plaid button down. Good enough, right?

Except the crinkle in Mia’s nose and the way she asked “Is _that_ what you’re wearing? Cargo shorts? Plaid? Really?” found him sitting the overexcited kids in front of the TV for a bit as he stared into his closet for what felt like an eternity.

_Shit. Shitshitshit. How am I supposed to dress? What is today even supposed to be?_

So he went for a pair of shorts that sported fewer pockets and a little more tailoring as well as a t-shirt Rosie had gotten him for some birthday or other - a soft cotton v-neck that Cullen had thanked her for but never really worn. V-neck tees weren’t exactly parent-approved teacher wear, after all.

Annie, at least, seemed to approve. She was, however, suitably horrified that he tucked a t-shirt in.

The ride to the zoo was full of excited, anxious chatter. There was talk of which animals they absolutely _had_ to see and how cool it was that Dorian asked them along and what they were going to ask him about how to train the little plush dolphins that sat in each of their laps. Cullen just chuckled, and despite the lack of sleep and the unsettled feeling of not knowing what would happen, his heart warmed at their happiness. That was really the important thing here today.

Finally there, he pulled into an empty space and took his phone out.

_[Text: Dorian]: Just parked. Ready for this?_

_[Text: Dorian]: They’re quite excited._

_As am I._

\----

That morning, after a long sleep, Dorian had gotten up with the sun and did his usual run-shower-dress routine. For work there was a lot less involved with the latter two things, but he couldn’t forego the former for the sake of those two. The running helped him wake up, got him moving, and made him feel a bit more alive long before the rest of the world was even having their coffee. It also gave him some time to clear his head, which had been full of _what if_ and all kinds of images of Cullen’s eyes and lips and arms. It was hard to not let that take him away, pull him up against that fantasy until it pressed him flat, so he needed that time.

When he got home, he showered and quickly pulled some clothes from his closet. This wasn’t a date. As far as Dorian knew, anyway. He wasn’t going to dress like this was a date. This was going to be a hot day at the zoo, which needed to be comfortable, and he didn’t want to look... well, like he was trying too hard. This was supposed to be effortless. Dorian didn’t like forcing anything, and he just wanted it to flow, whatever happened. Flowing was good. In stark contrast to that, however, he spent a good amount of time on his face and hair, just because he could. It was the first time he’d gone out with someone in a while, and while he was going for effortless... he did want to be put together.

So, a tank top and some slightly ripped (but still very well fitting) jeans and trainers it was. Plus, of course, impeccable hair and makeup. It might not have been a date, but Dorian wasn’t about to slouch around and not at least try to entice Cullen a little. His tattoo, a kraken across his right shoulder, arm, and chest, was visible, too. Dorian loved that. Some people found it strange that a dolphin trainer might have a giant octopus on them forever, but Dorian had always loved how smart and tricky they were. That, and he’d never really found a dolphin tattoo that he liked. Even designed by proper artists, he’d never found one with quite the right vibe. Instead, he wore a necklace with a dolphin charm. Sera had given it to him for his birthday two years ago, and he often had it on when he wasn’t at work. It was his little nod to what he loved the most. It was a good look, as was the eyeliner and how his mustache curled up just so from where it was usually wet and lost in his beard.

He was happy with it.

It wouldn’t take too long to get there, since he lived relatively close to most of the attractions, and he was only just walking up to the entrance when he felt his phone vibrate. Cullen. Of course it was. He smiled, and instantly his mind wandered to a mental image of them walking hand in hand with the kids flitting around in front of them. That was a nice thought. Unrealistic for the moment, but nice. Sweet. Cullen did seem so sweet.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Im up at the front. Cant miss me._

He was grinning when he sent that text, and suddenly that nervous energy ran through him. Maker, what if he did something embarrassing? What if he _snorted_ when he laughed, of all things? That was known to happen. What would Cullen think? What if he went on and on about work and bored the poor man to death? The longer he thought about it, the more that grin faded and the more his heartbeat started to pound.

 _Relax. Breathe. Just enjoy it._  

Dorian took a moment, licked his lips, and just let himself feel the warm sun and the bit of cool breeze move over his skin. That fortified him a bit, and he felt those nerves roll away. Some. Not completely but some.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Pretty excited too. Its gonna be a good day :)_

\----

_Well, I certainly hope so._

A jolt of electricity shot through him as Cullen unbuckled himself and got out of the car… wondering what the words _can’t miss me_ meant. He imagined Dorian would always stand out, regardless of the situation. But still, Cullen had been worrying about his own situation, what with clothes and hair he could never quite tame and the kids to wrangle… now, his thoughts turned to Dorian. Dorian who wouldn’t be diving into a saltwater pool at any point today. Dorian who would be there, presumably, as he normally dressed, and Cullen’s mind wondered what in the world that would even be like. Who was Dorian Pavus when he was out of water?

Well, Cullen was about to find out.

“Culleeeeeeeen,” Toby whined, letting his voice rise and fall as he tugged on the bottom of Cullen’s shorts. “Let’s goooooo.”

Cullen blinked and laughed. First and foremost, he was there for the kids. They deserved a good time this summer, and they’d never been to the zoo. It wouldn’t be fair for Cullen to let this… whatever it was with Dorian get in the way of that.

“Then let’s goooooo,” Cullen shot back, voice mimicking that whine as he lifted Toby up onto his shoulders and grabbed Annie’s hand. “It’s just down the hill a ways.”

Cullen had parked in a back lot just in case the main one was full, so it was just a bit of a walk through a nice little park. It was going to be a hot day, but this early, it was nice with just a touch of a breeze, and the three of them laughed and chatted back and forth as they made their way to the front gate.

Once they got within eyeshot, Cullen cast his gaze nervously around the accumulating crowd. There were lots of groups, older kids, families, the odd couple here and there, but Cullen was looking for one man. One strikingly gorgeous man who would, apparently, be hard to miss.

Annie somehow saw him before Cullen did, and took off like a shot. “There he is! Dorian! Hiiiiii!” she laughed as she skipped off to Cullen’s right. He put Toby down, who followed immediately after his sister, and turned to see where they were running.

And, for a moment, he somehow lost the ability to form coherent thought. Or move. Or breathe.

_Sweet Maker, I’m in over my head here._

There’d been the hope that he could table all the is-this-isn’t-this anxiety of last night and this morning for the kids… so they could enjoy themselves without their uncle being a fumbling idiot. It was starting to look like that was just not going to happen. And the reason for that was currently greeting the two kids with a bright smile, looking effortlessly _cool_ in a tank top that did _very_ nice things for his shoulders and arms and showed off all that warm, glowing skin. From where Cullen stood, he could just see a tattoo that looked like it stretched across from one shoulder to another… he couldn’t quite make out what it was, but of course everything about the man was just striking in a way that said he hadn’t even tried. He probably woke up like that. Just woke up, all perfection, threw on whatever he could find, and emerged impeccably beautiful.

And suddenly, Cullen was _painfully_ aware of just how… average he was. Average and leaning towards the nerdy side, that was Cullen Rutherford.

_I shouldn’t have tucked this shirt in. What am I, a teacher?_

Still, ok… Dorian had asked them out, and that had to mean _something._ So, Cullen took a breath, took _another_ breath because the first one wasn’t enough, and smiled as he walked up to the little group. “Ah… good morning. Almost didn’t recognize you without the pool,” Cullen greeted the far too handsome man, and winced a bit at how his voice cracked.

\----

While he’d waited, Dorian had pulled on a pair of sunglasses and spent some time clicking through his phone. He was trying to mask how his nerves were spiking and ebbing, and it wasn’t until he heard his name yelled in the high pitched tones that could only be Annie and Toby did he look up from it and smile. Suddenly, he had two kids at his legs, and the younger one practically hugging him around the waist. It was... surprising. He’d known them all of half a day and they were _so_ excited to see him. When did that ever happen? And with kids? Normally Dorian didn’t _do_ kids. Not really.

“Hey!” he greeted happily and patted Toby’s head as the kids immediately started chattering over each other about their plush dolphins that they were both still holding, and it was all just a little too much so early in the morning. He’d had coffee, sure, but they were so _energetic_. Andraste preserve him. 

Then... that smooth voice cut in, and Dorian lifted his head to see Cullen walking over. He was dressed... not like the day before, not really, and Dorian just smiled. One hand lifted to pull his sunglasses up and off, and grey eyes just took in how that shirt hugged Cullen in all the right ways and just how much Dorian wanted to lean in and kiss him. Those scarred lips were pulled into a smile and _that_ melted Dorian’s insides more than the heat of the sun.

“Really?” Dorian asked with a laugh as he tipped his head to the side, “I thought the wet suit might be a little much in this heat, so... civilian clothes it is.”

Toby reached up with his dolphin in hand then, “Dorian! I taught Dory how to do a space flip, wanna see?” he asked, “I worked on it all last night so I could show you!”

His attention moved from Cullen back down to the boy and he smiled, “Let me see!”

With a grin, Toby stepped back, held his little dolphin up, and tossed him so it did a couple of spins backward. It was pretty well coordinated for someone so young, and Dorian clapped in response, “Great job!” he told him, “what do you use to show him he did a good job? Remember what I said about making sure they know they did a good job?”

“Uh huh!” Toby nodded excitedly, and hugged the dolphin back close to his chest and kissed its nose.

“That’ll do it!” Dorian laughed, then looked back up at Cullen, “Glad to see you guys all got here in one piece. And it shouldn’t be too crowded this early, at least. Maker knows the line will be around the block by noon.”

\----

As Toby showed off his new trick and had Dorian's undivided attention, Cullen took full advantage of that moment to take it all in now that he was up close. And just… he wasn't prepared. He'd been kind of ready for no wetsuit and dry hair… he wasn't ready for _this_. Dorian, for the most part, looked much the same as he did when he was working, but there was _something_ that just enhanced _everything._ Something was different, and it wasn't just the presence of a strikingly detailed tattoo of what Cullen could now see was some sort of super octopus. It wasn't even the way those casually ripped jeans hugged the other man's muscular thighs in just the best way or how the color of the tank top he'd chosen somehow made his skin tone warmer. There was something else, around the face, that had Cullen, once again, momentarily mute and happy for the way Toby distracted the man from Cullen's wide eyes.

 _His eyes **,**_ Cullen decided as they were pointed at him, _there's something about his eyes. They're brighter somehow._  

He didn't know how or why, but they were. Whatever it was, the effect was beautiful. Stunning. The man just had no right to be standing there so casually, looking like that. It was entirely unfair.

And what was he saying? Something about it not being crowded this time of day and a line. _Pull it together, Cullen._ Because, appearances aside, Dorian was just a nice guy helping another guy out. It wouldn't do to read too much into it and be an awkward mess all day. Not at all.

“Good thing we got here when we did, then,” Cullen agreed just as casually as he absolutely could, cramming his hands in his pockets to keep from fidgeting. “Nice weather for it, though.”

Maker help him, he could have died. The _weather_ , really? That's what he went with?

_Yeah, I'm definitely in over my head here._

\----

Again, Dorian turned his attention and his smile on Cullen. Just seeing him there, looking like that with that shirt and his curls all askew like they were... Dorian could feel that little something in his stomach clench. The man was _right there,_ and how Dorian would have liked to maybe reach out and wrap an arm around Cullen’s waist. Pull him close.

“It’s all very civilized right about now,” he agreed, though inwardly he rolled his eyes. The weather. How painfully adult. How... not what Dorian was usually like at all. “I’m... glad you’re here,” Dorian managed after a moment, and licked at his lips, “should we go get our tickets?”

It wasn’t much, but his tone had been sincere. Dorian _was_ glad they were there. Dorian was glad _Cullen_ was there. After so long, after so many nights wondering what it might be like, he finally got the chance. And he wasn’t going to waste it on talking about the weather. Not completely. Small talk was fine, but he wanted to know _more_.

So as the got in line, Dorian slid his sunglasses up to the top of his head and smiled as the kids all but ran circles around them with their dolphins, and he lifted his chin to catch Cullen’s eye, “So you’re a teacher. What year?” he asked, “you said you had your kids do a worksheet when they came to the aquarium before, so... science, right?”

\----

_Ok. You can do this. Just a day at the zoo. With a complete stranger. A handsome stranger. A very, very handsome stranger._

_Weather is officially off the list of things to talk about._

Cullen kept a watchful eye on the kids, sticking a gentle hand out to catch Toby as he skittered by. “Slow down, little man. Don't want to run into the other people, right?”

“Sorry, uncle Cullen,” Toby replied with a sad little lilt to his voice.

“It's ok. Just keep it to sub-lightspeed, alright?” Cullen smiled down at the boy to show it was alright, and Toby grinned before going back to putting Dory the Space Dolphin through his paces.

Still smiling, Cullen looked back over at Dorian and nodded, “Kids,” he shrugged. “But yeah… science. High school biology, anatomy and physiology, life sciences, that sort of thing. I mostly teach the honors courses, so it's _almost_ at the university level.” His smile turned a little more sheepish then as he added, “And, ah, sad to say, I didn't have any questions about dolphins on my worksheet... There was one about octopus adaptations, though.” With that, he gave the tattoo on Dorian's shoulder a look. “That's nice work, by the way.”

\----

He smiled for that, “I’m pretty proud of it,” and lifted up his arm to show off how the tentacles wrapped wound the muscle there. The tank top may have been a tactical, as well as functional part of his plot, since he was rather proud of his body. He worked hard to get it, and when it wasn’t sore and aching he loved how good he looked.

“Sorry about disappearing so early last night,” Dorian went on, “I wake up pretty early in the morning and I try not to get too far from that on my days off, so... early bed. You know how it is.”

Instead of hitching his hands in his pockets, he hooked one thumb into his belt loop and grinned up at Cullen. In the sunlight his hair looked golden, like a halo of curls, and it made him smile. That, and his milky pale skin... for a moment Dorian could imagine running his tongue up and along the long line of Cullen’s neck. It made him shiver, despite the heat, and he tried to cover it by lifting his other hand to scrunch at where his hair was gathered up in a bun at the back of his head.

Though... anatomy. Maker, how he would _love_ an anatomy lesson with Cullen. Learning, or reinforcing anyway, all those muscles... that was a thought he really shouldn’t have been having. It wasn’t fair, not right now, and he licked his lips again as he lowered his hand and rocked back on his heels. That kind of thinking was going to make a warm day even warmer under his skin, and that shiver was probably already too much.

\----

“I do. I wish I were smart enough to keep a schedule myself. The first day back in the fall is always fairly horrible,” Cullen laughed. “The first week or so, I swear my heart pumps pure coffee.”

What Cullen wouldn’t have given to have just known what Dorian was thinking. Or, well, maybe he didn’t _really_ want to know what he was thinking, but there was a moment there where _something_ was going on behind those grey eyes, and it looked a little like maybe… but no. Cullen must have been mistaken. Must have been, because… well, the two of them were just _so_ different. The more he thought about it, the more sure he was that this was truly just a case of Dorian feeling sorry for the poor guy who was trying to entertain small children all summer. Mia must have been wrong. There wasn’t any other explanation for it… or at least, it couldn’t have been because average, completely unremarkable Cullen caught Dorian’s eye.

The sooner he resigned himself to that, the sooner he’d be able to settle himself and just enjoy the day with these pretty amazing kids and this remarkable man. Friend. Yes, friend.

They inched ahead in line, Cullen trying not to fidget or shuffle his feet as he watched the kids playing just to the side of them. They were so happy just to be there… Cullen was just a bit jealous. Not that he wasn’t happy to be there; he just wished he could be so damn carefree about everything. “So what is it that has you up so early? Are dolphins early risers?” he asked, looking over again at Dorian and making a real effort to _not_ imagine taking that bun down and running fingers through what looked like silky soft hair. Would he like it if there were just the slightest tug? What would he do if… _Ok, stop that. Just stop._  

\----

The looks between the two of them were almost electric.It had been all of ten minutes, and Dorian could feel it. It was flickering across his skin like magic, and if the looks Cullen was giving him were anything to go by... he felt it, too. He took a second to stand just that little bit closer so maybe their arms brushed together. Not too much. Just enough. A little.

“I have to be there early for physical exams. We do all the dolphins every day, and have to get in practice before the shows, so... it’s a lot,” he explained easily, “but before that I try to get in a run. If I don’t I’m somehow _more_ tired. Endorphins and all that kind of thing.”

Maker help him. The wind blew just so, and some of those curls moved. Dorian so wanted to reach up, run his fingers through them, and maybe help tame them a little. How soft would they be? How soft would that skin be? How _wonderful_ would that stubble feel under his hands and across his neck and... oh, so many other places? Dorian _burned_ for that, and for a moment he forgot where he was. That was what Cullen did to him. It was what he’d done to him since he’d seen him the first time.

“I’m all about the endorphins,” Dorian went on, then cast a glance around for the kids. They were still playing, thankfully, and he looked back up at Cullen with a wink. That was about the most out there thing he’d said so far. It wasn’t exactly lewd, but... still a bit fun. Mostly fun. “But I’d imagine the kids get you enough of those,” he teased, “heart pumping caffeine and all. You probably run the whole gamut from being proud to pissed off, because... you know, kids, right?”

\----

Was… was Cullen’s mind playing tricks on him, or was Dorian standing closer? It felt like maybe he was, and that made the pleasantly warm day edge over into just a little… heated. He was probably just leaning in so his voice could be heard over the children playing, but Cullen’s heart jumped into his throat all the same, and the way the breeze shifted to fill his nose with the sort of sweet, citrusy smell of soap or shampoo or cologne didn’t help. Not one bit. “Yeah… kids,” he agreed and cut his eyes over to where it looked like Annie and Toby were trying to synchronize plush dolphin tricks. “Speaking of…” he shrugged and moved a step away to beckon the two to come closer now that the line was moving forward.

That done, he moved back, though not as close as he’d been before. That wasn’t really what he wanted, of course, but being so close to Dorian was just a little bit of torture, made it just a little too easy to lose himself. “But, uh… running. With all that swimming you do. No wonder you’re so…” _what? So unbelievably hot I’m losing my mind at the fucking zoo of all places?_ “... fit. I’ve gone a bit soft, myself. Never was one for running.” He followed that up with an embarrassed chuckle, and hoped that little observation of Dorian’s fitness wouldn’t seem too… weird.

\----

At that, Dorian cast a quick look over Cullen and smiled, “Nothing wrong with a bit of softness, in my opinion,” he told him. _Especially yours._ Though Dorian had a feeling that if they managed to make something of all this there’d be very little that was _soft_. He was alright with that, however. So long as it happened. He _wanted_ it to happen.

When they got up to the counter, Dorian flashed his aquarium badge, got the requisite four passes, and smiled as they moved away. All free. It was a good thing, and the happiness he saw in Annie and Toby’s faces as they raced for the front gates. As they walked, Dorian did consider taking Cullen’s hand in his own for a moment. It would have been easy for how they strolled alongside one another, after all, and... it seemed like maybe Cullen wanted him to. Dorian still wasn’t sure if the man was really _into_ him, but there were cues here and there. There was that magnetism, that electric pull, though. There was no hiding that.

“Can we go see the pandas, Cullen?” Annie asked as he whirled around to look at them, “please?”

“No! I want to go see a tiger!” Toby argued, “they’re so cool!”

Dorian looked between the two with a laugh and looked up at Cullen, “should we maybe make a plan before we run off to see everything? Start at the back and work out?”

“But I want to see the tiger _first_!” Toby demanded, and reached up to tug at the hem of Dorian’s shirt, “ _You_ want to see the tigers, right, Dorian? Pleeeease?”

\----

Cullen looked up from the map of the zoo he’d been looking at while the kids argued over which animal to see first. Dorian’s suggestion had merit… if it had been just the two of them. Cullen, however, knew better. He snorted a laugh and then shook his head with one raised eyebrow, “Sounds like a good idea, right?” he answered lightly, “But… with these two... good luck trying to walk past everything to the back.” He leaned into Dorian a little, shoulder to shoulder, to show him the map, and traced out the general layout of the place with one finger, “We’ll be fine… looks like it’s basically a roundabout that circles around and comes back out here… guess the people who designed the place really knew kids, huh?”

“But are the tigers first?” Toby asked, the slightest hint of a whine present. “They have to be fiiiiiiiirst!”

_Uh oh. It’s far too early for all that._

“Hey now, little man,” Cullen answered, smiling as he knelt down to show the little boy the map, gesturing for Annie to join them. When she made it over, he showed them both the map. “Check it out… we just walk the whoooole way around,” he explained, dragging his finger around the map again. “We’ll get to see _everything_ … _including_ the tigers,” he said, letting his finger stop on the tiger enclosure just a little ways around the circle, “and the pandas… and look, they’re really close together!”

“What do you want to see, Uncle Cullen?” Annie asked.

Cullen grinned and let his finger drag a little further around the circle. “Well, I was always partial to…” He let his voice trail down into a whisper to draw the kids in, and then snarled, just a bit, “Lions!” The kids both jumped and giggled as they took a step back.

“You’re too silly, uncle Cullen!” Toby squealed.

“Am I? Tell my students that,” Cullen replied with a grin as he stood up and winked over at Dorian. “Crisis averted,” he whispered and took Toby’s hand. “Let’s go see some animals, huh?”

\----

Maker help him, but watching Cullen with the kids was almost as appealing as the man’s looks. He was caring, sweet, at ease... he was lovely. In these moments, Dorian could see that he would be just…. a nice and wonderful person. There wasn’t any way to hide that kind of personality, especially with kids, and it made Dorian smile to watch it. It made him warm on the inside, in a different way than he had been before, and for a moment he wanted to lean in and just kiss Cullen’s cheek ever so sweetly. The man deserved it.

They followed Cullen’s plan through some of the exhibits, the kids in front and chattering away, and smiled as they walked. Of course Dorian liked the animals, and he laughed with the kids as they pointed and laughed, and at one point he hefted Toby up onto his shoulders like Cullen had done so he could see a little better. It was fun. It was _nice_. It was good to chat a little bit between corralling the kids, though there wasn’t much time for it, and Dorian found himself laughing a lot more than he thought they would. That surprised him the most, probably.

As they walked, Annie hand in hand with Cullen and Toby on Dorian’s shoulders, he made sure he was just close enough to Cullen so that occasionally their elbows might touch or their hips would bump and he could smile over at the other man. Gentle flirting. Just enough to show his interest, and as they paused in line for something to drink and a snack for the kids, Dorian couldn’t help but just feel... good. Toby cheered for a popsicle from Dorian’s shoulders, and when they were handed off he put him down (if only to avoid anything getting in his hair and on his clothes) and happily took a popsicle for himself.

“So…” Dorian began, “Annie and Toby are your sister’s kids, you said? Is she the only sister or is there a brood of Rutherfords?”

\----

So far, so good. Really good, actually. As soon as Cullen was able to relax, anyway, he found it… almost easy to chat with Dorian. Between the kids’ excited chatter over this animal or the next, he was able to form coherent sentences and even short conversations without losing himself in how unreal it felt to have Dorian there at his side, laughing along with him and the children. And the _way_ the kids took to him… they were both outgoing enough, but he'd never really seen them take to a new person so completely in such a short amount of time. It was a little baffling, sure, but it was also… touching. Endearing, and each time he stole a sidelong glance over at Dorian, he couldn't help but smile at his nephew happily sitting on the man's shoulders. He couldn't help but hope this wasn't the last time they could get together like this.

And then there were the little… bumps here and there. Cullen didn't know if Dorian even realized he was doing it, but each time it happened, he practically felt his face go a little pinker. He _could_ step to the side… give the man a little more room to walk, but if Cullen was honest, he didn't _want_ to. Maybe it was a little sad or desperate, but he liked that bit of closeness, whether intentional or not.

_Not. Probably not. It gets crowded on these walkways._

When it was decided snacks were in order, Cullen was more than happy to buy, and doled out everyone’s drinks and popsicles with a grin and ripped the wrapper off his own - strawberry, of course - before answering Dorian's question. “Oh, there's a fair few of us, actually. I'm the oldest, then there's Mia, then Brannon, and finally the baby, Rosie. Mom really had her hands full, you know,” he answered before taking a taste of that popsicle. It was cool and sweet and just what he needed. “What about you? Any brothers or sisters, or did you _not_ have to worry about anyone breaking into your room to wreck it while you were away?”

 ----

Dorian tucked into his mango popsicle, wrapped his lips around it to catch the bit of juice that was headed for his hand. There was no way in Andraste’s mercy that he’d be able to eat this and it not be _some_ kind of sexual, however, and Dorian knew it. That said, he took care to maybe not flirt quite in _that_ way with it. It was delicious, though. He nipped off the end and let it melt on his tongue as he considered a whole clan of blond curls with those amber eyes, and Dorian couldn’t help but smile for it. That would be one gorgeous family, and if the rest of them were as wonderful as Cullen seemed to be, then Dorian was genuinely jealous.

“Only child,” he answered after a long moment, “they had a boy on the first go, and that was more than enough for them. Pity it had to be me, I’m sure, but... no, no siblings. Just me and the slew of nannies.”

Annie looked up from her little cup of ice cream and tipped her head to the side, “So you don’t have any brothers or sisters?” she asked.

“Just me,” Dorian affirmed, “and I bet if you asked my parents they’d say I worse than five of you.”

\----

Dear, sweet Andraste, popsicles were _not_ the way to go for this snack break. That wasn’t the way to go at all, considering the trouble Cullen had already been having to keep it together. And the way Dorian’s lips wrapped around that popsicle… certain thoughts - _heated_ thoughts that were more the norm in the dark comfort of his own bedroom than out here under the bright sun - popped into his head completely unbidden. This was bad. Oh, this was so bad - not to mention embarrassing. When was the last time Cullen reacted this way with anyone else? When he was a teenager? Maybe, but he wasn’t a teenager any more. He was a full grown man who should know better, be able to control it better. Not lust after a man who likely just wanted to be friends.

He had to look away, there was no two ways about it. So Cullen focused intently on fussing with napkins and making sure Toby’s melting popsicle didn’t run down his arm, and felt that telltale heat rise into his face for the way his mind had wandered, even if just for that split second.

Dorian was talking about being an only child, something about his parents not being happy with him. _Pity it had to be me._ That… there was something there, in both words and tone, that just seemed… sad, maybe? “I don’t know,” he replied as he finished wiping the drips of blue syrup off Toby’s arms and stood up, “These two alone can be a handful. You’d have to be pretty headstrong to match up to _five_ of them.”

“It’d be cool to have five of me!” Toby giggled, “I’d get to play with me all the time!”

\----

“Maybe not five of _you_ ,” Dorian teased Toby, “maybe three. Three sounds about right.”

For a moment his mind was on Tevinter, which wasn’t where he wanted it to be, and he turned to look over at Cullen with his pink cheeks that matched the popsicle he held. Maker, but Dorian could have watched him eat that all day, unproductive as it would have been. He almost wished they could drop the kids off at home and find somewhere to go together, really. That would have been nice. Unrealistic, but very nice.

They ate with little issue from there on out, and after some wiping down with napkins to keep sticky hands and faces at bay they were off again. This time Annie had her hand in his with Ozzy hugged close to her chest. They stopped at every exhibit on their path, pointed and laughed together like Dorian was maybe even part of the family, and when they finally got to the pandas Annie was all but vibrating with excitement.

“Look, Cullen!” she exclaimed, “they have black around their eyes!”

Dorian chuckled for that, “Expert eyeliner built in,” and looked between the girl and Cullen again, “must be nice to not have to lean over the sink to do it.” His own was expertly applied as well, but it had taken a bit of doing that morning. He’d wanted to look good, after all. He didn’t know if Cullen noticed or not, but he hoped he had.

As they all gathered in close with the kids in front of them, Dorian cast a glance around them and took a step forward with his hand pressed against Cullen’s back. Bold. It was very bold. He still didn’t even know if Cullen was interested based on how he hadn’t _really_ reacted to those little touches. This was clearly not accidental, or so he hoped, and maybe...  _just maybe_ he’d be able to gauge something from just a simple touch.


	5. Operant Conditioning [3 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the day winds down, both men find that they don't really want it to end... even if neither is really sure what's going on.

He’d been thinking about pandas and eyeliner and wondering why Dorian would comment on leaning over a sink to apply it… and then he wasn’t. Cullen wasn’t thinking about much for a moment beyond the warmth and pressure of what had to be a hand on his back. He snapped his head over one shoulder and saw no one on that side, which meant… Cullen cut a quick look over the other shoulder, and yes. Yes, Dorian was the only one standing close enough. That was _his_ hand on Cullen’s back, and that one point of contact began to tingle in waves that were both warming and electric.

Cullen stiffened, stood up straighter, and swallowed hard as he felt his heart pound. What did this mean? Well, any number of things, really. It wasn’t _his_ style to just randomly lay hands on other people, but how many times had other teachers done just that? A friendly squeeze of the shoulder or pat on the back as a joke was told were common things in the break room. That’s… that’s all this was. _Don’t jump to any conclusions because you’re so damn… excitable._

Still, he didn’t move away. He didn’t move away - in fact, he shifted his weight back on his heels slightly to press into that hand just a hair more. He did that though he felt the tips of his ears burning and his mouth go dry and he _knew_ he really shouldn’t.

The kids were laughing at something. Annie was cooing over how adorable the pandas were. Toby was wondering why in the world pandas would even _have_ a sink to lean over. Cullen couldn’t make much of it over the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears, and he needed to do something, anything, to snap out of it.

Clearing his throat, Cullen knelt down to be on level with Annie and Toby, and rested his hands on their shoulders, “Pretty cool, right? Did you know that pandas have six toes?”

“No way, really?” Annie asked.

“Yep, it’s so they can grab the bamboo easier,” he explained with a smile.

“Why are they black and white, uncle Cullen?” Toby asked, “Why do they have eyeliner?”

“Well, that part’s not as clear. Some people think it’s so they stand out against the green so they can find a mate…” _Well, no… I’m not about to explain the birds and the bees on this trip and definitely not with Dorian here._ “... A _friend_. Others think it’s so they can be camouflaged when the babies climb trees or in the snow.”

He turned his head a little, cut amber eyes back a little to the man standing behind him, and chuckled, “... but I think the leading theory is because it’s cute.”

\----

The way Cullen rocked back into his touch was something. It was... well, if anything it was a _hope_. It was the hope that maybe Cullen was interested. Dorian hoped he was. And the way he leaned down to talk to the kids was just enough to make his heart melt a little. He smiled, watched the three of them together, and when Cullen looked back at him he winked.

“I’ve been told eyeliner is quite handsome,” Dorian commented, “but that’s also a personal thing.”

Then it was his turn to drop down and smile at Annie before he closed his eyes, “What do you think?” he asked, “is their eyeliner better or mine?” He opened his eyes again and laughed before he turned to look back at the enclosure, “Ah, and they have a little one too. How wonderful. Reminds me of my Merise a little bit, actually. I wonder if theirs’ is as much of a handful.”

\----

“They’re mostly just sleeping,” Annie answered.

“Yeah, they don’t play much. I bet Merise is more funner,” Toby answered in a very matter-of-fact tone.

“They’re not playing _now_ ,” Cullen explained. “Wait till it’s time to eat. I bet they get up to a lot, especially that little one. Now Merise,” he went on and smiled over at Dorian, “She probably gets up to all sorts of hijinks all day long. Admittedly, I’m not up on my marine biology, though.”

And as Cullen spoke, he took a chance to really look, and yes… that was the reason the man’s eyes seemed so much brighter. Eyeliner, and the effect was just… lovely. Everything about this man, from the way he looked to the way he’d been so good with the kids to his laugh, was lovely.

Cullen was in some real trouble here.

\----

They made their way through a few more exhibits, including the much anticipated tiger enclosure, and Dorian laughed right along with them as Toby had to be practically peeled away. It was endearing, all of it was, and he found that he was smiling so much more now than he had in a long time. At work it happened often, with the dolphins, but not outside of it. His cheeks practically ached for how much he smiled and laughed. It was the perfect kind of morning.

But now... lunch. The kids were starting to get antsy as they rounded a corner to find the little circle of food stalls, cafes, and restaurants. They started tugging at Cullen and Dorian’s hands, pulling them toward the smell of food, and Dorian’s stomach rumbled in kind. That popsicle hadn’t quite been enough, and he was _hungry_ now. That was dangerous. Very dangerous.

“I guess this means they’re hungry, huh?” Dorian laughed as Toby practically dragged him along to where the smell of hamburgers and french fries filled the air, “and I thought mine got pushy when they wanted a snack.”

\----

The little chitchat at the panda enclosure and the excitement of the tigers - which Cullen may or may not have been just as pleased as Toby to see, but he hid it somewhat better - helped Cullen relax again and feel just a little more normal. Well, barring the growling in his stomach that was competing with the butterflies that seemed to have moved in permanently since yesterday’s dolphin encounter. It was an altogether uncomfortable sensation... but at least part of it could be remedied.

“Mmmm, I think this calls for a bit more than a snack,” Cullen said with a little chuckle, “I believe we officially have a mealtime rebellion on our hands. What are you in the mood for? It’s on me, really - the least I could do, you know.”

\----

Oh, Maker help him. Dorian couldn’t ask Cullen to feed him. Not _really_ feed him. A snack here and there was fine, but he had a feeling he could put both Cullen and the two kids to shame on his own with the amount of food he could eat. All the swimming and everything amped up his metabolism, so when he ate, Dorian _ate_. A lot.

“It wasn’t like it cost me anything to get us in here, you know,” he teased, “and I can’t ask you to pay for me. Trust me, I’d rob you blind.” Dorian smiled then, “you handle the munchkins, and I can take care of myself, hm? Believe me.”

\----

That didn’t really sit well with Cullen. His own… interest in Dorian aside, the man had taken time on his day off to spend it with a stranger and two small children. That amount of patience and good will deserved… something. At least some lunch.

“Oh, come on,” Cullen appealed with one corner of his mouth hitched in a little half smile. “You’ve been great with the kids, and you hardly know us. Let me buy you lunch, if only to make me feel better.”

\----

Dorian smiled then, “I’d hate to scare you with how much I can eat,” and licked his lips. He cast a glance down at the kids, who were intently looking at menu boards and everything else. They weren’t really paying attention. That was good. “How about... I get my own lunch this time, and if you still want to make it up to me we could do dinner or something, and I’ll let you handle that?” he offered, “Again, provided I haven’t terrified you. Because trust me, I can put some food away. Sound good?”

\----

In a flash, amber eyes darted from where they’d been watching Annie help Toby with the menu boards to settle on Dorian’s face. If Cullen didn’t know any better, he’d think that he was being asked… out. As in _out_ out. Granted, it had been a while since anyone had asked him out, but he remembered it feeling a lot like this. All nerves and giddy happiness and… no. No, he really shouldn’t get ahead of himself. Or make assumptions. Dinner didn’t always mean a date. It could mean a beer and a burger with a friend after work. That happened often enough.

But then again, the people who typically asked him to do things like that were usually coworkers who didn’t keep Cullen up at nights thinking about them. The people who typically asked him to go grab a drink after work were people who’d known him for years, and their intent was always clear.

_Maker’s breath, what if Mia was right? What if there's more to this?_

It was an exciting prospect, and while Cullen still didn't want to make assumptions or get ahead of himself… well, there was only one way to find out, right?

“I, ah...” Cullen began, but his voice came out a little hoarse and strained. He cleared his throat and licked his lips, one hand moving to rub the back of his neck before continuing, “I don’t scare easy enough for a big lunch to terrify me. But,” he paused, then nodded as the hand that was working the back of his neck went back into his pocket, “... Yeah. Ok. Sure. Dinner sometime. That’d be good. We could do that. So… right, sounds good.” Sweet Maker, he was rambling in a quick, nervous sort of way that was decidedly _not_ normal _or_ cool. Not even remotely. And really, how many ways were there to say ‘yes’ that Cullen hadn’t just covered? He sighed and rolled his eyes inwardly at himself. “... The kids go back to Mia’s after 5:30 most days, so sadly, you’ll be stuck with just me. I hope that’s not too much of a disappointment.”

\----

Dorian smirked, “I think I’ll manage to deal with it,” and searched Cullen’s eyes for a moment. He’d said yes. He’d agreed. He’d agreed with going out together. _Yes_. Dorian was actually vibrating with excitement, despite how he tried to make his face look neutral. The last thing he wanted was to scare Cullen off by looking too excited.

Instead he just licked his lips and lifted one hand to scratch at his collarbone where a few lines of his tattoo wound, “It might be nice to have some adult conversation. Between the kids and random people just asking questions, I forget sometimes that real conversations are something that happen. That aren’t just about work and what we have to do and all that. It’ll be nice.”

\----

“Oh, _trust_ me, I know what you mean,” Cullen replied with a sigh and a shrug, “I think maybe 90% of my conversations happen with people under the age of 18… at least during the school year. I'm… only slightly embarrassed to admit that." 

Dorian had seemed… nonchalant about the whole thing. Maybe this was something he just did… maybe he was just more social than Cullen, more outgoing. _Well, ok. I could do with a friend. A beautiful friend I've spent time fantasizing about and more or less obsessing over, but a friend nonetheless._

He found the idea appealing - there'd been no exaggeration around that percentage. Cullen really didn't do much outside of school… well, he had his one hobby, but that was once or twice a month. Usually, he spent his days teaching and his nights preparing to teach the following morning. It wasn't bad - he was content with his life - but sometimes… sometimes it did get lonely.

So, yeah. Yeah, a friend would be good.

“Ah, but… you're the one with the job right now… when… when do you think?”

\----

Dorian hummed, “Let me grab something to eat and I’ll check my calendar. My days kind of vary week to week, but… maybe Saturday? I get done pretty early most days unless I get stuck doing some of the special evening shows.”

A date. An actual date. They would go on an actual date. Or it would be dinner with a friend, but Dorian so hoped it would be a date. _Maker, please_.

“We could... drinks and dinner? Or whatever you feel like doing,” Dorian went on, “I’m pretty easy when it comes to that kind of thing.”

\----

Drinks and dinner. How civilized. It would be a perfectly civilized, perfectly pleasant evening with a new friend. And Cullen was already nervous. Excited, though he worked to keep that under wraps, but nervous all the same. “Saturday works…”

“Uncle Cullllllllllen, I want a cheeseburger!” Toby cut in, grabbing Cullen's hand and yanking on it to get the man's attention.

Cullen cocked and eyebrow and tilted his chin down to catch the little boy’s eyes. “Toby,” he said with a stern but still gentle sort of voice, “What do we say when we want something?”

“Oh, sorry,” Toby said, “Please? Can I please have a cheeseburger?”

“Sure, buddy,” Cullen answered with a smile as he ruffled the boy’s white-blond curls, “Let's get in line, kids.” He looked back over at Dorian, still wearing that smile. For some reason, Cullen suddenly just felt… happy. Nervous and more than a bit jittery for the adrenaline in his veins, but really happy all the same. “Coming with, or will you be sampling from a different food stall this fine afternoon?”

\----

“I’ll find you guys at the table, how’s that?” Dorian asked as he smiled at Cullen, then down at the kids, “Hopefully, it won’t take too long.”

He headed toward what looked like a nice cafe type place that was tucked just outside the food court. They seemed to have decent fare, though the prices were rather ridiculous. It was the same as the aquarium, really, and why he usually packed food instead of shelling out the money for something rather subpar. Now he almost wished he had brought something with him, as he swiped his card at the register, and sat back while he waited for his food to arrive.

While Dorian waited, his mind drifted forward a few days and he tried to envision what the Saturday date might entail. Drinks, dinner, maybe coffee... Cullen alone. He wondered what they might talk about. There would probably be some work talk in there, as there so often was, and maybe something deeper than that. So far, they’d touched a bit on family and that kind of thing, but it was hard to have a conversation with the kids flitting about and needing to keep at least half an eye on them. On Saturday, there wouldn’t be any of that. It would just be the two of them. Alone. Getting to know each other.

In a way, that was kind of terrifying. Sure, Dorian had friends and that was an easy thing to do, but dates were always a bit of a wildcard. More often than not, they were an excuse, in his experience, and rarely did it extend beyond some small talk with drinks or food before the real reason to go out made itself available. Which, of course, Dorian was looking forward to. He wanted to know what Cullen would be like behind closed doors. He wanted to know what he’d be like stretched out across Dorian’s bed and in a very different kind of mindset than he was now.

It would be wonderful, Dorian was convinced. Of course it would. Cullen was a good sort, and there was no denying that draw between the two of them. He just knew he had to walk that line of not being too desperate while still being interested. That might be harder. The Maker knew he would have loved to pull Cullen into a kiss already, and Dorian had spent his fair amount of time fantasizing about what Cullen would be like. Gentle, probably, but maybe a bit wild if given the chance to be. Dorian liked that. Just thinking about it made his blood warm, and he cleared his throat as he leaned back against a counter and watched the rest of the cafe.

The date would be good, so long as Cullen was actually interested in him. Thus far there hadn’t been much beyond something friendly, and Dorian was still a little confused as to whether or not the man was looking for more than that. Hopefully he was. The looks Cullen gave him every so often said he was, but there’d been no move to reciprocate any of those little nudges or touches yet. Dorian wasn’t so sure what to do with that, honestly. Most men he went for usually weren’t so ambiguous.

That said, he could work with that. If he needed to.

When his name was called, Dorian grabbed the whopping three styrofoam containers plus his drink with a smile and headed back out to find the others. His stomach was rumbling in earnest now, and he could only hope that Cullen wouldn’t be _too_ freaked out by how much he could eat in one sitting. He saw Cullen and the kids under a tree at one of the little picnic tables, and he made his way over to slide into a spot beside Cullen and across from Annie.

“Did I miss anything?” he asked with a grin, “everyone looks pretty okay still.”

\----

“We somehow survived the line,” Cullen answered with smile before looking over at Dorian. “And Annie was about to tell us…” he continued before his eyes fell on _three_ takeout containers… and not the small side dish containers, either. He tried not to be rude, but Maker, he was curious and couldn't help the double take. What did Dorian _eat_ … and, maybe more importantly, _where_ did he put all of it?

“As I was _saying_ , Uncle Cullen,” Annie huffed in a prissy tone, “Mommy said that you're ‘pretty thick sometimes’ after you went home last night. What does that mean? You're just normal sized.”

Cullen pulled his eyes away from that stack of take out containers, only to roll them and sigh. He knew what Mia meant… he also knew he didn't want to have this conversation in front of Dorian.

“It _means_ you should eat your hotdog, ma’am.”

\----

One eyebrow cocked for that. He could only imagine where _that_ conversation came from, and Dorian chuckled to himself as he set his food down and went to opening them. It was a fairly decent haul: steak sandwich, veritable pile of fries, and a huge salad. They were out and this was something of a special occasion, but Dorian couldn’t justify _all_ junk food. A salad would at least part way make up for the fact that he wasn’t going to the gym today.

“Hard headed, are you?” Dorian asked with a smirk, “or is that the whole sibling... thing?”

\----

“Something like that,” Cullen answered, pushing Annie’s overpriced hotdog closer to her. “Here, eat,” he urged her before giving Dorian a sheepish sort of grin, “Mia likes to… _help._ Often she does… sometimes she doesn’t.” His eyes fell then to the veritable feast in front of Dorian and Cullen had the distinct impression that he’d kind of dodged a bullet to the wallet there. He shook his head and blinked his eyes rapidly, “I’m sorry, but I have to ask… where do you _put_ all that? I mean… that wetsuit isn’t exactly forgiving.” His face blanched as he realized that he’d managed to be rude _and_ sound a little like a lech all at the same time. Wonderful. “Ah, not that… it’s just…  not that I… I mean, I wish I could eat like that and still be… oh, Maker, just tell me to shut up, ok?”

\----

Dorian was in the middle of a drink as Cullen asked that, and he started laughing. The look on Cullen’s face was rather priceless as he stammered a little, and Dorian actually _snorted_ before he clamped a hand over his mouth and tried to cover it with another chuckle. “No, it’s... I get that a lot, actually,” he answered, “between the swimming for ten hours a day, the running, the gym... I can put away a lot of food. I told you, didn’t I?”

He grinned as he picked up the plastic fork that came with his salad and tucked in, “But there is a salad. That’s not terrible, is it?”

\----

Well, Dorian didn’t seem offended, and that was ok, but still… wow. That had almost been one for the record books. No one was better at embarrassing Cullen than Cullen, after all. He nodded and grabbed one of the fries from his own plate and chewed as he waited for his heart rate to slow. “I hear eating vegetables is good adulting. I wouldn’t know… I’m not a fan.”

“ _Mommy_ says you eat like a kid, but _we_ eat vegables,” Toby commented from across the table.

“I’m a carnivore,” Cullen answered, grinning now that his little faux pas was behind him. “Do you know what that means, kids?”

“I know!” Annie chirped, “It means you only eat meat.” He little eyebrows furrowed, “But Cullen, you’re eating french fries. That means you’re wrong.”

“True. You got me,” he chuckled, then turned his head back towards Dorian, “So funny, these two. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself when the summer’s over.”

\----

Dorian smiled for all that, “have a classroom of twenty of them?” he teased before he took another couple of bites of salad. He really did like the kids. They were smart and fairly well mannered, which he appreciated. There were sadly not too many of those.

He turned to Annie then, “You’re very up on your animal terms, young lady. I hope you stick with that,” Dorian told her, then winked at Toby, “and you too. Do you like science?”

\----

Toby cocked his head to the side, face thoughtful, and held one finger up. “Well, I like space and rockets and submarines,” he answered, “Is that science?”

“Lots of things are science, little man,” Cullen replied with a wink, “ _Including_ space and rockets and submarines.” He nudged Dorian with his elbow, “And so is studying all kinds of animals. I bet Dorian had to take a ton of science classes to work with Oswin and… and… oh, what was the other one?”

“Merise!” Annie answered.

“Merise,” Cullen repeated and smiled, shy and warm at Dorian. “Sorry,” he said and knocked his forehead with one knuckle, “Mind like a steel trap… except when it comes to dolphin names, apparently.”

\----

“I had to take a _lot_ of science classes,” Dorian agreed, “but they were all fun. I spent something like... five months at a reef just past Rivain studying octopi.” And here was where he needed to backpedal a bit. If he got too far into what he studied they’d be bored to tears. Though there was a part of him that burned to just... let it all out. Maybe Cullen would appreciate his more nerdy side.

He smiled over at Cullen then, and shifted just a bit closer so their thighs just barely touched, “I can show off all kinds of pictures, if you want. I’m probably just as bad as parents with their kids. Or dogs.”

\----

That was like flipping a switch - all of a sudden, the kids were clamoring to see Dorian’s pictures, shifting to sit on their knees so they could lean over the table and resting on their elbows with expectant looks on their little faces. Cute. It was a cute scene, but one that Cullen was only vaguely aware of since Dorian had shifted closer. So close that he could feel the man’s body heat and smell his cologne. Just when he thought he had it under control, Dorian managed to knock him off balance. Again.

There was always the chance that Dorian hadn’t really meant to settle in that close, but… well, either way, Cullen didn’t move. He didn’t want to move in case his moving meant Dorian would shift away. As unsure as Cullen was about what all this meant, he _was_ sure he didn’t want that.

_Don’t move. But be natural. But be still. But don’t be too stiff. And freaking breathe, Cullen._

“I’m with the kids,” Cullen laughed, though that laugh was a little high for the nerves that suddenly washed over him. Dorian was just… he was funny, he was smart, he was kind, he was beautiful in a way most expected to see in magazines or movies… and he was right there. _Maker, this isn’t fair_. He swallowed a sip of his drink and continued, “Let’s see them. I know from experience that there’s no sense in trying to resist.”

\----

He’d set down his food and pulled out his phone so that he could scroll through the albums of Oswin and Merise. The kids seemed to like that, and Dorian smiled over at Cullen, “is your phone full of these two?” he asked, “or is there a pet or something that you take a hundred pictures of?”

Dorian could feel the heat coming off Cullen. He could feel his breathing. He was so _aware_ of him in those moments, and it was both wonderful and terrible. Were they in another situation he would have rested his free hand on Cullen’s knee or leaned back into him. Dorian wanted to _touch_ him. He wanted to feel that solid frame against his own so he could just get to know what the man felt like. This was almost torture.

“Can we see Merise?” Annie asked, “when we go back to the aquarium? Please, Dorian?”

“Sure,” he answered, “she’s out in the tank, usually, and I’m sure she’d love it if you came by and said hello.”

\----

“Well, we’ll just have to do that, then,” Cullen replied lightly, though his nerves were still so very electrified by how close Dorian _still_ was. That… well, Cullen decided he could test the waters, so to speak… to see if maybe those nudges, the hand on his back, the suggestion of dinner all meant something… _more._ Heart pounding in his throat, he pushed his knee into Dorian’s. It was a playful movement, just a quick nudge… but it would force Dorian to acknowledge how close they were sitting and if the man moved away… well then Cullen would maybe have some sort of an answer. “Do your two act like these two? Best friends one moment and then bickering another?”

“We don’t bicker,” Annie rebutted, though her eyes were still fixed on the pictures on Dorian’s phone. There were… quite a few of them, truth be told. Cullen imagined there were more pictures of dolphins on Dorian’s phones than many parents had of their kids.

“What’s a bicker?” Toby asked.

“It means ‘fight’,” Annie answered.

“Oh,” Toby replied, “You’re a bickerer.”

“I am not!”

Cullen laughed and gave Dorian a shrug, “See what I mean?” he said as his eyes raised to meet those lovely grey eyes. The man was so close right now. So close, and it would be so easy just to lean in and… no. Not when he didn’t know if it would be at all welcome, and certainly not in front of the kids. “To answer your question, though,” he went on in a lower tone while the kids _bickered_ , “I may have a few pictures of my dog. The only trick she knows is _‘sit,’_  and sometimes _'shake'_ if she's feeling friendly, but she’s a good dog.”

\----

That little nudge was... something, that was for sure. Dorian lifted his gaze to meet Cullen’s, and he managed a small, warm kind of smile. It was something a little more private, and Dorian nudged him back before he flipped through his phone again, “Oswin and Merise bicker a bit. They’re not siblings, but you’d think they were.”

“Like Annie!” Toby stated proudly, and stuck out his tongue, “She’s a bickerer!”

Dorian chuckled and set his phone down so the kids could look through it. Thankfully he didn’t have anything... well, _inappropriate_ on there at the moment. “Can I see your dog?” he asked, “since we’re all sharing?”

\----

“Alright, Toby. Be nice to your sister,” Cullen reprimanded, though he was smiling. Dorian hadn’t pulled away, so that was… something. Something good, Cullen thought, and he had hopes that maybe their upcoming dinner might actually be a… more than a friendly get together, anyway. He shifted onto his left hip - which coincidentally brought him momentarily closer to Dorian, and that wasn’t bad - so he could pull his phone from his pocket. That nudge with Dorian’s knee had given Cullen a bit more courage, so he settled in maybe a little cozier than he would have normally, and pulled up the small album of dog pictures he had.

“Ok, so,” he began, “I got her from a shelter maybe five years ago. I have no idea what she is, but her name’s River, and she’s the best dog in Ferelden.” He flipped through a few pictures to show Dorian, most of them of her sitting nicely or snoozing on the stack of pillows she’d claimed as her own, until he got to one that made him chuckle - River with a little party hat and a dog treat cake with a candle. “The, uh… the kids wanted to celebrate her ‘birthday’,” he explained and used one hand to form air quotes around the word _birthday_ , “It’s the day I adopted her, you know. We’ve had a little celebration each year ever since. She, ah, doesn’t care for the party hat. Doesn’t mind the cake, though.”

\----

Oh, but the dog pictures were cute. What was better than that, however, was the way Cullen leaned into him. Dorian did much the same until their arms touched, and he tipped his chin down to look at the pictures, “That’s adorable,” he chuckled, “we do little celebrations for ours when their birthdays come up. Extra fish, that kind of thing. We should try the party hats and see how that goes.”

“Can we go to the party?” Annie asked, “a dolphin birthday party would be so fun!”

\----

Cullen grinned at that as he turned his phone off and put it down on the table. “I’m not so sure the party games would be the same,” he chuckled as he tilted his head toward Dorian. Close. When did he get that close? If Cullen wanted to… scratch that, he _wanted_ to… if Cullen _allowed_ himself to, he could just move another inch or so and he’d know for sure how soft those lips were and whether that mustached tickled. At this distance, he could take in everything - the length of the man’s eyelashes, the way a few hairs had escaped the bun he wore his hair in, the little sliver of a scar that cut through his right eyebrow. Little details that Cullen cataloged and committed to memory. Little details that made the heat rise in his cheeks and the butterflies begin their fluttering in his stomach again. The man really was breathtaking. Really. He could lose himself in those eyes if given the chance.

“Are we done eating yet?” Toby asked with a hint of a whine, “I wanna see the rest of the zoo!”

That snapped Cullen out of it, and he straightened as he raised an eyebrow at his nephew. “What do we say when we…”

“Please!” Toby interjected before Cullen could finish.

\----

Dorian looked down at the rest of his food, and smiled before he set to finishing it. The kids wouldn’t want to stay still for too long, and he didn’t want to keep them there. So he ate, and quickly, though he didn’t move away from how close he and Cullen were. That much was something he wasn’t going to give up. It was a quick sort of thing before they were back on their feet, and again Dorian took care to stand just that bit closer to Cullen.

He liked that. He liked that it seemed like Cullen wanted him to, and there for a moment he really wanted to reach out and take the man’s hand. With the kids, though... could he? It wouldn’t have been appropriate. Dorian knew that. But he wanted it. Oh, he wanted it.

 _Saturday_.

Saturday. They could do it on Saturday. They _would_. Dorian knew they would. Then maybe that magnetism would have an outlet, because he so wanted to kiss the man. He wanted to reach up and touch those big, soft curls and then just kiss Cullen’s lips until they couldn’t breathe. That was all he wanted. He wanted to feel that closeness.

\----

And so lunch ended, but it left Cullen feeling… well, he was still a bit of a nervy mess, but he felt a little more confident, maybe. A little more like himself, anyway, and able to relax a bit more than he had that morning. Maybe it had something to do with the knowledge that there were already plans made, dinner in just a few days, and while he was still on the fence about what that dinner might mean, he didn’t miss the way Dorian stood and walked just a bit closer. For his part, Cullen didn’t obsess over whether he should move away or whether it was because of crowding. For whatever reason, be it just because that was how people from Tevinter acted with their friends or because Dorian wanted more, Cullen was… happy with how things were.

Well, he’d have been happier if he could maybe reach over and take the man’s hand, but that would have been rather forward. No, he could wait until Saturday… when hopefully he’d get some answers.

But it was a lovely day. There was a level of contentment there, walking along with the kids skipping and laughing in front of them as they strolled together. Conversation came a little more naturally, even if they still didn’t have much time for it, and every now and then elbows would bump and send Cullen’s heart racing all over again from just a tap. But who could blame him, really? Dorian was funny. He was witty and sharp. He treated the kids with care and humor beyond anything Cullen would have expected. He was just… a whole lot of charming perfection. And he was walking next to Cullen. Unbelievable, but true.

The rest of the afternoon flew by all too quickly - before they all knew it, they were standing near the front gates, in almost the same spot where Cullen had traced out the circuit they’d just completed on the map. The kids called to do it again even as little Toby yawned and rubbed his eyes. They were very clearly exhausted, and Cullen knew cranky was just around the corner, but for the moment, they both smiled so widely that Cullen couldn’t help but wear a broad grin himself.

“I think that’s enough zoo for one day,” Cullen chuckled softly. “I think you’re going to sleep well tonight, you two. I know _I_ am.”

\----

What a day. What an absolute fucking _day_. It was wonderful and perfect for what it was. It wasn’t a date, not really, but just some time to learn some things. He got to see Cullen in the real world, not just in bursts of time, and even with the kids he was coming away with it knowing a little more about the man. It only made that magnetism stronger. As they’d walked together Dorian found his arm and hand swinging closer to Cullen’s in the hope that _maybe_ the other man might take it. He didn’t, and that was oddly okay.

That was the weirdest thing.

Any other time, with any other person, Dorian might have been annoyed that there wasn’t more than just the odd bumping of elbows or knees. He’d never been much of one for subtlety, for this gentle easing forward, but somehow... it worked. That was confusing. He’d never _wanted_ that easiness before. That always came with friends. It never came with anything more, not that he really knew what that was. _More_ usually just meant falling into bed, which he would have loved to do, but there had never been anything beyond that. Not before... but now?

Now he was looking forward to Saturday for the _possibility_ that maybe Cullen would hold his hand, and that was oddly terrifying and freeing 

When they got to the gate, Dorian looked down at the kids and smiled, “Me too,” he told them, “I’m never out this long unless I’m working.” He knelt down to them both and grinned, “how about you bug Uncle Cullen again soon and maybe we can do it again?” he offered, “maybe eat lunch over by the pandas and the tigers next time?”

He cast a glance up at Cullen, “But maybe after everyone has a nap and a couple of days out of the sun, probably. You three are looking a bit pink.”

\----

Cullen had a good laugh at that, but at least now he could claim with all honesty that the pink tinge was due to the sun and _not_ because he was a nervous wreck around Dorian. Well, not completely, anyway. “I'm sure there's a fresh crop of freckles in our future… but it could be worse, believe me. Thank the Maker for sunscreen.”

“I don't _want_ any more freckles!” Annie complained, crossing her arms and scrunching her nose. “The kids at school make fun of them.”

“Oh, honey,” Cullen soothed as he stroked her hair, “Don't listen to them. The freckles make you _you_.”

\----

“And they’re very cute,” Dorian told her, “whoever says they aren’t are _wrong_.”

He didn’t bother to cast a glance back up at Cullen for that. The intent was there, and he meant it. Dorian rather liked the look of the freckles the dusted the bridge of Cullen's nose and spread out over his cheeks. There was a part of him that wondered whether those freckles extended elsewhere... and very much wanted to trace patterns in them with his fingers, or maybe kiss each one of them. That would have been a wonderful use of his time. That, and maybe making the kids feel better. That too.

Once he got back to his feet, though, he turned to look at Cullen, “I suppose I should start heading back,” he told him, “work in the morning. You know.” he smiled then, and lifted one hand first to brush through his hair and then to stretch out to shake Cullen’s, “I’ll talk to you soon? Before... Saturday, maybe?”

\----

 _So he likes the freckles, huh?_ Cullen thought and allowed himself a little smirk before reaching out to take the hand Dorian was offering him. It was reminiscent of the handshake from the day before, sure, but this time, Cullen took Dorian's hand in both of his, smiled warmly and looked into those grey-silver eyes maybe a breath longer than necessary. It lingered, that handshake, and Cullen just couldn't deny the way that simple touch ran through him, igniting nerves and making his knees a little weak. “Of… of course. We have to figure out where and when, don't we?” A smile that managed to be shy and smirky at the same time curled his lips up and lit his eyes. “I look forward to it.”

And then he dropped Dorian's hand and immediately regretted it, but there was still that doubt as to what all this meant playing around in Cullen's head. There were signs, yes, but… well, he'd see on Saturday. Hopefully. “Kids, say thanks to Dorian for a great day,” he prompted, and laughed when they simultaneously gave their thanks in a happy chorus.

\----

The way Cullen held his hand for a moment was surprising, and Dorian smiled for it before he turned his attention to the kids. They were a bit sunburned and seemed a lot tired and ready to go have a real meal and some sleep. He could understand.

Maker, but Cullen’s hands were warm. That was nicer than it had any right to be. Hopefully soon... hopefully more. He wanted more. He wanted as much as Cullen wanted to give. However much it was.

“Maybe send me a message when you get home?” he asked, “so I know no sunstroke or anything?”

\----

For one crazed second, Cullen considered throwing caution to the wind and asking if Dorian would like to just do dinner that night. He could… he could just drop the kids by Mia’s and they could go grab a quick bite. Find out sooner if any of this was… going anywhere.

_It wouldn’t even have to be a big deal. It only makes sense, right? Right?_

_Oh, Maker’s breath, don’t make yourself out to be desperate. And don’t assume anything, remember?_

After all, a few nudges and sitting kind of close didn’t necessarily mean that Dorian would appreciate anything more. From a man. Or, at least, from a man like Cullen. Best to… best to take it slowly and get to know him. And see.

“Of course… hopefully, it won’t take too long to drop these two off. Wouldn’t want to keep you up past your bedtime,” he teased a bit and winked as he took the kids’ hands, getting ready for the walk back to the car.

\----

The only thing that might be keeping him up past his bedtime would be the thought of tangling his fingers in Cullen’s hair. And more. Watching him walk away, watching his arse in those shorts, Dorian was almost overcome with the urge to follow and just... what? Kiss him? Maybe. Something like it, anyway.

But now... home. Home and then work tomorrow like he hadn’t just spent a day that completely threw him out of whack. It was going to be interesting. The rest of the week would be interesting. And then Saturday. Saturday... Saturday was going to be very telling. He’d know if Cullen was actually interested, interested in _him_ or otherwise, and it made him nervous. That never happened.

Why couldn’t it be Saturday sooner?


	6. Gradual Steps [1 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday arrives and brings with it the rush of anticipation, but as both men get ready for the evening, the question remains in both their minds... what does this dinner really mean?

The day after the zoo trip flew by before Dorian even realized. He was more tired after it than he thought he’d be, so he’d basically just gone home to shower and sleep before he had to get up for work the next day. That, too, went by so fast. There had been the part of him that almost hoped Cullen and the kids would be there again, but realistically he knew it had been a long, hot day in the sun. They’d need a day at home to recover, surely. Dorian understood that.

What he didn’t understand was how he _missed_ them, missed _Cullen_ almost. It was the strangest thing. For a while he didn’t even recognize what it was, but then he’d be working with Merise or Oswin and remember Cullen’s laugh or those pictures of his dog, and he’d find himself smiling. It really was the damndest thing. When had that ever happened before? When had he ever _missed_ anyone? Or thought about them the day after?

Or thought about the next possible meeting. Usually, he left and didn’t think about it again. Now he was genuinely _excited_ for Saturday. He had been since it came up. What did that even mean?

When he got home that afternoon, after a shower and a drink, Dorian fell across the couch and picked up his phone to look through it. He opened those texts, the ones from yesterday and the night before, and just... smiled. Somehow, it made him smile. Why did it make him smile? Why did Cullen make him smile? Why did just the thought of the man make his stomach churn and his chest ache a little? It was ridiculous, just like it was ridiculous that he was so invested in how Cullen was there so often.

Maybe he needed to get himself together better. Or something.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Did you guys manage to survive?_

\----

Cullen had just made it home from dropping the kids off at Mia’s when his phone went off. It'd been kind of an exhausting day, so he'd begged off dinner with his sister and opted for fast food takeout instead. He loved his niece and nephew, he really did, but they hadn't been on board with the plan to take it easy the day after the zoo trip, so it had been a day of going to the park and activities that were more structured than Cullen had maybe wanted. What he'd wanted was for them to be content coloring or watching a movie while he spent time letting his mind wander to what had happened the day before and what _could_ happen on Saturday. In short, he wanted to be left alone to daydream, but it just wasn't to be.

Between the kids wanting to go, go, go and Mia grilling him for details, he hadn't had much time to think. So, yeah, much as he adored his family… he was glad to be alone at home with his bag of unhealthy junk food, a soda, and all the blessed quiet he could stand. Well, it was quiet, save for the sound of River's nails clicking on the wooden floor as she greeted him excitedly. But that was ok, he'd long since learned to live with that racket.

“Yes, yes, good to see you, too… but I bet you're more interested in the food than me,” he chuckled. But then he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket before he could even sit down, and he frowned, hoping it wasn't Mia teasing him for having a “date.” He'd told her it wasn't, not really, but she wouldn't hear it. After a while, he just gave up trying to correct her.

Plus… maybe it was?

As he collapsed onto the couch with his dog next to him and his dinner sitting on the coffee table, he pulled his phone out, and that exasperated frown turned itself right around into a smile when he saw who had sent him a message.

Dorian. And just the knowledge that he’d thought of Cullen enough to send a message essentially asking how his day was made Cullen's heart skip a beat.

_[Text: Dorian]: Somehow. And no sunburns, imagine that._

_[Text: Dorian]: How about you? Hope you weren't too tired to get your run in and all._

_\----_

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: I basically went home and straight to bed so managed to get it done._

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: It was a fun day though. Had fun. I hope u guys did 2_

Dorian smiled a little as he sent that one, and put his arm over his face for a moment. He was oddly sore, probably from all the walking the day before, so just relaxing like this was nice. It was what he wanted. Though, really, he could have done with the sound of that soft laugh off to the side and maybe those big hands in his hair to help him relax even better. He could have also done with seeing those gentle smiles turned in his direction.

“What in the Void is wrong with me?” he complained to himself.

\----

_[Text: Dorian]: It *was* a fun day._

That it had been -  for the kids and Cullen, too. He hadn’t expected that, not really. He’d thought there’d be a great deal of nerves and a lot of awkward stumbling, and while the day had certainly been rife with that, he’d still had a lot of fun. And not just enjoyment watching the kids smiling and laughing… actual _fun_. How long had it been since he’d laughed so genuinely and freely? Too long, and he had a feeling that was because of Dorian. It was… it was like maybe he was being pulled out of some mundane gray life, opening his eyes. 

And they’d only spent a day together.

_[Text: Dorian]: I’m looking forward to Saturday. Where, do you think? Is Dorian a burgers and beer or a sushi and sake kind of guy?_

Well, that was important to know. They still hadn’t picked a place… and maybe the location Dorian picked would give him some kind of clue about where this was going.

\----

When it came to Cullen, Dorian had a feeling he’d eat wherever. That thought came unbidden. It also made his cheeks heat, and Dorian smiled as he studied that text.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Ill kind of eat anything. U saw that. But...i dunno. Maybe steaks? Would u be into that kind of thing? And maybe drinks or coffee 2?_

Drinks and food or food and coffee... that was a good choice, right? Easy. They could talk, and really talk. No kids, no people. Just them. That was good. It would be good.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Theres a nice steakhouse I know of. Might do well to make a reservation on a weekend though if ur interested._

\----

So, a steakhouse. A nice steakhouse, but a steakhouse. That could really go in any direction, leaving Cullen with just as much insight into the evening as he had before… which was to say… none. Still, he was pleased that Dorian hadn’t jumped on the sushi suggestion. That would have been just really unfortunate.

_[Text: Dorian]: If you look up ‘carnivore’ in the dictionary, there’s a picture of me._

_[Text: Dorian]: What I’m saying is steak is good._

_[Text: Dorian]: And I have it on good authority that most steakhouses have drinks and coffee, so no need to choose._

Cullen was grinning as he sent those texts. How could he not? This was fun. A good way to end a tiring day, and honestly… even if he didn’t really know Dorian’s intentions, worst case scenario, he’d have a good meal and maybe a friend at the end. He could live with that.

Maybe.

\----

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: I can make the reservation if you want. And we can... meet there I assume?_

The thought of Cullen, dressed up and smiling at him, made his heart flutter. Dorian put a hand over his chest, tapped it a bit to try to ease it, and cleared his throat. He hadn’t been _excited_ about a date... ever. In his life. Then again, “dates” for him were usually just a reasonable excuse to meet up before heading to the other person's house or back to his own. It was a drink, maybe something light to eat if they were feeling the other out, but in the end it was just a vehicle for sex.

This with Cullen? Dorian wasn’t sure. Of course he hoped that would be on the table, of course he did, but maybe it wouldn’t. He didn’t really know. They didn’t flirt like Dorian was used to. But even without that, Dorian was still excited about it. It was strange. Very strange.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Is there a curfew I have to have u home by? For kid duty the next day or something?_

\----

Well, that was interesting. Cullen wasn’t sure if it _meant_ anything, but it was interesting, nonetheless. He began to wonder what a late night with Dorian might entail… probably just the aforementioned coffee and maybe some conversation, but Cullen would be lying if his mind didn’t stray elsewhere. Dorian had that effect on him - the man reduced him to a giddy teenager without even trying. Cullen felt his heart pounding and his hopes rising, even as he told himself not to.

_[Text: Dorian]: Nope, I’m off all weekend. But I thought you usually turned in early?_

_[Text: Dorian]: I’d hate to mess up your routine._

\---

Dorian smiled. Oh, he would have stayed up until sunrise with Cullen if given the chance. That might actually be a bit of fun, to have coffee and watch the sun come up together. Maybe after some fun, of course, but... that would be nice.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Routines are meant to be shaken up ;)_

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: We can start with dinner and that and see how we feel. Maybe some trouble will find us_

\----

Oh, sweet Maker.

That… that message felt like flirting. It really, really did. There was innuendo and a… a _winky_ face. Cullen never put much stock into those little smiley faces, so he was left wondering. Nervously, his fingers tapped out a message - _I feel like there’s an elephant in the room and I need to know. I need to know if this is more than dinner with a new friend… because I want it to be more than that. If you’d even be interested in someone like me… could you be?_

It was a long text, spanning two messages, and Cullen stared at it in a cold sweat for a good, long while. His pulse raced and it felt like maybe his stomach was on the floor somewhere for how bottomless he felt in that moment.

_Just hit send, and then you’ll know. Just. Hit. Send._

His fingers twitched and tapped a button, but it wasn’t Send. With a heavy sigh, he cleared that whole message out. His heart slowed down, but he felt a little sick. A little cowardly. But the idea that Dorian really was interested was a little… unreal. So, he tapped out another, safer reply.

_[Text: Dorian]: Trouble find you often? Should I be worried?_

\----

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Enough to be interesting I guess_

He’d have loved to make some trouble with Cullen. Dorian would have loved that far too much. So much. So he just smirked and reached back with one hand to pull his hair out of the bun it had been for hours so he could lie down a bit more comfortably.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: I dont think u get in enough trouble Mr Rutherford. Eh?_

\----

_[Text: Dorian]: Well, you know… school teacher. Trouble usually stays away from me._

Cullen rubbed a hand over his face. Maker help him, he really was terrible at this. How was he ever going to survive a dinner if he couldn’t just ask the man a direct fucking question via the relative comfort of a text?

_[Text: Dorian]: But it’ll be fun, trouble or no. Let me know when to be there._

_[Text: Dorian]: Well, and also which restaurant. Gotta know where to be, too._

\----

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Ill give u all that when I make the reservation. Dont worry i wont let you wander around lost._

For a moment he could just imagine finding Cullen walking along the road and maybe sweeping him off his feet a bit. It was a fun thought.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: And youre sure youll be kidless? Just in case I need to ask for a special menu?_

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: Since I bet between the 2 of us we could put a serious dent in the meat locker_

\----

Cullen chuckled at that despite the fact that he felt like he’d missed an opportunity to figure all this out. Even so, he had another opportunity, would have a whole evening of opportunities to figure it out. Maybe directly, maybe not, but he had hope… and that was something he didn’t allow himself to have even a few days ago.

Plus, shit. Dorian was _fun_. He was fun to talk to, fun to text with, and Cullen would be remiss to let that slip away. What did Dorian say just a few minutes ago, that routines were meant to be shaken up? Well, that much was true, and the man was certainly shaking Cullen’s up.

_[Text: Dorian]: No kids, just me._

_[Text: Dorian]: And my appetite._

That was… well, it was suggestive, wasn’t it? He looked at that message for a second, thought about letting it stand to see what Dorian would come back with, but ultimately didn’t have the nerve.

_[Text: Dorian]: Because it’s dinner. And there’s almost nothing better than a good steak._

\----

That second text made Dorian’s eyebrow cock. Maybe Cullen was capable of flirting after all. That was good. And if he had an appetite, then Dorian was certainly willing to match it and then some. He was about to send something back, something a touch more suggestive and a lot more flirty, but then...the last one. Maybe Cullen was backpedaling. Maybe he realized what he’d said. Dorian didn’t know, but it was still amusing. Sweet.

Cullen was sweet. And handsome. And kind. He was so many things that Dorian had never really seen rolled all into one person. Maybe one or two of those, but never all of them. At once. In one beautiful man. A beautiful man that made his heart actually _flutter_.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: A few things but not too many. Especially a steak from a place that knows what they’re doing._

He could imagine a night in Cullen’s bed would be one of those things. Of course it was all just fantasy now, but there was no way the man could be bad. Dorian knew that. He could feel it in his chest. It would be sweet and _wonderful_ and probably very... intimate. Cullen seemed the type for that.

Normally, he hated that kind of thing. It was too close, too personal, Too much. Then again, there was something about Cullen that was too much that Dorian _wanted_. It was kind of terrifying, but... he couldn’t help himself.

Maybe he needed his routine shaken up a bit.

\----

True as that sentiment was, that message was certainly a step back from what Cullen had thought was a borderline flirty tone. But maybe that had been in his head, after all. Maybe none of this had been _flirty_. Maybe it was all a product of Dorian being a generally friendly guy who liked to tease a bit. Maker knew that Cullen knew a few people like that - types who joked easily, reached out and touched others easily, the types who were just naturally demonstrative without any other motive. Cullen himself wasn't like that, wasn't really charismatic or gregarious, but the concept wasn't alien to him. Maybe that's all this was after all.

He was suddenly relieved that he hadn't sent that direct message earlier. What would Dorian think? Assuming he even liked men, of course he wouldn't be interested in Cullen. Cullen wasn't the type to find himself in _trouble._ He wasn't exciting or interesting or adventurous. He was happier in the classroom or strategizing for the next outing with his small circle of friends than he was in places like trendy bars or clubs - places where trouble found people. Incredibly dull and painfully average - that was how Cullen felt. Dorian seemed like anything but those things, so of course this wasn't what Cullen had allowed himself to hope.

At least, it was easier to believe that, anyway. It was expected. More comfortable.

_[Text: Dorian]: Agreed. I look forward to it._

The bag of takeout sat on the coffee table in front of him. It had long since grown cold, but that was ok. He didn't have much of an appetite right now, anyway. Not with the questions swirling in his head and the way his stomach fluttered.

“No, you still can't have it, you beggar,” he teased his dog as he patted her head and got ready to go take a shower.

\-----

Saturday.

Dorian had spent the day doing the usual routine he had for his weekend off days: laundry, a run, grocery shopping. All that kind of thing. It was all very normal, other than the thought at the back of his head that he would see Cullen that night. It was always there, growing louder as the hours ticked down, and as the time to start getting ready loomed, it was positively screaming at him.

This needed to be right. This needed to be something that would make the nerves and weird feelings worth it. Dorian had never been nervous before a date in his life, but as he set to his shower regimen, he couldn't help but feel some butterflies. That said, the butterflies made him want to do more and look better so they weren't quite the problem. So he tried to work with them, and barring that he turned his music up loud and sang them out as he rubbed moisturizer and spicy smelling lotion into his skin. That helped. It helped more than most things, anyway.

Hair and makeup were next, and he took care to brush some oil into his dark waves to make them look soft and silky as opposed to dry and straw-like. That made him feel gorgeous, actually, to see it gleaming in the bathroom light and be soft to the touch. He pulled it only half up, and let the rest fall down to his shoulders in gentle waves. There were a few wisps around his face too, to help frame it, and when he looked at himself in the mirror he could only smile and hope that Cullen liked it. Dorian liked it. Dorian liked it very much. The makeup was more than he’d done for the zoo trip with black eyeshadow and liner, and just a touch of gold in the inner corners of his eyes. It was tasteful. On him it didn’t look like _too_ much, at least, and by the time he was finished, Dorian felt better.

Clothes, though. A tank top and ratty jeans wouldn’t do for an actual date, but he didn’t want to go too over the top. No suit. Just... Dorian pulled out a simple black shirt and a pair of dark jeans. That would do. Those with a simple pair of boots and the shirt not buttoned up all the way... that was good. He looked put together, but not like he was trying too hard. That was important, after all. If this turned out to not be what he thought it was, then he just looked good and like he cared. If it _did_ then he was dressed to impress. It worked on both ways.

He’d sent Cullen the reservation time and place a couple of days ago, so when he opened his phone...he wasn’t sure if he should send something. Should he make a cheeky joke? Say he was getting ready to head out? Anything? And right there were those nerves. Normally, he never thought about it, but with Cullen he did. He wondered what the man was doing, if he was worrying over every detail, and just tried to picture it. It made him smile, actually, and once he was dressed, Dorian dropped himself on the couch in the hopes that he could kill the fifteen or so minutes that he had to cool his heels before he needed to leave.

Maker help him, but he so hoped this really was a date.

\----

“Mia. Mia, I need your help.”

“Oh, Maker, Cullen. What’s wrong?”

“I have no idea what to wear tonight…”

Cullen could hear his sister’s sigh and the kids in the background making some kind of unholy ruckus, and he winced knowing that she was probably elbow deep in dinner by now, but he needed help. He’d been standing in front of his closet for at least an hour, completely unhappy with each and every thing he pulled out. Cullen knew he was average, but he didn’t have to look it, did he?

Apparently, he did, based on his… sense of “fashion."

“You can’t be serious,” Mia huffed, “I’m dealing with a minor meltdown here and... I thought you said this wasn’t a date.”

Cullen didn’t miss the little tease in her voice at the end, and he could all but see her satisfied little smirk. It bugged him, but not any more than just… standing like an idiot in front of all the clothing he owned and feeling like none of it was right.

“It’s not. Not really. I don’t think. Maybe. I don’t know,” Cullen stammered. And he didn’t. In the days since he got the text confirming the time and place, he’d gone back and forth on that, swinging from excited expectation to resigned acceptance… and everywhere in between. He’d never felt so shaken before, not even when he _knew_ he was going on a date. “Mia, you don’t _understand_. I spent the morning looking up outfits on the internet. Outfits. I don’t think I’ve ever even said that _word_ before in my life… let alone typed it into a search engine.”

“Oh, this _is_ serious,” she said with a mock tone of concern, “What did the internet say?”

“It told me either to go out and buy $900 jeans and $400 shoes or to just wear what I feel comfortable in. So… no help at all.” Really, he should have known better. But desperate times called for desperate measures.

“Cullen,” Mia cut in.

“I’ve never noticed how boring all my clothes are. Why? Why are all my clothes either t-shirts or white button downs and khakis?”

“Cullen…”

“I mean, there’s also cargo shorts, but that’s going the wrong way, isn’t it?”

“Cullen! Seriously. Stop. I’m going to tell you what you already know - wear whatever makes you comfortable and stop obsessing. It’s sad. Adorable… but sad.”

“Wow. Thanks for that,” Cullen grumped.

“Happy to help. Now if you don’t mind, they’re fighting over the TV and some show about a space family from Futureland.”

“Oh, that’s not a bad little show.”

“It _is_ ,” she answered firmly, “But Cullen, really, take a breath and just be you. If it _is_ a date, he’ll appreciate that. If it isn’t a date… well, he’ll _still_ appreciate it.”

Cullen sighed. He really couldn’t believe he was even having this conversation, but he had to admit she was right. “Fine,” he grumbled, “Thanks, sis.”

“Take care of you. Have fuuuun!” she sang and then hung up.

His eyes strayed to the clock. He had an hour and a half before he had to leave, and he hadn’t even showered yet. Great. So, he decided to leave the clothes until after that had been accomplished… priorities, right? He showered, took the time to shave, and managed to more or less tame his hair. Well, maybe tame was a strong word, but at least it was more curly than frizzy. That in and of itself was an accomplishment, really.

And… 20 minutes to go and he was standing in front of his closet again, but this time wearing just a pair of underwear and socks. The shower hadn’t really helped… nothing new had magically appeared in his closet in the time it had taken him to groom himself. He really didn’t know what he expected.

River huffed at him from where she lay on the bed watching this whole thing unfold.

“Don't you start with me,” Cullen warned, then let out a long sigh for how just… ridiculous all this was. Finally, though, he decided on a pair of “fashionably faded” jeans that weren’t _too_ loose and a pale blue shirt made of a soft, light cotton. The internet called it a “henley,” but he just called it comfortable… and, ok, it was a bit on the fitted side. Dorian wasn’t the only one who worked out, after all - though Cullen couldn’t claim to do nearly as much cardio. He finished it off with his favorite pair of dressy-ish shoes, which really amounted to sneakers in a warm brown suede-ish material. He had no idea if they were actually suede - again, he just knew they were comfortable. A brown belt and the one and only summer weight blazer he owned, charcoal grey and made from some other lightweight fabric, finished the “outfit.”

By the time he was done, he wasn’t really sure if he was satisfied, but it _was_ time to go. He took a second to send a text - _On my way. See you there_ \- before he gathered his wallet and keys and headed out the door.

_Maker, help me._

\----

Dorian’s phone buzzed just as he was getting into the cab. He smiled when he pulled it out and read that text, then told the driver the address of the restaurant. By now his heart was beating just a little faster, and Dorian could feel that he was sweating just a little. It was a warm-ish evening, not hot enough to really be sweating, but at least he’d have that as an excuse. He still smelled great, he knew, for his cologne and soap and lotion that all melted together to make something spicy and orange and enticing. That was Dorian’s favorite thing. He loved that mix of things, it reminded him of good times, and hoped that maybe Cullen would like it, too.

As he rode, Dorian scrolled back through their texts from the last few days, which made his smile soften a little and grow warmer. Cullen was... a really nice guy. Dorian didn’t know a lot of truly nice guys. More than that, Dorian didn’t know a lot of nice guys that were interested in _him_. He still didn’t know if Cullen was actually interested in him, interested in men at all, but he hoped. He had a lot of hope.

Which was weird.

_[Text: Cullen (GORGEOUS)]: On my way too. See u in a bit_

And with that he just tried to breathe and let himself be calm. Once he got there and in the thick of it he would be fine, he knew that, but for the moment there were still those nerves. Those would go. They’d have to go. Tonight was supposed to be good. It would be good.

\----

The restaurant was in town, in the same vicinity as the aquarium, actually, and Cullen wondered absently if maybe Dorian lived around there as he set the GPS on his phone and pulled out of his driveway. According to his phone, it would take around 30 minutes to get there, so that was another half hour of jittery, excited nerves and trying to talk his hopes back down to an acceptable elevation. As he drove, he cranked his music up and wondered if Dorian had spent as much time worrying over what to wear as he just had. Probably not. He expected Dorian was the type to just always somehow know what to wear. But what _would_ he wear? And would his hair still be back in that bun, or would it be loose? How long was it? Was it as soft as it looked? And would Dorian smile that smile that made Cullen’s heart stop midbeat?

That train of thought really wasn’t helping calm the hurricane of butterflies that seemed to have permanently moved into Cullen’s stomach since the day of the dolphin encounter. It wasn’t helping at all. If this kept up, he’d be ordering a nice, lovely steak and just watching it get sad and cold because he had absolutely _zero_ appetite right now.

_I should have just asked. At least then I’d know._

\----

Dorian seemed to beat Cullen there, which made sense. He was early, and took the time to stand outside and catch his breath. Now that he was there he felt better. Things were in motion now, and he could at least let himself ease into that feeling. It was going to be a great meal with a good person. They’d have fun. Dorian knew that.

So why did he still have those butterflies?

He’d hoped that they would have eased. He didn’t know what to do with them, and they weren’t productive. They made him want to send Cullen another text, made him want to do _more_ than what he was doing, and that was a bit scary. They made him feel a bit more open and vulnerable, which... he wasn’t used to.

More than anything, he just wanted Cullen to get there.

\----

Thirty minutes later, more or less, and Cullen was pulling into a parking space and taking a few breaths just to slow things down a bit. He hadn’t been very successful with that on the way over, and wasn’t very successful at it now. Well, it was what it was, wasn’t it? As he got out of the car, he wondered if Dorian was there already. Which made him worry - if he wasn’t, should Cullen wait outside or just go in? If Dorian was already there, would he be outside, or would he already be in? Would Cullen need to ask for Dorian at the little stand? What would the reservation even be under - Dorian or… fuck, what was his last name? Something with a P… Pa… Pavus? Was that right? That seemed right.

_Cool it, Rutherford._

Cullen shook his head as he walked toward the door, almost missing the man standing by himself a bit off to the side for how lost he was in his own worries. Out of the corner of his eye, his mind registered dark hair and bronze skin, and Cullen stopped before going in, turning on his heels to face Dorian. Of course it was Dorian, and he looked…

_Maker, this isn’t even a little bit fair. Not one tiny bit._

The man was… he was gorgeous, absolute perfection standing there, handsome features framed by waving tendrils of  dark hair, casually flipping through his phone as he waited. Waited for Cullen. Dorian was waiting for Cullen, and whatever the night brought, Cullen would carry that with him. Someone like Dorian was _waiting_ for Cullen. That thought was oddly soothing, and it gave Cullen a bit more confidence as a smile that was warm and open, touched with a bit of dopey-crush awe, spread across his face.

After a heartbeat, Cullen came to his senses and realized he was just standing there staring. A quick shake of his head put his frozen body back into motion, and he somehow managed to walk the few steps over to where Dorian was waiting without any kind of incident.

_Hi. You’re very beautiful, and I really would like this to be a date, please._

Ha. Wouldn’t that be a way to start things off?

“You beat me,” Cullen greeted with a grin that was, hopefully, less moony than the smile he’d just been wearing. “Hope you didn’t wait long." 

\----

He lifted his head and smiled. There was Cullen. There was Cullen standing there looking even more delicious than he had at the zoo the other day. He was dressed... well, far differently than Dorian had expected, but it was in a really good way. He looked comfortable, relaxed, and just practically edible. Looking at him like that just made Dorian want to whisk him away somewhere far more private. It was hardly fair.

“Not too long,” Dorian told him, and tucked his phone in his pocket before he held out a hand for Cullen to shake it. As per usual, with any ‘date’, he started to lean in a little so that he might press a kiss to the other man’s cheek, but Dorian paused about a third of the way there. This, whatever this was, wasn’t at all like what Dorian was used to. When he went out with other men, he knew their preferences and interest level, knew what the night was for, but he still didn’t with Cullen. Maybe a kiss wouldn’t be welcome. He didn’t know. So he stopped and just smiled at him.

It gave him another moment to study Cullen. His hair was slightly less fluffy than it had been before, looked big and soft, and even in the dim light of the street he could see the way the man smiled in such a wonderful way. Those scarred lips were criminally attractive, and when he pulled them into that sweet smile with the way his eyes crinkled and glittered... for a moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the world. That was a nice feeling.

“You look great,” he said, “please tell me this is what you wear to school. I bet all the little girls have crushes on you.”

\----

There was that smile, the one Cullen had hoped to see, and it lit Dorian’s handsome face like a candle, soft and warm. And, shining just as brightly, the man’s eyes were just arresting. They were liquid silver pools edged in black with touches of gold and like nothing Cullen had ever seen before. And that hair. This close, he could see the light bouncing off of the waves that hung loose, brushing the tops of his shoulders. Completely touchable. Wholly inviting. An image of Cullen’s own pale fingers running through it, twisting in it, flashed in his mind for just a heartbeat, and he felt the heat rise to his cheeks. He just wanted to reach out and… no. No, that would be awfully forward and maybe not even welcome.

_He has to know. He has to know the effect he has on people._

Then Dorian leaned in a little closer as he took his hand, and Cullen could have sworn that… _something_ was going to happen. He didn’t know what, just something. He felt himself wanting to lean in himself, drawn even more by the scent of Dorian’s cologne or shampoo or whatever he wore. It was spicy and dark and somehow bright, too. Mysterious. Alluring. Maddening.

_Is he going to… what is this?_

But then the moment ended, and Dorian was smiling that smile again and leaning away, and Cullen felt a little like he’d missed something there. Still, Dorian was there. He was lovely, and he was there with Cullen. In whatever capacity.

“Oh… oh, no. At least, none that I know of,” he answered, and realized he hadn’t let Dorian’s hand go yet. Was that too long? He didn’t know, but he gave it one more squeeze before letting it go. “But thank you. You, um… look nice, too. Your hair’s down. Some of it, I mean.”

_Oh, Maker. Please save me from myself._

\----

That squeeze to his hand was nice. Dorian didn’t want him to let go, honestly. He wanted Cullen to hold his hand, walk with him inside and just keep that warmth close. Of course he could have reached out and taken it again, he could still, but maybe that wasn’t right. Not yet, maybe not ever, but the thought was there.

And he couldn’t help but notice the way Cullen was practically drinking him in. If Cullen was that tall drink of water, then what was Dorian? A small laugh almost escaped him when the next thought that came was _a hot cup of coffee_ , but he played it off with a smile and nodded toward the doors. “Well, you know,” he teased, “I wanted to put in some effort. And you’ve seen the bun how many times now?”

It was just a gentle flirt. The way Cullen was looking at him screamed DATE, but the way he acted sometimes didn’t. Maybe he was confused. Maybe even Cullen didn’t know what he wanted. That happened sometimes. Maybe Cullen had never been out with a man before. That in itself was a rather interesting thought. That maybe he’d picked Dorian as his first... it was exciting.

That also meant Dorian would have to tread carefully. The last thing he wanted was to scare the man away completely. Normally that was too much trouble, too much effort, but... this was Cullen. Dorian had been lusting after the man for a while now, and somewhere deep inside him there was that part of him that didn’t mind. Again. Strange.

“Should we head in?” he asked, “I’m about ready to eat an entire cow, fair warning.”

\----

“Well, I know better than to try and call you on that one now,” Cullen chuckled as they turned back to the entrance, Dorian at his side. His instinct… if he’d been _sure_ about things, anyway… was to raise a hand and let it settle in the small of his date’s back. It was just something he’d always done, along with pulling out chairs and holding doors for the other person and picking up the check. He’d been called old fashioned before, he knew that, but he also couldn’t help it. It was just who he was. His fingers twitched, his hand moved, but Cullen caught himself before any contact was made. _You don’t know what this is yet._

There was a moment where his hand hovered, unsure, behind Dorian before Cullen jerked it up and rubbed at the back of his neck, chuckling nervously. He did, at least, open the door without feeling too awkward about it. “After you, sir,” he smiled, but then his eyes ranged downward as Dorian passed him into the restaurant, and the flush that he hated so much was on his cheeks as he took in just how well those jeans fit the man. Not that he was surprised - he’d seen Dorian in a wetsuit, after all - but those jeans hugged him in all the right ways, and the effect was… almost cruel in the way it made his blood run a little hotter. _Nope, not one little bit fair._

\----

Oh, but Cullen was so sweet. That opening of the door, the way he smiled at him like that, it was all so... nice. He was nice in a way Dorian had never known before. It’s what made it so hard to figure out just what it was that Cullen wanted. There were fleeting moments where it looked like the man wanted to _devour_ him, but then there were moments where he seemed to backpedal so hard that it was like whiplash.

If it kept on like that, it was going to be a long night.

So when they got inside, gave the name to the hostess and were gently wrangled over to the bar to wait for a table, Dorian stood just that little bit closer. He pressed in so they were hip to hip, chests almost touching, and he rested his elbow on the bar as he waited to order drinks for them. If Cullen wanted to get dinner, then Dorian could get the drinks. It only made sense, really. That, and what someone drank was a good insight into their personality.

“What’ll you have?” he asked, and smiled warmly up into that handsome face. It would have been so easy to reach down and take Cullen’s hand. Dorian _wanted_ to. He wanted to lean up and ask that question into Cullen’s ear, maybe make him really blush, but... too much. Too much.

\----

Close. Dorian was just so damn close. Of course he was… it was a crowded bar in a popular restaurant on a Saturday night. To even get up to the bar, they had to maneuver between other people. That was the only reason the other man was barely a breath away, the only reason Cullen could feel the electric warmth buzzing off of him… or was that electricity skimming from Cullen’s own skin? Either way, it still didn’t necessarily _mean_ anything, other than the fact that there was barely room to stand at the bar of course. That’s all it was… but still, Dorian was so close, the spicy, nearly intoxicating scent Cullen had caught earlier was all around him, making his head buzz a little and his knees feel rather weaker than they had just a moment before. Dorian was so close, it wouldn’t take much to reach up and push one of those tendrils of hair behind his ear or, _oh, Maker_ , just give him a kiss. Those lips looked incredibly kissable - full and soft-looking and smiling.

And also forming words. Asking Cullen what he wanted to drink. He shook his head, blond curls bouncing around his face as he flashed a smile that he hoped said _I am completely comfortable and am having absolutely no untoward thoughts right now._

“Mmmmm, well, usually, I go for a beer… but as it’s a different sort of night, so maybe a vodka collins? What’s your poison?”

\----

A different sort of night, hm? Dorian could get behind that. 

“Vodka collins,” he repeated with a smile, and turned so both elbows were on the bar. He nudged himself in just that little bit closer so his hip and thigh were pressed against Cullen’s. It was probably a little much, but at least he had the cover of it being so busy to justify it. Still, he rather liked how it felt. “I think I might do a whiskey sour,” Dorian mused, “I haven’t had a cocktail in a while, actually. It usually doesn’t do too well to try to work hungover... probably for either of us, so I like to enjoy it when I can have it.”

Standing there, watching Cullen like that, Dorian really wanted to just lean into him fully, he would have, were this any other person and any other date, but he just didn’t want him to run. Then again, maybe a drink or two would help the man relax. That would be good.

Once he’d ordered for them both, he lifted one hand to run through his hair and then turned to look at Cullen, “So... no kids,” he chuckled, “now you can tell me all the dirty secrets, huh? What does Mr. Rutherford get up to when he’s not in a classroom full of kids or being Super Uncle to those two?”

\----

“Well, first of all, no one calls me Mr. Rutherford, except maybe for the first week. It’s kind of a mouthful,” Cullen answered easily enough, despite the fact that somehow, Dorian had managed to squeeze in closer. It was all he could do to maintain that casual tone, though, and the urge to _just fucking ask_ was rising. The words _is this a date? It feels like a date,_ ran circles in his mind even as he shifted to lean against the bar in a way that, he hoped, seemed nonchalant. At this rate, though, he’d have to ask. He’d have to… but not here. Not where people could overhear and potentially laugh when Dorian inevitably said no. He’d be polite - he was a nice guy, after all - but Cullen was sure he’d say no. Of course he would, because Dorian was everything Cullen wasn’t. Fun. Exciting. Witty. Interesting. Ridiculously handsome.

Ah well, that line of thinking was only going to make him mopey and bring the night down. Better to let it be what it was going to be, and then ask later… assuming things continued in this vein. And he really, really wanted them to, regardless of everything else.

“I’m afraid I may be about to bore you to tears… because, you know… I mostly do normal things, I guess,” Cullen answered with a shy smile. Other than his hobby - his painfully nerdy hobby that he’d simply _die_ if Dorian knew about - there really _wasn’t_ much. “I read a lot, try to stay current in my field, take River to the dog park, watch bad TV. And, ah, camping weekends with… friends every so often.”

\----

“That’s hardly boring, you know,” Dorian laughed, “I spend my nights doing behavior plans and trying to decide on a dissertation topic while I watch documentaries.”

Oh, but he did love how shy Cullen was. On anyone else it would be maddening, but Cullen wore it well. It didn’t feel like a pain in the ass. It felt like he was genuine, but there was something under it that made him wonder if Cullen was actually like that all the time. Dorian had a feeling that once he was comfortable and relaxed this shyness might melt away. He hoped it would.

“What was your field?” he asked, “I mean, other than teaching? Was that what you wanted to do or... were you planning on being a lab coat type?”

\----

“So, dolphin trainer by day, grad student by night?” Cullen said with a laugh, ignoring the question about his preferred field of study for a while. _He_ found it fascinating, of course, but he also knew that when he started going on and on about it, people’s eyes tended to glaze over. He didn’t think he was quite ready to see those flashing silver-grey eyes dull with boredom while Cullen spoke. “I’m impressed you can do all that and get your run in every morning. I feel like I need to know your secret for making days longer…”

The bartender came over then with their drinks, and Cullen looked up to thank her, but paused when his eyes caught his reflection in the mirrored wall behind the bar. _Their_ reflections, rather. It was… it was a nice image, if he was being honest. They were, both of them, smiling. Close, almost to the point of cozy familiarity, and while Dorian was clearly the stunning one, they somehow looked… like they belonged, maybe? It could have been his own hopes projecting themselves outward, but he liked it. He liked it, and for the first time, he really thought maybe… maybe Dorian _could_ be interested in him like that.

The smile only grew wider for that thought, and he pulled his drink in closer as he cleared his throat and turned his attention back to Dorian, raising his glass. “Cheers,” he toasted.


	7. Gradual Steps [2 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner is served while Cullen and Dorian get to know a bit more about each other and a few things are... cleared up.

Dorian smiled and picked up his glass to tap it against Cullen’s, “Cheers,” he repeated, “to a wonderful night.” He searched the other man’s face, watched him watch Dorian, and he couldn’t help how that made his chest flutter. It was one of those _on_ moments where this felt like it was something, and Dorian liked how that felt. He wanted it to be something. He really did.

“The days are just as short, trust me,” Dorian went on, “after all that I have barely any time to myself. Then Maker help me when it comes time to shower and all that... it takes ages. All because if I don’t take the time I look like a dried out husk a little.”

He smiled again then, looked over the long lines of Cullen’s body, and then back up to those beautiful eyes that were so wonderful in the low light. That was how Dorian had wanted to see Cullen. The man was gorgeous, practically perfect, and Dorian wanted him. He wanted that low, rough voice to say his name and that strong body pressed in against his own. He also wanted to hear him laugh and watch him _let go_ a little. Cullen deserved that much, and Dorian wanted to be the one to help him do that, even a little. Hopefully more than a little.

“But seriously... tell me about you,” he prompted, “you’re avoiding what I asked you. As much as I love talking about myself, I’d love to know... I don’t know, _everything_?” Dorian grinned, “So tell me.”

\----

Cullen chuckled low for that and took a sip of his drink. It was cold and sweet and sour and refreshing… just what he needed to stay _on_. If this was what he was hoping - if it was actually a date - he needed to be on. Charming. Interesting. Funny. Somehow… he could do that, right? Maybe he couldn’t, but he could damn well try.

“Everything?” he asked with a raised eyebrow and a little half-smile. “How much time do you have? Because trust me, I’m not trying to avoid anything… I’m trying to put off boring you to tears for as long as I can.” He took another sip and then looked down at his drink, watching the condensation forming on the glass before looking back up to meet Dorian’s eyes, “Plus, _I’m_ rather more interested in hearing about _you._ ”

\----

“I sincerely doubt you could bore me,” Dorian pointed out as he sipped his drink. It was perfect, and he smiled over the rim as he studied Cullen’s face. That little raised eyebrow and smile was adorable. The man was... Maker help him, but the man was beautiful. He really was. So beautiful, and Dorian wanted to hear all about him. “Because believe me, once I start going on about work and everything - glamorous wetsuits and eight hours in salt water tanks aside, it’ll be boring as fuck,” he went on then winked, “so don’t worry.”

There was one errant curl that had fallen from where Cullen had brushed them back, and Dorian so wanted to reach up and tuck it behind his ear. He just wanted to touch, feel what Cullen felt like, and just... watching him like that, with the drink and everything, Dorian wanted to kiss him so much. He wanted to taste that drink on the other man’s lips. All of it. Everything. Dorian wanted to know everything.

\----

“Well, but that’s why you’re so interesting to me… or part of it… the time you spend with your dolphins and the research you put into it,” Cullen started and there was an excited edge to his voice that had nothing to do with _is this a date_ jitters and everything to do with his own innate curiosity, “Marine biology… I never did much with that, you know? I specialized in molecular biology, which is fascinating… But there’s this whole world I’m missing out on. Most of the planet is covered in water, and I know next to _nothing_ about it. And really, all the little inner workings of an ecosystem are like cells themselves… just on a larger scale… you know, each piece plays its part… and I…” He stopped, took a breath, and looked at Dorian before shaking his head, “See? I’m rambling. I do that when I’m interested… it’s sort of an inside joke with my family.”

\----

Dorian just smiled as he listened to Cullen talk, and when the other man cut himself off he just reached out and squeezed Cullen’s arm just above the elbow. He didn’t want to keep him from talking like that. Clearly other people had, clearly he’d been made to think he was boring, and Dorian didn’t want that. “I don’t mind,” he told him honestly, “just, you know, remember to breathe. It wouldn’t be good for you to be blue in the face before we even get to eat.”

He sipped his drink again, then plucked the cherry garnish from the top to put into his mouth, “But honestly what got me interested were tide pools,” Dorian answered, “my family would go down to the beach, and I’m actually not the biggest fan of boats or anything like that, so I’d play on the beach and in the rocks and watch them. So the ecosystem versus cells thing... I never really thought of that when I was taking the classes and everything, but I can really see that.” Another smile, “So for molecular biology... you did your Master’s, then?” Dorian asked, “lab coats and all?”

\----

As much as Cullen was interested in the words Dorian was saying - and he most certainly was - he was more interested in the way those lips curled around that cherry. It was a simple movement and probably innocent, but for the briefest of moments, the imagery was just undeniably, obscenely suggestive. As his eyes focused on that full mouth moving, forming words now, Cullen’s mind took a moment to catch up - to stop fixating on how just _flagrantly_ hot the man in front of him was with his hair that looked criminally sofy and the little mole that rode high on his cheekbone and only served to enhance his beauty. And those _lips_.

_Maker help me, please let this be something._

Cullen cut his eyes away and back down to his drink, feeling a little guilty for letting his mind run away with him like that. But really, with as close as Dorian was and the way he smelled and the way he looked, it was hard _not_ to let his mind wander. It was hard not to let his _hands_ wander, and his fingers twitched with the want to… something. Instead, one hand wrapped around his own drink to take another long swallow before he met those grey eyes again. “Lab coats and all, yes. For a while, I wanted to be a researcher - the team I worked with had started a gene therapy study that could have helped a _lot_ of sick people… but then my little sister called me in tears about her science grade, and my fate was sealed.” He chuckled, remembering how distraught Rosie had been over her biology marks and how angry he’d been at the system for letting her down. “It was destined that I would be the one to teach the next generation of thinkers rather than, you know, do my own work. It’s fine, though. I love what I do.”

\----

One of Dorian’s eyebrows cocked for that. He didn’t know too many people, if any, that would have given up their own ambitions to... well, teach kids. Plain and simple. Dorian had been brought up with the idea of going for the best. There was no pausing or stopping completely and thinking of others, not really, and that was kind of why his parents didn’t approve of what he was doing now. Well, among other things, but that probably chiefly among the reasons.

Funny that they might have that in common.

By then the hostess came to get them for their table, and as they followed her back, Dorian paused just long enough to be even with Cullen and he smiled at him. As they were seated, Dorian set his drink down and rested his elbow on the chair and tipped his head to the side for a moment as they got settled. “I was kind of the same way,” he offered, “though not with a crying sister about grades, but... you know, I could have worked in a lab. I decided to go show and teach the masses about marine life and I actually love it, too. More than I thought I would.”

\----

“Well, with the hours, you’d have to,” Cullen laughed as he got settled in, “But really… I can tell you love it… it’s pretty clear, with the way you are with your Oswin and how you handled that encounter session... thing. Jumpy uncle and all.” Cullen winked at that, though inside he was still more than a little embarrassed at how he’d reacted to Toby rushing forward at the pool. And at the fact that maybe someday he’d have to tell Dorian that not only could he _not_ swim… he found water absolutely terrifying. It was no coincidence that marine biology just wasn’t his thing.

Cullen settled back into his chair as he opened his menu and didn’t actually look at it… it was hard to focus on anything that wasn’t the perfectly beautiful man on the other side of the table. He missed the closeness of standing together at the bar already, but at least it was quieter here. Maybe he’d find a chance that made sense to… well, ask Dorian why it was they were there together at all. Maybe.

\----

He smiled, “Jumpy Uncle was just worried,” and flipped the menu over for just a moment before Dorian lifted his gaze to meet Cullen’s, “though I wouldn’t have let anything happen to him.” Grey eyes stayed locked on amber ones for a long moment before he looked back down at the menu, “so...what are you in the mood for?” _Other than me, I hope._ “And how hungry are you?”

Between reading what was on offer, Dorian would look up to study Cullen even now. He couldn’t help but take in how good he looked, how lovely he was, and the longer they sat there the more he wanted to know. Things were good already, but there could still be more. He wanted more. Hopefully Cullen would want more too.

\----

_What am I in the mood for, indeed._

“Oh, I’m hungry,” Cullen answered with a raised eyebrow before he caught himself. Sweet Andraste, how inappropriate was that comment? Very? Not at all? And that was the problem… Cullen didn’t know. Not really. He cleared his throat and looked back down at his menu, aware of the warmth spreading on his cheeks as his eyes scanned the menu. “I mean, I can’t eat a whole cow… but maybe half of one. The ribeye looks good… but I’ve never eaten here. Have you? How is it? I mean, obviously, it’s good if you wanted to come back, right?”

And there was more rambling, right on cue. Just when he thought he had it down, could converse without falling into awkward fumbling, he’d get too comfortable or Dorian would do something too enticing and… well, there it was.

“What… ah… what looks good to you?”

\----

“You,” Dorian answered nearly immediately, without thought, then his brain caught up with him and he lifted his gaze to look at Cullen, “want... the ribeye?” he tried to finish. Oh, that was almost bad. Bad, bad, bad. He probably didn’t save it that well, either, but... he tried. “I was thinking much the same. I’m a bone-in kind of man, myself,” he went on, and his lips turned upward in a smile that _might_ have been a smirk, “what about you?”

That said, he did want the ribeye. Cullen had good taste if he thought much the same. And he didn’t mind getting in a bit of a flirt and innuendo in there too. That was his way, after all, and it was a good way to get a read on what Cullen thought for that comment. If he didn’t take the bait, then maybe he wasn’t interested. If he did, then... there was a chance that maybe this could be something that wasn’t two friends hanging out. Dorian hoped for that.

“I was also thinking, if you wanted... they have a sweet chili calamari for an appetiser,” Dorian commented, “sweet and hot are two of my favorite things, after all.” Again, he took a moment to let his gaze wander over Cullen, “so there’s something about me for you.”

\----

_Bone in?_

It took everything he had in him for Cullen to not spit the last sip he’d taken of his drink right out all over the gorgeous face that was… was Dorian _smirking_ at him? And for a moment there, hadn’t it seemed like Dorian was just going to stop after the word _you_? Maybe not. Maybe Cullen’s head had deposited itself right into the gutter and he was reading far too much into all this, looking at the situation through a lens of hopefulness that perhaps wasn’t warranted.

But it really was starting to feel more and more like maybe it was. There was a pull there between them that was almost undeniable. Cullen wasn’t the best at reading clues or picking up on hints, but the longer he spent with Dorian, the more he felt it… and the more it felt mutual.

Cullen could feel his ears burning, knew that blush was clear as day on his face, but he still managed to cut his eyes up at Dorian from where they’d locked on the menu.

“Sweet and hot seems about right for you,” he commented, and one side of his lips _may_ have curled up in a kind of smirk himself. “I could go for that.” Unless he was misreading. Oh Maker, he could be. He probably was. “The appetizer. I don’t normally care for seafood, but I’m game to try something new.” There. Dorian could take that as a flirt or as an honest answer… which it was… but there had definitely been the hint of something more there for a moment.

\----

He kept that smirk on his lips as he listened to Cullen, then put the menu down so he could pick up his drink, “Something new is my favorite thing to try,” Dorian agreed. Grey eyes held amber ones for a long moment, let that simmer a bit with the knowledge of their flirting, and when he took a drink from his glass he looked away and chuckled inside. This was going about the speed Dorian was used to. He was more comfortable here, though with a bit more interesting conversation sprinkled in.

“Most people I know would be horrified that I eat calamari,” he prompted, “though... squid, not octopus. I did my Master’s study on the social behavior of octopi. They’re so... well, most people in the field say _interesting_ , but genuinely I think they’re cool as fuck.” He grinned then and licked his lips, “it’s always fun to have a field where you can say that kind of thing.”

\----

So that smirk wasn't Cullen's imagination after all… and he knew that because it was still on Dorian's face, which only made him somehow _more_ attractive, if that could be believed. Curious. It was curious, and Cullen wondered _when_. When would it be ok to ask? _Is this a date?_ It was an all-around awkward question in any situation, but here and now with Dorian, it also asked another, potentially more touchy question - _do you like other men?_ It seemed like Dorian was flirting, as unreal as that idea was in the first place, but he might not be… and the last thing Cullen wanted to do was make a potential friend uncomfortable. Or worse. Sometimes… sometimes people didn't react well to that kind of assumption, and even though Dorian didn't seem the type to be offended… Cullen just didn't know.

Still, whatever it was that pulled Cullen to Dorian just _wouldn't_ quit. He'd ask. Eventually. He'd have to, right? It was either that or suffer in this one-sided yearning misery all night.

_No, thank you._

He heard what Dorian was saying. Cullen nodded in agreement when Dorian said he liked being in a field that he thought was ‘cool as fuck,’ but Cullen's mind was busy ramping up to at least… try. He was silent for a moment, took a sip of his drink to buy himself some time, and then met Dorian's eyes a bit shyly. “So, um, what…”

“Hi guys!” a bright voice chirped from above, “I'll be taking care of you tonight. Looks like you've got your drinks sorted… did you have any questions for me about the menu?”

Cullen barely contained his groan. _Perfect timing._

\----

For a moment it seemed like the wheels in Cullen’s head were turning. Dorian could practically see the man’s hair curling further for it, and when he opened his mouth to start saying something, Dorian sat up a little to listen more intently Then... interruption.

He turned and smiled at the waitress for a moment before he turned back to catch Cullen’s eye. Hopefully, whatever he was going to say. “No questions, but... we’re ready to order, hm?” Dorian asked, before he opened his menu again. It didn’t take long to order, thankfully, and along with the two ribeyes, potatoes, and the calamari appetiser Dorian had cheekily gotten a bottle of wine for them to share.

If this was a date, he was going to treat it like it was.

When the waitress left, he turned back to Cullen and smiled again, “Now... you were saying?” he asked.

\----

“Oh, I was just going to ask…” Cullen started, and felt the tips of his ears begin to burn. He could feel his heart pounding in them. In his _ears_. Was that even humanly possible? Maybe… maybe this wasn't the right thing to do right now. He'd been forcing it to begin with, just because Dorian had smiled at him. The server popping by might have just been the best thing that could have happened. “... I mean… ah… what do you think… what's the best part of your job?”

Well, that was a disaster.

\----

Not what Dorian expected, but... he could go with that. “Well, I meet interesting and attractive people,” he teased, “but... really, working with the animals. When I started my Master’s I was working in a lab, and when I finished, I had the two choices of keeping on with that or finding something that worked a bit better for me. I like people, mostly, and I like being able to teach them. And be hands on with the animals. It’s different than working in a lab.”

He smiled, “You get to _care_ for them, not just study them, you know? I know everyone has favorites and everything, but it’s different. Oswin and I _connected_ , so did Merise and I, and love that. I’d imagine it’s a bit like that with the kids, huh?”

\----

There was still a bit of shake left in Cullen for how close he’d come to putting that question out there, but he could appreciate what Dorian was saying. “Yeah,” he answered with what was dangerously close to being a nervous titter and then coughed. “It _is_ like that… a little. I’m only with them for a few years, but they’re pretty important years. You meet the kids, and they’re these scared little things… and then three years later, they’re completely different people. And you get to help with that, a bit. It’s… well, it’s pretty sappy, I guess, but I do like to think I’m making a difference somewhere.” He smiled again, something less nervous and more warm. “The kids that just graduated… I’m going to miss them. They were a handful, but sharp, you know. That’s probably the most… bittersweet part, I guess, of what I do. Constantly saying goodbye.”

\----

“I imagine it would be like that,” he agreed before he finished off his drink, and went for the glass of water the waitress had left, “it would be so interesting to see you in the classroom. I’ve seen you with the little ones, but it would be something probably really different to see you at work. You have me at a disadvantage there.”

Dorian grinned, “I bet you’re the type of teacher I would have loved to have.”

\----

“Oh, please,” Cullen chuckled, “At the end of the day, I’m a teacher in a high school classroom. It’s probably not at all fun to watch. There’s a sad lack of somersaults and jumping through hoops… but I’m happy to report that the conditions are less… humid.” He grinned and winked as he brought his glass to his lips to take another drink. At least his head was starting to buzz pleasantly. That took the edge off, and Cullen sat back comfortably in his chair. “But you know… it is fun to watch you work. Clearly... I’m there enough. The, ah… the kids are entertained, that’s for sure.”

_And so am I._ That thought made him grin as one eyebrow raised. He didn’t dare say it out loud, of course… but it was fun to wonder what Dorian’s reaction would be if he did.

\----

That was nice to hear. He smiled happily for it, and settled back in his chair as he watched Cullen for a long moment. All those little touches and teases were so great, and the thought of the man in the classroom only made that little wicked streak Cullen seemed to have here and there stand out that much more. Dorian loved that.

“So is it just... biology, then?” Dorian asked, “or do you do other classes? If you have different years, right? Since biology is usually just the one year, isn’t it? I don’t know how they do that in schools here.”

\----

“Careful,” Cullen smiled and leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table, hands clasped in front of him. “The more you ask about what I do, the more I’m going to talk about it. That’s a slippery slope right there.”

But it was… nice that Dorian was interested in what Cullen did... and he seemed genuinely interested, at that. Most of the time, he got polite smiles and empty stares when he really got going - even from his family - but Dorian was asking for more. Cullen almost didn’t know what to do with that… except to answer and hope his luck continued. “But I teach biology at a few levels, normal high school stuff through college-level classes. I’ve done a few anatomy and physiology courses. Oh, and I had a chemistry once. That was interesting… let’s just say I should be kept away from chemical reactions.”

\----

“Didn’t burn your eyebrows off, I hope,” Dorian teased, “I would have loved to see it, though.” And he would have. Cullen teaching chemistry to kids... it was a cute thought.

The way the other man sat now, how relaxed he looked, was great. Dorian liked seeing him so relaxed. He hadn’t been so relaxed thus far, and it looked good on him. Really good. Amazing, even. And to hear him laugh and talk about work like it was nothing... that was what Dorian hoped for. “And not at work?” he asked, “you said you go camping? Like... on purpose?”

\----

_Oh. Oh, no. I don’t really want to talk about that right now. Or ever._

“Well, I...,” Cullen answered and and his eyes strayed away as he thought about how to answer that one without really answering it. Dorian was… he was just entirely too _cool_ to understand why it was Cullen found himself off in the woods every so often. And even if he was polite about it now - and he would be, Cullen was sure - even if he was polite, it was just painfully nerdy… and if this _was_ a date… it wouldn’t be for much longer. “Yeah, I do,” he picked back up and managed to meet Dorian’s eyes. “With a large group of friends. Just to unwind, you know? And, ah… what is it you do when you’re not soaking in a salt bath or planning your thesis?”

\----

That was... well, Cullen was avoiding answering that question. Dorian knew that. Maybe it was personal, too personal for a first conversation. He could respect that. Maybe it would come out later, maybe not, but he wasn’t going to push. Not too hard, and not yet. That would be a bit much. So he didn’t. Dorian just smiled and sipped at his water.

“Honestly... that’s kind of it,” he answered with a chuckle, “I run in the mornings, I do pilates twice a week at the gym, I swim laps once a week... a lot of keeping in shape for the job, honestly. And then also trying to recover. I get so sore some days from just... all the work, especially if we’re working on something new and it’s over and over and over.”

It was a lot of things. Not a lot of time.

Dorian smiled, “but, you know, in my very limited free time I like documentaries and a lot of history. I took an ancient poetry class in undergrad, and absolutely loved it.”

\----

“Well, there’s a subject I never got into - poetry.” Cullen shuddered a bit, involuntarily, at that word. It brought back memories of having to analyze and critique those awful poems in undergrad, something about roads diverging and wandering lonely as a cloud by some field of daffodils and a tiger somehow burning brightly, and Cullen just never really _got_ it. “I guess I’m too literal for it. Symbolism and subtlety is entirely lost on me, sadly… but _history_. When I wasn’t doing the hard science classes, you know… most of my electives were in history, actually.” Cullen leaned forward, a little more over his elbows now with an excited little gleam in his eyes. “I always had a thing for the Dragon Age… the battles and the strategy. It was always fascinating how countries clashed and broke and reformed. What’s your Age, if you have one?”

\----

“Mm,” Dorian leaned over the table as well and tapped at his lips with one black lacquered nail, “I was always fond of the Storm Age writings, honestly. So much happened in all that time...and we studied a lot of Archon Nomaran’s texts, because of course we did. I found it all so fascinating with the naval fights and everything. Again, for all that I hate boats and everything, I find it so interesting.” He really did. Maybe in another life he was a historian of some kind. That would have been an interesting change.

“So should we ever need a reason to go out again, the history museums are on the cards?” Dorian asked. As a date or otherwise, hopefully. Anything to see Cullen this relaxed again. “With or without the kids is up to you,” he went on, “if you wanted.”

\----

The way they were both leaned over the table… it was almost cozy, and Cullen leaned a little further in without even realizing he was doing it. He was still nervous, for sure, and something in his chest clenched, physically clenched, when Dorian brought his fingertip to his lips, but there was also a bit of… comfort edging in. Dorian was _smart_. He liked history. He worked in a field that seemed so different from Cullen’s at first blush, but there was a lot they had in common. And he was _interested_ in what Dorian had to say… not in a “you’re cute and I want to get with you” sort of way (though there was a bit of that, if he was honest), but in an “I think we can talk about nerdy things as hours pass like minutes, so can we?” kind of way. Cullen never would have imagined it in a thousand years, but there they were.

“Ah, we studied Nomaran, too… though I can guarantee you that we saw him through a different lens. But you’re right… the naval battles were something… but so were the Exalted Marches. Whether you think them ill-advised or not, of course.” Cullen gave a low chuckle as he raised a hand so he could rest his cheek against it. “And I never need a _reason_ to go to a history museum. Especially with a… with such good company as yourself.”

\----

Oh, but that was nice. Dorian just smiled, sipped his water, and studied Cullen’s face. He had that easy way about him when he was relaxed, and that was such a good thing. Dorian knew far too many uptight types, dated a fair few of them in his own way, so Cullen was a breath of fresh air. He was funny, intelligent, easy to talk to... it didn’t feel like they were dragging information out of each other. It was a real conversation that was _fun_ , and not at all like something Dorian wanted to skip past just to get to the “good part” as it were. As it usually was. Just being there with Cullen was the good part.

“There is a part of me that’s enamoured by the whole... war and conquest and strategy thing,” Dorian told him, “not that I’m the right type of mind to _do_ that, but I like it. I find it all fascinating. And I love sitting back and watching things about some of the more ancient cities. The fact that in so many places you can walk through the streets and see things that have been standing for Ages always appealed to me.” Then another smile, “and then I decided to scuba dive off of reefs and hide myself in labs. Funny how life is.”

By then, their appetiser and drinks came out and Dorian smiled as he leaned in a little more, “but, you know, the museum is part of our... attractions thing, so if you need tickets I’m sure I could swing something. If you or the kids, or... whatever, if you wanted to go. They’re always there since most everyone I know here works at the aquarium, so there’s no shortage of passes.”

\----

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to impress me with your connections in the seedy educational attractions underworld,” Cullen replied with one raised eyebrow as he picked up his glass of wine and took an experimental sip. He wasn’t usually much for wine, but Dorian had picked it for them, so it was only polite to try. It was pleasantly surprising, crisp and not too sweet… but Cullen would need to take it easy with the drinks… unless, of course, he wanted to take a taxi home. Still, the buzz he had going was nice. The company was nicer, and the more they chatted, the less he fretted over _is it / isn’t it_ and the more he just enjoyed it. Completely. Dorian was… well, he was a delight. When was the last time he felt comfortable really digging into his interests without fearing that he’d be a bore?

A laugh escaped his scarred lips, which then turned up into something between a smile and a smirk. “Well, it’s working. Consider me impressed."

\----

“Mission accomplished, then,” Dorian laughed as he speared a piece of the calamari and took a bite, “sometimes it’s hard to be impressive when the things you like are ones most people wouldn’t own up to. And, I mean... like I said, don’t let the wetsuit fool you: working in the salt water tanks isn’t quite as glamorous as you’d think. Going home smelling like fish isn’t really the most attractive thing in the world.”

They ate and drank in comfort then. The conversation was easy, and like that day at the zoo, it was like Dorian couldn’t stop _smiling_. He couldn’t help it. And this was fun. For a little while it wasn’t a date. It wasn’t just friends hanging out. It was just something good. He liked that. By the time their actual food came, Dorian was happily buzzed on the cocktail and couple of glasses of wine and he wouldn’t have it any other way. The food would mop up a lot of that, but for now it let him be relaxed. He didn’t overthink, hardly thought at all, and just _enjoyed_. It had been a long time since he’d had that.

\---- 

So, more chatting. More laughing. More. Cullen couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so at ease with someone new or the last time he laughed so much. All that build up, all the nerves leading up to this… they all seemed silly now that he was starting to realize that, underneath it all, Dorian was just a… just kind of a nerd like Cullen himself was.

Or at least, he’d think that, and then Dorian would smile or tilt his head or brush his hair back from his face, and Cullen would be struck dumb for a moment. Floundering and fluttery for just how beautiful the man was. In those moments, his heart would jerk in an almost panicky sort of way, and the hope that this was _something_ would wash back over him. And each time, it just got more powerful. The more he got to know Dorian, the more he wanted to know… the more he was sure he wanted something real with the intriguing, funny, handsome man across from him.

What he didn’t want, however, was any of that calamari. He’d taken a few bites, enjoyed the sauce, but sure as day, he didn’t really like seafood. So by the time his steak came, he hadn’t had much to temper the cocktail and glass of wine in him. So, rosy cheeked and with an easy smile, he tucked into his meal. “Oh, sweet Maker,” he exclaimed with a hand over his mouth as he chewed, “This is delicious. I’m pretty sure it’s the best thing I’ve ever put in mouth.”

\----

He was in the middle of a drink when Cullen said that, and while Dorian didn’t _quite_ do a spit take, he did choke just a bit. One hand went to rest over his chest as he coughed once, set the glass down, and cleared his throat. For just a second he wondered if that comment was on purpose and he was trying to get a reaction, which he did, but it didn’t quite seem to be that way. It was... genuine.

_If it were up to me that sentiment would be changed in about an hour._

Finally, Dorian recovered, and he shook his head, “The things you say,” he teased before he cut into his steak and made a soft sound of his own, “but you might not be wrong. I’ve been here before and had the ribeye without the bone in, which was good, but this... this is amazing.”

He chewed thoughtfully, then went for the wine again, “I’m glad we decided to do this,” Dorian told him, “it’s been a long time since I have, and... I’m glad it’s with you, honestly.”

\----

That bite of steak stuck in Cullen’s throat as Dorian spoke those words - _I’m glad it’s with you_. He went for his water glass to wash it down with a large gulp and only moderate coughing.

_He’s glad it’s with me. HE’S glad? With me? Then is this… could it be… really?_

Suddenly, every ounce of nervy energy Cullen had felt earlier slammed back into place. He’d been completely content with the way things were going, happy with the comfortable conversation from the past, oh, half hour or so. Pleased that he’d stopped obsessing over what the night was. But then there was that one phrase, and all that was out the door. He just… he needed to know.

Finally satisfied that he wasn’t going to choke on his meal, Cullen cleared his throat one last time and sat up. There was a moment of silence as he worked his jaw while he gathered his thoughts and his courage. He breathed out slowly. “I’m… happy to be here, too… but before… before this goes on, I just… something needs to be made clear, I think." 

\----

So Dorian wasn’t the only one choking a bit here and there tonight, it seemed, though... why? His comment had been innocuous, or so he thought, but then again Cullen might have thought the same thing earlier. Dorian ticked over what he said, but found nothing terribly outrages... no innuendo. Nothing. So why was he blushing and coughing and sputtering?

_Something needs to be made clear._

Oh. Oh shit. Had Dorian stepped over the line? Fuck, this was the worst thing that could have happened. He’d had hope there for a moment that Cullen was actually interested, and he _wasn’t_. So what were all those touches then? That flirting? Or was Cullen just a natural flirt? Dorian was, he knew that about himself, but things had felt so easy. Too easy. Shit, maybe he’d misread everything.

“Oh, I…” he began, then paused as he tried to figure out what to say, “I didn’t mean to, you know... step over any lines…”

\----

Cullen’s eyes widened a bit for that - he didn’t mean to make Dorian worry, he didn’t mean that at all. And yet, he’d managed to… which shouldn’t have surprised him, bumbling as he was around what should have been a simple question. “No, no,” he replied quickly, shaking his head and waving his hands in short jerks in front of him. “I’m just... I guess I’m trying to figure out where those lines _are_ … without being awkward, but looks like I failed there.” Cullen shook his head and sighed then. He’d already stepped in it… might as well keep on walking. “It’s just, I’m horrible at this, but I… I like you, and I don’t want to offend you if… ah… guys aren’t your thing, I guess… but I feel like maybe this is… that is, maybe you’re one of those people who seem like they’re flirting when they’re not, but it seems like there’s something going on here… and I just… I wanted to know if...”

_Oh, for fuck’s sake, Cullen, spit it out!_

“Is this a date?”

\----

So Cullen had been wondering too. That would explain a lot. It made Dorian feel better, honestly, to know he wasn’t the only one waffling back and forth all night. And week.

“I…” he began, then chuckled, “was kind of wondering the same thing.” He licked his lips, tapped his lacquered fingers on the table a few times, and looked back up at Cullen, “I’d like it to be. A date, I mean. Actually, I was sort of wondering if _you_ were interested in men... here I thought I wasn’t subtle, aside from not going up to you and saying ‘hi, I’m Dorian, I like men,’ you know?”

\----

_There you go. There’s your answer._

It was like someone pulled a load off him for just finally _knowing_ , but that relieved reprieve was only temporary as the thought _\- A date! He wants this to be a date! -_ went through him. And even now… even hearing it from him… it still seemed unlikely. “Wait… Are you… really? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m… _me_. I mean, I was hoping… it’s no coincidence that I’m terrified of the water, but I have season passes to the aquarium, but I didn’t think you’d ever… you know, notice me." 

\----

One eyebrow cocked for that, and Dorian chuckled, “I noticed you when you came through on that field trip,” he admitted, “and every time after that. I always, you know... looked for you. _At_ you.” he was trying not to blush, and he reached for his wine to take a sip, “You remember a couple of weeks ago, it was during the show, and it was that bit when Sera and I both dive in the water? It was supposed to just be a simple dive, and I sort of... well, it was something a little different? That was for you. I knew you were there and you were watching and I wanted to, I don’t know... impress you?”

\----

And now Cullen knew he was hearing things, because it sounded an awful lot like Dorian - _Dorian_ \- was trying to impress him. So not only was this a date, Dorian had somehow noticed him out in the crowd during the shows and had been trying to get his attention. He’d noticed Dorian looking his way sometimes, but never… he’d never thought Dorian was looking _for_ him. That was just… amazing. It was amazing, and a grin that Cullen couldn’t have stopped even if he’d wanted to spread out across his face as he relaxed back in his seat. The smile was equal parts surprised, happy, and, yes, a bit smug. “Well, ah… it worked. Entirely unnecessary, but it worked.” Cullen chuckled with just a touch of giddy relief, “Maker, I was worried you felt sorry for me… or something like that. But this… well, alright then. A date. Good. Yeah, that’s good.” He was quiet for a beat, wondering what came next and whether this new development changed anything. “So, ah… should I ask you your star sign now...” he laughed, “...or whether you enjoy moonlit walks along the beach?”

\----

“Why would I ever feel sorry for you?” Dorian asked before he cut back into his steak, “you’re gorgeous, intelligent, funny, sweet... I can go on. Those all seem like good qualities to me.” He took a bite of his food, chewed thoughtfully, then looked back up at the other man. He _did_ look more relaxed now. That said, if he was so worried... they maybe should have had this conversation first. Not that the night had been bad, quite the opposite, but maybe Cullen wouldn’t have felt so awkward there for a while. Dorian too, if he were honest with himself.

Once he swallowed that bite and wiped at his lips, he leaned over a bit more so he could see a bit better into Cullen’s eyes in the dim lighting. They were beautiful. He was beautiful. “I like walks on the beach most times of the day,” he pointed out, “and... I don’t know, what’s your favorite color? Isn’t that something else we’re supposed to ask on the first date? Star signs, favorite colors, beach hike preferences, and I guess... what kind of animal would you be? Or something?”

\----

This was all still just a little surreal. To hear Dorian, looking like he did and being who he was, calling Cullen gorgeous and funny and _sweet_ … well, there was the urge to pinch himself, just to make sure. He didn’t, but it was close. “Well, we could talk about all that, I suppose,” he answered and leaned back over his plate, “But I rather liked the conversation we were having. Unless, of course, you’d like to keep going on about me.” He winked before cutting himself off another bite of his steak, proud for the moment that he managed to keep all his internal celebrating, well, internal.

\----

Okay, but Cullen was too good. That wink made Dorian’s insides warm a little, and he smiled for it. This was good. This _date_ was good. It really was. He was genuinely glad he’d asked Cullen to come, and, even more now than before, he hoped this went somewhere good.

“Well, what else don’t I know yet?” he asked, “other than the usual first date stuff?” Dorian picked a little at his potato, ate a bit of it, then lifted his gaze back to Cullen, “like, I don’t know... what got you into molecular biology? The metaphysical and philosophical connection to big things in small things? Or you just thought it was neat?”

\----

Cullen hummed thoughtfully before he swallowed his next bite… and thankfully, he didn’t choke on it this time. He’d never cared for any of the traditional first date small talk, any way. All that, while fun to some, seemed a little shallow and a bit forced. What they’d been doing, even with the confusion, had seemed more organic. Natural, easy, and he was glad that calling this dinner what it was didn’t seem like it would change that. There was something about that that just made this seem… more real than any other first date Cullen had ever been on. “Well,” he answered, “I’d like to say something deep and powerful like ‘there’s an entire cosmos locked inside nucleus of every cell,’ but it’s mostly because I thought it was… as you said… ‘cool as fuck.’ To look inside the building blocks of life… and then find ways to fix them if they’re broken and really help people… that’s really fucking cool.”

\----

“I think that’s rather wonderful, personally,” Dorian agreed with a nod, “I... feel a bit of the same with the animals. I don’t want to just study behavior. I want to help them. I want to teach them things, you know?” He smiled then and cut another piece of his steak, “and teach a few willing participants how to do it too. I think your Annie and Toby will grow up to be good trainers, but that’s only if they don’t decide tomorrow to be astronauts or something.”

And it wasn’t awkward. Not again. Dorian had maybe thought that after that agreement that tonight was a date it might go back to that, back to the nerves. It was good that it hadn’t. He appreciated that. Nerves never really did well when one hoped that the night might go a certain way, and _oh_ how he wanted it to go that way now that he knew Cullen went _his_ way. 

“Helping people, doing better, all that kind of thing... I value that,” he went on, “I like it better than just doing things for the sake of being the best at something.”

\----

“Well, in the end, at the core of the thing… if we're not pushing the lever, helping make even one person's life better… what are we doing?” Cullen answered, and he meant it. He didn't think that what he was doing was changing the world, he wasn't that idealistic, but what he _did_ believe was that little things mattered. Little things like showing kindness to a stranger and his niece and nephew. Cullen looked at Dorian, really looked at him for a moment, and knew this could go deeper than attraction. There was plenty of that - from his side, at least - but from Dorian's job to how he'd been at the zoo to how he was tonight, Cullen could feel that the man had a kind heart. And oh, how he wanted to know more about it - to see if there really could be a connection.

On some level, Cullen realized that the stakes had been raised - he could feel an increase in that electricity that had been between them - but on another level… this was strangely more comfortable. It didn't entirely make sense, but then again, none of this made a ton of sense when Cullen took a step back and really examined the steps that led him to this restaurant on this night with this man. It was like the start of some romantic comedy or modern-day fairy tale. He just hoped the whole thing didn't turn into a pumpkin at midnight. 

But still, despite the strange path that took him from idle fantasy to reality, he was… comfortable. More than he had been in a long, long time… especially in the context of a _date_. But that was Dorian. He had a confidence to him, an easy way of just being, that was infectious. This felt right. Cullen hoped it was right. He moved, reached out tentatively across the table to just brush his finger over Dorian's knuckles. It was a gentle touch, and Cullen's heart was in his throat, but he wanted that touch, that feeling of connection. He smiled, something shy, as he pulled his hand back to his side of the table. “That's… that's the kind of thing I value, too." 

\---- 

That little brush of fingers was so good. It sent a bit of a spark down Dorian’s arm, and he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up for just a moment. He wasn’t expecting that touch. He’d sort of half expected Cullen to blush, to be embarrassed after that little admission, but he wasn’t. In fact, he took it that extra step forward, and touched him. Dorian could appreciate that. He respected it. He respected the fact that Cullen didn’t shy away, despite being shy himself.

The rest of dinner was almost a blur, which might have had a bit to do with the wine, but it seemed not long later that they were getting to their feet and heading for the door. For the next adventure: coffee. Walking to coffee, to a little cafe that stayed open later a few blocks away, specifically. The food had been amazing, the wine wonderful, and the company pure perfection. Dorian was practically floating, and as they stepped out into the warm-ish night air he turned to Cullen and smiled.

“That was really great,” Dorian told him, “thank you. I, um... I’ll get coffee for us, how’s that?”

\----

Dinner was good. Dinner was really good. The food was great, the company was exceptional, and, every so often, there would be _moments_. Moments where Cullen couldn’t believe what was happening, but still felt at ease… like there was no other way to be, like it was nothing but natural to be sitting across from Dorian, both of them beginning the task of getting to know the other. That was arguably the best part, which was funny… “getting to know” someone, and letting that someone get to know him… that usually made Cullen antsy and uncomfortable. This, though? This was easier than he could have believed… and neither of them, it seemed, wanted it to end yet. So… coffee.

“I’ll allow it,” Cullen chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair. He could never quite tame those curls, and the humid night air was just going to wreak havoc with them, he knew. Still, it was pleasant enough out, and he still had a happy little buzz in his head from the drinks at dinner, so he couldn’t help but keep on smiling. “This is your neck of the woods… so lead on.”


	8. Gradual Steps [3 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evening ends in a way that neither Dorian nor Cullen expected.

Dorian grinned and nodded down the street before he started them walking. He liked how they chatted, how easily the subjects changed, and how they seemed to wind into things that Dorian had never spoken about to anyone other than friends. Usually, with things like this, there was just a quick something about work and some flirting before they ran off to find something else to do. This was different. This was good.

As they walked, Dorian cast a glance sideways and watched Cullen fight with his slightly frizzy curls. He did like the look of those big hands, and he liked the way Cullen’s hair looked so soft. He wanted to run his own hands through it. Hopefully, he’d get the chance to soon. That said, he wanted those hands more. First. That brief touch had been nice, but they’d been too busy eating to do more than that for the rest of dinner. They had time now. Dorian knew that. So he let his hand swing beside Cullen’s for a moment before he reached out and tangled their fingers together.

And oh, wasn’t Cullen’s hand nice? It was big and warm and strong, which Dorian rather liked, and he enjoyed how well that hand held his own. He squeezed, though not too hard, and offered up a small smile in Cullen’s direction as he rubbed his thumb over the back of the other man’s. “So he’s a carnivore,” Dorian began, “but how does he take his coffee, I wonder?”

\----

He was successfully placing one foot in front of the other, Cullen knew that, but when Dorian grabbed his hand, his world reduced down to just how warm - just how _right_ \- that hand felt in his own. His nerves tingled, electricity moving in currents up his arm and straight through him, and his heart skipped a beat or two as that smile only grew wider and his face burned for the flush on his cheeks. Cullen squeezed Dorian's hand right back, nudged into him a little, playfully for how giddy he felt, and chuckled. “ _He_ thinks it would be more interesting if you guessed. What do you think? Does he take it black, or does he have a sweet tooth?”

\----

“Mm, well,” Dorian began as he leaned a bit more into that strong form, “my knowledge of breakroom coffee makes me wonder if it has to have a lot of cream and sugar to make it taste okay.” That would make sense. “But then I wonder if that thinking kicks over into the real world.”

That hand wrapped in Cullen’s squeezed again, and Dorian just enjoyed that gentle pressure. How could he not? He’d been thinking of this for days. “I’m seeing... something not _too_ sweet, but a bit of milk. So maybe vanilla and a bit of milk in?” he asked, “maybe some foam on top? Maybe not. I bet it depends on the day.”

\----

That got a laugh out of him. Dorian was fairly close, actually - when he had a choice, Cullen usually went for a latte. But he had a feeling Dorian was going to be a bit surprised at just how much sugar usually went in. The words “nothing too sweet” weren’t in Cullen's vocabulary… not when it came to his coffee, anyway. “You,” Cullen laughed with a wink, “are just going to have to wait and see. I can't go giving away all my secrets immediately, can I?”

Maker, but he was in a silly mood. Hopefully, Dorian didn't mind it… because he just couldn't bring himself to hide it. Not when he was having the best time out with someone he could remember having since… well, ever.

\----

Maker help him. Just... help him.

“Look at you, getting all mysterious on me,” Dorian laughed. He squeezed Cullen’s hand again, then turned and dropped just a soft kiss against the other man’s shoulder. It wasn’t anything too bold, but just bold enough to maybe show off some of his intentions. Plus, it was moderately sweet. Dorian could be, much as he hated to admit it, moderately sweet.

With a smile, he looked up and caught Cullen’s eye, “Have I mentioned that this is a really good time?” he asked, “probably the best date I‘ve been on by far.”

\----

That little kiss was nice. It was close and comfortable and just so… sweet. In this, too, it seemed that Cullen liked things on the sweet side - that kiss sent a little wave of warmth right through him as he walked hand in hand with Dorian down the street. Everything was just… perfect. The night, the hand wrapped around his own, the smile making Dorian’s already handsome face just… glow somehow. Really, Cullen couldn’t have imagined it going any better than this if he’d even dared to, which he hadn’t. “You have now,” Cullen replied with a warm smile of his own, one that lit up his eyes and crinkled their corners. “And it’s the same for me… Maker, you have no idea how nervous I was. Seems silly now, but I was kind of a mess. So there’s a confession for you.”

\----

That smile was going to be the death of him. It really was. Cullen lit up when he smiled like that, and it made Dorian’s stomach do flips. It felt almost like electricity buzzing under his skin, and Dorian just leaned in closer for a moment. He couldn’t help it. That magnetic feeling was just pulling at him, making him _want_ : more smiles, more talking, more of everything.

So he slow them walking and he looked up at Cullen, “I, uh... I was a bit nervous too,” he admitted, “mostly because I wasn’t sure what you wanted. Or if you were interested. It’s nice to know you are. Since, you know... as great as having a new friend is... this could be better,  I think.”

\----

Cullen slowed his pace to match Dorian’s and nodded as he listened. “Then we agree,” he answered, his free hand moving up to rub at the base of his skull as his cheeks flushed and that smile melted into something a little more shy. Something _better_ , something _more_ … he rather thought the chances for that were good, that this could really be the start of something meaningful. It had just been a dinner so far, nothing out of the ordinary as far as dates went… but the way he felt about the man walking next to him was anything but ordinary. “I just… I have this feeling about it, you know? I hadn’t really dared to hope… much… but I’d like that… something _better._ ”

\----

Again, Dorian smiled, and he stopped them before he reached up his hand to cup Cullen’s face, “I’d like that too,” he told him, and brushed his thumb over smooth skin. It was so soft, so lovely, and Dorian rather loved the feeling of it against his palm and the way those blond curls just brushed his fingertips.

“Cullen, can I kiss you?”

\----

A touch that was so tender it almost hurt. Warmth brushing over Cullen’s face. And then words. _Can I kiss you?_ In all Cullen’s years, he didn’t think he’d ever been asked that question. He’d asked others before, but that was all distant memory in this moment when everything was just warmth and the feeling of slipping a bit. Or, maybe not slipping… maybe more like falling, but in a good way. A free way. Falling in a way that felt like flying. All because of one simple question.

Cullen pressed into that hand a little more as his hands moved hesitantly to rest just above Dorian’s hips, instinctively seeking out warmth. He lost himself a bit in the moment, forgetting for a time that they were on a sidewalk out in public, and he leaned in so there was only a breath between their lips. “I hope so,” he murmured before closing that small gap and pressing his lips to Dorian’s… and if he’d felt a little lost before, he was completely lost now in Dorian and the ripple of electricity that surged through at the softness of those full lips against his own.

\----

That kiss was everything. Dorian reached out with his other hand, wrapped it around Cullen’s shoulders to bring him closer, and he kissed him deeply. The man tasted like wine but under that there was something else that made Dorian want him _more_. He did love a good kiss, and this was far better than just a _good_ kiss. It was one Dorian felt all the way down to his toes and out toward his fingertips. He could count on one hand, less than, how many times that had happened before.

The hand resting against Cullen’s cheek moved and he tangled his fingers in that hair. Those golden curls were so big and soft. It was everything Dorian thought it might be, and it was wonderful. That kiss, too, was everything he’d hoped for and more. Hopefully, it would be a sign of good things to come. Hopefully, it would be a sign of _many_ things to come, including the both of them.

Now that he didn’t have to worry, of course.

\----

Cullen had always thought that when people claimed they “melted” for someone or went weak in the knees over someone else, they were just using colorful figures of speech. Words that, while descriptive and entertaining, weren't exactly the truth. His mind was literal - it had been too literal for poetry, and was too literal to allow room for those sorts of sayings.

And yet… Cullen found himself absolutely melting into Dorian. Melting as that kiss stole the strength from his knees and his breath all at the same time. First kisses… well, they were always exciting, but Cullen couldn't remember anything that compared to the way Dorian drew him in. Nothing compared with the feeling of those fingers twisting in his hair. Nothing that compared to the sturdy warmth of the other man's body under his hands and pressed against him. Just… nothing at all, and Cullen's arms wrapped around Dorian's waist to pull him in even tighter.

Finally, though, the need to breathe - not to mention the noise of cars driving by - pulled Cullen from the little world where one person could actually melt for another. He pulled away, though he didn't let Dorian go. Not yet. One shaky little puff of air escaped scarred lips as Cullen smiled, suddenly shy again. “I've… wanted to do that for far longer than I care to admit.”

\----

“Me too,” he agreed, and leaned up to kiss Cullen just gently one more time. Now Dorian couldn’t get enough. He wanted so much to just kiss him and keep kissing him for as long as they could. It was still early, after all. They had all night. They had all night, and Dorian just wanted Cullen as close as he could have him. Something about him electrified his skin, made his heart pound and his stomach do flips, and Dorian couldn’t get enough. He just wanted more, more, more.

That hand in Cullen’s hair moved, brushed through those curls so he could feel them under his fingers, and he tugged just briefly. Not enough to hurt, not hardly hard enough to be felt, but just...something. A small something. Just enough for Cullen to know him.

“I thought about you a lot,” Dorian went on, “more than I should have for someone I didn’t know.”

\----

“Oh, for sure. I can see how a guy in cargo shorts and flip flops with two kids in tow would be appealing,” Cullen teased with a little half smile tugging one corner of his mouth up. He rolled his eyes for effect and leaned in to brush his lips against Dorian's a third time, despite how aware he was of being out in the public eye. One more wouldn't hurt, surely. Or another. Or another. And when those fingers in his hair pulled just _so_ , the thought to forego coffee entirely and find somewhere more private pushed itself up. Dorian was just… so good. The smell of his cologne in Cullen's nose was good; the taste of him on Cullen's lips was good; the way his body was pressed against him was good; that little tug of his fingers in Cullen's hair was good. All of it, everything was so _good_ , and Cullen was loathe to step back, however public this moment was.

But that… that might be a little fast. As he was right now, Cullen didn't trust himself not to be washed away; he didn't trust himself not to take it further than he should on a first date if he found himself somewhere more private with Dorian… assuming the other man was willing of course. No, Cullen didn't usually work like that, and he wanted so badly for this to be more, to really get to know the man in his arms, to see if this could be something meaningful and _real_.

He raised a hand to brush strands of hair that had escaped Dorian's ponytail back behind the other man's ear, then ran his fingers through the loose part in the back. It was just as soft and silky as it looked, and again his resolve was tested by a sudden image of what it would be like to twist his own fingers in it, to tug and tilt Dorian's head back to expose his throat and… _slow down_. He was blushing, from those kisses and the thoughts in his head, as he exhaled and chuckled at himself. “But I’m glad I _somehow_ got your attention. And that we're here… apparently putting on a show for everyone.”

\----

“Nothing wrong with a bit of a show,” Dorian pointed out before he smiled and took one of Cullen’s hands again. He lifted it, kissed the other man’s knuckle, then started them walking again. It had been a long time since Dorian had worried about people seeing him doing what he was going to do, and especially when he was genuinely happy... he didn’t care. Not really.

So he held Cullen’s hand as they walked, and every so often he bent his head and kissed the man’s shoulder. It was just little things, something here and there to make them both smile. The coffee place wasn’t that far, so he could take what time he wanted to enjoy Cullen’s hand in his and his weight beside him. It was nice.

It was better than nice, if Dorian wanted to be honest. It was better than he wanted to admit.

\----

If someone would have told him just a few days ago that he’d be walking hand in hand with the guy he’d basically been fantasizing about all summer, Cullen likely would have laughed at them. Well, he would’ve demanded to know how they knew about the things running through his head, and _then_ he would have laughed at them. It was just… this whole thing was so unlikely - not to mention completely outside his norm - but Cullen was learning that unlikely was good.

As they walked, Cullen stole glances over at Dorian, heart fluttering with each of those kisses pressed to his shoulder. They got looks from passers by, or more likely _Dorian_ got looks from passers by, but Cullen found he didn't mind the attention like he usually did. In fact, he felt an odd sense of some kind of… pride, maybe? Was that the word? Either way, he just thought, _I know right? This amazing man is holding my hand_, as he raised their entwined hands and kissed the back of Dorian's hand.

It wasn't long at all before they reached the coffee shop and, coffees in hand and one of those overlarge chocolate muffins to split, took their seats opposite each other at a tiny little two topper tucked in a back corner. The shop itself was warmly lit - not too bright, not too dim - and fairly busy, but the table they'd chosen afforded them a bit of privacy… intimacy, if that was the word to use. Cullen wanted it to be the right word to use.

“So... mystery solved, and now you know the horrifying amount of sugar I put in my coffee,” he said with a teasing note in his tone and a grin on his face, “Does that change your opinion of me? 

\----

Dorian rather liked how close all this was. Dinner had been nice, but this was certainly better. The small table, the atmosphere, all of it... it was wonderful. Plus, like with dinner... Dorian got to know a little bit about Cullen. How he took his coffee was always an interesting bit of trivia, and Dorian _had_ almost laughed for the amount of sugar and milk in that one cup. Ah, but it was sweet. In several ways.

“Hardly,” Dorian chuckled, “it just makes me wonder if you can taste the coffee at all. Unless that’s the point?" 

\----

Cullen raised a hand and tapped the tip of his nose twice. “Right on it,” he said through a grin, “Love the effects, not fond of the taste. Plus, well… I have a fondness for sweet things.” That admission came out a bit sheepishly - Cullen had been teased for his sweet tooth many a time. He chuckled at himself as he picked up his cup and blew across the top to cool the hot drink. “But we all have our vices, right?”

And just like that, Cullen found himself wondering if Dorian had any… vices.

\----

Sweet things. Dorian might have to file that away for later. Even if he never used it, he’d have it filed away. There were times that he could do nice things... his friends would probably agree with that, and there was a part of him that wanted to do something _nice_ for Cullen. Something that would make the man smile that smile that Dorian’s knees weak.

“We do,” Dorian agreed, “mine’s usually something... salty. So if you’re sweet and I’m salty, then we’re a good match, huh?” He smiled back over at him, “one of my guilty pleasures is jerky, actually. A lot of people think it’s disgusting, but I actually love it.”

\----

“Hmm... salty and sweet, huh?” Cullen mused and let his finger trace a circle around the rim of his cup, “You do know what they say about opposites, right?” He chuckled, feeling a flush form on his cheeks from his own attempt at flirting. He lowered his eyes and wrapped his hands around his cup before he continued. “Though we may be more alike than maybe I thought at first. You’re… well, what you do and what you know is fascinating… which, I suppose, makes you… fascinating.”

That was… forward. More forward than Cullen would normally be, but Dorian had that effect on him. And, really, after that kiss - _those kisses_ \- was there any real benefit in playing coy now? Even if Cullen could play at coyness, he saw no real reason now to hide his growing affection.

\----

That was surprising. Dorian smiled, unwrapped his hand from his own iced coffee and reached out to take Cullen’s in it. The man’s hand was warm from the coffee, as Dorian’s was cold, and he squeezed gently, “You’re not so bad yourself, you know,” he teased, “there’s not a lot of people who’ll talk ancient naval battles and molecular biology with me on the first date.”

He flashed a smirk, rubbed his thumb over Cullen’s knuckles, and rested his elbow on the table so he could lean on it, “I don’t know a lot of men who talk about anything much beyond their job and maybe a hobby here and there on the first date if I’m honest. So this is... a nice change. 

\----

How in the world was Dorian’s hand so cold? The night was warm, those kisses had been warmer, and yet the hand over his own had a chill to it. Almost instinctively, Cullen moved, placed his other hand over Dorian’s and squeezed, hoping to warm it. “You may be the only man in Ferelden who needs gloves in the summer,” he said through a shy smile, “And, well… to be fair molecular biology _was_ my job, so… I’m really not that much of a change, I guess. But still,” he went on, looking up at Dorian from under a few blond curls that had fallen across his forehead, “Something is _different_ here, isn’t it?”

And it was. Cullen felt it in his bones. This felt like… more. More than just a first date. He’d been on a few in his time, and this… this was unlike any other.

\----

Dorian let go of his cup and lifted his now free hand to brush those curls out of the way. They were so big and soft, and they made him smile. “It is,” he agreed, “and maybe a little bit for you _because_ I’m the type that needs gloves in summer here. It never quite gets warm enough for me to be comfortable.” He let his hand card through that golden hair, through those curls, and Dorian leaned in closer, “but... I like it. This. With you.”

\----

Thoughts of just _how_ Cullen would like to warm the man across from him at that tiny table sparked at the touch of fingers in hair, and for a moment the bustling of the cafe diminished, dimming to nothing until the only sound he heard was that of his own heartbeat in his ears. And how fast that heart was beating! He leaned forward as Dorian had, pulled in without a thought into that inevitable gravity, close enough now that, should he want, he could steal another kiss right there. And he did want. He wanted very much. “Oh,” he murmured, voice low and throaty, “Oh, I like it, too…”

“Maker, get a room,” a voice called from the side and then laughed, snapping Cullen out of the moment, and he straightened with lightning quickness, blushing and grinning sheepishly.

“Well, then… ah… coffee, right?” he prompted as he moved to pick up his cup, heart still pounding.

\----

Grey eyes cut to the side, and Dorian glared in the direction the voice came from. How dare they. Just... ugh, he hated that nonsense. In retaliation, Dorian kissed that hand of Cullen’s that he still held before he went back to his own coffee. “Don’t listen to them,” he murmured, “they’re just jealous.”

He took a breath, held it a moment, then looked up at Cullen, “Coffee is good, though,” Dorian told him, “and the company.”

\----

“Especially the company,” Cullen answered with a little smile as he sipped from his coffee and let his thumb brush over the tops of Dorian’s knuckles. That voice had been a jolt, had made him aware of the fact that they weren’t, in fact, alone, but he could feel himself relaxing again. Still, for a moment, he wasn’t sure what to say now that they’d been interrupted and brought back to reality. He sipped from his coffee while his mind worked, but all he got was conflicting feelings of _I can’t believe this is happening_ and _but it feels like it should be_. Which was an odd sensation, and it made Cullen wonder… what had led Dorian here?

“So, ah… you’re from Tevinter, right?” he ventured after a while. “Why Ferelden? If… if you don’t mind my asking.”

\----

“Mostly that I got hired out here,” he answered, “I was working up north, with a preservation group, and... while it was something good, it was a bit of depressing work. There’s nothing that hurts your heart more than... trying to save anyone, people or animals, and either getting there too late or not being able to help enough.” Dorian shook his head, “I worked with them, then back in a lab while I studied... and I wanted to teach people about the work. And not at a resort, which I did for a while, then I moved here.”

He smiled again, “Are you from here?” Dorian asked, “grew up... close to here?”

\----

“I did. Just about an hour outside of the city, actually. Went to school and did a lot of my research in Orlais, which… you know… was interesting for me. When I decided to be a teacher, though, I moved back here so I could help a little more locally. Plus, my mom and dad are getting up there, so I like to be closer… just in case.” Cullen shifted in his seat and leaned forward on his elbows. “I do understand that, though… the feeling of wanting to help, but not being able to… happens in my line of work sometimes, and it… it’s hard.”

\----

He nodded, “Like you said, I think we have a bit more in common than we thought, hm?” Dorian asked. Again, he let his gaze wander over Cullen, and as he sipped from his coffee he couldn’t help but smile around the straw. “So will you have Annie and Toby at your school when they’re older?” he went on, “I can only imagine how much fun that would be.”

\----

Cullen nodded and laughed as he cut into the muffin to pull a bite off for himself. “So much fun,” he commented, “Maybe I should stop spoiling them in case that ever happens… of course, by then, they’d be teenagers... Uncle Cullen might be more embarrassing than fun by then. Not sure they want someone who changed their diapers teaching them science, but I could be wrong.”

He smiled, a little wistfully for how quickly they’d grown and would keep on growing. Time flied. Maker, it seemed like only yesterday, Cullen himself was in his early twenties with his life stretching out before him. Not that he was _old_ now, but things had changed. His priorities had changed. What he wanted had changed. Amber eyes lifted to meet grey, and Cullen’s smile warmed. Yes, what he wanted had changed. He wanted something real. Something that would last. It was only the first date, but Cullen had a feeling that the force pulling him to Dorian might indicate something… well, meaningful.

\----

“You hardly spoil them,” Dorian pointed out as he reached for a piece of the muffin as well, “they’re well behaved kids, and... I know my job would make you think otherwise, but normally I’m pretty ambivalent toward kids. But them? They’re... good kids. I see a lot of brats, I’ll tell you that right now.”

He smiled, bit into that piece of muffin, and chewed thoughtfully. Watching Cullen watch him was an interesting thing. It was like Dorian could see the wheels turning, and he had to wonder just what Cullen was thinking. More than that, he _wanted_ to know what Cullen thought. Did he think of Dorian? Or was his mind just... going? He wanted to know. He _wanted_ Cullen to think of him. He wanted Cullen to think of him not just when they sat across from each other, but also... well, other times. And he wanted to know _what_ he was thinking, too.

“I’m glad I had to take over that encounter time,” he went on, “I wasn’t supposed to, but Lavellan had to take care of something so he asked me to do it. I’m glad I did.”

\----

“And I count myself lucky he did. Otherwise…” He chuckled and shrugged, cheeks tinged pink though he felt relaxed enough. “Well, otherwise, I’d still be sitting in the audience, wouldn’t I?”

And he would… for a time. He’d still be going once a week for the rest of the summer just for a chance to see Dorian… but once school started again, he’d have likely stopped going. Eventually, his life would have picked back up, same as it had ever been. Lonely, even if he didn’t mind it, and never having met the man across from him. And that was just too sad. “So, I’m glad you did, too.”

\----

That made him smile, something warm and private, and Dorian reached for another bite of muffin, “So... what would you be doing tonight if you weren’t out with me?” he asked, “just a regular weekend night without the kids visiting? Would it be takeaway on the couch? Or something else? Night out with the, er, guys? Other teachers? Something like that?”

\----

Oof, how did he answer that one? _Well, I’d either be in my workshop getting ready for the next “camping trip” or trying really hard not to think of you._ Hmm, actually… would that be so bad? Was it too early for Cullen to let Dorian in on either thing - Cullen’s hobby _or_ just how much Dorian ran through his mind on a daily basis? “Oh, you know… I don’t really get out much, if I’m honest. I’d probably be tooling around in my workshop on this or that… or, ah, probably takeout on the couch… _maybe_ wondering what a certain dolphin trainer does on a Saturday night. Which, funny... I could get my answer to that one. Your turn - what would you be up to if you weren’t stuck at this table with me?”

\----

Dorian smiled, warmth filling him for that, and he rested his chin on his hand as he looked up into those beautiful amber eyes. Maker help him, but Cullen’s eyes were so gorgeous. “I don’t get out that much either,” he admitted, “so... working on research or on the couch making behavior plans, something like that. Sometimes we all go out, but that only happens every so often.” Free time was precious, but Dorian found that he would rather like spending some of it with Cullen. If that was what he wanted, of course. It was strange. This felt a bit like some kind of friendship, but Dorian was still _interested_. Usually things were a bit more black and white than that.

“But a workshop?” he asked, “are you handy?” _Or handsy, one would hope._ Dorian took another sip of his coffee, “building…. things? Or are you a tinkering kind of guy?”

\----

The way Dorian looked at him with those clear, shining eyes was having an... interesting effect on him. Normally, Cullen would have shied away from such a direct gaze, but oddly enough - or maybe not so oddly - he found he wanted nothing more than to return it. And so he did. He leaned over his elbows and smiled and just allowed himself to stare into eyes like molten silver, and wondered if Dorian felt the same sort of tingling warmth spreading out into his fingers and toes. Funny, they were just chatting about hobbies, but Cullen felt that gaze on him, and it made him want to know more. To keep chatting, just so he could bask in it longer.

“Well, then… I’m honored I could tear you away from your research tonight,” he answered with a wink. “And… I mostly just tinker, like you said. Getting equipment ready for those, ah, camping trips and such. I guess you could say I’m pretty handy… I do like to build things, either way. It’s nice to work with your hands… gives your head a break, you know.”

\----

One eyebrow cocked, and Dorian leaned in a little more, “And what do you need to tinker around with to go camping?” he asked, “I’ve only been a couple of times, but isn’t it... you know, pretty primitive? Unless you’re the types to go in the big campers and make it a huge thing. Is that it?”

He could only picture Cullen out in nature, dressed in a flannel shirt and chopping wood for the fre while also going back to a comfortable couch and beer at the campsite. That made something nice and warm fill Dorian’s chest, and for just a moment he thought that maybe he could stand camping if that was on the cards. Something a bit more... civilized, right? Cullen would have interesting friends, he had a feeling, and it would be interesting to see the man in his element. Since the aquarium wasn’t really his, and this date out was sort of neutral ground for them both.

“Despite working out on the water and with animals, I’m not really what you’d call ‘outdoorsy.’ Shocking, I know.”

\----

“Well, camping is more than a bit different from a day at the beach or on a boat,” Cullen laughed as he thought, _especially the way I do it_. He knew good and well that Dorian was probably thinking of tents and campfires and s’mores, but Cullen’s trips out involved rather more… strategy and armor. It was always a fun time - he kind of lived for it - but it probably wasn’t the time to reveal that particular card. “So let’s just say I can believe you. Still… maybe one day you could come out. It’s… ah… fun.”

The thought of Dorian being out there with him was enough to make him laugh out loud. It would be so far removed from the man’s world… Cullen had no idea how he’d react. Which… well, that was why he was waiting until he knew him better before going into detail. It wasn’t, after all, your typical hobby. But really… what if Dorian accepted it… what if he didn’t laugh at it? Cullen would roll those dice later, but he had hopes.

\----

“If you asked, I don’t think I could turn it down,” he teased. By now their coffee cups were running low, and Dorian was having trouble not getting lost in those eyes. He was ready to head out of there, to go back to his place or Cullen’s, and maybe make the night last a little longer... but in private. Far from prying eyes. Where he could adore Cullen properly.

He reached out a hand then, rested it on Cullen’s knee, and smiled, “So long as there’s enough fun to be had to cover up the minor... you know, discomfort. Sleeping in tents has never been my favorite thing.”

\----

Cullen chuckled and moved a hand to cover the one on his knee as he leaned forward closer to Dorian, close enough that he could smell that cologne or shampoo or whatever it was that smelled so damn _good_ about Dorian. He was feeling a little lost again, a little like he and Dorian were the only ones there. It was far too easy to be washed away in Dorian’s presence, wasn’t it? Especially when thoughts of how he could keep things _fun_ were running through Cullen’s head. He chuckled, low in his throat. “I’m sure we could find ways to keep you entertained,” he said, voice just a little raspy for the images in his head. He leaned in further, meaning to kiss the man… but… but was he going too fast? Innuendo and all… it wasn’t really like Cullen, not on the first date. And was that the note he wanted to strike with Dorian? That it was all… physical? No, that wasn’t where he wanted this to go, not at all. So he chuckled and kissed Dorian’s cheek before leaning back and finishing his coffee. “Besides, we don’t sleep in tents. There are actual beds. Kind of like a dorm. So if I ever drag you out there… no tents.”

\----

Cullen leaning in like that was so good, and Dorian leaned in as well and was fully ready for another kiss. Though... Cullen turned and went for his cheek instead. Dorian blinked. A kiss on the _cheek_? Seriously? After all this?

“What kind of camping happens in a dorm?” he asked after a moment, though he was still trying to get a handle on what had just happened. “And I think you can do better than _this_ ,” Dorian went on as he tapped his cheek with his free hand and leaned in again, “unless you’re worried people are still looking?”

\----

So Dorian had noticed Cullen’s moment of hesitation. He’d thought he’d played it off better. Apparently, he hadn’t. Great. It really hadn’t been his intent to come off as afraid, but now that’s how it seemed. There were _nerves_ still at work - this was something new and exciting, and something Cullen hoped would grow. Of course there were nerves… but he wasn’t _afraid_. Now he just had to show it. So he leaned over again, raised a hand to let his fingers stroke over the spot he’d just kissed before he wrapped that hand around to slide under that silky soft hair at the base of Dorian’s skull to gently pull the other man closer. “On the contrary,” he murmured before pressing his lips to Dorian’s in a kiss that was far deeper than he would have ventured normally out in public… deep enough to prove his point. He let it linger; he took his time tasting the other man on his lips and felt the sensation of being swept away wash over him again. It was wonderful. It was freeing. He wanted more. He’d have to be careful.

Finally, though, he pulled away… just enough to breathe. “I hope that made up for… any disappointment.”

\----

That kiss... oh, that kiss. Dorian practically pulled himself over into Cullen’s chair for it. The hand in his hair, the press of Cullen’s lips against his own, the way he’d touched his cheek so tenderly it almost hurt for just a second. That was a strange bolt of emotion amid that kiss, something that was equal parts hot and cold through his chest and stomach, and he sighed softly before Cullen broke it.

He rested his forehead against Cullen’s, took a moment to breathe, then opened his eyes to look into Cullen’s amber ones, “You couldn’t disappoint me,” Dorian promised, “don’t ever think that.”

\----

That moment sitting there, forehead to forehead… it was achingly sweet. Perfect, and Cullen wished it could last, but the clinking of cups on plates and the buzz of chitchat was all around them, and he was finally reminded of where they were. Still, he held that sweetness for a while, kept his hand resting on the back of Dorian's neck as his thumb stroked gently just behind the other man's ear. Laughing softly, he replied, “It's early yet to make that call. I still have plenty of time to prove you wrong,” before kissing the tip of Dorian's nose and leaning back again in his chair. “Still… I hope I don't. I really do.”

\----

Maker help him, that was entirely too sweet. Cullen was, in so many ways. Dorian could see that already. He leaned back as well, though he still studied those amber eyes, and he smiled. Everything about this was great. The night felt easy, especially now that they’d done away with most of the nerves. Dorian felt at ease, relaxed with Cullen, and he wanted more of that.

“Did you want to grab another drink to go?” Dorian asked as he gestured to Cullen’s empty cup, “or are you okay for a while?”

\----

Amber eyes cut to the clock on the wall behind the counter. It really wasn't that late, and they'd just had a moment - not to mention a kiss - that was fairly amazing. Things were going well. _Really_ well, however unlikely that had seemed earlier in the day. So why was Dorian acting like he was ready to wrap it up? Had Cullen done something wrong? It just seemed… abrupt. “To go?” he asked, head cocked to the side and face wearing a quizzical expression. “Do you have an early morning tomorrow? Have I kept you out past your bedtime?”

\----

“No, not... not like that,” Dorian chuckled, “I was just thinking that we could go somewhere a bit more private? Even to just... talk. So there’s not anyone making eyes at us?” He gave Cullen a look and smiled, “Because if you’re going to kiss me like that again, I don’t really want anyone deciding to get smart. You know?” And he did want more of those kisses. He wanted Cullen to take his hand, hold it, touch him on the cheek like he’d done before, and to just... enjoy the other man. He didn’t want this night to end, not for a while yet. “Or we could just... walk,” Dorian suggested, “if you want?”

\----

He didn’t think it possible, but Cullen sighed internally with relief. So he hadn’t done anything wrong - the opposite, if the look Dorian was giving him meant anything. The man wanted to continue this night, wanted more time with Cullen… and that’s what Cullen wanted, too. Every second of it that he could get, in fact, and he grinned back across the table at that impossibly beautiful man. “I could do with a walk,” Cullen answered easily enough, despite the little celebration going on inside him. “Especially after that meal… I may not swim 12 hours a day, but I do _try_. Not always successfully… but I try.” Maker, a moonlit stroll with the person who’d been the object of his evening contemplations for the past several weeks… it sounded like the stuff of cheesy romance novels. But it was real. It was definitely real.

\----

“Let’s go have a walk, then,” Dorian offered, and got to his feet so he could hold out a hand for Cullen, “see if we can’t get lost a little bit?” Not that he wasn’t already, just a little. Cullen was easy to get lost in with those kind eyes and strong arms, and Dorian knew he had to at least keep some wits about him lest he lose himself. It wouldn’t do to do that on the first date. Fun as it would be, and maybe for a little bit later, but the pull he felt to Cullen was so strong that he didn’t want to start putting the cart before the horse. So to speak.

\----

_Get lost, huh?_ As if Cullen hadn’t been doing just that all night. He chuckled and nodded before standing and stretching out just a bit. That done, he grabbed his jacket from where it hung on the back of his chair and folded it over one arm as he reached out with the other and took Dorian’s hand. It was, well, still a little chilly, but that didn’t mean the holding of it didn’t warm Cullen through and make his heart beat that much faster. A step drew him into Dorian’s space, and Cullen tilted his head down, just shy of the man’s ear before he answered, “Then let’s get lost, shall we?”

\----

That little murmur made him shiver, and Dorian looked up at Cullen with a little smirk, “That shouldn’t be too hard,” he teased as he leaned a bit into Cullen’s side. He liked leaning into that strength. There weren’t a lot of men that would let him do that, and he was enjoying the moment while he could. He rubbed his thumb along the other man’s as they moved, and once they were outside Dorian leaned up and kissed Cullen’s cheek for a long moment. “So which way?” he asked, “are you feeling lucky?”

\----

“I leave the choice to you,” he laughed. Because, yes, Cullen was feeling lucky. What other explanation was there for what was happening? Luck or providence or whatever, he was just content to let Dorian choose the direction and walk beside him, hands clasped and swinging slightly as they went. “So…” he started and pushed into Dorian a little playfully, “You never really told me… how was it that you noticed me out in the crowd? It’s pretty obvious how you got my attention… but what about the other way around?”

\----

“Would you believe that I thought you were so handsome that I couldn’t help but notice?” he asked, “all blond curls and freckles? Not usually my type, but... I just couldn’t help it. Something about you.” Dorian led them off to the right and around a corner so they could just... walk together. “It might sound a bit stupid,” he went on, “but... it sort of felt, or _feels_ , like there’s something like a magnet here. Does that make sense?”

\----

Well, that was surprising. Cullen had hoped Dorian felt that same pull that had been dragging him along all this time, but to hear it put so plainly… it brought a grin to his face and a blush to his cheeks as he laughed softly. “Oh, it does. It makes sense… more than you realize. I couldn’t take my eyes off you, you know. Right from the beginning, and that was a little awkward… considering I was surrounded by my students.” He chuckled again, embarrassed by the admission - but Dorian had been straightforward, and Cullen could do no less. “I never thought this would happen, not really. I was content to just… just be there in the audience. Figured I wasn’t your _type_ ,” he said, and nudged Dorian again, “regardless of whether or not… you know, you were interested in men.”

\----

He cocked an eyebrow, “You didn’t think I was interested?” Dorian asked, then gestured to himself, “here I thought I was pretty easy to read in that regard. Not so much, then?” It honestly made him laugh, and Dorian turned to all but nuzzle into Cullen’s neck, “And here I was, the one worrying whether or not _you_ were interested in men.”

\----

With that, Cullen turned and let go of Dorian's hand to raise his own and cup Dorian's face, fingers running soft lines over that beard at his jaw and tilting the man's head up so Cullen could catch his gaze. Out here in the moonlight and streetlamps, they reminded Cullen of starlight, shining and beautiful, and for a moment, it was all he could do to remember to breathe. He smiled warmly, almost adoringly, before letting his other hand join the first. “I'm interested in _you_ ,” he breathed, “You have to know how… amazing you are. I have a hard time connecting with people… but you… I've never enjoyed just talking with someone as much as I've enjoyed tonight. I wanted you to know that.” His smile turned into something a little more mischievous as he leaned in. “You're beautiful. Did you know that?” he murmured as he drew closer, only a breath away from those lips. At the last moment though, he winked, pressed a chaste kiss to Dorian's forehead, and grabbed his hand to turn and keep walking. He was teasing… not in words - he meant every one of those - but in actions. It was fun. A little bit of fun was ok, and he wondered how Dorian would react.

\----

For a moment Dorian was drifting. He wasn’t much of one for surfing, but he did like swimming in the sea and this was a bit like being taken over a wave with that feeling of weightlessness. There was nothing but this moment, and Dorian had really never felt anything like that. The only thing comparable was those times when he’d just been ridiculously drunk and floating, but even that wasn’t exactly right. Weightless as he was, he still had all his senses about him. They were all filled with Cullen, however. How he spoke, the way he touched him, even that gentle kiss on the forehead, and it felt like he was being pulled away from shore where he could focus on it this _not_ getting away from him too much.

When he finally got ahold of himself a little better, Dorian smiled and leaned his head on Cullen’s shoulder, “You’re rather beautiful yourself,” he offered, “I thought so the first time I saw you.”

\----

“Did you?” Cullen asked with a raised eyebrow. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but you might need glasses.” He chuckled then, a sound that was low and warm, as he enjoyed the feeling of Dorian’s head on his shoulder. It was cozy… it was _close_ , something familiar even though, in essence, they’d only really started to get to know one another that very evening. But it was good, undeniably so, and Cullen realized that just holding hands just wasn’t going to cut it any longer. He wanted to be closer, cozier. And even though it was a balmy evening, he wanted more of the kind of warmth he felt with Dorian. “Still,” he went on as he ventured to wrap his arm around Dorian’s waist and pull the man in closer as they strolled along, “I am glad you think so.”

\----

“I hope this means we’ll be doing this more often,” he offered, “with or without the kids?” Though he didn’t lift his head, he looked up so he could see Cullen’s face. That day at the zoo had been good, as had this, and he actually hoped there would be more. After a long night of falling into bed together, of course, but... more. More of this and more of more. As much as he could get.

\----

Music to his ears - there may as well have been an orchestra on the sidewalk with them. Dorian wanted… Cullen. To spend more time like this together… _getting lost_ , as Dorian had said. It was just this side of magical. Cullen smiled down at Dorian’s upturned face before laughing and pressing a kiss to the top of the other man’s head as he squeezed him in closer. “I believe so… we, ah… we should see where this magnet is pulling us, yes?”

\----

Dorian smirked, “I can think of a few places,” and moved so he was standing in front of Cullen so he could take both his hands. That was a good little window. SInce they’d started walking, there hadn’t been quite the right one, but that was. “Maybe to... my place?” he asked, “bit of a nightcap? Since I don’t _actually_ have a curfew, and I doubt you do either. Maybe a drink? Or more coffee? I might have just enough sugar and milk in for you to have a cup or two.”

\----

Oh, but wouldn’t that be… fast. Too fast. Cullen didn’t know what Dorian’s intentions were, not really, but he knew himself. He knew how easily he could lose himself if things went _that_ way… how easily he could be tempted to go too fast if they were behind closed doors. It would be all too easy to be swept away with the current, but that’s not exactly what he wanted. What he wanted was to build something, to take it slow and lay a real foundation before moving upward and outward. What he wanted was something _real_. Going to Dorian’s place… alone… his whole body was electrified at the thought of it. Everything in him was saying _yes, go and see what happens_ \- he was barely containing himself out here. He wouldn’t have a chance if they were behind closed doors. Cullen knew all that. So… better to make up his mind here… while he still had control over it.

Cullen offered a little smiled and raised one of Dorian’s hands to press a soft kiss over his knuckles. “I appreciate the invitation. I _do_. But… I… I’m sorry, I have to take a raincheck on that drink.” He sighed, already regretting that decision, even if he knew it was the right call for him. “Is that… ok?” Cullen searched Dorian’s face, looking for any traces that the man was upset, and hoping he found none.

\----

For just a second, it sounded like Cullen had said no. But that couldn’t be right. Why in the Maker’s name would he say no? Dorian let out a chuckle, stepped into the other man’s space so he could let go of Cullen’s hands, and ran his own up Cullen’s chest before he cupped his face. He leaned in, pressed himself closer, and kissed him. It was deep and languid, teasing without being _too_ lewd, and it gave them all the closeness Dorian wanted. He wanted it, more of it, and he wanted to maybe give Cullen that push.

If he was worried, maybe concerned about where this could go, then Dorian wanted to soothe that a little. Of course he was interested. Of course he _wanted_ Cullen. Things had maybe been a little awkward at first, but he wanted to make sure that Cullen knew that wasn’t a deterrent. So he kissed him for as long as he could so he could take in the feel and the taste of Cullen like this.

\----

That kiss. Oh, that kiss. It seemed someone somewhere was testing Cullen's resolve, be it the Maker or Dorian himself or just the circumstances. And it was shaking, that decision he'd just made to try and take it slowly. Crumbling at Dorian's touch and lips and his scent filling Cullen's nose. Everything in that moment was just… Dorian. That was all he knew, and Cullen felt himself freefalling a bit, down and under and into the man he tasted on his lips and held in his arms. Cullen gave as good as he got, pressing further, harder, twisting fingers into the fabric of Dorian's shirt as a groan he couldn't have controlled if he wanted to made its way up from somewhere in his chest.

Yes. _Yesyesyes. Go with him. See where this goes, and then…_

And then what? An awkward morning after when they realized they were essentially still strangers? Fumbling for clothes and muttered goodbyes and wondering if it had been too much too soon? Trying to make something work on only the basis of having already had sex? Or worse, finding out that it really wouldn't work, that the _pull_ they'd been feeling was just physical attraction, but already having given part of himself away…

Cullen was too old. Too old for games of chance like this. Too old to go in blind and hope for the best. He didn't know Dorian that well, but he knew himself. A night that fulfilled the promise of that kiss… it would change things. For the better? Maybe, but if it was for the worse, was Cullen prepared for the repercussions? He couldn't tell. He was, after all, too old.

_Slower. Slow down. A little longer, just to see if this could be something. Just a little longer._

Cullen broke the kiss and pulled away. The smile on his face was tempered with a touch of sadness and, yes, regret as he breathed out and raised a hand to tuck stray pieces of Dorian's hair behind his ear before letting it rest against the curve of the man's neck. Amber eyes lifted to meet grey.

“I… I _can't,_ ” he breathed. “I work… slower than that. I'm sorry.”

Hopefully, Dorian would understand. If he didn't… well, there was Cullen's answer.

\----

That couldn’t be right. It still sounded like Cullen was saying _no_ to a night together. After everything. After the kisses and those words about feeling like they were being pulled toward one another and now he was pulling back? What in the Void did that even mean? No one had ever _refused_ him. Not outright, anyway. In these kinds of situations, as Dorian knew them, this was the part where the other man was playing coy - a game to make Dorian work a bit harder for it. Which he had. Hadn’t he? Had he done something wrong? Not enough or too much? Something that might’ve... well, made Cullen not want him? Though those kisses said otherwise.

It didn’t make sense.

Dorian blinked a few times, mouth open to say something but nothing would come out. Not really. Cullen said he ‘worked slower,’ but what did that even mean? Obviously it meant ‘no,’ but what was the point of it? “Uh…” he began, then cleared his throat before he ran a hand through Cullen’s hair, “no, it’s... it’s alright.” Because what else was he going to say? Or do? It wasn’t like he was going to force the man, Maker help him.

“If that’s how you feel about it, then... that’s okay,” Dorian went on, and leaned up to kiss his cheek, “don’t be sorry.”

\----

The confusion in those silver grey eyes was clear, and Cullen didn't miss the way Dorian hesitated, like he was grasping for words. The man's mind was running, working overtime, and Cullen desperately wanted some view into what was going on in that head. Though… he felt like he could guess.

_He said I'd never disappoint him… and here I've gone and done it in the same night._

“I… thank you. For understanding. And if I made you think… I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention.” But now… now it felt off. It felt _bad_ , far more awkward than it had been even when Cullen was still trying to convince himself that evening couldn't possibly be a date. And what he'd said may have made it seem like he wasn't interested in Dorian at all. That wasn't at all the truth… not even a little. “Listen, I meant what I said… everything,” he went on, voice gentle and soft as he moved to hold both of Dorian's hands in his. “I want to see you again. I want to get to know you. In time. Does that make sense? Have I completely made a fool of myself here?”

\----

In time. _In time_? What the fuck did that mean? They’d been out a couple of times now, talked, and gotten to know each other. How much more _time_ did a person need? Dorian honestly didn’t understand it. If one couldn’t decide whether it was worth it within the first hour or so, a few more days or weeks probably wasn’t going to make it better, right? All those pretty things, and even those words just then... it felt counter-intuitive. Like a contradiction.

Okay, so maybe Cullen still wasn’t sure. Dorian couldn’t be upset at that, he supposed, but he didn’t have to _like_ it.

“Don’t worry about it,” he answered with a shake of his head, “everyone is... different.” Dorian took a breath and licked his lips, “I suppose I’ll... talk to you later? Tomorrow?”

\----

And of course that would mark the end of the evening. How could it not? Cullen had handled it with all the finesse of a bronto trying to dance the remigold. He couldn’t even blame Dorian for the way he had to try and politely mask what had to be frustration. Dorian was beautiful. Dorian was sparkling and amazing in all the ways Cullen wasn’t. Dorian _wanted_ him. And Cullen _wanted_ Dorian… hadn’t he set up several situations that played out almost like this in his own head all those weeks he was an anonymous face in the crowd at Dorian’s shows?

_What is wrong with me?_

Nothing. Nothing was wrong with him. There was nothing wrong with not jumping off the deep end on the first date, the late night meandering of Cullen’s mind aside. There was nothing wrong with just… learning more about someone first, right?

All Cullen could do was hope those words weren’t just a polite way to duck out of an uncomfortable situation - that Dorian really did want to hear from him again. “Of course,” Cullen answered with a little smile, “You will.” He was quiet for a moment and took a breath before speaking again, “I had a really good time tonight… I can’t remember the last time I… it was good. I hope you’ll see me again.”

\----

“I had a great time too,” he agreed with a nod. Dorian squeezed Cullen’s hands before he let them go, and he lifted one hand to run through his own hair. This was all terribly confusing. Genuinely. He was a bit at a loss for what to do now. The flow of the evening was all screwed up, and with that little bombshell Dorian wasn’t even sure how to actually _end_ the night. Did he kiss Cullen? Should he bother? Would the man recoil? He hadn’t thus far, but after making a royal ass of himself... he had no idea what he should even do now.

Grey eyes lowered to the pavement, and Dorian rocked back on his heels.

He had to wonder if that was some kind of polite way to say ‘fuck off.’ Like a ‘yes, we’ve done this now and I’m going to say I want to see you again, but I’m never going to call you’ kind of thing. Dorian had done much the same himself. Several times. He’d also, presumably, had it done to him before since there were several occasions where he’d gone out with someone and never seen them again. It happened.

Except he didn’t really want that with Cullen. And he’d thought things had gone well. So... Maker, he didn’t know.

Finally he looked back up to meet Cullen’s gaze, “So... I guess I should, uh, find a cab, then, hm?” he asked. One last shot. Maybe... maybe it was still part of that playing coy thing. “Last chance for a relatively cheap cup of coffee.”

\----

Slowly, Cullen shook his head. Just once. “Another time,” he answered, and offered up a wistful little smile as he lifted a hand to stroke his thumb softly over Dorian’s cheek. He didn’t know if Dorian would really appreciate that, after having been turned down like this, but Cullen couldn’t help it. He wanted… he wanted to somehow reassure the man that the interest was no less strong, even if things had gone… strange. “I promise.” But that was assuming a few things… not the least of which was that Dorian would still want to.

Sometimes… sometimes Cullen frustrated himself with the way he was.

“Let me walk back with you. I’ll wait with you for the cab… if that’s ok?”

\----

Another time.

_I’ll bet._

“I mean, if you don’t... need to go,” Dorian answered, and nodded down toward the end of the block where it would be easier to get a cab. He turned, tucked one hand in his pocket, and looked back at Cullen, “but that would be nice.”

\----

So, the evening really was at a definite end, then. That was… well, it wasn’t what Cullen had wanted. He didn’t want his time with Dorian to be over, hadn’t meant to completely put the brakes on this whole thing. Up until just a few moments ago, everything had been so good - near perfect. But now… now there was an unease that filled the space between them. Unfortunate, yes, but Cullen wasn’t ready to give it up as a bad deal yet. Even though it was all sideways now, he wasn’t willing to let one awkward exchange and different expectations ruin what _could_ be something amazing. Not after how well they’d clicked. Not after those kisses.

Cullen took a step to bring himself even with Dorian and smiled over at him. “I’m happy to,” he answered as he looped his arm through the crook of Dorian’s, the one with the hand he’d stuffed in his pocket. The night was ending, but he still wanted that closeness; he still wanted Dorian to leave knowing that Cullen still wanted more time with him - another date, at least one more. “It’s a beautiful night,” he commented as they walked, “I am sorry it’s coming to an end. A bit my fault, that… but hopefully, you’ll let me make it up to you sometime.”

\----

Dorian was a bit at a loss. They'd talked, chatted, and kissed like they knew each other for years, but Cullen wanted to put the brakes on... and now? Now he was linking arms and saying he wanted to go out again. It all seemed so contradictory, at least to Dorian, and he had no idea what to make of it. What did he do? What did he say?

Oddly, and it truly _was_ odd, Dorian _did_ want to go out again. Or, at least, he did like spending time with Cullen. After those kisses and how Cullen pulled back, though, Dorian really did have to wonder if the whole “go out again” would be as something that _wasn’t_ a date. Which was fine, he supposed, since Dorian could always use more friends that were outside of work. It was disappointing, but he’d manage. Mostly. It was just a shame, really.

“I’m sure we can find something to get into,” Dorian answered after a moment, “trouble, maybe. Or not. Doesn’t _have_ to be trouble.” He nudged the other man lightly with his elbow, and managed a small smile in Cullen’s direction.

Oh, it really was kind of disappointing.

\----

And that was just about the best that Cullen could hope for right now. Dorian’s tone was… less bright than it had been before, but he hadn’t pulled away and had even nudged Cullen, so that was something. “I don’t know… maybe I need a little trouble in my life,” he answered with a little laugh, “But… one step at a time, I guess.” He was quiet for a while as they walked, wishing that uneasy awkward feeling would just go away. “Either way… I’m sure it’ll be a good time. Trouble or no.”

\----

The walk down to the cab stand was mostly quiet from there. They just walked arm in arm, fell into step together, and focused on... well, Dorian really didn’t focus on much. He focused on the feel of the air, the warmth beside him, and how his boots thudded on the pavement. Thinking too hard about everything that had happened tonight was too much, and instead he just wanted the moment.

When they got to the curb, Dorian turned and gave Cullen another smile. It was smaller, shyer, but still there. His disappointment was hard to hide, but he was trying. He did, however, lean up and press just the softest peck to Cullen’s cheek as the cab pulled up. It wasn’t much of anything, not compared to those kisses before, and they’d said goodnight quietly before Dorian slid into the back seat and gave a slightly awkward wave.

First date down. In many senses, really. It was down in that it was done, but it was also _down_ in that... well, it seemed like Cullen wasn’t actually interested in him. That made his chest hurt in a way he hadn’t expected, and he leaned back in the seat with his head tipped back and his eyes closed. Cullen. Cullen, Cullen, Cullen. What was he going to do with him?

More importantly, what was he going to do with himself? Thinking of those kisses made his blood warm in ways that usually meant he’d need to take some time to himself later, but then... nothing. And what was even worse was that he was _upset_ by it. Confused. Dorian had never left a date confused. Alone, sure, but never confused.

And now he had to wonder if he’d ever see Cullen again.


	9. Fair Weather [1 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the misstep after dinner and a renewed swirl of confusion, the two men agree to see each other again... but Cullen's choice of destinations has Dorian a bit on the back foot.

After Cullen had watched Dorian's taxi pull off into the night, he'd walked alone down the stretch of sidewalk. Slowly, and in a fog of conflicting emotions, he trod back to the restaurant to get to his car and make his way back home. He'd tried not to overthink it, but being who he was… that had proven difficult. His mind had swirled with a mix of happiness for how the overall evening had gone, but then… there at the end… things had gotten strange. What did it mean? By the time he'd gotten home, he still hadn't come to an answer. River greeted him at the door as boisterously as she always did, but Cullen couldn't match her energy. He just patted her head, let her out into the fenced yard for a little while, and then went straight to his bedroom when she was done. Feeling far more tired than he should, he stripped down and flopped into bed face first. The dog joined him, curled up against his side and laid her head on his arm. Cullen opened one eye and looked over at his canine companion.

“Don't give me that face… I'm fine,” he grumbled and rolled over onto his back so he could scratch her head. “I just… I really don't know what to make of it,” he explained to the dog, who was now craning her head to encourage him to scratch _that_ spot, the one just behind her ear. Cullen chuckled and obliged. “It went well… better than that, really. I'll have you know he _kissed_ me. Several times,” he went on with a grin before his face fell, “But then, he wanted to go back to his place, and I don't want to rush this, you know? So I didn't go. And he got so… well, he was disappointed. Clearly. And then it was over. I _like_ him, and it seemed like he liked me, but then it was just done once I said no.” Cullen sighed heavily as his hand stroked over the dog’s soft fur. “So what did that mean? Do you think maybe… maybe he _just_ wanted that? It didn't feel that way, but maybe… that's all it was?” Another sigh, and Cullen looked down at River… but her eyes were already closed. “You're useless,” he said, but his voice was warm and he wore a smile, “Don't know why I keep you around.”

But still, that was the question of the night, wasn't it? What was Dorian after?

The next morning saw him more rested, but still wondering. But even with all the confusion around what it all meant, Cullen knew one thing for sure… he wanted to see Dorian again. He couldn't square with knowing he'd made a connection only to let it slip away because of one awkward moment. So, after he'd gotten up and had coffee and a little something to eat, he got his phone out.

_[Text: Dorian]: I had a great time last night. Thank you._

_[Text: Dorian]: Is it my turn to pick a place?_

Assuming, of course, Dorian wanted to see him again. Cullen just didn't know… but hopefully that message made it clear to the other man that Cullen definitely wanted to see him again. At this point, he'd just have to wait for the reply. If there was one.

\----

The following morning, after some sleep, Dorian woke early. He didn’t really _want_ to be up yet, but sadly a date that ended poorly wasn’t an excuse for him to stay in bed and ignore what he had to do. So he got up, pulled on some sweats, and grabbed his swim bag. A morning at the pool would probably do him some good, after all, and failing that, he’d probably be too wrecked by the time he got home to care.

So he went to the pool, spent two hours doing laps, and took that time to just not think at all. He just… swam. Up, turn, back. Swim and breathe. No thinking of last night, no thinking about Cullen, no thinking about the disappointment. Just him in the water and letting it roll over him until he felt better. It really did help. It was nice to have that time to himself, and when he got out of the pool and headed back for the locker room, he was starting to feel at least a little bit normal.

Dorian didn’t even really check his phone until he’d showered and dried off, and cocked an eyebrow when he saw that Cullen had sent him something. That was genuinely a surprise. He’d half expected to not ever hear from him again. That said, what was there wasn’t terribly… well, it didn’t really give him much to go on. Cullen had a good time, and now… wanted to pick a place?

A place for what?

Ugh, it was interminably frustrating. Was Cullen _actually_ interested in him or not? Because based on these few interactions, it really seemed fifty-fifty whether he did or not. He’d not really responded to much of the flirting that day at the zoo, which Dorian had chalked up to the kids being there, and then the date had seemed to go reasonably well until the end. At this point, Dorian had no real idea. He hadn’t been overly pushy, he knew that much, so by his estimation, things had moved at a reasonable pace. To slow it it down, or whatever it was Cullen had said, felt more like stopping completely than anything else.

He tucked his phone in his pocket and headed out. Until he could sort of figure out what he thought of all this, he couldn’t really answer those texts. So he headed for home, stopped to do his shopping and grab something to eat after those long hours at the pool, and made it home just before noon. He ate, dropped himself on the couch, and tried to convince himself _not_ to doze for a while. Swimming made him ravenously hungry and immensely tired respectively, so what he really wanted was a nap. A nap or… something to keep him occupied. That said, he didn’t really know _what_ he wanted. He just did. It was a frustrating feeling.

A while later he had a mind to message Felix, but frowned when he pulled out his phone. Those two texts from Cullen were still there and waiting, and by now it had been a fair few hours since he’d gotten them. Dorian still didn’t know what to say. He stared down at them for a while, mind working over what he might usually say in this situation.

If all Cullen wanted was to be friends, then… well, maybe that was alright. Disappointing, but Dorian did _like_ him. As a person. It wouldn’t be terrible to hang out just as friends, right? Sure, there wouldn’t be those amazing kisses or that hand in his like it had been the night before, but he’d still at least get to see him. So that was something. They’d talked and had a good time with that, after all. It would be a shame to lose it.

_[Text: Cullen]: Yeah it was a good time. And if u want to Im game. Just let me know when ok?_

There. That wasn’t terribly distant. Nor was it overly flirty. That was good, right? It was how he’d text Sera or Lavellan if they wanted to do something, so hopefully that was the right thing to do.

He really wasn’t looking forward to going to work and having to talk about how the date went, though. For how excited he’d been about it, everyone would want to know and he didn’t exactly have anything wonderful to report. They were going to have a field day with it, Dorian had a feeling.

\----

The morning positively dragged by. Cullen couldn’t concentrate on any one thing for long, even watching TV. He just wasn’t interested. What he was interested in, however, was whether or not he’d hear back from Dorian. And if he did, what would the man even say? As the minutes slid into hours, Cullen found himself waking his phone up every few minutes to stare at his messages. Should he send another one? Would that be annoying? Or desperate? Had Dorian even seen them? It seemed unlikely, considering how most people, Cullen included, were glued to their phones nearly constantly… but maybe he hadn’t.

_Or, Maker… maybe he did see them and he’s just ignoring me. What if I’m that guy… the terrible first date guy who doesn’t even deserve a response?_

That got his heart pumping and his body tingled with an overload of anxious energy that only seemed to increase each time he looked at his phone and those messages went unanswered. The more the morning dragged out, the more certain he was that he just wasn’t going to hear anything, that maybe Dorian was just into him for a bit of casual sex. Still, going to the zoo - with children in tow - and all that conversation… that was a lot of _work_ for it to have just been about that. Cullen sighed and flopped down on the couch with one arm slung over his face and the other hanging off the couch, hand resting on the floor below, holding his phone. For her part, River just looked at him with one cocked eyebrow and then rested her head back down on her mountain of pillows on the other end of the couch.

He must have dozed like that, because suddenly, he was jerked upright with a sore neck and elbow as his phone buzzed in his hand. A message. From Dorian. _Finally._ His heart raced again as he straightened up and read the message.

_Oh. Hm._

Well, it was a response. It was a response that said Dorian would be willing to see him again… but it wasn’t… well, it was different. Maybe that was just Cullen reading too much into it, but it was very… dry and maybe even a bit bored. Was that right? Either way, it made Cullen think if he hadn’t been the one to message first, last night may have been the last time he would have heard from Dorian. _I’m overthinking this. Just stop._

But still, Dorian had said if _Cullen_ wanted to, he’d be _game_. Not that he wanted to. Cullen didn’t want the man to feel like he was somehow beholden to him for that one evening. He didn’t want Dorian to think he was obligated to do anything.

_[Text: Dorian]: You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know._

Cullen stared at that message for a long time. It was what he was thinking, but… _I can’t send him this… not unless I want to pretty much guarantee this is a non-starter._ A heavy sigh escaped his lips and he deleted that message entirely as he chewed on the inside of his cheek.

_[Text: Dorian]: I’d like to see you again, if you want to see me._

_[Text: Dorian]: I’ve got nothing but free time… tell me when you’re off and willing, and I’ll find something for us to get into._  

\----

When his phone buzzed again, Dorian cast a glance to where it was balanced on the arm of the couch. Cullen again? So soon? He wasn’t so sure what to make of that. Usually after the first date there were a few days before the requisite texts were sent. This next day thing was odd. Not bad, not really, but odd. The whole thing was odd.

He stared down at those messages, stuck yet again for what to say. How the fuck was he supposed to answer those and _not_ flirt. Cullen didn’t _want_ him to flirt, right? Hence the ‘slow it down’ thing? Dorian made a bit of a face, sighed, and tipped his head back against the pillow he was leaning against. Why did it have to be so hard?

_[Text: Cullen]: I work straight til Thursday. So that night or the next day?_

_[Text: Cullen]: It would be good to see you. By then Ill probably need some real adult conversation u know?_

Dorian dropped his phone onto his chest and closed his eyes. Hopefully, that was good enough.

\----

Ok, well… that was better. At least it sounded like Dorian actually did want to go somewhere with Cullen. Plus, he offered up a few times rather than brushing him off with a _‘we’ll play it by ear.’_ That was something. A good something, and a little spark of hope ignited once again in Cullen’s chest, and he allowed himself a grin.

_[Text: Dorian]: Thursday or Friday it is. Let me do some thinking on where and when… but I have an idea._

_[Text: Dorian]: And I’m looking forward to it… I’ll see you at the aquarium at some point this week with the kids… but it’s not the same._

He sighed and tilted his head against the back of the couch and eyeballed the sleeping dog with one open eye. “Well… we’ll see, won’t we?” For her part, she huffed and moved her head, unconcerned with all this human nonsense.

\----

“So how was the daaaaaate?” Sera asked as she sidled up to Dorian and folded her arms.

Ugh, Dorian didn’t really feel like talking about it. Even with the supposed plans for his next day off, provided those stuck, Dorian still didn’t feel like indulging. He’d talked it up, though. He’d been so excited for Saturday, and to come back like this was moderately embarrassing.

He shrugged as he pulled his whistle over his head and picked up one of the hoops that hung from a peg on the wall, “Not really what I expected.”

One blonde eyebrow cocked for that, and Sera looked him up and down, “What’s that mean?”

“Just that it wasn’t what I thought,” Dorian answered, “I don’t think he was as _interested_ as I hoped he was.”

“The guy who came here once a week for _months_ wasn’t interested?” she asked, “are you serious?”

Again, Dorian just shrugged, “I mean, we had fun. Things seemed to be pretty okay, but then he got a bit hot and cold. I don’t know what else to say about it.”

“Hot and cold how?” Lavellan asked as he came up on Dorian’s other side, “seemed like you two were going to be pretty hot and hot, or… not, I guess?”

“Well, he certainly didn’t want to go home with me,” Dorian answered, “practically turned red as a tomato, and that was about the end of it. I honestly didn’t think I was going to hear from him again after that.”

“Did he text you?” Sera asked.

“Yeah, yesterday,” he nodded, “something about going out this weekend, but I have a feeling it might be decidedly more _friendly_ , you know?”

Lavellan snickered, “Because he didn’t want to go home with you?”

“I can’t say I get that many guys who turn me down,” Dorian pointed out, “I mean, I even did that thing where you offer a couple of times. You know, no judgement or whatever. Turn it down once to maybe not look too desperate, I get that, but rarely an outright no.”

“Awww, poor Dorian,” Sera chuckled, “bit of a broken heart, eh?”

“Absolutely not,” he replied immediately, “please. And it’s not like I won’t ever see him again, obviously. Just… not like that. Friends. That’s okay, I guess.”

Sera and Lavellan shared a look for that, which only made Dorian roll his eyes and head off toward the tank. He couldn’t take the judgement, and at the very least Oswin and Merise wouldn’t judge him. They were happy to see him, swam in circles around him so he could wrap his arms around their heads and hug them for just a moment. Maybe he needed it. He wasn’t broken hearted, though.

Well, not _that_ much anyway.

\----

Sunday passed and Monday came. Thankfully, Mia had been in too much of a rush to say much of anything when she dropped the kids off. Which was… good, because she’d been dying to hear about Dorian, and Cullen… well, Cullen didn’t really know _what_ to tell her. He wasn’t sure himself, if he was honest. He had hope that there was something there, but things were quiet the rest of Sunday, and he just didn’t know.

That afternoon, though, was a different story. Mia, it seemed, had _all_ the time in the world to get the scoop on Cullen’s… date. As Annie and Toby wrestled for control of the television, Cullen turned to leave.

“See you tomorrow,” he began and lifted his hand to wave at the kids.

“Uh uh, big brother. The details… spill them,” Mia said with a smirk from where she stood at the counter.

Cullen winced and turned. “I mean, you know. It was dinner and coffee. It was nice,” he offered, lamely.

“ _Nice?_ You obsess over this guy for months, and it was just… _nice?_ Sounds more like a dinner with mom than a hot date.”

With a roll of his eyes, Cullen shifted his weight and crossed his arms. “Well, it _was_ nice,” he answered, “And it went great until it didn’t.”

“Oh,” she answered, “Was it… was it not a date?”

“I’m… well, we agreed that it was… and like I said, it went really well,” Cullen sighed again and cut his eyes over to the living room where the kids were engrossed in whatever silly show they’d finally agreed on. For now, it seemed, they weren’t paying the adults any attention. “There were… kisses,” he admitted and focused intently on the floor as he felt his cheeks heat with that admission.

“That sounds better than nice to me…”

“Well, yeah,” Cullen insisted and looked Mia in the eyes, “We went for a walk after dinner and coffee and it was… it felt like it was going somewhere. But then…”

“Then?”

“He asked me back to his place, and I said I couldn’t. It got just… really awkward and flat… and I just don’t know. Maybe he just wanted… _you know_ ,” he explained and gestured with both hands so she'd hopefully understand the implication without him having to _say_ it.

“Hmmm,” Mia hummed with a raised eyebrow, “You think?”

“I don’t know,” Cullen sighed, “He said he wanted to see me again… I think Thursday or Friday…”

“Wait… so you’re going out again?”

“Apparently…”

“Then what are you worried for?” Mia sighed and smiled, “What am I going to do with you? Stop thinking so much and just have fun for once.”

“Easy for you to say…”

“Hush,” Mia said in her best mom-voice, “Tell him Friday. I’ll take a half day and get the kids early so they’re out of your way. And Cullen?”

“Yeah?”

“Have fun. Really. You need it.”

Cullen shook his head, but he was smiling. Leave it to Mia… she always just knew how to take care of everyone, including her big brother.

“Yeah. Thanks, sis.”

When he got to his car, Cullen pulled out his phone.

_[Text: Dorian]: Hope you’re doing well. If you’re still up for it… is Friday, ok?_

_[Text: Dorian]: And how do you feel about roller coasters?_

\----

Rollercoasters? Seriously? He blinked twice at that, read it again to make sure he’d read it correctly, then made a face.

_[Text: Cullen]: Friday works for me. And roller coasters?_

_[Text: Cullen]: I dont really have an opinion on them. Never had much cause to ride one?_

Why in the Void would Cullen be asking about roller coasters of all things? Suddenly he was actually a little concerned about where this was going.

\----

It was risky. Cullen knew it was risky to go where he was thinking, but it would be fun. He was certain it would be fun, which was exactly what Mia had advised. And it was good advice, so far as Cullen was concerned. They both needed… something _different_ to shake them out of this. A kind of reset, to recover and see if they were completely off the rails, or just detoured a bit.

So… the fair. He passed by it every day when he took the kids back to Mia’s. He was passing by it now. As a kid, it was his favorite place. A rare treat for him, and one of the few places where he just… stopped thinking and enjoyed being a kid. _That’s_ what he wanted. _That’s_ why he chose it. Hopefully, Dorian wouldn’t be too put off by the… unconventional nature of this date. Meeting. Whatever it ended up being.

A short drive had him back home, and before he even got out of the car, he shot a text back.

_[Text: Dorian]: Well, you’re about to have a cause. :)_

_[Text: Dorian]: Stay with me… I think it would be fun to go to the fair._

_[Text: Dorian]: We could meet around 4-ish? Have disgustingly good fair food for dinner. Ride some rides. Play some games. See some sights._

\----

The… fair. A fair. As in dubiously safe rides, fried food, children screaming everywhere, mud, and games designed to leave you broke with only a cheaply made stuffed animal to show for it. And Cullen wanted to go _there_? When he figured that this was going to be a just friends thing, he still kind of envisioned… well, coffee. Museums. Maybe dinner and drinks. Things like that.

A fair was not at all in Dorian’s wheelhouse. His parents had always thought them to be tacky and unsafe, though Dorian had snuck off with friends in the past to drink cheap liquor out of soda bottles while they wandered around the bright lights. This was probably not going to be like that. He rather _hoped_ it wasn’t going to be like that.

_[Text: Cullen]: I might have to trust u. Cant say Ive been to one sober in my life._

_[Text: Cullen]: But it could be fun. Will the kids be coming with us if its during the day?_

\----

Oh. Hm. Well.

Cullen’s heart dropped a tick as he read that last message. With a sharp exhale, he closed his door behind him and patted River on her head as he made beeline for his couch. This… may have been a misstep, fun or not. Of course Dorian would assume the kids were coming… it was a childish place. A place meant primarily for families and children, and now Cullen was falling into insecurity about his plan.

But no. No, he couldn’t do that. They’d go and they’d have fun, he was sure of it. He just had to maybe convince Dorian of that fact.

_[Text: Dorian]: No kids. Just us. It’ll be good._

_[Text: Dorian]: If you can trust me._

\----

_[Text: Cullen]: I can certainly try :)_

_[Text: Cullen]: Just maybe dont judge me if I scream on any of those rickety rides okay?_

For a moment he wondered if maybe that was _too_ flirty. Too familiar. Too much like before. Dorian still didn’t know what all this was about. He didn’t really understand what this was supposed to be, even more than he’d been confused about that first date, so… he didn’t know. It was easy to fall back into that flirty place, back to where he was comfortable, but he didn’t want to press Cullen too much.

It was a very fine line, this trying to just be friendly, and he wasn’t sure if he was walking it well.

\----

_[Text: Dorian]: No judgment. I promise._

_[Text: Dorian]: And they’re safer than they look. I said I don’t get into too much trouble, right?_

Sometimes, Cullen really hated this modern convention of talking solely through texts. It made it easier on him every now and then, when the discussion got uncomfortable. It gave him time to think, to say what he really meant… but right now, it wasn’t doing him any favors. There was no tone, no inflection… nothing to help him even try to gauge what Dorian was thinking. Everything had cooled - stopped like Cullen really had thrown on literal brakes the other night.

With a huff, he fell over on the couch. Maker, what was he doing? He was so sure this was a good idea, but now… was he just forcing it? Trying to pull something out of a hat when there really was nothing there?

He couldn’t believe that. The weeks of pining and that _pull_ they’d both felt… it deserved one more shot, right? Of course it did.

At this point… only time would tell. Friday. Hopefully, Friday… he’d know.

\----

The rest of the week had gone by about as quickly as it ever did. Dorian worked, he went to the gym, he and Cullen chatted here and there, and… it was alright. The chatting was alright, a bit more stunted than it had ever been, but still there. Even now, riding in the cab toward the fairground, Dorian still didn’t know what tonight was going to be about. He could feel that awkward line between them now, and while they still chatted, there wasn’t that easiness there anymore. He missed that.

He missed how easy it had felt to wrap his hand in Cullen’s or lean against him when they walked. They’d clicked so easily and so fast, and now it felt like they were back at square one. Maybe even before _that_. Like they were just watching each other from afar again. It wasn’t a nice feeling. Even though he was happy to go see Cullen, and he was, he missed how nice it had been before. That hadn’t lasted nearly long enough.

The cab pulled up, Dorian paid, and he got out. Immediately, the smell of popcorn filled his nose, and the sound of people laughing and screaming on the rides hit his ears. It was warm, with just a slightly cool breeze, and Dorian took a deep breath. Like the zoo trip, he’d opted to dress down a little. He wasn’t sloppy, he never would be, but he’d opted for just a pair of jeans and a dark blue t-shirt with a lower neckline so his tattoo still stood out across his chest. This wasn’t a date like before, and dressing up like he’d done the other night probably wouldn’t go down so well in this environment. The last thing he needed was to look too done up, like he was still trying to push something Cullen wouldn’t want, and then for it to possibly be ruined by… fair food or a ride or whatever would be a shame.

But as he stood there for a moment, he could feel his heartbeat pick up a little bit. He _wanted_ to see Cullen again. Even if this whole fair situation wasn’t his scene, there was potential for it to be pretty fun. Hopefully. Provided neither of them died on one of these rides or had a heart attack from all the deep fried food.

_[Text: Cullen]: Just got here. Have to admit it does look kind of intoxicating._

Maybe… maybe they just needed to go out again. Things had ended weird the last time because they hadn’t been on the same page. With that out of the way maybe it wouldn’t be quite so weird. Maybe they just needed to _see_ each other again. This wasn’t the first time they were going out, after all. There was always the chance for first date weirdness, and admittedly Dorian had never really gone out with someone a _second_ time. Ever. In his life. Sure, he’d met up with guys that he’d seen once, but it was hardly a ‘date.’ It was usually just meeting for cursory drinks before going back and falling into either his own or their bed. So he didn’t know how to do this. It was… all new.

_[Text: Cullen]: Im looking forward to this actually. A little scared but excited._

\----

For all the obsessing he’d done all week, now that he was there, Cullen was feeling oddly calm about this whole thing. There was still a bit of worry over what it was that Dorian really wanted from Cullen, but on the whole… he hadn’t been eaten alive by nerves the same way he’d been before that first outing. He definitely hadn’t spent an hour staring into his closet this go around, and went with something he’d normally wear to something like this - cargo shorts, a dark red short-sleeved polo, and his trusty gray converse sneakers. It was a far cry from what he’d worn to the dinner, but this was more his speed. Still, the polo was a little on the snug side… just in case.

Clothing choice aside, he’d gotten there early and had already bought two wristbands by the time he got Dorian’s texts. And then, his heart did jump. Excitement rippled across that calm he’d been feeling now, and he couldn’t help but smile. Dorian was there. He was actually there, and Cullen let a breath out. He didn’t even realize he’d been worried that the other man would gracefully back out, but there it was.

_[Text: Dorian]: I’m by the entrance with wristbands and everything._

_[Text: Dorian]: And don’t worry. I’ll protect you._

_[Text: Dorian]: Unless there are clowns. Then you’re on your own, I’m afraid._

\----

Those messages did make him smile, and Dorian headed over that way before his gaze landed on Cullen’s familiar form. The polo shirt and shorts were back, he noticed, but there was something endearing about it. Sure, it wasn’t as fancy as their last night out but it was still nice. Seeing Cullen like that made his stomach clench a little, and he was reminded again that he didn’t _really_ want to just be Cullen’s friend. He liked him. A lot.

So as he came closer, Dorian smiled and gave a bit of a wave, “You wouldn’t _really_ leave me to fend for myself in the face of a demonic clown, right?” he teased by way of greeting, “I’m too pretty to die at the hand of some… I don’t know, chainsaw wielding fun house nightmare.”

Dorian took a breath and steeled himself before he leaned in and kissed Cullen’s cheek, “And hi, by the way.” The smell of the soap the other man used was nice, settled just on his skin so there was something fresh in his nose for just a second. Dorian liked that. It also seemed that Cullen hadn’t shaved like he had for their last outing, but there _was_ something nice about that little scratchy scruff that covered his jaw. It was a direct contrast to Dorian’s well manicured facial hair, which he did take care of before he went out, but he kind of liked to see Cullen in a more casual kind of way.

\----

“Hi, yourself,” Cullen answered easily and smiled for that kiss on his cheek. That was heartening. A sweet greeting and a good way to kick this whole thing off. And Dorian was… well, he was just as handsome as ever, even in jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe especially because he was just in jeans and a t-shirt. It gave Cullen the impression that this was him just… being him. That was touching, actually, and he could feel the burst of excitement in his brain. Tonight would be fun, he knew it. Fun, and another chance to really get to know the man standing in front of him with his shining grey eyes and tendrils of wavy hair framing his face.

Still smiling, Cullen took a breath and held a wristband up before reaching for Dorian’s hand and snapping it into place. “You’re going to need this,” he went on, letting his thumbs stroke over the back of Dorian’s hand, even though the wristband was already set. “This’ll get us on whatever we want to ride as many times as we want… and, hopefully, there won’t be any clowns because I’m not kidding. Those things seriously terrify me.”

Cullen chuckled and entwined his fingers together with Dorian’s. “Ready?”

\----

And now Cullen was holding his hand. For just a moment, that same sort of confusion burned in Dorian. He didn’t understand what Cullen was about, not at all. After all that, after that backpedaling the last time, and now Cullen was holding his hand. Grey eyes looked down at the way their fingers were tangled, and Dorian cocked an eyebrow.

All that said, it was kind of nice to move away from that just friends train of thought.

Dorian squeezed Cullen’s hand after a moment, then looked up and smiled, “Mostly,” he answered, “what’s our first stop? Or are we wandering until we find something we like?”

\----

Cullen didn’t miss the raised eyebrow, but Dorian hadn’t pulled away, and that squeeze was enough to make Cullen’s smile that much brighter. Funny that was all it took, but it _was_ Dorian’s hand squeezing his own, so maybe it really wasn’t that surprising. Tonight was going to be good, Cullen could feel it. The nerves were down, and just the fact that Dorian was there made Cullen feel better about… everything.

“Oh, I think a bit of wandering,” Cullen answered as they strolled into the fair, clasped hands swinging between them. “Though when I was a kid, I always hit the Pirate Ship first. And often.”

\----

“Pirate… ship?” Dorian asked, “is that something that sprays you with water or something?” He chuckled for that, and shook his head, “but I’m following you.”

Which was good. Like this he could go at Cullen’s pace. There wouldn’t be any weirdness, and he could maybe feel this out a little better. Hopefully. So he squeezed Cullen’s hand again and looked down at the veritable maze that was the fairway. Now they just had to make a decision about which way to go.

“Right or left?”

\----

The scent of fried food and cotton candy surrounded them, bringing with it happy memories and a wave of nostalgia. Cullen had spent several summer evenings here when the fair was in town, just being a kid. So many good memories… and here was his chance to make more. Amber eyes cut over to Dorian and Cullen took a deep breath. The man really was breathtaking, and he didn’t even have to try.

“Mmmm,” Cullen hummed, “Left, I think. If anything, it looks like the ferris wheel is this way. We’ll be able to see everything up there and plan a strategy of attack.” He started walking in that direction, really excited now that they were there and pulling Dorian a bit by the hand as he moved.

\----

He let himself be led, and it was all he could do to not be distracted by all the things around them. There were so many lights and music and people, and as they moved through the crowd Dorian found himself leaning a bit more into Cullen’s side so they could get around a bit more easily. They were already laughing a little, though it was maybe a bit more subdued than it had been just before things had gotten weird the last time. Still, seeing Cullen smile was a good thing.

Then they were in line and waiting for the ferris wheel. Dorian could feel himself sweating a little, though it was less about the height and more the ride itself. The guy running it looked less than interested, and it made Dorian worry just a bit that should something go wrong that he wouldn’t be bothered to care. It didn’t take long, though, for them to be shut into the little seat and left to rock back and forth a little in a way that made Dorian a bit nervous before they started moving.

Once they were headed upwards, Dorian leaned a bit into Cullen and squeezed his hand a bit tighter, “I don’t like that this shakes when it moves,” he commented softly, “but it seems to be holding together alright.”

\----

“Oh, it’ll hold,” Cullen chuckled as he sidled in just a touch closer. He really couldn’t help it - they were close enough as it was, and being so near to Dorian was just a little intoxicating. He was content to sit as the ferris wheel kept moving up in starts and stops, letting other people on each time they came to a stop. The view was lovely - the wheel itself was set up at the highest point of the fairground, so not only could they see everything there, the city and surrounding countryside spread out around them. It would have been prettier at night, and Cullen was a little disappointed they’d gotten on it first… but there was nothing that said they couldn’t come back. As they neared the top, he pointed out and across Dorian’s body at a ride Cullen knew well. “There… _that’s_ the pirate ship. No water… just lots of swinging. Looks fun, right?”

\----

He might have to redefine what ‘fun’ meant to him for that, but… he’d certainly try. Dorian chuckled, and turned a bit so he was a little bit closer to Cullen and tipped his head to the side, “So long as it’s not an actual boat,” he told him, “I get stupidly seasick on real boats.” One hand moved to rest on Cullen’s knee then, “so...which direction is your place?” he asked, “and I think after that swing situation we could try… hm.”

There were tons of rides and things to do, but Dorian’s eyes settled on one neon covered thing a ways toward the back, “bumper cars?” he asked with a grin, “maybe make a gentlemanly bet for who knocks the other more times?” That could be fun, right? Something to maybe add a touch more flirting. Or whatever it ended up being.

\----

Bumper cars, huh? Well, that was alright. Better than alright if Dorian was picking out things for them to do. The fair had been a risk, but it seemed like it might just pay off. The hand resting on his leg told Cullen there was a good chance of that, and he felt some of that initial awkwardness lingering from how the first date ended melting away. Good. This was good. He’d wanted to get back to how natural things had felt before… well, before he’d started to wonder what Dorian really wanted from this. Dorian had come, was picking out places for them to go, and smiling. That was the most important.

“ _Bumper cars_ and _gentlemanly_ hardly belong in the same sentence, but we’ll see,” Cullen teased, “Don’t expect any mercy because you’re… how did you put it? ‘Too pretty to die’ here.” He breathed a laugh and nudged Dorian with his shoulder. “Even if it’s true.”

Amber eyes searched the horizon as they reached the very top of the circle. The ride paused, presumably to let another group on, which gave Cullen time to get his bearings. “And I’m over that way,” he answered, pointing out and squeezing in a bit closer to Dorian so the man could follow his finger. Like that, they were almost cheek to cheek, though, for the moment, Cullen was preoccupied with pointing out his neighborhood. “The little subdivision out between the trees and the highway. See it? One of those rooftops is me. Where are you?”

\----

“Back toward the city,” Dorian answered, though he smiled as Cullen pointed. He turned, pointed the opposite way, and just barely nuzzled his nose in against Cullen’s hair, “I’m on the west end of town. About… fifteen minutes from the aquarium.”

By then the ride was moving again and Dorian smiled as he leaned in a little more, “I’m… really glad you asked me to come out tonight,” he told Cullen softly, “and I’m sorry things got weird the last time. Hopefully we can move past it?” He could only hope for that. This might not have been his first choice of place to spend time together, but this little moment of being so close was enough to prove that this could be fun.

Out of his comfort zone, considering the screaming from the rides, but fun.

\----

And there went the last of that lingering awkwardness. It was, after all, always better not to shy away from something - to just talk about it directly. Cullen sighed happily, relaxed back into the seat and smiled over at the other man, something private and warm, as he wrapped one of Dorian’s hands in his own. “I’d hoped you felt that way… that we could move past it and into something more. I may have obsessed over it just a little bit this whole week. But that’s just who I am.” He chuckled low in his throat before leaning in to press a kiss to Dorian’s cheek. “You are, you know,” he murmured, “Pretty, I mean. I’m glad you came.”

\----

He turned and pressed the softest peck to Cullen’s lips. The ride was slowing now so they could get off, and Dorian just smiled as they came to a halt and rocked just a bit, “You’re not too bad yourself, you know,” he teased as the little gate was opened and they moved out of the seat. Dorian kept a hold on Cullen’s hand as they started walking again, and as they moved through the crowd a bit, he licked his lips and turned to look up into that handsome face.

“I don’t… date much,” Dorian admitted, “so… you know. Untested waters here and there.” He smiled though, and nodded in the direction Cullen had pointed them earlier, “now, someone suggested a giant, swinging, metal deathtrap, right?” Of course he was _mostly_ teasing now. It did feel better, this… whole thing. Of course, he still didn’t really know what the purpose of this multiple date situation was, since he felt like he had a rather good handle on Cullen’s personality by now and of course he _wanted_ the man. That said, this was fun.

“Maybe we have a turn on that and think about something to drink?” he offered, “maybe in a neon color and in a giant cup we can share or something?”

\----

“One extra large, extra colorful drink coming up… but first, the swinging metal deathtrap!” Cullen agreed with a grin and started them off in the direction of the pirate ship. He hoped it was just as much fun as he remembered. As he cut his eyes to the side towards Dorian, he knew it was going to be. Maybe for different reasons, but still just as much fun.

They wound their way around the fair towards their destination, chatting and laughing as they went, walking hip to hip. Even though the afternoon had been warm, the presence at Cullen’s side was warmer, and Cullen couldn’t help but steal glances over at the man every chance he got. Maker, but Dorian was just… stunning. From the way his hair would shine when the light caught it just right to the little lines that formed at the corners of his eyes when he smiled, Dorian was absolute perfection. And easy to talk to, now that the air had been cleared. They fell into a natural rhythm quickly… Cullen had never had that with anyone else, not really.

As they wandered about hand in hand, Cullen took a while to ponder what Dorian had said back on the ferris wheel - that he didn’t date very often. It couldn’t have possibly been from lack of interested people… there had to be a line. A line that somehow Cullen had been transported to the front of, but a line nonetheless. So why then? _Maybe he’s a bit like you there, too_ , he thought. Busy or waiting for the right person to come along or any number of reasons. Either way, Cullen flushed a bit with pride that Dorian had chosen him.

The line for the pirate ship was about as long as lines at this fair got, but it didn’t take long to get on board - at one of the far ends, of course - with a literal boatload of other people. Cullen settled in, made sure they were strapped and secured, and then took Dorian’s hand again with a grin that wrinkled his nose. “Here we go… I hope you’re ready for the ride of your life, because this thing is awesome.”

\----

The ferris wheel had tested Dorian’s nerves as it was, but this? He wasn’t so sure he was ready for this, and Dorian held Cullen’s hand tightly as the ride swung high and fast, back and forth, and he turned and buried his face in Cullen’s shoulder. It was terrifying, absolutely, but it also made adrenaline pump through him until he was right alongside Cullen with the laughing. Truly, while it was terrifying, it was exhilarating. He hadn’t really _done_ anything like this, and by the time the ride stopped and they were let off Dorian… wanted more.

He was still laughing when their feet his dirt and grass, and Dorian lifted Cullen’s hand to his lips to kiss the back of it before he turned back to Cullen and grinned, “So, you remember when I said not to judge me?” Dorian asked before he let out another laugh and shook his head, “could we… maybe… do it again?”

\----

Yeah, it was _just_ as much fun as Cullen remembered it. More so, if that was even possible. And to see Dorian enjoying himself so thoroughly… it warmed Cullen down to his toes and he laughed, full and from his belly when Dorian said he wanted to ride again. “Look at you,” Cullen chuckled before reaching over with both hands to smooth Dorian’s hair, tucking pieces back into place here and there. Happy with his handiwork, he shifted his weight back. “There. Fixed… now let’s go mess it up again… as many times as you want.”


	10. Fair Weather [2 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confusion and awkward nerves melt away amidst the lights and laughter of the fair.

Dorian leaned in and kissed Cullen for just a moment before he smiled again, “This one again, and then… something else?” he asked a little breathlessly. For a moment, he didn’t so much care that his hair was messed up or that things had been weird all week or that he wasn’t at all sure what this outing was supposed to _be_. For now, and happily, he was having fun. He was having fun and Cullen was there smiling with him, and it was great.

“Come on!” he prompted as he pulled Cullen by the hand toward the back of the line, “before the line gets too long again!”

\----

And now, Cullen was being dragged around… and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Dorian had been smooth and stunning and charming the other night, but this? This was genuine and unguarded with bright smiles and excited laughter, and Cullen felt something clench in his chest, a little twist of warmth, as they took their places in line. Oh, but he could fall. He could fall so hard for this man, all he needed to do was let it happen. Or maybe it already was happening. Either way, one thing was clear… they were riding this thing again. And the second time was just as exhilarating as the first - they raised their arms on the downswing to feel the sensation of freefalling, and Cullen couldn’t deny that was a bit on the nose, a parallel of how his own heart felt every time Dorian laughed or turned his bright smile on him.

All too soon, the ride was over… again. Back on solid ground, Cullen laughed and wiped at his eyes, “And? Was it just as good the second time around?”

\----

“Oh, it was,” Dorian laughed, and leaned in closer to Cullen so he could loop his arm around the man’s waist.

He would have ridden that thing another two or three times, actually, but the call of something to drink was getting stronger after all that laughing and yelling now. It ended up being a large bright blue slushie for them to share, and they laughed as they passed it between them while they walked among the lights and everything else. There were other rides, ones they made sure to plan to ride later, but the draw of the games was starting to get to be too much.

There were so many, and they were enjoying their drink as they wandered. It was almost like there was too much to see, and Dorian couldn’t help but laugh and smile until his cheeks actually hurt. The way they laughed together, how they walked hip to hip and moved so they seemed to fit so perfectly against one another, was just… so unusual for Dorian. Unusual, but so wonderful. He wouldn’t have traded it.

A while later, though, saw them sans giant drink and looking through the games. The rush from the ride was wearing down a bit now, though Dorian still hadn’t stopped smiling. He couldn’t stop, not with Cullen right there and smiling with him. It was almost too much, honestly, but it was too good.

“So what now?” he asked as he linked his fingers with Cullen’s again, “now that we’ve had a giant slushie and your lips are blue.”

\----

“Well, I do believe there was that matter of a _‘gentlemanly_ bet’...” Cullen said with a grin and thrust his thumb back in the direction of the bumper cars. “How about… loser buys snacks after?”

Bet made, they both shook on it, and made their way back over to the neon-covered pavilion that housed the bumper cars amidst. The walk was slow, and Cullen enjoyed the warmth of Dorian’s hand in his own even as they slung taunt after taunt at one another, making bigger and bigger boasts about their probably entirely imagined bumper car prowess until it was hard to believe the wager was just for fair food. It was childish. It was ridiculous. It was perfect.

The actual “match,” if it could be called that, was… surprising. Cullen assumed there’d be a few knocks here and there, despite all the big talking on the way over… but Cullen had assumed wrong. Dorian was, apparently, in it to win it, and took victory cleanly over Cullen, who, for his part, was both highly stunned and incredibly amused. Still, it was worth losing to see the way Dorian’s beautiful face absolutely lit up when he smiled. That smile was worth a lot, Cullen was quickly finding out.

“Alright, alright, I know when I’ve been bested,” Cullen laughed and raised his hands in surrender as Dorian practically sauntered up to him once they were free of the bumper cars. “You are victorious. Truly skilled. I never even had a chance. I believe I owe you something tasty now…”

\----

_If only_.

“But I suppose that means I’m at your mercy when it comes to whatever we’re eating,” Dorian teased as he leaned up to kiss Cullen’s cheek. That had been so much fun. Maybe after long weeks at work he ought to indulge in bumper cars to get his aggression out, because now he just felt fantastic. That, and whizzing around and chasing after Cullen was exceedingly hilarious. The poor man never saw it coming that Dorian did have a bit of a competitive streak in him. A mile long. At least.

He leaned against Cullen’s shoulder and grinned, “but you know me, I’ll eat pretty much anything,” Dorian went on, “but it might mean I have to tack another mile or two onto my run tomorrow. All the fried goodness, am I right?”

\----

“All of it,” Cullen answered, nodding solemnly as he slung his arm over Dorian’s shoulders and got them moving in the direction of several food stalls. His eyes darted about, passing over various foods, most of which really had no business being stuck on a stick, battered, and fried. Still, some of them looked like they could be delicious - and the deep fried candy bars were awfully tempting - but Cullen already knew what he wanted, and he called out in joy when his eyes landed on it.

A short wait later, and he had his prize, all hot and fresh from the fryer. He grabbed two forks and and handful of napkins to accompany it before snagging seats at the end of a large picnic table. “Now this… this is just the height of fair cuisine. Lots of people put fruity pie filling on it, but I’m a purist. There’s nothing better than the simplicity of a funnel cake with powdered sugar on top. Nothing at all.” He speared piece of the crispy-on-the-outside-soft-on-the-inside confection on a fork, and held it up, “Here, you can have the first bite.”

\----

And what Cullen came back with was exactly what Dorian had pictured. It was deep fried, covered in sugar, and the man looked thrilled for it. Of course Dorian saw maybe another five miles in the morning, but… they were there, right? Might as well enjoy it. “It’s like a… fried pancake, isn’t it?” he asked, “just done with a squeeze bottle into hot fat?”

It did smell pretty good, though, and the powdered sugar was falling from the fork like snow. How much better did it get? So Dorian leaned over to take the bite, and started laughing as what felt like an entire snow drift of sugar spilled over his lips and into his mustache and beard. It was delightfully sweet and crunchy, but still with that softness… much like a pancake might be. “Maker help me,” he laughed as he grabbed up a napkin, “I won’t be able to go home tomorrow after this. I’ll have to run for a week straight.”

\----

“Well, then… here, let me help you,” Cullen said as he pulled the plate closer to him and wrapped his arm around it as a little barricade, “I’ll just take the rest and no extra running for you. It’s a win-win.”

\----

“I didn’t say that!” Dorian laughed as he leaned over the table and made a grab for the fork, “and it’s totally worth it. I’d take this over the shit they sell at the food court at work, that’s for sure.” Eventually his fingers made contact with the sugar covered dough, and he ripped off a piece that scattered said powdered sugar into the wind as he pulled it back to take a bite, “this is kind of amazing.”

\----

Cullen chuckled as Dorian snatched that bite and outright laughed as he watched more sugar get caught in the man’s beard - his neatly-groomed dark beard, so dark that the sugar stood out like snow just dusting the ground. Cullen popped another piece of the funnel cake into his mouth and leaned forward, reaching out to maybe clear some of that away.

“You’ve got something… just there…” he said and swiped at Dorian’s mustache with his thumb but…

“Oh, shit… whoops,” he said, practically giggling at how he’d just… well, his own fingers had been covered in sugar, so he hadn’t exactly helped anything. Unless, of course, Dorian _wanted_ the whole whitebeard wise sage look. Very doubtful. “Um… no. It’s cute. You look good with a frosted mustache. Really.” And then he broke out in giggles again. He couldn’t help it.

\----

Oh, now they were in for it. “You’ve done it now,” Dorian laughed as he reached out with sugar coated fingers to wipe a streak of white across Cullen’s nose and onto his cheek, “there, now _you’ve_ got something. Maybe I should help you get it off?”

_With my tongue. Preferably in private_.

“Come here,” Dorian teased as he got up and moved around the table to pick off a piece of the funnel cake to hold out to Cullen, “I think a fork is kind of pointless now, huh?”

\----

And Dorian had a silly side to go with everything else. Really, how could one person be so… right? Well, regardless of the how, Dorian certainly was. Right. In a lot of ways… that first date proved they had a lot in common, that they could really talk. This one was showing Cullen that they were comfortable enough to be silly. And well, attraction had _never_ been a problem. So yeah, he could see this going places, lasting. Wouldn't that be just… perfect?

Cullen eyed the offered piece of funnel cake with a smirk. The giddy silliness hadn't passed - not even close - so he took the offered sweet from Dorian's fingers with his lips. A distraction more than actual flirting, because as he did it, he reached up to spin Dorian around and pull him down into Cullen's lap. One arm held him closely so the man couldn't wriggle away as the other hand dipped into the powdered sugar and quickly landed a dot of white right on the tip of Dorian's handsome nose. “There,” he laughed and gave Dorian a big kiss on the cheek. “Lovely. It really sets off your eyes, I think.”

\----

Oh, and now he was in Cullen’s lap. It happened in a fraction of a second, took him by surprise, and when he landed in Cullen’s lap, he couldn’t help but laugh and wind an arm around the other man’s neck. Then there was a sugar covered hand coming at him, and he shook his head as Cullen dusted his nose with a finger and kissed his cheek. This was… stupidly fun. So much fun.

“Does it?” Dorian asked as he started laughing again. Right now he felt so free, free to laugh and hug himself closer, that he forgot himself for a little while. As he leaned in, buried his nose in Cullen’s hair to dust the sugar off, Dorian laughed hard enough that a rather loud snort bubbled up from his throat. Immediately he clapped a hand over his mouth and his cheeks heated as he buried his face into Cullen’s hair.

Embarrassing. And they’d been having such fun too.

\----

Oh. _Oh_. That _laugh._ That _snort_. That alone did something to Cullen, made his chest ache and warm and fill in ways that even the heated kisses of the first date hadn't. It was a softer kind of heat, one that went deeper, and amber eyes blinked in surprise twice as Cullen felt that feeling wash over him.

He shifted his weight a bit to try and coax Dorian out of hiding. Just the fact that the man was so obviously embarrassed by such a cute little laugh spoke volumes. On one hand, it was just ridiculously sweet, but in the other… It proved that this was something he kept hidden from most people, but he was comfortable showing it to Cullen - despite the barest hint of dusky pink apparent on the tip of his nose now that the sugar had been brushed off.  Cullen chuckled and let the fingers on one hand trace along Dorian's jaw to tilt the man's head up before landing a little peck of a kiss on the ruddied tip of Dorian's nose. “How am I supposed to defend against such adorableness, huh?” he laughed before leaning his head back in for another kiss, on the lips this time, and one he let linger longer than the others had thus far.

Because really… he didn't have much of a defense at all when it came to Dorian.

\----

Dorian kissed him for a long moment, one hand tangled in that hair at the nape of Cullen’s neck, and when he pulled away he rested his forehead against Cullen’s. “I’m hardly adorable,” he pointed out before he turned to kiss at Cullen’s fingers. He wasn’t adorable. Cullen was. Cullen was with his smile and how his eyes crinkled at the edges, and the way he laughed. All those curls, too, were so sweet.

So sweet, in fact, that Dorian raked his fingers through them. It seemed Cullen hadn’t judged him too much for how he snorted, which he tried to keep in check when he was in public, and that was nice. Sometimes he got the side eye for it, but Cullen embraced it. That was a nice change. It made Dorian feel a bit more relaxed, more than he already was, and for a moment it didn’t feel like there was anyone or anything else. Like there hadn’t been any weirdness all week. Like there wasn’t any confusion. It was just the two of them, Dorian in Cullen’s lap, and them having a good time.

“I like this,” he went on, before he picked up another piece of the funnel cake so he could take half of it in his lips and waggled his eyebrows at Cullen to take the other side. Hopefully, they might meet in the middle after a bite for another sugar-coated kiss.

\----

Cullen knew a trap when he saw it, or at the very least, he knew when he was being baited… and that little look Dorian gave him was definitely an invitation. With a chuckle, Cullen leaned in to take the offered half, wondering if this was the sort of trick Dorian taught his dolphins as he did. Their lips just barely brushed before he bit down and pulled away to chew.

“I agree… it's sweet. In more ways than one,” Cullen answered with a wink and a nod as he reached up to gently pat and wipe the powdered sugar out of Dorian's beard - more successfully this time. “There you are… good as new,” he went on and let his hands smooth over Dorian's jaw and down the sides of his neck. This close proximity… having Dorian actually sitting in his lap and squirming around… now that the silliness had mostly passed, Cullen was going to have a very obvious situation in his hands if he didn't shift soon. He could already feel something stirring as it was. Still… one more kiss wouldn't _hurt_ anything, so he tilted his head up and pressed his lips to Dorian's another time.

\----

The hand already tangled in Cullen’s hair gripped just a little harder, just enough so Cullen would feel it, and Dorian cupped a scruffy cheek with one hand as he leaned in for that kiss. Cullen’s lips tasted like powdered sugar, and he smiled into that kiss. It was great. It was just deep enough that Dorian teasingly let his tongue brush against Cullen’s lips, and he shifted in closer so their chests were pressed together.

How Cullen touched him made his skin wake up, and Dorian had to fight the urge to duck his head and start kissing at Cullen’s neck. Out in public wasn’t the place for that. Still, when the kiss broke he moved and brushed his lips against Cullen’s ear, “Have I mentioned I’m glad you invited me out here?”

\----

Oh, Maker. That kiss and those hands tangled in Cullen's hair. It was all he could do to remember that they were, in fact, in public and that there were children around. It was a fair, after all, and they were going to be edging up on inappropriate very, very soon. And the worst… or best… part was that Cullen was finding it harder and harder to care about much beyond the feel of Dorian pressed so closely.

Luckily, Dorian had the presence of mind to break it off before things got _too_ out of hand, but Cullen still shivered when he felt hot breath against his ear. “Mmmm,” he hummed in response before moving so he could look Dorian in the eye. He smiled, something soft and private, and felt his face flush hot. “You had mentioned it,” he said with a little breath of a laugh, “... but, I could tell without it being said… you, ah… seem to be enjoying yourself. Which is… I know it was maybe strange coming to a fair, but I just thought, you know, we deserved some fun. So I'm glad. I'm glad you're having fun.” He paused and let the fingers of one hand stroke a soft line over Dorian's cheek before tilting his head and grinning up at the other man. “I know I am.”

\----

Dorian leaned in and kissed Cullen one more time before he got to his feet and set to trying to dust himself off. White powdered sugar seemed to cover every inch of him, and he laughed as he shook his head and dusted off his pants. “I’m sure seeing me covered in sugar _is_ fun,” he teased before he sucked the end of his thumb into his mouth so he could get at least a little bit of sugar off, “though give it ten minutes and we’ll probably stick to everything, hm?”

\----

“I promise sugar-frosted Dorian wasn't part of the plan,” Cullen snickered as he tore off another piece of the funnel cake and popped it into his mouth. “But I can't deny that it's been an interesting turn of events.”

And it really had been. Interesting and unexpected in the best way. Cullen had hoped that they could maybe unwind here, but things had really just… exceeded his expectations by _a lot_. He was keen to keep it rolling for just about as long as long as possible. “So… how about you help me finish this, we grab another drink, and then keep wandering? I may feel the urge to subject you to yet another metal deathtrap…”

\----

“And which metal deathtrap are you thinking of?” Dorian asked as he leaned over to take another bite of the funnel cake as well.

As it turned out, after finishing the funnel cake and getting some water for each of them, it was a turn on The Zipper and then three goes on the spinning teacups. Dorian rather loved those, and loved how Cullen laughed as he spun them at full speed until they were both a little wobbly on that last turn. Dorian leaned into Cullen as they made their way off, and he leaned against a railing once he could find one. The dizziness had to abate a little before he could do anything else, and he rested his head against Cullen’s chest.

“Someone stop the world,” Dorian complained as he wound his arms around Cullen’s waist, “I want off.”

\----

Cullen slung his arms around Dorian’s shoulders and leaned into him as the world slowly righted itself. As much as he loved the rides, even he had a limit to how much he could take all at once, and three goes on the wildly spinning teacups was pushing right up against it. Still, it had been worth it to hear Dorian laughing as the hair that had worked itself free of the low bun he wore whipped in the wind. Definitely worth it.

But still… it was maybe time to take a break from all the rides. “Yep,” Cullen said with a breathy chuckle, “I’m man enough to admit when I’ve had enough for a while… let’s go see what else we can get into, yeah? There’s a whole section of games and stuff we haven’t even walked through yet.”

\----

Dorian nodded, “Games sound good,” and lifted his head to smile up at Cullen, “just give me a second.” Slowly he unwrapped himself from Cullen’s arms and reach up to pull his hair out from the bun that was now mostly undone. He shook his hair out, let his hair fall over his shoulders for a moment, before he gathered it back up to tie it into another messy bun at the nape of his neck. There. That at least was a little more presentable. “Alright, now we can go.”

He reached out for Cullen’s hand then and nodded toward the fairway, “So what’s your game of choice?” Dorian asked, “and what kind of giant stuffed toy are you shooting for? Something to bring to the kids when you see them next?”

\----

And for just a moment Cullen was aware that Dorian was speaking, but he couldn't quite make out the words. His concentration was reserved for the way Dorian's hair was loosed completely from that bun - how it shook and caught the light in waving tendrils as it settled, beautiful and thick around his face. A sudden and intense urge to run his fingers through hair that was _finally_ free made Cullen's hands twitch, but before he could take a breath or even move, Dorian was already pulling it back again.

Which, if Cullen was honest, had its benefits, too… benefits in the form of flexing muscles moving under the surface of a tshirt that was just wonderfully fitted. A shake of his head, and Cullen blinked his eyes a few times to attempt coherent speech. It really wouldn't do to get too carried away… but… maybe… maybe sometime soon.

Cullen cleared his throat and smiled, a little sheepishly for the thoughts that had been running around his mind. “Hmmm…” he hummed thoughtfully and held his hand out for Dorian to take, “I'll know it when I see it.”

\----

He smiled and took Cullen’s hand so he could lean into the other man, “Is that so?” Dorian asked. Now he really was interested in seeing Cullen play these games. There was something about all the lights and music and everything else, especially with how the sun was setting, that made Dorian not be able to look away from Cullen like this. “Well, let’s go look then.”

Dorian tugged at Cullen’s hand, “I want to see you win a giant stuffed toy.”

\----

The sun was already touching the horizon by the time they made their way to the brightly lit midway filled with game stalls and plenty of smiling people. Cullen walked, arm linked with Dorian’s, as they took a walk around the gaming area just to get their bearings, pointing and chuckling at particularly goofy prizes as they did. Cullen marked one or two games in his mind as potentially fun while they took their stroll, but for the most part, he was enjoying this - just wandering around and being so close. And it was more than proximity… it was familiarity, a comfortable feeling like they’d known each other far longer than they had. It was natural, the way Cullen fit next to Dorian. Nice.

Finally, though, Cullen’s eye caught a game he knew he had a good chance of winning. The “test of strength” stood in front of them, its prizes proudly displayed next to it. It was cheesy, for sure… a game that smacked of showing off for a date, actually. But wasn’t that exactly what he was doing? He pulled his arm free as he winked at Dorian with a cheeky smile. “Alright, prepare to be impressed,” he chuckled, “... or watch me fail entirely. Either way, it’ll be entertaining.”

Cullen paid for his chance to win some sort of stuffed animal, made a show of cracking his knuckles and took a breath to center himself. It was cheesy… but he wanted to win. He really, really did. He brought the hammer back, around and up to get every drop of momentum out of it before swinging it down as hard as he could. It was a decisive blow, and as soon as he struck it, his eyes darted up to follow the little disk’s progression up the pole until…

Ding!

With a smirk, he faced Dorian. “And that’s how it’s done.”

“We got a winner here!” the game attendant called out, as much to attract other people as to announce Cullen’s win. “Pick your prize!”

“Mmmm… how about you pick something out?” Cullen grinned over at Dorian.

\----

There was something about walking arm in arm with Cullen that just made Dorian...happy. Content. Oddly content. Dorian had never been so content to walk like this with anyone before. That said, he’d never felt compelled to wander around a fair with anyone ever. Nor had he ever really wanted to just… spend time before. This was nice.

But then Cullen found a game he liked, and Dorian had to laugh. Cullen with his muscles and everything, and he picked the one where you try to ring the bell with the hammer. Dorian folded his arms and smirked as he tipped his head to the side. He wanted to be impressed, wanted to see Cullen do this, and raised his eyebrows as he watched him bring down that hammer. That was… very nice. Just watching the other man swing like that, watching his arms and back move, it was… Maker, but Cullen was so handsome. So handsome and Dorian really _was_ impressed.

_Ding!_

Dorian clapped as the little bell went off and he laughed as he watched Cullen set the hammer down, “Me pick?” he asked, “but you were the one who just performed some sort of heroic feat.” Getting to pick the prize, however, made him go a bit warm inside. _Cullen_ wanted _Dorian_ to pick. Pick a prize.

Grey eyes scanned the ones that were hanging, and after a moment they settled on a rather huge stuffed unicorn. It was white and sparkly with a rainbow mane and tail, and he couldn’t help himself, “But maybe that one?” he asked, “if that’s one I can pick?”

\----

So the unicorn, huh? It was an interesting choice, and for a moment, Cullen wondered if there was a deeper meaning there. Something about Dorian being unique or magical in his own way or both. Or neither. Maybe he picked it because it was the sparkliest thing up there and even Cullen had to admit it was pretty cute. He chuckled softly and shook his head at his own nonsense as he looked over at the attendant, who nodded and replied, “Mister, you rang the bell. You can have anything up there.”

“Then we’ll take one fluffy rainbow unicorn, please,” Cullen requested and had to laugh a little at how ridiculous that statement was. The attendant fished it down with a hook and handed it over to Cullen with a grin. Beaming with a bit of silly pride, Cullen made a little bow and held the stuffed unicorn up for Dorian. “Your mythical pony, sir. May it bring you good fortune.”

Cullen was pretty sure he could _hear_ the game attendant rolling his eyes, but he really couldn’t care less.

\----

Dorian chuckled and reached out first to take the unicorn; then he leaned in to kiss Cullen’s cheek. There was some sort of something about that stuffed toy. In some ways, Dorian felt a bit like this was some sort of unicorn situation. They were friends, enjoyed spending time together, but Dorian was also ridiculously attracted to this big Fereldan teacher with a heart of gold. A golden heart to match golden curls and eyes like molten amber. How many people had he met that he could say that about?

“I think my fortune is already pretty good,” he pointed out before he nuzzled his nose in against Cullen’s temple, “considering the company and how much fun we’re having?”

\----

“Well, good,” Cullen chuckled and raised a hand to lightly tap his forefinger against the tip of Dorian’s nose, “Because now you owe _me_ a prize... and I intend to collect.” That could be taken any number of ways, Cullen knew that. He also knew that right now, after the evening of laughter and growing closer in ways only achieved by powdered sugar fights and sharing neon blue slushies and just being generally goofy without even the slightest hint of feeling self conscious, Dorian could take it however he wanted to. When was the last time Cullen was truly himself like this with someone else? It had been too long to remember, in any case, and now he was starting to think…

Well, if there was mention of a “nightcap” later… he wouldn’t turn it down a second time.

\----

“Oh, do I now?” Dorian asked with a laugh, “Well I hope I manage to do it as well as you did with this.” Not that he’d be trying a strength test, though. Something else, something that played to his strengths, would be a good idea. And it would be nice to win something for Cullen, too. As it was, he hugged the unicorn a little tighter and smiled.

What could he play, though? Surely there was something. He’d have to figure it out as they wandered, which they did. Dorian leaned against Cullen and happily held his unicorn as they laughed and pointed at whatever caught their interests. There was still a lot, but there was something so wonderful about laughing until his cheeks hurt and his chest ached. At every turn there were funny faces and gently poking or ribbing each other.

Maker help him, but Dorian _wanted_ Cullen. He wanted that smile and how he laughed and how those strong arms folded around him like they had when Cullen had pulled him into his lap. Dorian wanted to know what it sounded like when Cullen said his name softly, and he really _really_ wanted to know what those beautiful eyes looked like when they were sleepy and sated. The fair wasn’t really the place for that kind of thinking, but every time Cullen smiled at him he couldn’t help but wonder.

Dorian turned as they rounded a corner, “Hey, I’ve got a question for you,” he began, “what’s your middle name? If you have one, and it’s not weird to ask.”

\----

A single deep laugh made its way up from somewhere in Cullen's chest as he shot Dorian a wry and teasing sort of half grin. “I'm not entirely sure a second date is the appropriate time to divulge such _deeply_ personal information,” he said with a dry tone before snickering. Oh, he was having fun… and as far as Cullen was concerned, this evening could just keep going. He just… he really didn't want it to end. It was going _so well_ , and, joking aside, Cullen was secretly pleased Dorian was asking about little things like middle names. It showed he was interested on a level that included what some might think mundane trivia, but Cullen considered important. Why bother to ask something like that if you didn't care about the person, right?

Cullen ran his hand through his hair and smiled something a bit more sheepish before slinging an arm around Dorian's shoulders. “If you _must_ know,” he went on with that same teasing tone, “It's my dad's name - Stanton. Cullen Stanton Rutherford… sounds like I should be more important than I am, huh?” Amber eyes cut to the side to take in Dorian's rather remarkable profile. Cullen still wasn't over how well Dorian's features played together into something so… statuesque - especially that strong nose - and he didn't think he ever would be. He nudged into Dorian playfully with his hip and raised his eyebrows expectantly. “And? It's only fair for me to know yours now. Or is that not a Tevinter thing?”

\----

“Not so much a Tevinter thing, sadly,” Dorian answered, “and I don’t think my parents could have agreed on another name anyway. Mine’s my mother’s grandfather’s name as it is, and it apparently took them a few months to pick it.” He smiled though, and nudged Cullen back, “but Cullen _Stanton_ Rutherford. That’s very distinguished.” And it was. It was… most decidedly a handsome name for a handsome man.

As they walked, Dorian looked down at his unicorn and smiled before he held it up so he was nose to nose with it, “And I think your name should be Stanton. In honor of the very handsome man who won you for me, hm?” Grey eyes cut back toward Cullen and he winked, “how does that sound to you?”

\----

Cullen blinked twice before he laughed and squeezed Dorian in closer as they walked along. “It _sounds_ like I have a fluffy, rainbow-haired namesake now. It suits him better than it suits me, I'd say.” He reached over with his free hand and patted the unicorn’s head. It really was soft, and pretty well made for a fair prize. “Alright, little guy. Looks like you're stuck with my name now. But on the plus side… look who's got you,” Cullen said and grinned. “Lucky you.”

\----

Oh, but Cullen really was too sweet. Dorian leaned over and kissed his cheek before he pointed to one of the booths, “But now it’s my turn,” he told him, and handed off the newly named Stanton into Cullen’s arms, “come on.”

Dorian led them over to one of the other games, this one was sets of rings that crossed over each other and the goal was to toss a bean bag through them. He could do that. He winked, paid the attendant, and turned to Cullen, “Are you ready to be impressed now?”

\----

Well, it was a little late for that. Cullen had been impressed with Dorian from the first moment he saw the man… but watching him play to win had its draw, too. Watching Dorian do just about anything had its draw, actually. Cullen wrapped both arms around _Stanton_ and grinned. “We sure are,” he chuckled before leaning in to give Dorian a quick kiss on the cheek. “For luck,” he said with a wink.

\----

Ah, for luck. Dorian picked up his five beanbags and studied the rings as they passed through each other. He did this kind of thing with Oswin for training, so it would be easy enough. Dorian bit a little at his lower lip as he paced out the timing, and tossed the beanbags with just the tip of his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth. He did well, too, and looked over at Cullen between throws with a grin as they landed, though he did miss the last one. Four out of five wasn’t bad, though, and he clapped a bit for himself as he turned back to Cullen.

“Well?” he asked, and gestured to the wall of prizes, “your turn.”

\----

He had to give it to him… Dorian had excellent form. In more ways than one, of course, but he'd handled this game like a pro. Which… well, with all the games he played with his dolphins, he kind of was. Cullen chuckled to himself for that thought and hugged the unicorn tighter. It was his turn. His turn to claim something Dorian had won for him. It was maybe a little cliché, but Cullen couldn't help but feel a little warm, a little giddy at that.

“Well, I have to say… I _am_ pretty impressed,” Cullen laughed and considered the wall of prizes. “Mmm, looks like I have a pretty important decision to make now. Maybe Stanton can help? Which one looks like it could be your friend?”

After a moment, he smiled. “There. That one,” Cullen said and pointed at one of the smallest items on the wall - a fluffy little stuffed black dog with grey eyes, attached to a keychain. Cullen turned back to Dorian, blushing right to the tips of his ears. “So… so I can carry it with me.”

\----

Something so… small? Dorian cocked an eyebrow as the attendant brought it over. That said, the way Cullen blushed… it was so cute. If Cullen wanted something to keep close to remind him of Dorian, then how could he say no? “You’re too much,” he chuckled before he reached out to take his unicorn from Cullen so he could press a softer kiss to his lips.

“Now… another ride?” he asked against Cullen’s lips, “or something else?”

\----

The sun had set by now, and the two of them were lit only by the cheery warmth of lights of every color imaginable as the gentle night breeze sent cooling caresses over skin and through hair. It was one of those rare moments in life that was just… perfectly perfect. Or so Cullen thought as he sighed happily against Dorian's smiling lips and felt something at the core of him melt just a little more for the wonderful man who was now filling his senses entirely.

A perfect night. The kind that should never have to end. This whole summer, in fact, could just keep going, and Cullen would be happy with that… caught up here in the lights and the moment, it felt a bit like a modern-day fairy tale. Cullen wasn't usually prone to such stretches of the imagination, but he couldn't deny it. Maybe there was a bit of a romantic at his core, after all. After allowing himself a moment to soak it in, Cullen returned that kiss - slowly, softly - and offered a private sort of smile of his own. “Your new friend may not take to all the excitement of these rides,” Cullen answered, feigning worry for the stuffed unicorn in Dorian's arms. “What sort of something else did you have in mind?”

\----

What else _didn’t_ he have in mind? They’d been having a great time, and despite the fact that they hadn’t had any alcohol, Dorian almost felt drunk on just how much fun he was having. His mind was cloudy and he felt weightless, but without the pesky side effects of being sick or _actually_ drunk. It was just a really great kind of feeling, honestly. But the way all the lights bounced off of them and in the night air, there was nothing that Dorian wanted more than to kiss Cullen a bit more beyond the kisses they’d been sharing. He’d been so confused about what this was, what the other man wanted, but there was no denying what _he_ wanted.

He wanted Cullen so much.

“Well, there’s the ferris wheel again,” Dorian pointed out as he took a step closer and leaned up for another kiss, “unless you’re done with rides for the night?”

\----

While the night could have gone on forever and Cullen wouldn’t have been happier, he was certain he was done with rides, at least for the moment. He was certain when Dorian leaned back in for another kiss that what he wanted, what he really, _really_ wanted was more of that. More kisses and touches and just being close, closer than they had been. Closer than the boisterous crowd full of eyes would allow. He smiled and grabbed Dorian’s hand. “How about we just... wander for a bit?” he asked as he started them on their way, heart racing because now he wasn’t on the lookout for something to laugh at or nibble on… he was on the lookout for a place to get away - a place where it was just them and he could have more of those intoxicating kisses.

Luckily, it didn’t take long for his eyes to settle on a dark little pathway tucked between two game stalls. It looked promising, anyway. There was only a moment’s hesitation as he turned his head to Dorian - What if this sort of thing wasn’t wanted? What if someone saw them? Something like this… sneaking away with the purpose he had in mind, in public no less… it wasn’t really like Cullen. It wasn’t like him at all, but when his eyes caught Dorian’s, it _was_ what he wanted. So, heart in his throat, he squeezed Dorian’s hand. “Just… just a second,” he said, though he didn’t know what he was asking Dorian to wait for. There really wasn’t any waiting at all, because he pulled the man with him down that little access way… and when he was reasonably sure they were shielded from prying eyes, Cullen raised his hands to cup Dorian’s face and pulled him into kiss that was far less sweet and far more… demanding than before.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed when he pulled back, “I just… I wanted you to myself for a bit.”

\----

Oh… _oh_. Dorian practically melted for that kiss. One arm wound around Cullen’s neck as he kissed him back. The sounds of the fair fell away and all he could think of was the man there with him. The way he tasted and how warm he was, there wasn’t anything better. And _how_ he kissed was just… amazing. It wasn’t at all unlike those kisses the last time they’d gone out. Dorian felt his blood go hot, and when Cullen pulled away, he rested his forehead against the other man’s.

“You’ve certainly got me,” Dorian chuckled before he kissed Cullen again. It was long and deep and heated, and Dorian felt it all the way down to his toes and at the tips of his fingers. There was no one and nothing else but the two of them. Nothing else mattered. Just them, and just how Cullen kissed him.

He licked his lips then, smiled for the taste of Cullen on them, and smiled, “So...what now?” Dorian asked as he let the hand that rested on Cullen’s shoulder smooth down to take one of his, “still up for a ferris wheel ride, or…” Grey eyes glanced to the side back to the fairway, “something else?”

\----

“I’m happy where I am right now,” Cullen murmured, voice thick and low. His mind was buzzing from those kisses and his skin was tingling, electric wherever Dorian touched him. It was like all his senses were heightened, and everything was just calling out _again_ and _more_. That was a call Cullen wasn’t about to ignore. He didn’t know if he could even if he tried at this point, so he didn’t, and let his hands trail down from Dorian’s neck, over his chest and down to his waist where they twisted in the fabric of his shirt to pull the man in even closer. That solid warmth pressed against him was everything, all Cullen wanted in that moment… though the way things were going, he’d be wanting more soon.

And after that evening… after being so completely comfortable together and so much laughing… well, whatever happened would happen, and Cullen wouldn’t put the brakes on this go around. He tilted his head down to bring his lips close to Dorian’s ear before asking, “Unless you know somewhere better to be?”

\----

_Yes. Yes, this is good. This is very good. This is what you wanted. Yes. Thank the Maker. He’s interested. Yes._

The way Cullen touched him, how he grabbed for him and pulled him close, that was what Dorian wanted. He’d been so concerned, though the kisses and the laughing and the talking had quelled it some, so this was a bit of a balm to his slightly bruised ego. The way Cullen’s voice was soft and deep and maybe like he was trying to keep himself in check, too… that was good. That was very good. Thank the Maker that this beautiful man actually wanted him.

“You drove, didn’t you?” Dorian asked, then turned to lean up and kiss Cullen’s lips again before he nipped a little at his lower one, “we could… go back to mine? Maybe have that nightcap?”


	11. Fair Weather [3 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a stumble, the perfect evening concludes perfectly... but are they really on the same page?

Cullen's arms moved, almost on their own, to wrap around Dorian more completely as he buried his head in against the man's neck and just… breathed him in. Words were beyond him in that instant, so his lips focused instead on pressing kisses against Dorian's pulse, just under his jaw and everything in Cullen just screamed _yes._ Perfect. The moment was perfect, from the way Dorian tasted - salty and sweet and _maddening_ \- to the stars overhead. Unlike last time, Cullen felt like he had at least a little understanding of the measure of the man. He knew that, beyond this physical pull, there was something else there. Something real and exciting and scary. A lot could change in one evening, it seemed, and that included the fact that now… Cullen was sure that there'd be an _after_.

Well that and he was 100% positive that leaving the fairgrounds and going to Dorian's was exactly what he wanted. Even now, he was picturing it. Their giddy escape, the drive to Dorian's full of anxious anticipation… falling into bed and the discovery that would follow. What would it be like? Heated and fast, or slow and gentle… or one then the other? Either way, the very thought of it lit a fire low in his stomach and set his blood to burning as his mind raced ahead. The kids wouldn't be there tomorrow, so that was ok. It wouldn't matter if he ended up staying out all night… he'd just have to get home to feed the dog.

The dog.

_Fuck. What time is it? Later than I thought it'd be in any case. I fucking forgot the fucking dog. Unbelievable._

He groaned as his heart dropped and his head fell back. A pained look crossed his face as he sighed, heavy and disappointed, before meeting Dorian's eyes again. “Please don't hate me,” he started with a wince, “But I… I can't. I didn't plan this well… I'm so sorry... I have to go feed the dog.”

Oh Maker, how lame did that sound?

\----

There wasn’t much better than the feeling of lips on his neck like that. Dorian shivered for it, wrapped his arms around Cullen that much tighter, and tipped his head to the side to give him more space to keep kissing him. His neck had always been sensitive, and even in the warmth of the night goosebumps popped up all over his arms and down his back. It was good. It was so, so good.

And Cullen wanted to go with him. He wanted to spend the night, and maybe they’d finally get to enjoy each other the way he’d wanted to since the minute he saw him. Dorian’s blood pumped in his ears, and he sighed happily. All that soft pale skin was going to be stretched out across his bed, and Dorian couldn’t wait to lose himself in it. They’d have hours, hours and hours, and he was far too excited for it. This was a good decision, the coming out tonight, and it looked like they were going to be making a lot more good decisions. Thank the Maker.

_I have to go feed the dog._

Seriously? Seriously.

Dorian groaned, and tangled his fingers in Cullen’s shirt, “Please tell me it’s a real ‘I have to go feed the dog’ and not an ‘I have to wash my hair, sorry’ kind of thing,” he complained, “because… I might be a little mad.”

\----

The depth of disappointment in that groan mirrored Cullen’s almost exactly - he felt it deep in the pit of his stomach as he shook his head and sighed again. “It’s nothing like that, trust me,” Cullen answered, tone full of soft chagrin. “I really do need to go feed her… I don’t know for the life of me why I didn’t before I left. I was… well, I guess I was too, ah, preoccupied.”

With that, he lifted his head to meet Dorian’s eyes and offered the man an apologetic little smile as one hand raised to cup his jaw, thumb stroking gently over his cheek. Cullen had royally messed this up, he knew, and after backing down last time… well, maybe it _was_ starting to look a little suspect. Cullen knew that, this time at least, he wasn’t at all trying to get away… but Dorian didn’t. “But hey,” he continued after a moment, “Let me… let me make it up to you. Next time you’re free, how about dinner at my place? Will a home cooked meal help make amends?”

\----

For just a moment, Dorian wanted to pull away. This was twice now that they’d had a great time, twice that Cullen had seemed more than happy to leave with him, and twice that he’d ducked out at the last minute. Of course he wanted to believe that Cullen wanted him, and _actually_ wanted him, but two times out of two was really starting to wear on him. Sure, yes, Dorian knew Cullen had a dog and there he was sure the dog needed to eat and be let out, but… still. He was genuinely beginning to wonder if they would ever get beyond those kisses. It wasn’t a deal breaker, not exactly, but it was disappointing.

He sighed, but he did turn his head so he could nuzzle his cheek into Cullen’s hand. More than anything, sex aside, Dorian really didn’t want this to end. Apparently, it had to, though. There was a long pause as he tried to get his mind back on the right track to think about this logically, then he looked up to meet those amber eyes, “It would be a start, anyway,” he told Cullen after a moment before a small smile touched his face, “but I work most of this week. So… Thursday?”

That was supremely disappointing, actually. But maybe this time it wouldn’t be awkward texting or anything like that. “And I’m sure I’ll see you at some point during the week, right? Maybe call me the night before you guys are going to come, and I can make sure to take my lunch so we can eat together?” he offered, “something like that? But… dinner would be nice. I can’t say anyone’s ever invited me over to cook for me before.”

\----

“Thursday, then,” Cullen answered, “And I’ll do my very best to make sure the first time someone cooks for you isn’t a disaster.” He was joking a little and smiling outwardly, but inside, he was busy kicking himself over and over again.. Dorian was busy, clearly, so Cullen’s misstep meant he’d have to wait another week to do this again… and see how far it would go. Assuming the hesitation Cullen saw in the other man’s eyes didn’t mean Dorian was having second thoughts, of course.

It was going to be a long, long week. At least it would be punctuated at some point by lunchtime with Dorian. That was something.

“We’ll definitely be in this week, and I’d love to see you. The kids, too, of course, but... “ Cullen stopped and shook his head, “I really am sorry. Tonight was… so much fun. I’m sorry to end it because I’m an idiot.” 

\----

Dorian shrugged, but he did lean in and kiss Cullen’s lips after a moment, “Like I said, so long as it’s legitimately needing to take care of the dog and not trying to run away…” he pointed out, “though I won’t lie and say I’m not disappointed. Tonight really was fun, though. It was a _lot_ more fun that I kind of thought it was going to be, so thank you for bringing me here. Really. This was great.”

Grey eyes lifted to meet Cullen’s again, and Dorian sucked in a breath before he sighed. Now that it had been brought up, though, Dorian didn’t want to keep him. It wouldn’t be fair to the dog he’d never met, after all. “Should we… start heading for the exit?” he asked before he reached out to take one of Cullen’s hands.

\----

“Yeah, probably,” Cullen answered reluctantly as he reached out to take the hand Dorian offered. Together, they headed out of the little private alcove that had shielded them from eyes of passersby. The fairgrounds were still lit brightly, the voices were still cheerful, but Cullen was anything but. He felt… awful. This was the second time now that he'd ended an otherwise wonderful evening in his own spectacularly awkward way. Still, that first time, however unfortunate, had been his choice… one that had been right for him despite how off it'd made things. This time? This time it was chance, not choice. It was circumstances and more than a little shortsightedness on his part.

Because one thing was quite certain - he _wanted_ Dorian… and somehow, Dorian seemed to want him. Ending the night by going their separate ways now just seemed… empty. It was definitely wrong, and more than a little unfair that, though their hands were clasped, they were making their way to the entrance in silence where there'd been so much laughter before.

And it wasn't even that this precluded the chance that “nightcap” really meant sex - which at this point seemed obvious. It was more that Cullen wanted to be… closer. Tangled up with Dorian so the physical matched what he wanted in his heart. No, sex had ever been the most important part of a real relationship to Cullen, but… when it was with someone he cared for and who cared for him in return, it was an expression of intimacy and comfort that could be so completely fulfilling. And Cullen cared for Dorian, more than maybe he should on a second date… he wanted to share himself, to give and, yes, to take, to learn and teach, to know what it was like to collapse into Dorian's arms after and drift off to sleep. All of that.

But the damn dog. He loved her as much as anything, but sometimes…

Still, as miserable as Cullen felt, it wasn't like this was forever. Wants aside, there wasn't any need to rush this. Presumably, he'd see Dorian over the week, and then next weekend, he'd come over to the house and…

The house. Dorian at his house.

They'd just walked through the little exit gate when a thought struck Cullen, and he was blindsided by how utterly obvious it was. It hit him so hard he actually stopped and slapped his forehead with the hand not holding Dorian's. “I am truly an idiot,” he said and made a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a groan.

\----

Walking back, walking out, even if it was hand in hand with Cullen… it wasn't at all what Dorian wanted. Okay, so Cullen wasn't trying to get away from him. That was good. That said, it didn't mean that he wanted this to end. He didn't. He wanted to go back home and fall into bed and learn exactly what Cullen was like when he was unguarded and relaxed completely. It honestly felt weirder to be going home alone this time than it had the first time. It felt worse.

So he’d stayed quiet on their bit of the walk. Dorian took that time to enjoy the feeling of Cullen’s hand in his instead of thinking too hard about it. Much. He did steal some glances over at the other man, watched how his face seemed to change with every thought that went through his head.  It was interesting to see him like that. Dorian had figured he would be expressive, but…

He cocked an eyebrow when Cullen stopped and actually smacked himself in the forehead. “Everything okay?” Dorian asked carefully, “forget something?”

\----

“No, no,” Cullen answered with a shake of his head, “I mean yes. No, I mean... yes, everything’s ok and no, I didn’t forget anything…” An exasperated sigh rushed up from his chest as he rolled his eyes at himself. He really was hopeless sometimes - so focused on the trees he missed the forest. Or the obvious solution to their little problem, in this case.

“So,” he went on and stepped closer to Dorian so he could speak quietly without others hearing, “I just… it literally just occurred to me that you _could_ … if you wanted to… you could maybe...” He paused and swallowed hard, just to try and quell the sudden and incredibly inconvenient wave of self consciousness that was tying his tongue and setting his face on fire. “I mean, if you don’t mind waiting while I walk the dog… or even coming with me… we could just… go to my place?”

\----

Oh. _Oh._ Dorian blinked once, then felt a bit of heat fill his face. He hadn’t even considered that, actually, and to hear the prospect come out of Cullen’s mouth was… thrilling. It really wasn’t a brush off. Cullen wanted more time with him, and not more time in a week or a few days or whatever. He _wanted_ him. That made that heat race through him again, and he turned to bury his nose against Cullen’s shoulder for a moment.

“I suppose it doesn’t really matter where the nightcap happens, right?” he asked with a small smile before he looked back up, “so long as it happens?” Dorian squeezed Cullen’s hand and nodded, “I, um, I would like that. To go with you to your place.”

\----

Cullen raised one hand to the back of his neck and smiled shyly over at Dorian. “Yeah, good. That's good,” he answered in a dreamy sort of tone and just kept smiling for… a good, long while. Too long, probably, and Cullen snapped out of it with a jerk as he cleared his throat. _What's wrong with me? Fifteen minutes ago, I was pulling him off to be alone, and now…_ But the difference between fifteen minutes ago and that very moment was clear. The difference was that now… well, that “nightcap” was _actually_ going to happen. That was more than enough to get the adrenaline pumping and the nerves sparking.

“Right,” Cullen went on, nerves apparent by the shake in his voice, and that flush deepened on his cheeks, “As long as it happens... I'm, ah, over this way.” His free hand gestured toward where the car was parked, while the other squeezed Dorian's hand just to feel that comforting warmth. Tonight would be good… no, it would be fucking incredible… just as soon as this little bout of nerves released its grip on him.

\----

As they walked, Dorian leaned a bit into Cullen. That said, he could almost feel the other man trembling, and it made him chuckle before he let go of Cullen’s hand and wrapped an arm around his waist. Hopefully that would help a bit. “Are you a bit nervous?” he asked with the tiniest of smirks on his lips. Dorian leaned in and kissed Cullen’s cheek, then nuzzled into his ear a bit, “promise I’ll take good care of you.”

Oh how he would, too. It had already been a wonderful night, and it would only get better from here. Dorian knew that well enough. Hopefully, he could help Cullen calm down enough to enjoy it, too.

\----

Those words whispered into his ear sent a shiver down Cullen's spine that calmed some of those nerves, turning that energy more towards… anticipation. That little shiver didn't completely go away, even after they were both strapped into the car and on their way - with the stuffed unicorn, Stanton, in the back seat, of course. The ride to Cullen's house wasn't as quiet as the sad walk out of the fairgrounds had been, they still chatted and joked, but Cullen found it hard to concentrate. His mind was full of what was going to happen.

And _where._

That he hadn't planned much beyond just getting to the fair had already been made painfully apparent by the oversight of not feeding his dog. That had been fixed, but now he had different… issues. The house was a mess, full of clutter from the kids, and he couldn't remember if he had any laundry hanging around in his room or not. But those were small things that wouldn't matter once things… progressed.

But… if he hadn't planned to be away for the night, he certainly hadn't planned for _this._ The hand clutching the steering wheel clenched as he realized there were _things_ he needed if this was going to happen. _Great._

With the incredibly lame excuse of needing to pick up “a few things” on the way home, Cullen stopped off at a little grocery store on the way. Though he insisted Dorian stay in the car, the other man would hear nothing of it, so Cullen grit his teeth through Dorian's amused looks and made the single-most embarrassing purchase of his adult life… _condoms_. Right in front of…

_Sweet Maker, why am I like this? Can nothing go my way?_

He was still burning scarlet (and mostly sure Dorian was still laughing at him) by the time he pulled into the garage and let Dorian into his home. As soon as the door opened, the dog was a bouncing ball of energy, jumping up on Cullen and prancing around. “Well then,” he said, clearing his throat, “I don't believe introductions are necessary, but this is River. River, this is Dorian. _Be nice._ ”

\----

What a ride home. Just… it was almost as amusing as the rides at the fair. To see Cullen blushing and stammering over himself as they stopped to ‘get a few things,’ and he’d had to pick up a pack of condoms… Maker help him, but it was oddly sweet. Mildly embarrassing as he watched Cullen stumble and fumble a little, but still sweet, and he’d tried to keep the laughing to a minimum. It wouldn’t be fair to laugh, after all, since _he_ was the reason Cullen needed to get them. It was still amusing, though.

As he stepped inside and looked down at the very bouncy dog that seemed to be wuffing and snapping for Cullen’s attention, he cleared his throat and tucked his hands in his pockets. “Hello,” he greeted gently, “you’re a lively one.” And she was. Though he could sense a bit of impatience there, too, and he slowly moved out of the way so he could watch Cullen with the dog. “Is she normally like this when you get home?”

\----

The dog was in fine form, dancing around and pawing at him, and Cullen knew there'd be trouble if she waited any longer for her dinner. Still, he knelt down and scratched behind both of her ears before looking her in the eyes. “Yes, yes, I know… you're hungry. I'm sorry I made you wait, lady,” he said and gave the dog a kiss on the top of her head before standing again and smiling over at Dorian. “Mmmm, yeah, but this is a bit more intense. I'm surprised the couch is intact,” he laughed and moved over to the tub where her food was, followed closely by the dog in question. “I'm joking… mostly. She hasn't eaten a couch since she was a puppy.”

River made short work of the food - Cullen didn't even have time to turn his attention back to Dorian before she was back to prancing around him. “And… now she needs to go out. I'm just going to let her out in the back yard… we'll do a long walk in the morning. Maybe she'll forgive me,” he laughed and leaned over to scratch the dog's head before looking back at Dorian, “Um… feel free to make yourself at home… or come keep me company for a few minutes?”

\----

“I can… keep you company,” Dorian answered, and took a few steps closer so he could wind his arms around Cullen’s waist and rest his head on the the man’s shoulder. His hands tangled a bit in Cullen’s shirt, and he cast a glance down at the dog before he looked back up and kissed Cullen’s cheek, “it wouldn’t be right for me to come over and ignore you, hm?”

Slowly, he pressed kisses up the back of Cullen’s neck and to his ear, “let’s go, hm?”

There was a part of him that wanted to look around, see what Cullen’s house was like. He wanted to know what the other man was about and how he kept things. There was so much to learn, and he wanted to know as much as he could about Cullen and what kind of man he was. Still, he didn’t really want to move away just now. Fun as it would be to snoop just a little, having Cullen wrapped up in his arms was better.

\----

The mortifying embarrassment of having to stop at the store, the nerves from before, even the excited dog at his feet - it just faded away with those kisses on Cullen's neck and the warm breath against his skin. He twisted a bit, raised his hands to wrap around the back of Dorian's neck and pulled him closer to catch his lips in a kiss. One Cullen meant to linger and deepen now that they finally had all the time and privacy in the world.

Well, maybe not all the privacy. River’s dancing increased, her nails clicking on the hardwood floor _loudly_ before she sat back on her haunches and started barking excitedly. Cullen broke that kiss - far too early - and rolled his eyes. “Man's best friend, right?” he asked before untangling himself and heading for the back door. It led out to a back deck and respectably-sized yard, complete with fencing. River shot out into the night, happy for that little bit of freedom. “Go be good,” Cullen called out before turning back to Dorian and stepping back into his space, tangling their fingers together as he did. “Shouldn't take too long. Wonder what we should do while we wait?”

\----

Dorian smirked, “I can think of a few things. Come here,” and pulled Cullen in closer so he could kiss him deeply. Both arms wound back around Cullen’s waist as he nipped gently at Cullen’s lower lip, then started trailing kisses along his jaw and down his neck. Maker, yes. This was what he wanted. He wanted to know exactly what Cullen’s lips and skin tasted like, the noises Cullen might make if he kissed him like that, and he sank his teeth in a bit more sharply at his pulse.

His fingers tangled in Cullen’s shirt, and he pressed himself closer so they were practically molded together. That was what he’d been thinking of, what he’d pictured when he had some time alone to imagine what it might be like to be with Cullen like this, and the man didn’t disappoint. Dorian loved how solid Cullen felt against him, and now he absolutely couldn’t wait until the dog was taken care of so they could go find somewhere more comfortable to enjoy each other.

\----

Those lips on his neck sent tingles straight through him and Cullen tilted his chin up to give Dorian more room to work. All of it was just… so good. Strong arms around him, body pressed against him, even the way Dorian's moustache and beard scratched and tickled in the best way - it was everything. Could anything be better?

It could, oh it could. Teeth raking over sensitive skin lit something inside Cullen, and a soft sound escaped his lips as his fingers dug into skin and muscle in Dorian's back. It would be so easy to sink under, to lose himself… and would that be so bad? To spend an evening giving in and letting his body take control? No, it wouldn't be bad, it would be amazing, and Cullen felt excitement buzzing up at the thought of it - at the thought of losing himself with Dorian. Without a second thought, one hand moved to pull the band out of Dorian's hair, letting it tumble free in loose waves. He slid the band over his hand and onto his wrist before finally, _finally_ running his fingers through all that thick, soft hair. Unbelievably soft and silky, it was everything Cullen hoped it would be, and he tangled his fingers in it to tug just enough to get Dorian's attention and pull his head back so he could claim Dorian's mouth properly. He kissed him greedily, nipping and sucking at his lower lip before pulling back to catch his breath. “I like how you think,” he chuckled softly as his eyes surveyed the yard quickly. The dog was playing in the far corner, a sure sign that she was done. “Let's… ah… move this upstairs, maybe?”

\----

That hand in his hair, which was now down and brushing against the back of his neck, was amazing. As was how Cullen’s voice was soft and nice. It was beautiful. Cullen himself was beautiful. “Sounds like a plan,” Dorian agreed with a small smile. Already his blood was starting to warm, and he reached down to take Cullen’s hand in his own so he could kiss the back of it.

Right now he was ready to lose himself in Cullen, let the night wear on so it felt like the only two people in the world were the two of them. It had felt like that a few times at the fair, and Dorian wanted to keep that going. He kissed Cullen’s knuckle and smiled up into that handsome face, a smile that was actually a little bit shy, then he tugged a bit on that hand.

“Going to show me the way, hm?”

\----

How sweet was that kiss to the back of his hand? Sweet enough to cut through the want and make Cullen’s heart skip a beat as he offered Dorian a smile that was less suggestive and more soft and warm. “Among other things…” he said with a quirk of his eyebrow and leaned in for one more quick kiss before turning to call the dog in. In the end, he had to ply her with the promise of a treat to get her to listen. “Really?” he asked her as she trotted through the open door with a little look that Cullen could only describe as smug vindication.

Back inside, Cullen made sure the door was locked and turned back to Dorian. “Sorry it’s kind of a mess… kids, you know,” he said, suddenly a little bashful for how unprepared he really was. “So, ah… do you… do you want a drink or anything? I think I have soda… orange juice… some awful purple drink the kids love… nothing harder than beer, though. Woefully unprepared for a ‘nightcap,’ unfortunately.” His eyes cut to the table where he’d laid the bag that held his recent purchase. “Clearly.”

\----

“Well, there’s always coming back down for some orange juice later,” Dorian pointed out before he leaned up and kissed Cullen’s lips gently. It was actually a little sweet that Cullen’s house was a little on the messy side from having the kids around. He’d half expected it to be neat and tidy all the time, judging by how Cullen held himself, and to see that it wasn’t was nice. And it was genuinely cute that Cullen hadn’t planned this. Spontaneity was good. Dorian liked it.

He nodded toward the stairs then, “Come on,” Dorian prompted, “we can leave trying that magical purple drink for another time. I’ve probably had more than enough sugar tonight.” That hand wrapped in Cullen’s squeezed. The hand Dorian held was warm, and he was ready to know what they felt like touching other parts of his body.

\----

Cullen nodded - he didn’t trust himself to speak in that moment. It would just betray exactly how… well, he wasn’t really sure what that feeling was that surged through his body was. Nervous. Excited. Completely and utterly turned on. A little scared. Full of anticipation. All of that all at once was a little much, but the look in Dorian’s eye helped him focus. He shook his head, chuckling at himself because, really, it was all he _could_ do for how all over the place he was. After making sure the dog was settled with her chewy, he grabbed the bag from the table before leading Dorian by the hand up the stairs. “I… well, I hope it wasn’t a little too… presumptuous of me to assume these might be needed. To _hope_ , rather,” he said as they went up. He paused a beat and laughed softly, “ _You_ seemed entertained, anyway.”

\----

As they walked, Dorian reached over with his other hand to wind it around Cullen so it brushed against his stomach and over the waistband of his shorts, “Oh, I think it was perfectly reasonable,” he commented almost conversationally. Once they cleared the stairs he wound himself around Cullen again and started to kiss at his neck and up to his ear so he could nip and tug a bit at the other man’s earlobe.

“Because if you hadn’t suggested it, I would have,” Dorian went on as his fingers trailed up Cullen’s chest and into those gorgeous blond curls so he could kiss Cullen deeply. Now they didn’t have to wait. He could kiss Cullen how he wanted, and he reveled in the ability to taste him the way he’d wanted to for so long now. He still tasted a bit like sugar, which was nice, and Dorian growled as he tugged at Cullen’s hair like had been done to him before.

He kissed Cullen for a long few moments, and when he finally needed to breathe he trailed his fingers through that hair and smiled up at him, “take me to bed.”

\----

“Yes,” he breathed and instinct ignited as Cullen pressed back for another kiss, another taste, as the hand holding the plastic bag reached out blindly to open his bedroom door. He only fumbled about for a few moments before he felt the knob, and turned it quickly before sweeping Dorian into the room and closing the door behind them. A quick toss and he was rid of the bag, both hands free to explore as they liked. And oh, how they liked it. One hand buried itself in Dorian’s hair as the other swept up under the hem of his shirt, fingertips running up smooth skin over solid muscle. The nervousness, the anxious energy from before… gone. In its place was only blood that ran hot and want for man in his arms. His kisses moved, down that elegant neck, and a growl of his own rose from Cullen’s chest as his fingers slid over Dorian’s chest. More. He wanted to taste and feel more of this man, but they were both sadly wearing far too many clothes for that. The other hand moved from Dorian’s hair and joined the first to tug at the other man’s shirt, working it up and lamenting the brief moment Cullen had to pull away to get the shirt over Dorian’s head.

The room was lit dimly by the street light outside, and Cullen paused long enough to drink Dorian in with his eyes. He sucked in a breath as he raised a hand to trace the line of the other man’s jaw, fingertips brushing gently through that thick beard. “Beautiful,” he said in a tone of breathy awe. “You’re so beautiful.”

\----

Oh, but this was everything he’d wanted. He wanted those big, warm hands all over him and the feeling of Cullen’s mouth moving over his skin. Dorian shivered, ran his hands along Cullen’s arms and chest, and chuckled as his shirt was pulled over his head. His hair fell down across his shoulders, and he shook his head a bit to brush it away before he started to pull at Cullen’s so it was over his head and tossed to the floor with his own.

Maker help him, but Cullen was so gorgeous. All that pale skin, dusted with freckles, was so perfect. Dorian wanted to touch and taste every inch of it, and he leaned in to press a kiss at the crook of Cullen’s neck. “And you are perfection,” Dorian told him in a similarly soft voice as his fingers trailed over Cullen’s ribs and up along his sternum.

He looked up into those amber eyes that seemed to sparkle in the low light, “I’ve been thinking of this for weeks,” Dorian admitted before he leaned up and kissed Cullen again, “just… you and I. Together. And you’re everything I could have hoped for.” He rested his hands on Cullen’s hips, and moved to push him over to the bed, “and I want you _so badly_.”

\----

Goosebumps popped up over his skin as each brush of Dorian’s fingertips sent electric shivers down Cullen’s spine. And his words… that Dorian has been thinking of this, of _him_ for _weeks_? Of course, Cullen had been. Ever since the day of the field trip, Dorian had been in his mind… but to hear that the other man had been feeling the same way? That was somehow more… exciting than anything yet. Dorian wanted Cullen. Badly. Those words washed over him, lit a fire deep in his core, and Cullen just… gave in. Losing himself to those touches and kisses, letting himself be pushed backwards to the bed.

When he felt the mattress on the back of his thighs, he sat back. The bed sat higher than most, so he wasn’t seated entirely, but it gave him a different vantage point, and oh… what a view. He’d said Dorian was beautiful, but that hardly did the man justice. He was perfect. Breathtaking, really, and Cullen just wanted… all of him. He let his fingers explore, trailing lines that followed the contours of Dorian’s body, and amber eyes widened just slightly when he made out another tattoo, a beautiful thing - in the low light, it looked like a man of war jellyfish, all delicate lines and swirls, that stretched out along Dorian’s left side over his ribs. “Hello,” he murmured a low greeting to this new discovery. His fingers followed the path of one of those graceful lines, up from where it disappeared below the waist of Dorian’s jeans. There his hand strayed from that tattoo to circle an arm around the other man, pulling him in as Cullen leaned his head down to follow the line he’d just traced out with lips and tongue and teeth. All of him. Cullen wanted to taste and feel all of Dorian. Every last inch. 

And now he could.

\----

Oh, but this was perfect. Dorian practically melted against Cullen and wound his arms around his neck to keep his close. Those warm lips on his skin made him shiver, and he bent over to press kisses into those soft curls. “Maker, you’re so good,” Dorian breathed against Cullen’s hair. And he was. He was so much better than Dorian could have imagined.

He gently pushed at Cullen’s shoulders so they could fall into bed, and Dorian cupped Cullen’s jaw with both hands so he could kiss him deeply. They stretched out against the soft comforter, and Dorian trailed his fingers along Cullen’s jaw and neck before they moved down to his shoulders and to his sides, “Cullen... fuck…”

\----

“I believe,” Cullen started with a smirk, voice low and full of grit, “That’s the idea.”  With that, he rolled them over, moved so he was straddling Dorian and rolled his hips, savoring that friction as his hands moved up and over Dorian’s chest, a bit rougher now - a reflection of the way his blood was boiling and the intensity of his need. And he needed, so much he needed the man looking up at him with eyes full of lust from his bed. Weeks ago, when he’d first laid eyes on Dorian, there was no path that led to this outcome, but here they were. Somehow. And Cullen didn’t think he’d ever wanted anyone in his life so much as he wanted Dorian.

His hands circled around, back behind Dorian’s head to tilt it a bit to the side, giving his lips plenty of room to work their way from shoulder to neck and up to suck and bite a bit on Dorian’s earlobe. “Right?” he teased as his hips rolled again.

\----

Dorian shivered for that treatment and just let his hands roam over Cullen’s back. It was almost too much, really, with the press of skin on skin and Cullen’s mouth on his sensitive neck and ear. It made him squirm, made him drag his nails along Cullen’s back to try to anchor himself a little, and he squeezed his eyes shut so he could take in how it all felt. This was perfection. Truly, Cullen was perfection too. Dorian had thought he might be, had hoped he was, and he wasn’t disappointed in the least.

That hadn’t abated throughout the rest of the evening either. Things had heated quickly with hands grabbing and pulling at clothes until they were flung to the far corners of the room, and then... Maker. Sweet Maker, what had he done to deserve all this wonderful treatment? Cullen with his soft smiles and nerves was almost like a different man when he let all that fell away. He was so passionate, so _hungry_ , so... just everything Dorian wanted. They moved fast and hard, to the point where it was almost difficult to figure out where one of them ended and the other began. They were so wrapped up in each other and all the ways they could make each other crazy that it was like they shared a mind and a heartbeat.

He loved that.

It was hours. Hours and hours. They wound around each other in bed, panted and cried out, and begged in hushed tones for more. Always more. It seemed like Cullen couldn’t get enough, and neither could Dorian. There would never be enough, he was convinced of that. For the first time in a while, it wasn’t about a series of moments with someone, but about the whole time together. Dorian’s mind was there, and only there, with Cullen. More than that, his mind hardly entered into it at all. It was just his body and the feeling of his heart in his chest and Cullen’s heart beating against his own from the outside.

Dorian had never known an encounter with a man like that. Not in his life. It was intoxicating to the point where it almost felt like he was floating above it all and just... falling. Falling long and fast into something warm and wonderful.

Later, much later, saw them mostly cleaned up and resting. Dorian’s heart still pounded in his chest, and he lowered his head down onto a pillow as he tried to catch his breath. His nerves were all slight alight, still firing, and he shivered even in just the temperature of the room because he could still feel Cullen’s hands on him. Cullen, sweet Cullen who had kissed him so deeply and passionately when they pulled away from each other, and who had smiled like he was so happy. It made Dorian smile. He was _still_ smiling. He’d been smiling all night and it seemed like he might not stop for a while yet.

After a moment he rolled onto his other side and actually moved close into Cullen’s chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d reached for someone after a tryst like that. By now, he’d be pulling on his clothes and making a clever quip, whether it was of his own volition or someone else’s, then just... going. Not this time, though. Cullen had reached for him, pulled him back in close and buried his face in Dorian’s hair in a way that was so intimate and sweet that it made Dorian’s heart hurt in a way it never really had before. Any other time he might have wanted to leave, wanted to take the time by himself to enjoy that feeling of being sated. Sometimes that wasn’t so much the case and he was unceremoniously told to go. Cullen didn’t do that. It seemed like the thought didn’t even enter his mind. Dorian… didn’t know what to do with that. Not really.

But he still curled in close and breathed in the scent of the other man. Dorian liked the feel of those blond curls brushing against his face, and he mouthed kisses over where he’d left scratches and bite marks earlier. Right now, just for right now, it felt like the only way he wanted to come down off of this was right where he was.

\----

Never before in his life. Never before had Cullen felt so content, so at peace, so warm and right and blissfully exhausted afterwards. Never before had he just… let _go_ like that. Dorian did that to him - made him so completely comfortable to just be himself, to ask for what he needed and powerful enough to give Dorian what he wanted. And it had happened without any thinking at all. Without any worry or awkwardness. Natural. The way they moved and fit together, it was just natural. Simple and amazing at the same time.

Even now, when it was over and what was left was heaving chests and pounding hearts, it was still amazing. Maybe even a little more now that he could pull Dorian in and hold him in his arms as they both came down off the high they’d shared together. It really was wonderful, they way he could sink down into the warmth they shared, the quiet moment as hearts slowed and breathing evened out and lust gave way to something… more. There, with his face buried in Dorian’s hair, with Dorian pressing gentle little kisses over every sharp memento of their evening, it was a softer moment, but just as full of feeling. A care so great, he thought his chest might burst to hold it in. But hold it would. It would, and Cullen was content to breathe Dorian in as he pressed kisses of his own into that silky hair, relishing in the aches he felt, both in his body and in his heart as it stretched to hold all that emotion.

He was in deep waters, and for once in his life… he wasn’t terrified of it.

Finally, he found his voice, and he chuckled softly, “Maker, that was… _you’re_ just… amazing. Did you know that?”

\----

_Of course I did._

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Dorian quipped into Cullen’s chest, and looked up to meet amber eyes, “you seemed so sweet and nervous before. Apparently that was all an act, hm?” He chuckled then, and leaned in to start pressing kisses along Cullen’s throat again. This was nice. It was warm and comfortable, and now that they had a moment he found he was getting a bit tired. Not in a bad way, but… he was at ease. Sated.

He nipped gently at Cullen’s pulse, “you are incredible, though. All that time wondering what this would be like, and I’m… my imagination didn’t hold a candle to it.”

\----

“Think of me often, did you?” Cullen asked with a teasing note edging into his sleepy voice. The idea that Dorian wanted him still baffled Cullen whenever he really thought about it, but he couldn't deny the happy little glow he felt because of it. He smiled against soft, dark hair and snuggled in a bit more, just so he could tangle their legs together and hold the man that much closer to his heart. It wouldn't take long until Cullen nodded off, and who knew how far the normal tossing and turning in the night would move them apart, but he wanted this to be the last thing he felt before sliding into sleep. The softness, the warmth, the absolute contentment, and yes, even the bit of teasing. “... because I did,” he went on, and that joking tone had vanished. All that was left was warmth and the slight slur that came with quickly approaching slumber. “I _do_. Think of you. Often. I'm… glad we did this… all of it. The whole night and… everything else.”

\----

He hummed softly for that, sleepy as he was, and Dorian closed his eyes. That was a nice little sentiment to go to sleep to, and he drifted off easily. Being sated would do that, though. Dorian slept soundly, happily, and without any dreams. Of course he probably, as he was prone to do, mumbled a bit here and there in his sleep. Sleeping somewhere that wasn’t home often made it worse, but he didn’t wake up at all, so... that was something. Normally, he tossed and turned and counted the hours until it was acceptable to go.

Then, of course, he woke at his usual time. Dorian’s body clock reset at something like five-thirty, and he woke in a slight fog. He wasn’t hungover, which was a new one, but the waking up somewhere that wasn’t home and in a bed that wasn’t his was always disorienting. One hand lifted to press against his forehead, and he took a breath before he looked over to the other side of the bed. Cullen slept on peacefully, his breathing was even and deep, and for just a moment Dorian studied him. The room was still dimly lit, and in that low light Cullen was still just as beautiful. It was peaceful, relaxed, and lovely to look at.

For a moment, he half considered lying back down and curling up against Cullen’s back. That was weird. Dorian shook his head, which sent his dark hair over his shoulders and he realized that Cullen still had the hair tie he’d used to pull his hair back the night before. Shit. Ah well. He took a few breaths as he watched Cullen sleep for a moment, then slowly got to his feet. It was still early, earlier than maybe Cullen got up normally, and after last night he didn’t want to wake him. It had been a great night, a wonderful one, but…

Staying past waking up was never something Dorian did. Mostly because it wasn’t wanted, since most nights like that came with certain expectations, and the last thing he wanted was for Cullen to wake up and it be awkward. They’d had so much fun, and Dorian couldn’t take that. Those few moments of awkward silence where they both sort of tried to gauge who should make the first “Well, I’ve got _so much_ to do today, so…” comment were murder. After such a good few times out together, Dorian didn’t want to ruin what they had with that.

So he found his clothes easily enough, and after ducking to the bathroom to dress and splash water on his face he made his way back into the bedroom. Cullen was still asleep, and Dorian smiled to himself as he made his way closer. He tipped his head to the side to watch him, and in a heartbeat he was struck with an overwhelming urge to _stay. Just stay._ It made his chest ache for just a moment, and he frowned to himself before he made his way closer and ran his fingers through those blond curls. Cullen was so beautiful. He was beautiful and kind and intelligent, and that urge to _stay_ bubbled up hard and hot and fast as he had to swallow hard to push it back down.

He _could_ stay.

Dorian shook his head then. What an idiotic thought to have. What was he even thinking? Why would he even think that? Would Cullen even _want_ that? Probably not. He was a man with a life and things to do, after all. Why would he want Dorian hanging out in his house after... well, in the morning? He wouldn’t. Of course he wouldn’t. It was a stupid thing to even consider. He needed to put it out of his mind, and he needed to go.

Again, Dorian ran his fingers through Cullen’s hair once and bent to kiss his temple. For a moment he thought the other man might wake, but Cullen’s breathing evened out and he seemed to settle again. There. That was good. Dorian smiled a bit, just studied that handsome face for a moment, then moved away so he could head downstairs. Hopefully, a car would be easy to come by, and he pulled out his phone to quickly send for one.

As he headed downstairs and cast a cursory glance at the sleeping dog on the couch, Dorian shook his head again. Staying was a bad idea. A bad idea.

Besides, he had _so much_ to do today. Right?


	12. A Start to Something Good [1 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anger flares and then melts into disappointment and confusion as Cullen and Dorian wonder what happened.

Morning. The sun flooded light into the room, invading through slats in blinds and around curtains. Cullen rolled over, wincing against that offending brightness as he groaned. A pillow over the head took care of the light, though, and his face relaxed again. He didn't have to get up right away - it was Saturday, after all, and he was just… tired. And aching a bit, too, to tell the truth, though why…

Well, he knew why. Dorian was why he felt so good despite all the complaints his body was making as it woke. But it had been worth it, hadn't it? To drift off to sleep all wrapped up and warm, soft breathing and soft skin and low chuckling as Dorian muttered a few unintelligible things in his sleep before Cullen himself finally closed his eyes. Wonderful. The night had been wonderful… and couldn’t the morning be just as good? Nothing was better than lazy mornings spent curled up… or mornings that weren’t so lazy and led to more active endeavors. Either way, Cullen was just a little more awake with that thought... and very excitedly anticipating Dorian - perfection personified - with a sleepy face and messy bed hair. _I bet he’s adorable in the morning_ , Cullen thought as he rolled over and was greeted with…

Brown eyes and a wet tongue and a happy tail that wagged until the bed shook. “Well, who let _you_ in?” Cullen wondered as he patted the dog on her head. He glanced around the room. No Dorian. He pulled himself out of bed and looked in the bathroom. No Dorian. He made his way out into the hall and down the stairs to the living room, dog weaving dangerously around his legs as he went. Still no Dorian. His heart sank as he checked the kitchen and the guest bathroom downstairs. The same. A little desperate and a bit confused, he even poked his head out into the garage where he saw… his car. Just his car… though in the back, visible in the space between the two front seats, he also made out a bit of white and sparkly hair. The silly unicorn he’d won at the fair… and Dorian had left it.

Back upstairs after feeding the dog, Cullen gave his room a closer look. No clothes. No note. No sign the man had even been there. Well, with the exception of the abandoned stuffed animal out in the car. Which was just… it had been silly, Cullen knew that, but Dorian had looked so pleased with himself for the name he’d picked out - _Stanton. In honor of the very handsome man who won you for me, hm?_ He’d laughed like he was genuinely happy, but he’d left it.

_That wasn’t just… all of that couldn’t have been only for… I was so sure._

But, no. He wouldn’t assume. He couldn’t. Maybe… maybe Dorian had just… gone out for coffee. That could be it, right? _Without a car and in a strange neighborhood?_ Ok, it was unlikely, but still… possible. It seemed the man took cabs everywhere - maybe that’s exactly what he was doing now. Taking a cab to the coffee shop down the road, which he probably found with his phone. That was a possibility… right?

There was a bit of a tremble to Cullen’s hands as he fished his phone out of his jeans and, with a few taps, brought up the chat he’d been having with Dorian over the past several weeks.

_[Text: Dorian]: Good morning? Where did you get off to?_

Hopefully, Dorian would come back with some perfectly reasonable explanation for why he wasn’t there. Something like, _‘Oh, I thought I’d duck out and get us some breakfast.’_ or _‘I got an urgent message from my mom. Sorry to leave like that.’_ Anything. Anything other than what was running through Cullen’s mind right now.

\----

By the time his phone buzzed, Dorian had been home for a while. There had been the thought to just go back to bed, but… he was already up. He’d changed out of the clothes he’d worn the night before and into his normal running outfit, and did his usual circuit. That took a little over an hour, and he’d gone home to shower and actually dress for the day once he got in and cooled down enough for a shower to be tolerable. Then… Saturday things. As the hours drifted on, though, he wondered if Cullen had woken up yet. He wasn’t going to _admit_ it, but he did wonder. Was Cullen someone who slept til noon on the weekends? Did he lay around in bed just because he could? Did he wake up not long after Dorian had left and gone about his day?

All very interesting things to contemplate, which Dorian certainly was _not_ doing as he sipped at this third cup of coffee and leaned against the counter. He wasn’t. He just wasn’t. They’d gone and had a good time, he’d gone back to Cullen’s place and they’d had a wonderful time, and he’d gone home in the morning like he always did. There was absolutely nothing different about this morning.

Except he’d wanted to stay. Even for a few heartbeats, he’d wanted to stay. That had never happened before. The thought never crossed his mind. Not ever. And yet…

When his phone buzzed, though, Dorian jumped a bit and blinked a couple of times. Just the phone. Maker, his mind was a thousand miles away. He reached across the counter to grab it, and cocked an eyebrow when he saw who it was. Cullen. Already. Like after that first date, Dorian was genuinely surprised to hear from him so soon after parting ways. Normally there was that requisite couple of days in between so no one looked desperate. This was… certainly a change.

And the text itself, too. Where had he gotten off to? What… what kind of question was that?

_[Text: Cullen]: hey morning. I headed out early. Didnt want to wake u up at the crack of dawn._

That much was true. It was always true. He always left to save waking anyone up. He also left because they were busy, probably. Even if they weren’t. They always were, even if they weren’t. It was an unspoken rule, after all, because no one wanted to be _that guy -_  the one begging for attention. It was unbecoming.

\----

At least Cullen didn’t have to wait long for his answer, but as he stared at his phone, his brows drew together and he just… well, he sat there for a while. Confused and… and something in his chest _stung_. There was no reason. There was no imagined run for coffee or emergency or anything other than that the man just wanted to leave. To get away.

_Well, you gave him what he…_

_Stop. It wasn’t like that._

That nasty little voice of doubt didn’t say anything else, but Cullen felt its smug silence all the same. It buzzed in his head and made his breath come a little quicker as his heart pounded faster, skipping like some small, frightened animal set loose in his chest. All the smiles and the gentle touches and the laughter from the evening before. All the cries and moments of ecstasy and the way the man fell asleep in his arms.

_It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t._

_[Text: Dorian]: I wish you would have. You just left. And that’s ok?_

\----

What the fuck? One of Dorian’s eyebrows cocked for that, and for just a moment he wasn’t really sure what exactly he was reading. Was Cullen… upset? Granted, text messages weren’t known for conveying tone. Still. Never in his life had he gotten a message like that the day after. Nay, the _morning_ after. It was like he was reading something in a language he didn’t know.

_[Text: Cullen]: I figured u had things to do and I didnt want to get in the way._

Which was true. Cullen only got a couple of days a week without the kids around, and he probably needed time to himself. Dorian staying there any longer would have just been… unwanted. Right? Okay, so maybe he should have woken him up. Yes. That said, it was really early and then he would have looked a bit like a jerk to wake Cullen up and ask for attention before he left. Who _did_ that?

_[Text: Cullen]: U were pretty well asleep and I didnt want to wake u up so early. Sorry? Thought it would bother u._

\----

“He thought it would _bother me?_ ” Cullen asked the empty room, and felt the first spark of anger flare up, small amidst the dread and anxiety that had held him so far… but still there. _I fucking… last night, we… and I don't even get the courtesy of a goodbye when he's done?_

_[Text: Dorian]: You didn't even say goodbye._

After all that, and Cullen didn't even warrant a simple goodbye the morning after. It hurt. It hurt because now he felt… used. Inconsequential. And that was embarrassing, deeply, because he'd really thought there was something there, hadn't he? He'd thought it himself, that he could fall for Dorian. And he'd hoped Dorian had felt the same way. All signs said he had, and yet… now Cullen felt tricked. Betrayed, even though neither of them had made any promises to each other.

_He did cut off that first date as soon as you turned him down._

But then there'd been a second.

_Maybe because you were a challenge?_

This was… it was making him sick, and Cullen shook his head to stop those rampant thoughts from running wild and making it worse. But still, that shame and anger and underlying sadness was there, and it all had something more to say.

_[Text: Dorian]: Though I guess if you got what you wanted, why would you?_

He regretted it as soon as he sent it. It came from a place of hurt and anger. It was petty.

But he'd still sent it.

\----

_Fucking excuse me?_

Dorian blinked at that. Maker help him, but Cullen really was angry. Like actually angry. Why the fuck was he angry? It was like a punch in the chest.

He stared down at that text and frowned. That was… genuinely uncalled for. They’d had a good time, and _this_ was how Cullen acted the following day? Because he’d left? Why did it matter? Did Cullen want him to stay there until he kicked him out? Was that what it was? That he wanted the control or something?

No. No, that wasn't how Dorian did things. And he really thought Cullen was better than that. Maybe he was wrong, and that was disappointing. Dorian had liked him, had liked him a lot, and this… well, it wasn't an outcome he had anticipated or liked.

_[Text: Cullen]: that was a bit rude. I just didnt want to be in ur way. Sorry if it made u mad._

Dorian tossed his phone to the side then and shook his head. He didn't understand this. After how weird the first date had been, then how great last night had been, now Cullen was angry. The man was hot and cold more than those people who sat in a hot tub and then jumped into icy water. Dorian didn't understand. He really didn't.

And that comment hurt. “Got what he wanted” sounded so… well, it was accusatory. Hadn't Cullen been the one to pull him off into that little alley first? And he certainly seemed just as happy to do what they'd done, too. So to be accused like that was more than a little upsetting. Maybe… maybe…

Maybe Cullen wasn't as good as Dorian had thought. Damn.

\----

Cullen barked a sound that could have been a laugh. A dry, humorless one, but a laugh. _Rude. I’m rude. He’s the one who fucks and runs, and I’m rude. Hi-fucking-larious._

He fell over backwards on his bed with his arm over his eyes. This was just fucking terrible. Beyond terrible. He almost wished he could go back and convince the kids that what they _really_ wanted was to go see the sea lions or otters up close. Anything but the fucking dolphins. Everything up to that point, the day they’d gone to the dolphin thing… it had been a fantasy. Ridiculous, yes, but _safe._ Harmless. With fantasies, no one got hurt because no one took risks.

Well, but maybe that wasn’t really the truth. Fantasies weren’t always harmless. They had a tendency to build up expectations and create unrealistic standards. Maybe that’s what this was. Maybe Cullen had built Dorian up so far in his mind that he was still projecting his ideal rather than what was really there. _Was that it? Did I just… trick myself into thinking it was going somewhere?_

Whatever it was, it was clear now that they weren’t looking for the same thing. And that was… sad. That spike of anger  flowed out of him as quickly as it came, and Cullen was left feeling heavy and more tired than he should be. It felt like something far more significant than what amounted to two dates and one amazing night was ending, and that was as painful as it was confusing. He’d really let Dorian work his way in, hadn’t he?

Still, he didn’t like ending it like that… saying something so shitty, even if he’d thought it true. He held his phone up over his head and tapped out one more message.

_[Text: Dorian]: I was rude because I was angry. Am angry, mostly at myself. Seemed like we wanted the same thing, but maybe not. I’m sorry for assuming._

Before pressing send, though, he sighed as he read and re-read that message, alternating between feeling bad for what he’d said and feeling completely justified... and that maybe he should have dug a little deeper. The nauseating sinking feeling that had come with the realization that he’d basically been an extended one-night stand - the shame, the disappointment, all of that - it won out in the end, and he cleared out that text and rolled over on his bed with a groan.

Maybe one of the kids would like the stuffed unicorn.

\----

He didn’t even pick his phone up until later that evening, and Dorian just closed out of that conversation without saying anything else. If Cullen was going to be an asshole, then Dorian didn’t really want anything to do with him. All that up and down, wondering what it was they were doing, and now this. It was ridiculous. Yes, he’d liked Cullen. He liked him a lot, but he wasn’t going to be berated for doing nothing wrong. Who got mad about someone leaving in the morning? And to what end? What did it accomplish?

The fact that it made him more upset than it should have probably pissed him off more. Two dates wasn’t something to get in a snit over, Dorian knew that. Logically, he did. But much like that compulsion he’d had that morning to _stay_ , there was something in him that said this was _wrong_. And it was wrong. That feeling was wrong. Right? There was no reason to feel sad that this thing, whatever it was, had probably just imploded on itself. After all, he’d slept with other men who never called before. It wasn’t a big deal.

“Fuck,” he breathed as he shook his head, and settled himself on the couch, “fucking disappointment.”

It really was, too, and he was _really_ not looking forward to going to work and having to explain this. After the last date and how _it_ had turned out, there was no way he was going to live this down. And he hadn’t even done anything wrong! He hadn’t. They’d had fun, Dorian had left to give Cullen his day without being in the way. Cullen didn’t want him there, he knew that. No one wanted him there, not after a night like that. So there.

\----

“Maker DAMN it,” Cullen hissed as his hammer made contact with his thumb. His head wasn’t in this, he already knew that, but what else was there? He’d spent most of the morning tormenting himself over whether or not he should reply to Dorian, and what he could even say if he did. The longer he took to decide, the more awkward it seemed to send something. So… hours of that had passed as he lay on his bed and then went down to the couch and then over to the dining room table and then back up to his room. River watched him pace, watched him make faces and talk to himself as he tried to figure out what to say. When he was still enough, she sat by him, but, though he said the right things in the right tone and scratched behind her ears the right way… she still watched him with concerned eyes.

When he’d had enough of that restless up and down and back and forth, he’d gone to his little workshop in the garage and just… did what he did when he was upset. He worked on something so he didn’t have to think. It was easier to tune out, focus on the task at hand, and push the world away.

Usually, anyway. The way his thumb was throbbing now proved that this was definitely not one of those times. He’d be doing just fine, working on his latest project, and then, like a shock to his system, he’d see the hairband he _still_ wore around his wrist for some reason or think, _I won’t see him again,_ and all his focus and energy was gone, drained out of him. It left him feeling empty, like he’d lost something, and he had… but it had just been two dates. He shouldn’t feel so… lonely.

_Well, shit,_ he thought as he sucked his injured thumb and made his way back inside, _It’s not my fault. I’m just… I'm just sad that I was wrong about him, is all. It's a damn shame - of course I'm upset. I’ll get over it, and things will go back to being normal._

Yes, normal. Perfectly normal Cullen with his perfectly normal hobbies to try and fill a perfectly solitary life. Normal.

Maker, he hadn't known how lonely he really was until now.

\----

Something wasn’t right. Dorian couldn’t put his finger on _what_ wasn’t right, but something wasn’t. He was antsy, anxious, pissy, and just… unhappy. It wasn’t a nice feeling. He hadn’t felt like that in a long time, and he didn’t really know what to do about it. In some ways, he felt like he _should_ be doing something but wasn’t, and in a lot of ways it was like he was doing something and _shouldn’t_. It was so strange. Terrible and strange, and nothing helped.

No amount of running or swimming or cleaning or working made it go away, and Dorian was practically chewing the couch cushions for just how overwrought he felt. Maybe he was going stir crazy. That was definitely something. Staying at home maybe wasn’t the best thing for him right now, and he opened his phone to quickly send off a text to meet up at one of the local cafes or something.

Until he saw who his fingers had brought up to send that text. Cullen. Almost instinctively he’d brought up Cullen’s name. Dorian almost threw the phone away from him like it had burned him, and he shook his head to try to clear his mind. Why? Why was this happening? Why did he want to text Cullen when he was feeling antsy and like he wanted someone to talk to? There were plenty of other people, people he’d known longer and better, that he could text and ask to meet up but there was some part of him that wanted to see _Cullen._

Yes, Cullen who had gotten pissed off at him for no reason. Cullen who didn’t even send him anything to apologize for being incredibly rude. Cullen who had looked so beautiful when he was asleep and made Dorian consider _staying_ and possibly ruining everything. Then again, it seemed like that was going to happen regardless of whether he stayed or not. So either Cullen would have asked him to leave or gotten mad that he left. Great. So why did he want to see him again, even now?

Why did he want to call him and hear the smile in his voice when he laughed? Why did he want to text him and have it go back to the gentle joking that they had before all this weirdness. Why did his mind flick back to the other night, to the fair, and actually more to the moments where they’d just laughed and talked. He saw Cullen in his mind’s eye, he saw him heft that hammer thing and ring the bell at that strength test, he saw him laughing as he dusted Dorian’s mustache and beard with powdered sugar, and he saw him looking down at him with intensely passionate eyes.

It was fucking maddening was what it was. And it wasn’t fair. Why… why did he _miss_ him? Why had he missed him on the days when he hadn’t seen him, even before yesterday? Why did he look forward to those nights out as much as he did? Why did it matter? And why did it bother him that it mattered.

Why. _Why_? And why was he still compelled to fucking call the man and ask him to go for coffee and maybe talk about this nonsense? He’d never been like that. Not ever. Ever. Not with anyone, save maybe Felix when they fought on occasion, and he wanted to do that with Cullen. It was stupid. Stupid and… and… confusing.

\----

By the time Saturday night rolled around, Cullen's head was pounding, each heartbeat sent a staccato shock that ran from behind his left eye, up his temple and back over his skull. He knew that for what it was - a stress headache, one that could get nasty. If he didn't do something, and soon, the nausea would follow, and he'd be looking at a day in a dark room hiding from a migraine. _Lovely._ Still, sleep evaded him, the pain in his head and the stinging in his heart wouldn't allow it, so, in the small hours of the morning, he gave in and took something to just… knock him out - slow everything down so he could just rest. That kind of sleep was never fulfilling, though. And while he finally passed out and stayed that way for hours and hours, when he woke up Sunday, it was nearly noon and none of the problems from the day before had magically disappeared. It was all there, every bit of that shame and anger and loneliness and loss, as soon as he opened his eyes. Even better, his mind was cloudy and dull from the meds.

The headache, at least, was gone. That was something. Fucking _yay_.

So he dragged himself out of bed, moving through that foggy haze of lingering medicine, fed the dog - who was practically beside herself with worry - and let her out into the backyard. He hardly had the energy to feed himself, let alone go for an actual walk. Time in the backyard would just have to do.

And that's how most of Sunday went. Cullen dragged around listlessly, unsure of what to do, or if anything should be done at this point. He was the one who’d been wronged; he was the one who’d been left behind after being used… so why did he feel so restless and _guilty_? Why was he wondering if he'd done something to make Dorian think he was _bothering_ him? Why did he pick up his phone and stare at those messages, both from before and from yesterday morning, and itch to just talk to Dorian? Cullen had so much to say still. Drafts of messages ultimately saved but unsent populated his phone. Everything from short lines like _‘Can we talk?’_ to longer, paragraphed messages that started angrily, _‘I thought you were better than that. How could you?’._

But the time to respond gracefully had passed. And maybe it was better this way. Rip it off fast, as the saying went, like a band aid.

Later that evening, after a day spent wallowing in self pity and the anger that came along with it - _I shouldn't feel like this. It's pathetic. Just fucking get over it_ \- Cullen decided to shower. That usually helped, after all, and at least he could say he got something done that day… even if it was just basic hygiene. But when he stood shirtless in front of his mirror, he saw evidence of that night all over him. Bruises and scratches - some faded, some still standing out in stark relief to his pale skin - littered his chest and shoulders, and he saw his own face crumple in the mirror.

As it turned out, the shower didn't really help. At least he was clean.

Later, as he lay in bed, the dog curled up in her spot next to him, he could only hope that things would be better in the morning. They had to be… the kids would be there, bright and early, and nearly two days of this up and down sort of self-indulgent pouting was _enough._

_You've had your pity-party, now fucking just… be better._

\----

Weekends off were usually a blessing, but this one… this one. Dorian had spent the entirety of it in a bad mood. He hadn’t felt so antsy and pissed off and sad like that in a while, so to feel that way was more than a little obnoxious. The fact that he couldn’t control it, too, was just making it worse. So he looked forward to going to work. Not talking about what happened over the weekend at work, but going. Seeing Oswin and Merise always made him feel better, so that would help. A few splashes and them nosing at his hands would have him smiling, and he needed that right now.

Still, he kept opening his phone. He still _wanted_ to text Cullen. He wanted to know why the man had gotten so upset at him. He wanted to know why the man had blamed him for ‘getting what he wanted’ when Cullen had gotten the exact same thing. None of it made sense. But to send him something now would only reopen the wound, he had a feeling, so it didn’t. It was a shame. He’d liked the man a lot, more than he could remember liking anyone, and for it to implode like that was such a disappointment.

That said, it was why he didn’t normally do things like that. Things imploded, people didn’t call again, and it was so much easier when he wasn’t invested. He had been, a bit, with Cullen. There for a few moments, he’d considered things he never would have with anyone else, and he liked spending time with him. Now all that was gone, and he didn’t really know why. Disappointing. There was no other word for it.

_[Text: Cullen]: im sorry I made u upset. I miss u._

He stared down at that text for a long time, finger hovered over the ‘send’ button, and he sighed. Why did he feel compelled to talk to this man? Dorian Pavus did not, repeat DID NOT, _p_ _ine_. It was a useless emotion, a useless act, and yet there he was. And oh, how he wanted to send that message. He wanted to get something in reply, but considering their last conversation, he could only imagine it might be something else rude and mean. They’d had a couple of days to cool down, though. Maybe… maybe Cullen wouldn’t be as upset. Maybe.

Dorian deleted it, though, and just went to bed early. Both Oswin and Merise had their check-ups in the morning, and he wanted to be there early enough to get it done before it bled over into their practice time. That would help. Doing something constructive would help. He still wished he could send _something_ , though, or… get something. Anything, even if it was a stupid thing to consider.

\----

Monday morning saw Cullen up earlier than usual. Whether it was because he’d spent the day before dragging around or the fact that once his mind began rising into consciousness, he couldn’t get it to shut up… well, he didn’t know. A little of both, probably, but either way, he was up at 6 am, leaning on the kitchen counter and drinking coffee, his phone out in front of him. He was scrolling through all the drafts of messages he’d tapped out the day before, cringing at some for how ugly they were. He’d been angry - was still angry when he thought about it - and he had a sharp tongue when he was mad, he knew that. It was… probably for the best that those messages were buried in his phone. Whatever it had been with Dorian… it may have been over, but Cullen didn’t want to be… hurtful. Still, writing all that out, slow and painful as it had been to do it on his phone, had been… therapeutic. A bit, anyway. He still felt like someone had walked by and punched him in the gut, he was still confounded as to why he felt so guilty about the way things went down, still frustrated that, even now, his fingers wanted to find Dorian’s name and just say… what, exactly? Hello, for starters.

But he slid his phone aside, feeling that choking frustration rise, and went upstairs to pull on some clothes. A nice, long walk for the dog would help. She deserved as much… after having to endure his moping all weekend, she deserved a fucking turkey dinner. But… kibble and a leisurely stroll would have to do.

The walk helped, and Cullen actually felt a little more human as he strolled back up his driveway and entered his garage. At least the idea of looking after the kids had started sounding less like a chore and more like that, too, could be good. Still, though… before Mia got there… he opened the car door and pulled that stuffed unicorn out from where it had stayed all weekend. Something in his chest tore a bit as he picked it up, memories of what had been such a good fucking time clouding his mind. _Annie or Toby would appreciate this_ , he thought, as he led River inside and removed her leash, _Yeah, the kids will want this. Shouldn’t let it go to waste._  

The unicorn sat on the couch, waiting for its intended owners for half an hour. When Cullen heard Mia’s car pulling up and the sound of children’s voices, though, something like panic bubbled up in his chest. Without really knowing why, he grabbed the stuffed toy, ran up the stairs, and hid it in his closet. Apparently, he wasn’t ready to let go of that memory just yet.

As he came back down, he heard the door open, and the click-click-clicking of River’s nails on the hard floor as she greeted the children. “Hey, you slacker, get up!” he heard Mia call out, and he couldn’t help but chuckle a little. That sound surprised even him.

“Look, I’m running late,” Mia explained as she unloaded the kids’ stuff on the kitchen table, “but you are absolutely going to tell me about Friday when you drop them off tonight. I’m a little offended you didn’t call me already.” Her tone was petulant, but she grinned and dropped a wink his way.

Well, he’d hoped she wouldn’t… but of course she did. She asked. She wanted to know. She took a half day off work so he could have a good time, after all. She was invested.

“There’s not much to tell,” Cullen sighed and checked to make sure the kids weren’t paying attention. They _liked_ Dorian, after all. “It went ok, and then it didn’t. I doubt I’ll see him again, and that’s about all there is to it. I don’t… I don’t really want to talk about it beyond that. Not right now.”

Mia’s smile fell, and in an instant, she was hugging her brother’s neck. “I’m sorry, big brother,” she answered, and Cullen knew she was. She _really_ was… which somehow made the whole thing more real. “If you need to talk… just call, ok? I hate it, but I really have to run now.”

“Go on… go provide for your family and all that,” Cullen replied, wearing a wistful smile and waving her off. “I’ll survive.”

She regarded him with serious, chestnut-colored eyes for a long, measured moment before she sighed and turned. “You kids be good for Uncle Cullen!” she called out before the door closed behind her.

And, thankfully, they were. For moments, just bits and pieces, Cullen actually forgot about that ripped feeling in his chest as he threw himself into their play. He actually smiled, and that was something. But still, at the end of the day… they were gone and he was still there. Alone. Alone and wanting… something. _Someone_ , even though he knew that someone didn’t want him… at least, not in the same way or for the same reasons.

\----

He slammed his locker closed and sighed as he reached up to pull his hair up into a bun. Dorian was ready to get the day going, and now that both Oswin and Merise had been checked over, there was plenty of time to enjoy their free swim and training time before the first show. Oswin had seemed to pick up on the lingering sadness and annoyance that clung to him, and had nosed at Dorian’s hands more than usual. He appreciated that. Maker help him, but he did love them both. They made him smile, and as he made his way back out to the pool, now clad in the wetsuit and with his hair pulled up, Dorian waved at Merise who was waiting for him.

With a sigh, he settled himself at the edge of the pool with his feet dangling inside, and Dorian rubbed his hand over the top of Merise’s head. Oswin, he assumed, was off being impressive down at the other ends of the tanks where the early guests could see him, so he smiled and tapped the end of Merise’s nose.

“And how’s my lovely girl?” he asked, “good today? Did you miss me, darling? 

\----

“Oh, she moped about all weekend,” head trainer Mahanon Lavellan - usually just Lavellan to… well, everyone - called from the doorway of his little office to the side of the pool. “Much like a certain brilliant but beleaguered trainer. I figured you’d be all smiles this morning… dare I ask how the second date with your Fereldan admirer went?”

\----

Dorian made a bit of a face for that and just ran his fingers over Merise’s head, “Maybe you shouldn’t,” he answered, then sighed, “I feel a little stupid for talking about it as much as I did, honestly.”

Grey eyes lowered to look down at the dolphin and Dorian shook his head, “ _You’d_ never pull any of that, would you?” he asked. She clicked in response, and Dorian chuckled a little, “that’s what I thought. You’re wonderful. 

\----

As Dorian spoke to his newest charge, Lavellan frowned. There’d been that bit of a misunderstanding the first go ‘round, but with the way that big blond had been coming around and looking at his coworker… Lavellan had really thought Dorian was just reacting to a little bruised ego. It seemed like maybe not… or, honestly, maybe that was still the case. Lavellan pushed off the doorframe and sank down next to Dorian as he watched Alamarri and Korcari play tag across the pool. “Well, now I’m curious,” he said, glancing sidelong over at Dorian, “What happened? What did he “pull”?”

\----

“I mean… the date was fine,” Dorian answered, “it was just, you know, after.”

Sera plopped herself down on Dorian’s other side and grinned, “he decide to run off again?” she asked.

One hand lifted to press against his forehead, “no… not, not exactly.”

\----

Lavellan caught Sera’s eye and they both raised an eyebrow. “Then… it _was_ just a friends thing, or?”

Sera shook her head. “Uh uh, no way. Those weren’t _friendly_ looks comin’ from that guy. I don’t buy it.”

The two turned back to Dorian, faces expectant... and a bit concerned, to tell the truth. The man was acting just plain odd. Lavellan never knew Dorian to be so… vague or unwilling to share, even with the rare bad date. In those instances, there was usually a bit of teasing, some dramatic story about how dreadful the guy had been, and then back to work. This was… curious.

\----

“I mean, like I said, the date was fine,” Dorian repeated, “we actually went to the fair, of all things. I was kind of dubious, you know, but it ended up being a really great time. Rides, shitty food, tacky games… it was good.”

“So…” Sera drawled.

“And I went back to his place. We almost didn’t because he realized just as we were leaving that he had to feed his dog, and not in a ‘I have to go feed my dog so I can get away from you’ kind of way, but legitimately. Then he invited me back there, and it was a good night.” Dorian shrugged then, and looked down at his hands, “a really good night.”

Then what? How did he explain it?

“Next morning… I left. No big deal. Then he sent me these text messages and he was angry,” Dorian went on, “it was kind of surreal because he seemed to be having a good time too, so I don’t know… we haven’t talked since.”

\----

“Huh,” Lavellan said as he leaned back, hands behind him to support his weight.

“What, mad for no reason?” Sera asked, her nose crinkled up and brows furrowed.

“Well, how was he when you left? Was he angry then?” Lavellan asked and tilted his head to the side. Either this Cullen guy was a real piece of work or they weren’t getting the whole story. Which… well, it was strange. The pauses, the way Dorian kept looking away and down at his hands… shit, even the way he’d been excited - _actually_ excited - before that first date was different. That he’d given the man another chance… well, that was nearly unheard of… at least, there hadn’t been many second chances for the fellows Dorian saw in the years Lavellan had known the man.

\----

Dorian shrugged again, “He was asleep,” and patted the top of the water to get Merise to nose at his hands, “so… I don’t know.” It wasn’t anything unusual, and even saying it out loud made him feel even weirder about it. “I got a text from him a couple hours later asking where I went, and I figured it was pretty obvious… then he got kind of nasty about it.”

Grey eyes lifted to meet Lavellan’s, and Dorian shook his head, “I don’t know. It’s… disappointing. I liked him.”

\----

Lavellan arched an eyebrow at that - _he was asleep_ \- before leaning over to pat Merise gently. She clearly preferred Dorian… but she was warming up to others, and he gave her a smile before sighing. “Well… and I'm not trying to justify anything some guy I don't know did,” he finally responded with a slow, measured pace, “... but I doubt it was as obvious to him where you went - or _why_ \- as it was to you.” He shrugged and was silent for a moment before adding, “I mean… if Elia’d run off without saying anything after the first time, you know, I'd have probably made a few… unkind assumptions myself.”

\----

“Why?” Dorian asked, “I’ve literally never had anyone get upset at me before…” he searched Lavellan’s face then, “and he said I ‘got what I wanted’ which was… really uncalled for. Rude. Absolutely rude.”

\----

“Yeah, it was rude,” Lavellan answered lightly, “and he should apologize, but all I'm saying is that this guy… he's not your norm. Nothing about him has been your norm. Maybe he had… different expectations.”

Sera grinned and draped her arms around Dorian's shoulders, “Like a morning snuggle up,” she laughed, “Or round two. Which… gross, yeah, but that's _your_ thing… so you'd probably like it, right?” She let him go and settled back down, more serious now, “Point is, he maybe thought he wasn't gonna wake up all alone.”

“... which could maybe explain the anger?” Lavellan finished. “I don't know, man… it was nice seeing you happy like that for a while. It's just… it's something to think about.”

\----

… no. Surely not. Surely… surely Cullen didn’t want him to stay. He was just pissed off because he hadn’t been the one to do the throwing out. That had to be out. Who stayed in the morning? Seriously, who _did_ that?

“No one wants someone to stick around in the morning,” Dorian pointed out as he lifted one hand to start counting off on his fingers, “it’s clingy, it’s presumptuous, it’s desperate, and it’s… setting up a lot of expectations. Do I need to go on? Because I can go on.” He gave them both a look, “he was probably just pissed off that he didn’t get to be the one to tell me to go. Some men are like that… like to be in control, you know?”

\----

“I mean, maybe…” Lavellan shrugged. It seemed to him that Dorian was working pretty hard to convince himself of… what, exactly? He wasn't entirely sure, but any time fingers and lists came into the argument, there was usually a hint of desperation in the air. It was like as not that pushing him any farther would just make it worse. But still… to hear Dorian claim that no one wanted anyone to stick around the morning after, it was more than a little… sad. Sera, too, had picked up on that, and her brows furrowed as her mouth turned down.

“Are you _kidding_?” she asked, disbelief dripping from her tone, “So long as you really like them, the morning after’s the best part. Well, maybe not the _best_ part… but still. It's all cute bedhead and warm snuggles and sleepy giggles. I love waking up next to my Widdle!”

“And there you have it,” Lavellan said with a chuckle. “Just… maybe this guy _was_ wrong and a total ass and _completely_ not worth your time, but maybe stop confusing wanting to _be_ with someone with desperation… or being clingy.”

\----

“Please,” Dorian waved a hand, “no one wants the guy who hangs around and begs for attention. Believe me.”

At that, he slid into the water, Merise happily swam circles around him and he leaned in to rest his forehead against hers. There was no way that Cullen had wanted him to stay. There was no way there would have been any of those ‘sleepy cuddles’ or anything like it. Maybe another round, but then what? Then get kicked out? No. No way. Dorian had, at least in his more recent years, always gone of his own volition.

“Now,” he said up at the two of them, “are we done talking about my failed love life?”

\----

Tuesday passed in much the same way Monday had. As long as Cullen was engaged - as long as he had the kids around or the dog to walk or something to clean, he was… ok. Not good, but ok. But when he had those little moments alone in his head, a bitter taste would creep into his mouth and that unsettling hollow feeling would set in. Every single time. Without fail. It was always waiting for him, waiting for the kids to run off and play together or when he ducked into the bathroom… those moments that were supposed to be quiet weren't. They were full of what ifs and whys and what happeneds. What if he hadn't stopped messaging Dorian that day? Why did Dorian leave, really? Was it really because all the man was after was that one night, or did he really think Cullen thought him a bother? If so… what happened that made him think so? Cullen didn't know… he had no answers to the questions his mind cast about, and that was just… infuriating. He wavered between that heavy sadness and spiky anger, he was annoyed. He was… he wasn't himself.

And why did this shake him up so damn much?

When it was time on Tuesday afternoon, he rounded Annie and Toby up, strapped them into their seats, and tried not to notice the little stuffed dolphins they were _still_ carrying around with them as he made the drive to Mia’s - right past that Maker damned fair. He'd thought something was really happening there, and he guessed it had… but it wasn't what he'd thought. Not by a long shot. That did nothing to improve his mood, to say the least, and by the time he got to Mia’s, his teeth were on edge and he was practically buzzing with frustration.

“We're here, Mia,” he called when they came through the door. “Another day done. I'll see you in the morning.”

He wanted to go… but not home. To drive… _somewhere_. To do _something_. He just didn't know what. What he _did_ know was that he was going to find another way to Mia’s, at least until the fair packed up and fucking left.

\----

“Hey!” Mia called from the kitchen, then jogged up to the foyer. One hand went to ruffle Toby’s hair while the other rested on Annie’s shoulders, “why don’t you guys go get washed up, hm?” she asked them, then looked over at Cullen. Something... something wasn’t right. She’d hadn’t seen her brother look like that... well, maybe ever. It was like she could almost see the steam coming out of his ears. “And _you_ are staying for a cup of coffee,” she told him with a look.

She shuffled the kids toward the stairs and gestured to Cullen, “come on. You look like you need it.”

\----

“Another time,” Cullen answered. He didn't want her to see him like this. He didn't want to _be_ like this. It was asinine. Ridiculous, that he hadn't gotten over it, that he couldn't just accept it as something that ended up being a bad deal and move on. Time though… that would help. He just needed time. “River hasn't been out in a while, and I've got a… a thing setting in the garage I need to check on.”

_And now you're lying to your sister. Nice._

\----

“Cullen,” Mia chided gently, eyebrows raised, and folded her arms, “come on. A thing? And you never leave her without some of those pads down. She can wait ten minutes.” One hand reached out and she rested it on Cullen’s shoulder to nudge him back toward the kitchen, “Move it.”

\--- 

A strained look crossed Cullen's face and he fidgeted from side to side. He really, really didn't want to _move it_ , unless what he was moving was his own ass to his car. Because if he sat, if he saw her concerned eyes and heard her voice, he'd _talk_. And if he talked… it would all come out and be real. “Mia, I just… I can't right now, ok?”

\----

She moved a bit and linked her arm with her brother, “Yes you can,” Mia told him, and shuffled them forward to the kitchen, “come talk to me. Please?” Amber eyes that were so much like her brother’s searched his face and she tipped her head to the side, “you look like you could use someone to talk to.”

\----

Well, he'd tried, hadn't he? He remembered telling someone recently - Dorian, of course it was Dorian - that the kids got their stubborn streak from their mother. She'd decided she wanted to talk to him, and she wasn't going to relent. Not this time - that gleam was in her eye. And honestly, she wasn't wrong. He'd spent the past four days locked in his head and had come up with no answers. Might as well see if letting some of it out would… help. He might explode if he didn't, anyway.

Cullen sighed and tried to relax as he allowed his sister to lead him to the kitchen counter, where he sat on one of the stools. “Well alright, you win,” he grumbled, “Nice weather we've been having, huh?”

He was being difficult. He knew that. He just… he didn't know where to start or how.

\----

“Oh, yeah, great,” she answered as she set to making a pot of coffee. Mia was quiet for just a second, just long enough to pour some grounds in the filter and water in the carafe, then turned to look over at Cullen. “So… what’s been going on?” Mia asked, “you’ve been kind of out of it the last couple of days, hm?”

\----

Hands clasped in front of him, Cullen stared down at the counter and sighed. “It's just, you know, the thing on Friday,” he started, and even he heard how strained and high his voice was. “I'm working through it. Don't worry about it. Really.”

\----

Mia moved over to the other side of the counter and folded her arms to lean on them. Maker, but Cullen looked… tired. Really tired. Like end of the year at school tired, and things hadn’t even kicked back off yet. “Want to talk about it?” she asked gently, “what happened? It’s not like you to get so upset over a bad date.”

\----

“It wasn't just a bad date,” he heard himself say and winced as he worried his hands. Now he'd done it… he started talking about it, which meant he would have to follow through. Truth be told, now that he was sitting there with a sympathetic ear and the smell of coffee percolating… part of him wanted to. “It was… good. Fun, you know. Better than I thought, and I… I hoped it would go somewhere. Somewhere _important._ ” He shrugged, attempting to seem nonchalant, but who really knew if he'd been successful. Probably not. Nothing he'd done lately had been completed with much success. “Where it went was my bedroom, and that's about as far as he wanted to take it, apparently, because he was gone before I woke up.” His cheeks burned to discuss what went on behind closed doors with his sister, but that was part of it. “So… that's the long and short of it. I wasn't special or important. I don't know what I was… beyond a lay, I guess.”

\----

That wasn’t at all what Mia had expected. “Shit,” she breathed, and shook her head, “have you… talked to him? At all? Since then?” What a bastard. For months, Cullen had liked this guy, and when she’d found out they were finally going out, she’d been excited for him. It seemed like a good thing. This? This wasn’t a good thing. “I’m so sorry, Cullen, I know you... liked him.”

\----

Cullen nodded grimly. What else was there to say to that? He _had_ liked Dorian. Or the idea of him. Or something like that. Maybe… but the way Dorian had managed to make Cullen feel so completely at ease with himself, like it was ok to just be… was that really just the idea of the man, or was it the man himself? Still, things had ended up this way, so did it really matter?

He moved then to grab his phone out of his pocket. A few taps later, and he had the conversation with Dorian pulled up to the last few texts. With a finger, he pushed the phone over to her. “I… texted him to see where he was. He just said he didn't want to be a _bother_. Sounds a lot like a handwave to me. But here, read it yourself.”

\----

One hand reached for the phone, and Mia scrolled through the texts for a few seconds. There wasn’t much. Even what was there wasn’t much to go on, but what Cullen had said came up a couple of times in their conversation. “I mean, and I don’t know him, but he did say he didn’t want to bother you a couple of times,” she pointed out, “and he did respond. So that’s something?” She shrugged and set Cullen’s phone down before she reached out and touched his hand. “I’m trying to find the positive here,” she offered, “because that’s a pretty shitty situation. He just… left? No note? Nothing?”

\----

“Well, and I appreciate it, but there's not a lot of positivity to be found,” Cullen answered, and snorted a humorless laugh. “And, yeah, he responded. Want to know my favorite one? That _I_ was being _rude_ to him. I'm sorry, but in my book, sneaking out without a fucking trace trumps a snippy text in the _rude_ department. _Using_ someone like that is _rude_. Making them feel like they didn't mean a Maker damned fucking thing is _rude_. But, oh, excuse _me_ for calling him out on it.”

Ah. There was the anger. Surging up, stronger than it had been the morning he'd woken up alone and gotten that text. It was choking. It was terrible. Terrible because what it really was, what it hid, was heartache. “And what I really don't get… what really pisses me off… I _miss_ him. I've tried to text him I don't know how many times. Ain't that some shit?” He laughed again, something cold and mean, before folding his arms and resting his head on them. “I don't get it, Mia. It was so good. And not just the bit back at the house, but all of it before. What did I do? I thought he liked me. Why am I not enough for him to like me?”

Oh, Cullen hated the sound of his voice in that moment. Weak. Vulnerable. Sad. It was all just…. Sad.

\----

Mia could feel her heart break a little for her brother, and she ruffled his hair gently. This really bothered him. A lot. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen him this upset over someone. “I'm sure that's not it,” she told him, “you're a great guy. Anyone would be lucky to have you, you know?”

She sighed then and shook her head, “and I bet the reason you miss him is because you did like him so much. It happens.” It just sucked that it had to happen this way. Poor Cullen. Just… it was sad. “Maybe he, I don't know, really thought it _would_ bother you if he stayed. Or something. Did he ever talk much about anyone he dated in the past? People can be assholes, and if it seemed out of the blue…”

\----

Cullen waved Mia off and shook his head, barely containing the words _you have to say that_ as he rose to grab some mugs out of the cabinet. Of course Mia thought he was a great guy, and it _was_ nice to hear… but it really wasn't _her_ he wanted to hear that from right now. But Dorian didn't think he was great. Dorian probably didn't consider himself lucky to have had Cullen… or if he did, his definition of _having_ Cullen wasn't at all in sync with how Cullen interpreted it. And that was it, wasn't it? Apparently, Cullen was good enough to pursue, but not good enough to hold on to. Perhaps more than the feeling of being used, that's what hurt the most. He wasn't good enough, like he'd said. Like he'd thought from the very start. How much of those first days had he spent telling himself Dorian wasn't interested, couldn't be interested in someone so painfully average as Cullen? A lot, that's how much. A whole fucking lot, and he guessed he should have listened.

But then everything had clicked, so fast it had made his head spin a bit, and… to Mia’s implied point… maybe too fast. Beyond surface interests and a few things that made the man laugh and how his eyes glittered when he smiled… what did Cullen really _know_ about him?

“No,” he answered flatly as he poured two cups of coffee and pushed one over to Mia, “We hadn't… we didn't talk much about the past. It was only the second date. I don't… I hardly know anything about him. Maker's breath, I never do anything like that on the second date - for that very reason. What is _wrong_ with me?”

\----

“You _like_ him,” Mia pointed out as she turned to look over at Cullen, “that’s what happened. You… wanted him, you know? There’s not anything wrong with it. It has _been_ a while.” She gave him a look for that, and smiled a bit. “I told you to have fun, remember? And you did. Maybe… maybe that’s what you need?”

One hand reached out and she picked up her coffee to take a sip, “I don’t know,” she went on, “but I’m sorry, hm? Maybe he has some issues of his own or something and really _didn’t_ want to bother you. Or maybe he really did just want sex. People are… complicated.”

\----

A spoonful and a half of sugar, a healthy dose of cream, and Cullen's coffee, at least, was perfect. The rest of everything else, not so much. He thought he'd made some progress, but here he was in his sister's kitchen, feeling sorry for himself… worse than before, if that was even possible. “Well, I definitely didn't need this,” he groused, but managed to raise one corner of his mouth into a halfhearted smile before his face fell and he leaned over the counter. “I… I don't know, sis. I'm having a hard time seeing how a _goodbye_ could be a _bother_ … especially after _._ I mean, who does that - just _leaves_ \- outside of embarrassing one-night stands, huh? I just…” Cullen paused, cut himself off and ran an agitated hand through his hair, “... No. Nevermind. I'll get over it, but it just… it sucks.”

\----

“Maybe it wasn’t the goodbye that he thought would bother you,” Mia pointed out, “maybe… staying? I don’t know.” She reached out and rested a hand on Cullen’s back, “Some people are like that.”

Another sip of coffee, and she tipped her head to the side as she studied her brother, “I’m just saying that maybe he really didn’t mean to…” then waved a hand, “but I don’t know him. Just a thought.”

\----

That sort of thinking - that a goodbye or just staying could have been in any way annoying to Cullen - it was alien to him. Utterly preposterous, and he bit back all manner of retorts, gulping down almost half his coffee just to keep himself from saying something too off color or rude. It just seemed so _wrong_ that anyone could think themselves a bother after… well, after everything. No. No, surely that was just a brush off. An excuse to maybe save face or not have to come right out and say it. It had to be. Because otherwise… well, otherwise, Cullen's last text had been a mistake. Hurtful and just… yes, rude.

_No. It wasn't a mistake. That's… that's what it had to be. He used me and left, and that's the long and short of it._

“Even if he really thought that… he could have at least left a _note_ ,” Cullen started, but got no further before the kids were tumbling back into the room after their wash up. Apparently, one had splashed the other, and Mia suddenly had her hands full with their bickering. Cullen knew when to duck out, so he finished his coffee, gave his sister a quick hug, and slipped out after thanking her for the talk.

The ride home was quiet (not to mention about 5 minutes longer due to the detour to avoid the fair), giving Cullen plenty of time to think over what his sister had said. He waffled back and forth, wondering if Dorian was maybe just clueless - a little insensitive, maybe, but not malicious - or actually an asshole. By the time he got home, his head was spinning with it, and he collapsed on his couch, dog by his side, to get his phone out and scroll through their conversations. Up until the last few… there was nothing there that said Dorian wasn't being genuine. Some messages were flirty, some were awkward, some were witty and funny in a way that made him ache with how much he wanted that back. He'd thought there'd been a real and honest connection. He'd _tried_ … and failed. That thought made his throat tighten and his chest burn, and Cullen's fingers were tapping out a message before his brain caught up with him.

_[Text: Dorian] I don't know what happened, but I miss you. So much._

But that message, like all the others, didn't get sent. At this point, whether Cullen had been right or wrong, what was done was done and he'd just have to live with it. Right?

\----

He’d spent the rest of the day in a funk. The shows were good, and yes… seeing Merise and Oswin did help, but it didn’t quite clear Dorian's head the way he’d hoped. Every time he had a moment, he thought about what Lavellan and Sera had said, and now it really was starting to get horribly jumbled in his head. Whenever he thought about it, whenever he had a moment to himself, it was like he couldn’t think straight. There were too many voices in his head: Sera, Lavellan, himself, and yes… Cullen. Too many voices, and they were all jumbled together.

By the time he got off work, Dorian was really just… he wanted to talk to Cullen. He wanted to hear his voice, wanted to have the other man tell him it was okay, and he wanted to _see_ him. Dorian wanted to see him smile and feel one of those big arms around him to make him feel… what? Better? Not so alone in his own head, even though there were so many voices there? Something… something else?

_I miss him_.

Dorian had never _missed_ anyone before. He’d never _missed_ any of the guys he’d seen in the past. He’d never _missed_ someone who never called him again. Or insulted him. Or… anything like that. But he missed Cullen. In a weird, fucked up kind of way… Dorian missed him. More than he wanted to admit, and though he didn’t really know _why_ Cullen was mad, Dorian knew he _was_. And he’d done that. Somehow.

It kind of hit him on the way to the train station, as he was walking and scrolling through his phone, and when it did actually hit him Dorian stopped dead. He had to do something. Of course he could text Cullen, but it almost felt like it had been too long. It was a normal time by his standards, obviously, the three days, but after what Cullen had said to him the last time, he had to wonder if just some words on a screen would be enough. He had to _do_ something. But what?

_I have a fondness for sweet things._

Something sweet. Cullen liked sweets. Dorian quickly clicked off of his messages and opened up his browser so he could do a quick search, and it only took a bit of time before he had what he wanted. A train stop up from where he was and a few blocks over, and Dorian was inside a rather hip looking bakery. Sweet things. He picked out a little bit of everything from brownies to macarons to hand made chocolates, and the woman behind the counter nestled them nicely into a box lined with a little white doily.

Maker help him, but this was the first time he’d ever done something like this for anyone. It was so far out of his comfort zone that he was actually sweating as he paid the woman and filled out an address slip. Enclosed in the box, which would be delivered to the address on the slip, was a note as well. It wasn’t anything long or...well, probably terribly articulate, but it was something. A little something. Hopefully a sweet something.

And hopefully Cullen would like it. From him. Hopefully, Cullen would like it because he’d sent it.


	13. A Start to Something Good [2 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian makes a gesture that gives Cullen the clarity he needs. After a week of miserable uncertainty, it's time for a real talk.

He knew it was coming. Cullen knew for a fact what would happen Wednesday morning when the kids got there. It was inevitable. It was absolute.

It was aquarium day.

And even though he knew the question would come up, he still winced as that bottomless falling feeling settled in. “Uncle Cullen… when are we going to the ‘quarium?” A simple question, asked innocently enough by Toby, but it was enough to bring that agitation back, that feeling that something was missing, that something was just _wrong_. The way their faces fell in disappointment when Cullen suggested it was time to do something different this week made his heart ache, but he just… he couldn't.

So… the park it was. And it was probably the most sullen trip to the park of all time - not even ice cream afterwards helped lift the mood. Cullen couldn’t exactly say he blamed them. It had been _days_ now, and he hadn’t even been able to make himself feel any better - how was he supposed to cheer anyone else up?

“I miss the dolphins,” Toby muttered from his carseat as Cullen was driving them home that evening.

“And Dorian. He's nice,” Annie added, “I think we should not change things any more and go next week. Uncle Cullen? Can we go like always next week?”

All Cullen could manage was a lame, “We'll see,” but inside… inside, all he could think was _I miss him, too._

Thankfully, Mia didn't keep him for another chat. She just gave him a squeeze, a warm smile, and let him head back home. Honestly, that was probably the best thing for him - a little human comfort without having to rehash anything. At this point, going over everything again… it wouldn't help. He needed to… he needed to figure this out. Stop feeling so sorry for himself. Stop drowning in confusion and just move on. Easier said than done, of course, and the sight of a strange vehicle in his driveway when he pulled up didn't help with that confusion _at all._

“Are you…” the driver started as he looked down at his paperwork, “Cullen Rutherford?”

“That's me.”

“I've got a delivery for you,” he explained as he held a white box out for Cullen to take, “I was just about to leave a pickup slip for you - good thing you pulled up when you did. Here you are… something to make your day sweeter.”

 _What the fuck?_ Cullen wondered as he took the box and went inside. River pranced about excitedly - clearly she'd heard the driver outside - but Cullen completely ignored her for once. Brows lifted in curiosity, he made a beeline to the counter to set the box down. There was an envelope on the top, so he pulled that off before lifting the lid to see… Maker, there were so many sweets. Chocolates and things that looked like really fancy sandwich cookies and brownies and so many other things that looked absolutely delicious. _Who?_ He wondered, and his attention turned to the little envelope. He didn't waste time opening it, and his eyes widened as he read the short message within.

_You said you liked sweet things, so I'm hoping this is a sweet thing. I upset you, and I'm sorry. I miss you. ~Dorian_

It was only a few lines… but it was enough. Enough to prove that Cullen had been wrong. Enough to show him that Dorian _did_ care. Enough to finally decide.

_[Text: Dorian] I miss you, too. Can we talk? Please?_

And this time… this time he hit send without a second thought, and for the first time since Saturday morning, something felt right.

\----

Again, it had been a long day. After yesterday afternoon when he’d stopped at that little bakery, Dorian had been more than a little anxious about… pretty much everything since. He’d kept checking his phone in the hopes that maybe Cullen would send him something, but it seemed that he wasn’t going to. Had the box been delivered? Had he seen it yet? Had he seen it and decided he didn’t want anything more to do with Dorian?

Hopefully not.

He’d gotten home and showered after a day that felt twice as long as usual. Dorian was tired, still anxious, and as he picked his phone up to look at it, he felt a catch in his chest. All day he hadn’t heard from Cullen. All day. All… no. No, he didn’t want that. Dorian shook his head then, and set his phone down so he could quickly throw on some jeans and a shirt. He had to do something. He had to do more than send a care package. He had to… he had to _care_. He had to act.

So a taxi. It was a bit of a trip down to Cullen’s, but Dorian was determined. He had no idea what he was going to say, but he was going to say something. Anything. Apologize, even if he didn’t really know why he should, but he’d try. Maybe he could explain or something. Something. If Cullen would listen. Maybe he wouldn’t, maybe he wouldn’t want to see him, but he had to try.

Just as he paid the driver, however, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and when he pulled it out… well, it seemed like maybe there’d be a warmer welcome than he thought. Dorian chuckled for that, tucked his phone back in his pocket, and headed up the driveway so he could knock on the door. It had been… moments since that message, and he smiled to himself a little as he rocked back on his heels and waited to see if Cullen would open the door.

\----

 _What now?_ Cullen thought and frowned at the door. He didn’t want to answer it - he wanted to sit there and stare at his phone and wait until Dorian responded. Because he would. He would respond, and then they’d talk, and then they’d see. Maybe the end would be the same, but at least now he would know. At least now there was hope.

But there was someone at the door, and all Cullen knew was that he needed to get rid of them quickly. Quickly so he could go back to what he needed to do - wait. “Damn it all,” he grumbled to himself as he crossed the floor to pull the door open. “I’m sorry, but it’s…”

And that was as far as he got before his eyes registered just _who_ it was at his door. For a breath, everything just kind of… stopped. A moment in time, frozen, as Cullen’s mind worked to make sense of Dorian standing at his door. He was _there_. Somehow, he was really there, and Cullen could hear his own heart pounding as he just stared in slack-jawed disbelief.

_Go. Move! Say something!_

He shook his head, and the world started back up again. Just like that, everything resumed, and Cullen took a breath to steady himself. A tentative smile, something that was small and somehow both sad and pleased at the same time, curled his lips slightly. “You’re here,” he said, tone soft and a bit breathless for how shocked he really was. “But… I just texted you... “

\----

“I didn’t tell you?” Dorian asked with a small smile, “ability to materialize on command? That’s like, second year animal training.” He chuckled just a little bit for that before he lifted one hand to squeeze at the low bun he’d quickly wound his wet hair into before he’d left. “I was already on the way over here when I got your message, actually…” he went on before his gaze dropped, “I hadn’t, um… heard from you. Something was supposed to be delivered, and I don’t know if it made it, or if you wanted to see me, but I wanted to, you know, try. I guess it must have gotten here, then?”

Dorian bit at his lower lip for a long moment. At least Cullen didn’t tell him to leave immediately, so that was something. He’d kind of worried about that, but the text had said he wanted to talk. That was good. “I wanted to see you.”

\----

“Me, too,” Cullen answered with a nod. “I mean, you... I wanted to see you, too.” He stood there for a while, just letting his mind catch up and taking the time to just… convince himself Dorian was really there. The urge was there to reach out, grab his hands and pull him in - to prove that he was real and really _there_. But that was ridiculous. Of course he was there. He was there, and those beautiful grey eyes looked so sad and hopeful, but they weren’t looking at him. Not directly. And that… something had to be done about that. They needed to… well, they needed to talk.

But here Cullen was, standing mute and slackjawed at his door. He shook his head to clear it and stepped aside, “Please… come in? I… I'd like it if we could talk. Really talk.” Cullen tilted his head to catch Dorian's eyes and smiled gently, “And… as luck would have it, I happen to have a whole box of treats to offer.”

\----

That was good to hear, and Dorian lifted his gaze to meet Cullen’s for a moment before he smiled just a little bit. So… Cullen wanted to talk. Of course, Dorian didn’t know what to _say_ , but he was willing to at least say something. Anything. So long as he at least made the effort, right? That was more than he’d ever done before with anyone.

“Well, that was good timing,” he teased gently before he stepped inside and reached out for just a moment to rest his hand on Cullen’s arm. “Thank you for letting me come over,” Dorian murmured, “and talk. I was worried I maybe waited too long, you know?”

\----

That touch was nice, and after almost a week of being angry and lonely and confused, its effect went far beyond the moment it lasted. Cullen smiled again for the warmth, but his eyes were regretful. Sad. “We're both guilty of that, I think,” he said softly, “But… come on… we can remedy that now. Hopefully… hopefully it's _not_ too late.” He wanted to take Dorian's hand, but right now… he still wasn't sure. Instead, he led Dorian into the dining room and gestured to the table as he went into the kitchen. “Have a seat… Make yourself comfortable. Feel like something to drink? Coffee, maybe?”

\----

Oh, coffee. “Coffee sounds amazing,” Dorian agreed with a nod, and smiled a bit as he settled himself at the table. Now, in the low light of the afternoon and not with his arms full of Cullen... he could see the man had a nice place. “Your house is great,” he commented as he leaned on his elbows. Cullen looked great, too. Tired, but still great. Not that Dorian could imagine Cullen ever not looking great. “I didn’t get to say as much before,” he went on, and looked down at his hands. His heart was starting to pound now, and the longer he sat there the more he realized he had no idea what he was going to say when they did talk. He didn’t know why Cullen was angry… but he was here. For whatever it was worth.

\----

“It’s a mess,” Cullen admitted with a soft snort. “I, ah… haven’t felt much like cleaning…. But thanks. It’s not mine, strictly speaking, but I’ve rented here for… oh… five years or so? Something like that, anyway.” Ah, the nervous chitchat before the big talk. Cullen wasn’t a fan of it, didn’t like trying to speak about normal things while his heart was pounding in his throat and all he really wanted to do was get to it. It was nigh unbearable, so he concentrated on making the coffee as quickly as he could. There were things he had to say, and he’d rather do that sitting next to Dorian - not calling to him from the kitchen.

It took a few trips, but soon enough, he was sitting at the table with two cups of coffee, spoons, sugar, milk, and that box of treats between them. He scooped sugar out into his his cup and began stirring as he took a breath and looked over at Dorian, meeting his eyes. “I’m not very good at this, but… before we start… Look, I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I think that maybe I wasn’t… fair to you. With my last text that day, I mean. I shouldn’t have just snapped like that, and... I’m sorry.” He sighed heavily then and poured some milk into his coffee. “I just… I didn’t want to start with you thinking that I didn’t… I don’t know… respect you or that I thought less of you. If that makes sense.”

\----

He blinked a few times for that. No one had ever said anything like that to him, not in this kind of sense, and it was actually a little bit strange. That said, it was nice to not be judged, because that text _had_ been a little judgey. So that was something. Dorian nodded, though he kept his gaze on the coffee mug in front of him. What did he say to that?

“I can’t say that I understand _why_ you got so angry, but…” he began, then shrugged, “I know something upset you. So I guess it’s good to know there’s no judgement or whatever there, too.”

\----

It was all Cullen could do not to blurt out _what’s not to understand?_ To him, it was obvious why he’d been upset - painfully so. Who _wouldn’t_ understand? Who _wouldn’t_ know that sneaking out without a trace the morning after was just… hurtful? Instead of shouting out the first thing that came to mind Cullen managed restraint, though his face tightened, and he took a sip of coffee to give himself time to get his thoughts in order. Thankfully, Mia’s voice was in his head - _maybe he’s got issues of his own or something_. Maybe he did, but still…

“You… you really don’t understand why?” Cullen asked from behind his coffee cup. He was done with being angry, done with saying things impulsively that were hurtful and small, so he kept his breathing even and voice soft and low.

\----

“Not really, no,” Dorian answered honestly, “I mean, I’ll be honest… I’ve never had anyone ever get mad at me for leaving in the morning. And if someone doesn’t leave, they usually get thrown out. I really _did_ mean it when I said I wanted to not be a bother.” he shook his head then, and lifted a hand to rub over his face. This was difficult. “So, I’m sorry that it upset you. But I’ve never had any inclination to stay with someone after a night like that, and if we had a sort of different idea about how things were going to go… it wasn’t meant to be a slight against you or anything. It really wasn’t.”

\----

 _He didn’t have any inclination to stay? And he didn’t mean it to be a slight?_ It didn’t make sense. They were sitting there, facing one another and finally talking… and yet what Cullen had hoped would answer his questions was only raising more. It didn’t even occur to Dorian to stay, or at least that's what Cullen was hearing - that he hadn’t even _wanted_ to stay that morning. Knowing that was like… pulling a scab off, and suddenly, it was Saturday morning again. Something in Cullen’s chest twisted, sharp and cruel, and behind it, he could feel that anger. At least now, he could recognize it for what it was - a defense to hide the hurt. That didn't make it any easier to choke back, but he did. He choked it back so he could _think_.

Because this… it didn't make any sense. To hear Dorian talk now, what with the _never_ having any inclination to stay after a night like that and the _‘different idea about how things would go’_... it sounded an awful lot like Cullen's initial assessment was right - Dorian didn't want what Cullen wanted. But why, then, was he _there_? Why did he go through the trouble of sending something to apologize and then actually _show up_ if that was the case? For a moment, the confusion over this… inconsistency drowned out the ache in Cullen's chest, and his brows knit together in frustration. “Now I don't understand,” he replied slowly. This… whatever happened, he wanted it to be a civil discussion… but right now, nothing was adding up. “I don't get it… _this_ ,” he went on, gesturing to the box of sweets and Dorian, “You said we had a different idea of how things were going to go, and I'm inclined to agree, considering where we are… but that begs the question… how did you think things would go?” He shook his head and sighed. “I mean, when you say you never stay after sex… it sounds like that's all this was about. So… so why all this? Why show up to talk? Is it just… just so you can clear up a misunderstanding... just so you can have a clean conscience?”

It occurred to him as he said it that that was probably _exactly_ what this was. Maybe Dorian _had_ just wanted something casual all along, had thought Cullen was on board… and now that he knew Cullen hadn't been on the same page, this visit was just about clearing the air so they could get on with their lives. What Dorian had done - the leaving - had been unfortunate and hurtful, but he was a nice guy. Of course he'd want to clear things up and apologize for being unintentionally hurtful. Of course that's what this was. 

\----

“No, that’s… that not what I wanted to do,” Dorian answered and shook his head before he rubbed a hand over his face, “I don’t think I’m explaining this very well.” He took a breath and tried to calm his mind. Cullen, clearly, had a lot of feelings on the matter. That was weird in and of itself, at least to Dorian, but… he was going to try. After a moment, he pulled his hand away and looked up into Cullen’s face.

Another breath, and Dorian clenched one hand, “Look,” he went on, “I… it’s not that I wanted just sex from you, alright? I _like_ you.” But that wasn’t enough, was it? “And it’s not that I didn’t want to stay with _you_ , okay? I did, I thought about it, but it’s never really been part of how things have worked for me before. So, you know, it’s not something I’ve thought about.”

How did he explain it, though, and not look like an asshole? That was the question. It wasn’t that he ever intended to be one, or that he intended to upset Cullen, it was just… well, he thought it was something more like what he was used to. Things apparently _weren’t_ like that, but Dorian wasn’t exactly sure how to say as much without coming off, well, like an asshole.

“I like you, Cullen,” he began again after a moment, “I like… spending time with you, and I don’t mean like we meet for drinks but we both know what we’re actually there for. And that’s kind of new to me, honestly. I’ve never really _had_ that before. It’s always just kind of been that: meet for the one thing and it’s understood to be that. I just assumed that in the morning it would be more of the same, which I guess was the wrong thing.”

\----

Cullen sat as Dorian spoke, listening and chewing the inside of his cheek as he leaned on his elbows, one knee bobbing up and down. The question Mia had asked him the other day - _did you talk about any of his past relationships?_ \- it filled his mind. No, they hadn’t spoken of anything like that, but the words Dorian said, the _way_ he said them - they were starting to paint a picture. Pieces were starting to fall into place, though maybe the puzzle’s image was, at least to Cullen, a little sad. _He never had anyone who didn’t kick him out the next day?_ Cullen knew there were people who worked that way, and that they were completely happy like that… so maybe he shouldn’t _be_ sad for Dorian right now… but he still kind of was.

 _He literally doesn’t understand. It’s not an act; he just… he doesn’t._ That thought struck him like a lightning bolt to the brain. Dorian didn’t understand why Cullen was upset because it just simply hadn’t occurred to him that what he’d done was upsetting. And while that mindset was alien to Cullen… he thought he was beginning to understand a bit. Dorian _liked_ him, of his own admission… he just… he didn’t know what to do with that feeling. How odd.

“You never…” he began, and his eyes were a little sad as he frowned and shook his head to start again, “I like you, too. More than maybe I should for how long we’ve known each other… but the fact remains that I want you… and not just in a… a physical way.” Maker, how could he articulate this so Dorian understood? He’d just have to try, wouldn’t he? “I want all of you. I suppose I’m greedy, but I want the you who can talk about nerdy things like historical naval battles. I want the you who snorts a laugh and smudges sugar on my nose, the you who held me as we fell asleep and kissed my hair and makes me melt with just a smile. That’s what I want… and I thought that’s what you wanted, too. But then you were gone, and it hurt. It felt _awful_ , you know? Like… like I was used up and empty. So, yeah, I got angry because anger is easier than hurting, you know?”

He gave Dorian a look that was somewhere between apologetic and worried as he leaned back in his chair, hands clasped on the table before him. “I’m not… I promise I’m not saying that to make you feel bad… I just want you to know how I felt, why I snapped and thought what I did. I… it’s good to hear _now_ that you wanted to stay with me and why you didn’t… but I didn’t know any of that then… and maybe that’s on me. I should have been more clear that first night. I want more than maybe anyone else has asked of you before. _You_.”

\----

That was… that was a lot. The more Cullen spoke, the harder it was to keep his eyebrows in check from where they wanted to rise upward in disbelief. It took a bit of doing to keep his face neutral, actually, and he gripped the handle of the coffee mug harder and harder the longer it went on. It was a little daunting to hear all that, not least of all that he’d made Cullen feel unworthy. That was probably the worst thing. He’d never _wanted_ that, never _expected_ it, and to hear it made a feeling from a long time ago clutch in his chest.

For just a second it was like he was back at Uni and had gone to visit the guy he’d been seeing for a while in his dorm room... only to find that he wasn’t alone. And it wasn’t his roommate that was there with him. There was that feeling of being, well, _used_. Or at least like there wasn’t anything better than what he could give the guy in bed, anyway. That… that wasn’t a feeling he’d ever wanted someone else to have because of him.

“I never meant to make you feel… unworthy,” Dorian told him after a long pause, “that’s kind of the exact opposite of anything I wanted.” One hand unclenched from around the mug, and then lifted to smooth at his mustache before he rubbed it over his beard, “this whole ‘I want you for more than just what we can do in a night’ thing hasn’t been my speed, really, but I wouldn’t ever want to make you feel like that. And not because of some nebulous morality thing, but because I _do_ like you. I like you like I haven’t really liked someone before. Obviously…”

His voice trailed off a little then, and he sighed, “I’ve never really set myself up to be _more_ than that, or _have_ more than that. So, you know, it’s kind of a whole new animal for me, here.” Dorian realized how that sounded then, and he held up his hand, “In a good way! Let me… let me be clear on that. I mean, I can make all the excuses I like, but the fact is that I _do_ like you for more than just sex, too. All those... same reasons. I _missed_ you this week, which has never happened before, and when I woke up the other morning I _wanted_ to stay. That’s never happened either. I just… kind of went on autopilot, I suppose, just because I didn’t want to be proven wrong and, uh, get hurt. You do weird shit when you don’t want to get hurt, I guess.”

Grey eyes searched amber ones for a long moment, “I like spending time with you. I like… going out, and I like the little chit chat during the week. It’s a new kind of feeling for me, but it’s a good one. I’m just not really sure what to do with it, if I’m honest. It’s never really come up before, and it’s sort of strange to hear you say all that. Not bad, not… not at all, but it’s the first time it’s happened. Kind of overwhelming, actually.”

\----

 _You do weird shit when you don't want to get hurt_.

That was a sentiment Cullen understood, and put that way, with Dorian's history uncovered even that tiny bit… well, all of this started to make sense in that light. The line of logic that had been obfuscated by hurt and not knowing was suddenly there, clear as day, and Cullen felt an odd sort of… kinship? Commonality? Whatever it was, he _knew_ not wanting to get hurt, and his heart went out to the man sitting with him. Cullen had been doing much the same all these years… in a different way, of course, but the same basic thing. Dorian's tactic was to bolt before it could hurt - Cullen's had been to avoid all chances and tell himself he was happy alone. Different strategies to solve the same underlying problem - not getting _hurt_. Being _safe_.

Amber eyes heavy with understanding and, yes, empathy studied Dorian for a long, silent moment. He looked… tense, unsure and a little scared. The look the man wore was a far cry from the confident face he wore as a trainer or when they'd gone out before. It was vulnerable… and that touched Cullen in a way he didn't expect. The man was opening up, putting himself out there in his own way. Cullen smiled over at him, something soft and - hopefully - reassuring as he slowly moved a hand to cover one of Dorian's. He hoped that gesture wouldn't be too much.

It was funny… Dorian moved faster than Cullen in many regards, but here… in the realm of the heart and feelings, Cullen would have to take things at Dorian's pace.

“I know I can be… a bit overwhelming. Maybe too intense. I don't… I don't fall for people often - I don't allow it… my own way of avoiding getting hurt,” he explained and gave Dorian a sheepish look, “So we're not so different there. I choose to be alone and you choose to go, but it amounts to the same thing, I think. But… when I do fall, it's hard and maybe I assume the other person is the same.” He squeezed Dorian's hand before continuing, “So… for that I'm sorry... But I already told you I want to be with you, and I meant it. In whatever way we can find. Comfortably and so it doesn't seem so… overwhelming. As… as long as you want to find that way, too.”

\----

It still really was overwhelming, and Dorian could feel himself blushing. His face was hot, and he looked down into his coffee for a few long moments before he looked up a bit shyly into Cullen’s eyes. The fact that Cullen would say he’d ‘fallen hard’ or even alluded to it… no one had ever said anything like that to him. Dorian had no idea what to say to it. Of course he _liked_ Cullen. He liked him more than he’d ever liked anyone in his life, but he’d never been told anything like that before. Not ever. And no one ever looked at him like Cullen looked at him now.

After a moment he squeezed Cullen’s hand, and took a breath, “I would… like to try,” he said softly, “which is something I’ve never really considered before. But with you, I think… I mean, it’s hard. Because agreeing to make it something more means there’s more to lose if it ends, and I _hate_ that. And I _like_ you, and losing this would be terrible. Even this soon, I’d hate to lose this.” Dorian unwrapped his other hand from the coffee mug and took the one of Cullen’s in both of his so he could hold it maybe a little more tightly than he had done in the past. “This has been completely different to anything, and I… like it.”

\----

Oh, those hands around his were warm, the words warmer, and Cullen felt an odd sort of… expansion in his heart, even if Dorian looked a little frightened. That was ok - Cullen was scared, too. Choosing to move forward together _did_ mean opening themselves up to hurt later, Dorian wasn't wrong. The thing that made Cullen's stomach flutter and heart pound, though, was that now he knew they _both_ wanted to try. It wasn't some one-sided infatuation. It was… it was real.

“I know what you mean,” Cullen said as he moved forward in his chair just to be that much closer. “It's… a risk. But I think… the best things are worth that risk… or maybe they're so good _because_ of it, you know? And this… it's a risk that I'll gladly take… with you.” Amber eyes met grey then and Cullen breathed out slowly. Dorian really was singular, and even here in Cullen's dining room under the overhead lighting, even unsure as he looked… Dorian was shining. Beautiful. Cullen smiled, something soft and small, before he continued. “But if we're honest - like this - no one has to lose anything. Because I like it, too. This… with you. We just have to… have a little faith and jump.”

\----

Easier said than done, obviously, but Dorian took a breath in and held it for a moment. He could do that. He could _try_. He could… forget everything up until now and just jump in like it really was the first time. A real relationship, one with someone who wanted him and not just for something physical, was right there and waiting. He just needed to make that decision.

“You may just need to be a little patient here and there,” he offered before he bent over and lifted Cullen’s hand to his lips so he could kiss the back of it, “and I might need to be, too. But… we can manage that, right?”

\----

“Patience,” Cullen agreed with a nod, melting a little for the sweetness of that kiss. “And talking… like we are right now. Asking instead of assuming,” he went on before he dropped his gaze to their entwined hands. He was quiet for a long moment, just considering the way their fingers laced together, intimate in a way that even sex wasn’t. “You know,” he murmured, eyes still fixed on their hands, “It’s not easy for me. I don’t open up to people quickly… I… I always assume I’m too boring or just… too plain for anyone to really be interested. I’m _never_ comfortable in my own skin around new people. But with you…” Cullen paused and raised his eyes shyly as he felt heat on his cheeks. This was part of it, too - the choosing to open up and really talk. “With you… it was different. Is different. With you, I feel like it’s ok to just be _me_. I’ve never had that, not so quickly.” He let his thumb run back and forth over Dorian’s knuckles in gentle arcs, eyes filled with care and, yes, gratitude. Because he _was_ thankful. “So… yes… this is worth a little patience and the bumps in the road as we find our way. We’ll do more than manage, I think.”

\----

He smiled a little for that and squeezed Cullen’s hand again, “You were the first person that’s asked me what my favorite Age was,” Dorian teased. Now his voice was a little more warm than shy. It felt… good. Still weird and a little overwhelming that someone like Cullen would want _him_ , but it really did make his stomach do flips in a good way. “And I promise that if I ever do something, kind of like the other day, it’s not me trying to be an asshole. Still, uh, learning a bit. I wouldn’t intentionally do anything to make you feel bad or make this hard,” he went on and gave Cullen a look as he held his gaze, “I’m not saying I’ll be perfect all the time, because Maker knows… it won’t happen. But it wouldn’t ever be to hurt you on purpose.”

\----

“Well,” Cullen chuckled low as he shook his head, “Maker knows I'm not perfect, either. I can get… insecure, I guess. So… I'll _try_ … I'll try not to let that get in the way or turn into anger… again. Just… you may have to have patience with me, too.” Cullen took a breath then… talking like this, openly and with a certain level of vulnerability, it had always been a challenge for him. Even now, it took a lot out of him, but when he looked at Dorian, when he thought of how he made him _feel_ … this was a small price to pay for how good they could be together - how good they already were together. “But knowing that… that you're trying, too… that you _want to_... it makes all the difference.” Another pause, and Cullen tilted his head to the side as he gave Dorian a crooked little smile that was both warm and a bit on the bemused side. “Have I told you… all this aside… have I told you how _happy_ I've been since I met you? Because the answer is very. I'm… I'm glad to have you in my life. I'd like to keep it that way.”

\----

As if he weren’t already blushing enough. That little sentiment, the way Cullen looked at him like that, made the blood rush to heat his cheeks like he’d never really known before. No man, not in a very long time, ever made him blush like that. And the fact that Cullen really was so genuine, that was something so very new. It was what he liked about Cullen, surely, but… it was still strange to see it directed toward himself.

“I’m glad,” he answered, and Dorian trailed his fingers over Cullen’s hand, “I’ve had male friends, and I’ve had guys that I’ve… met up with, but I’ve never really had someone I saw regularly. For dates, I mean. Not since University, and even then it wasn’t _really_ like that. So, you know, the dating thing is still a little weird, but I _like_ spending time with you. With the kids, not with the kids, whatever… it’s fun. I haven’t really had _fun_ with someone I was interested in unless it was a really specific meaning of the word, you know what I mean?”

\----

A single laugh, low and short, pushed up from Cullen’s chest and he shook his head. “Not from personal experience, no… but I feel like I know what you’re getting at.” He shifted in his chair and took a sip of coffee, grimacing at how cool it had gotten. How long had they been sitting there talking? It must have been a while, though it seemed like time had really just flown by. And what a time it had been - a rollercoaster of emotions in one afternoon, but where they’d gotten to, they way they’d opened up to one another… it was good. Better than good, and now that the big questions had been answered, Cullen was feeling more of what he’d felt with Dorian before. More comfortable, at ease despite the fact that this had been a difficult conversation, at least at first. “But I do feel the same with you… it’s fun and more… natural than I thought possible. Than I’ve ever really had with anyone else.” He paused and chuckled, eyes lit with a bit of mischief as he squeezed Dorian’s hand, “Does this mean that a third date’s on the table? Because I’ve got the perfect idea… I’m thinking… camping,” he grinned, one eyebrow raised, and paused for effect. “You, me, nature, the stars, a _really_ big sleeping bag. You’d just love that, right?” His voice was teasing; he knew good and well a camping trip was as likely to happen as Cullen setting foot in the ocean.

Now, another date… and another after that… and another, ad infinitum… he wasn’t teasing one little bit about _that_.

\----

Camping. First the fair, then camping. Oh, Cullen. Cullen, Cullen, Cullen. Dorian chuckled a bit to himself and let go of the other man’s hand for just a moment so he could have some of his coffee, “I mean, I wouldn’t be _completely_ opposed,” he began, then shook his head, “and you seem to know what you’re doing with all that, after all. It’s not like we’d freeze to death or starve, right?” It could be fun, right? Maybe not immediately, like that night or anything, but eventually. It would be a bit romantic, actually. He smirked over the rim of his coffee mug, “but maybe save that for when we both have some time off saved up? Only getting one night and having to come back for work the next day wouldn’t be nearly as fun.”

\----

Well, that was not at all what Cullen expected. Not unwelcome, but not the reaction he’d anticipated. Well, but that’s what he wanted - to learn more about Dorian, and it looked like there was plenty more to the man than met the eye. And that was… well, it was exciting. Cullen’s little teasing joke had turned into a moment that warmed his heart and may have made him melt just a little on the inside. Cullen laughed as he rested his chin on one balled fist. “You bring up a good point,” he admitted, “Something like that… it’d demand more than one night to _really_ enjoy.” His eyes raised to meet Dorian’s as a smirk all his own crossed his face, “... and might require more than just a sleeping bag.”

\----

“I’d be the first to say that _most_ nights might require more than a sleeping bag,” he teased back. At that, Dorian finished off his coffee and got up to get another. Once he was to his feet, though, he bent over and kissed the top of Cullen’s head, “more drink?” he asked.

The hand not holding his mug went to rest on the back of Cullen’s neck. Dorian brushed his fingers over the warm skin there, and buried his nose in against those blond curls. Maker help him, but Dorian did love how Cullen smelled. Something about it drove him mad, and he actually liked that jumpy feeling it gave him in his stomach.

\----

“I could do with a warm up,” Cullen answered. His coffee had gone cold while they’d talked, so that was true enough… but now that he felt like the ground under them had stabilized somewhat, it wasn’t really more coffee he wanted. The conversation had been healing, and he felt closer to Dorian than he had before, but now he wanted… no, _needed_ that closeness to be more real. Now that Dorian was next to him, he could feel the man’s warmth, and his gentle touch only served to ignite the want to just hold him close, even for a moment. “But first,” he said and stood to take the cup from Dorian’s hand and set it on the table, “If you’ll humor me, I just need…” Cullen’s voice trailed off as he wrapped his arms around Dorian’s waist, drawing the man in to feel that warmth pressed against him, and he nuzzled his face into Dorian’s neck to just breathe him in. There, that was what Cullen needed, and he smiled as his heart settled and he felt… at peace. “This. I need this.”

\----

Both arms wound around Cullen’s shoulders and he pressed his cheek against that blond hair. It hadn’t been that long, but he’d missed the feeling of Cullen wrapped around him like that. “I missed you,” he murmured into Cullen’s ear, and chuckled a bit. The body against his own was broad and warm and when Dorian closed his eyes, he couldn’t help but think of the last time he stayed and what they’d done together.

That said, he’d pushed before. So maybe going _there_ just right now wasn’t the best idea. “How about…” Dorian went on into Cullen’s ear, “we get a refill and maybe settle in on the couch? If you wanted? I can, um… maybe meet the lady of the house properly?”

\----

After the past few days and all the swings from anger to sadness and back again, that moment was pure perfection to Cullen. It was all gentle heat and strong arms where the past week had just been a hollow sort of loneliness, and Cullen was loathe to let that go. But… _lady of the house?_

 _Oh, River._ The dog… she’d been suspiciously absent this whole time - hadn’t even jumped up on Dorian when he got there - which left Cullen wondering why. “Oh! Oh no, she’s been outside this whole time!” He huffed in annoyance at himself as he rolled his eyes and pulled away from Dorian, though he really didn’t want to. “How about you coffee, and I’ll go grab her? I, ah, have some apologizing to do.” A moment passed as he looked into those lovely grey eyes, and he considered for a moment - _would it be ok now?_ \- before leaning in to brush his lips against Dorian’s for a quick kiss, light and soft. “I’ll be right back.”

\----

That little kiss was nice, and it made Dorian smile to himself. There was still a hint of a blush on his cheeks from their talk, but it was actually nice. Now he felt warm, and as he went over to pour them each another cup of coffee he couldn’t help but lift a hand up to press against his warm cheeks. Dorian took a moment to breathe, filled their mugs with first coffee then milk and sugar, and turned to watch as both Cullen and dog made their way inside. It seemed that River was terribly excited, and Dorian smiled as he bent down to pet her as she pranced inside.

“Hello there,” he greeted gently, “it’s nice to finally meet you properly.”

It felt a bit like when he greeted Oswin or Merise, and that made his heart flutter just a bit. Grey eyes lifted to meet Cullen’s amber ones and it fluttered again. That seemed to happen far too often when he was around. That said… it was nice. Really nice. The way those eyes focused on him, and the way that it felt like he melted just a little on the inside, was at the same time a little worrisome and also wonderful. Worrisome because they hadn’t known each other for very long, and wonderful… for the same reason.

\----

“Where are my manners?” Cullen chuckled and squatted down and slung an arm over his dog. For her part, she turned her head and licked his cheek. It seemed like she’d forgiven him for forgetting her outside, despite the put upon look she’d given him when he first called her in. “River, this is Dorian. He’s… someone special to me, so play nice.” He turned his smile on Dorian then, eyes twinkling in amusement. “Dorian, this is River. Sometimes Ladydog, sometimes Princess Puppertruck… always a handful.” It was funny… he was _almost_ nervous, introducing his dog. But really, she could be particular, so who knew how she would take to Dorian. “River, don’t be as rude as me. Shake.” And, for a wonder, she actually lifted her paw for Dorian to take.

\----

When one paw was lifted, Dorian reached out and shook it gently, “I’m glad to meet you.” He was also glad, he noted with a slight twist of his stomach, that Cullen had said Dorian was _special_ to him. No one had ever said that and meant it before, and he leaned over to kiss the top of Cullen’s head. Every time his heart fluttered or his stomach did flips, Dorian fell a little harder. He almost didn’t want to admit it, even to himself, but he fell.

He could only imagine the field day Lavellan and Sera would have if they knew, and just thinking about it made his cheeks heat again.

“So...what now?” he asked, “Coffee on the couch, maybe? If you don’t mind me, um… sticking around for a while?”

\----

That little paw shake was an awfully cute picture. It made Cullen’s chest ache and loosed a whole host of butterflies in his stomach to see his sometimes particular pup warm up to Dorian… and vice versa. River was his friend far more than she was a pet, after all, so this was simply heartwarming.

With a smile at how unsure Dorian sounded when he asked 'what next,' Cullen rose to his feet and reached up with one hand to gently tap the end of Dorian’s nose with his forefinger. “I’m sure your new friend would be sad if you left now,” he chuckled before letting his voice drop into something softer, “But not as much as me. Please, stay. I have a whole online library of terrible movies and documentaries… and what’s better than coffee on the couch and horrible movies?”

\----

How could he argue with that? Dorian smiled for that touch to his nose, and he leaned in to press another kiss against Cullen’s lips. It wasn’t the quick peck from before, longer and warmer, and he smiled when he moved away. “I’d like that,” he replied, and reached out to rest a hand on Cullen’s hip, “and I can even stay up a bit later than usual since I’m off tomorrow. So… bonus, hm?”

\----

For a moment, Cullen just stood there after that kiss, transfixed on the spot as a goofy grin spread across his face. That morning, he’d have never thought the evening would go this way… he’d rather thought this thing with Dorian was unfortunate and over. And yet here he was, standing with Dorian’s hand, warm and solid, resting on his hip smiling up at Cullen like _that_ as he offered to stay later into the evening. A shake of his head brought him back into the now, and he returned that smile, just as warm, just as happy. And he was, now that they’d talked and found some sort of footing. Cullen was happy… and excited to see where their newfound direction would take them.

“I’d say,” he answered, “Why don’t I order in for dinner and we can make an evening of it?”

\----

That sounded perfect, actually, and Dorian’s blood warmed a little for the fact that Cullen wanted him to stay. Once upon a time, way back when in that dorm room at school, he’d wanted that. He’d wanted someone who wanted to spend time with him and just enjoy his company instead of just his body. Then he’d forced himself to think that he’d never have that. Even now, recognizing all that, it was still a little hard to come to terms with, and he wondered for a moment if this was a dream. Things like this: real relationships, something intimate without being _intimate_ , someone who cared for him; Dorian had never believed those things were for him. Other people, sure, but never for him. No one would ever want him like that, and yet there was Cullen. He was standing there and smiling at him and asking him to stay. He’d been upset when Dorian left before.

“That would be nice,” he managed after a minute, and he was surprised to hear that his voice had thickened just a little. In that moment he felt a lot of things, though chiefly among all those feelings was hope. A hope for something bigger and better, despite the fact that he was actually scared shitless about it. He didn’t want to lose Cullen, but he’d also pushed himself to do more than just let whatever happened happen. He’d talked, _they’d_ talked, and that was something he’d never thought would ever happen. They’d talked and worked it out, feelings and all, and it gave him hope for something. Something else.

Something he’d never let himself have before.

Dorian took a breath then, and he lifted the hand that wasn’t sitting on Cullen’s hip up to cup the other man’s face for just a moment. “Thank you,” he told Cullen softly before he leaned in and kissed him sweetly on the lips, “for… all this. For wanting me to stay.”

\----

The emotion of the moment, the sincerity inherent in those words, was clear - Dorian’s voice was thick with it. His face wore it plain as day. The vulnerability in a simple statement - _thank you_ \- moved Cullen. Things shifted deep within as he felt himself fall a little more. But even in that falling, his heart broke a little for the man standing there and actually thanking Cullen just for wanting him to stay. That one little gesture spoke volumes of a past where men _hadn't_ wanted him to stay when maybe Dorian had wanted more, and it hurt to think that anyone had treated him like that. Fools. They had to have been if all they saw was the surface.

For a breath, Cullen was overwhelmed by that bittersweet happiness, and he sent up a silent promise that, whatever happened, he'd make sure Dorian always knew how much he was cared for… how much he was wanted just because he was Dorian. One hand raised, and Cullen let the backs of his fingers trail gently over the other man's warm cheek before his hand settled to cup his face. Wordlessly, he leaned in to return the kiss Dorian had given him, and it was heavy with the meaning of that vow. Dorian was special. He had a place in Cullen's heart now and he had to know that.

“Of course,” Cullen replied with a warm smile, eyes crinkling at their edges from it. “Don't you ever think that I don't want you to stay. At the… at the risk of sounding over dramatic or cheesy, every moment we've spent together… each time’s had me wanting more… of your time, of your thoughts. Of _you_.” He chuckled then, as he tucked a strand of stray hair back behind Dorian's ear. “You may have to beat me off with a bat soon enough.”

\----

A little smile touched his features for all that, and Dorian just let them share their smiles for a little while before he chuckled, “I could make a tasteless joke, but I don’t want to ruin the moment.” It would have been in poor taste. Probably. Still, he leaned in and kissed Cullen’s lips one more time before he took the man’s hand, “So… movie?” They’d talked, they’d had a very sweet moment together, and now he was looking forward to relaxing and having a great time. Dinner, bad movies, and… well, great company.

“What were you thinking for dinner?” he asked, “You know I’ll eat pretty much anything, so… thoughts?”

\----

Cullen smiled through that kiss and tried not to snort a laugh at his unfortunate word choice. Sometimes he really walked into these things with his eyes closed… but it was ok with Dorian. Surprisingly, he was less embarrassed and more amused. That didn’t stop his cheeks from burning as he chuckled and Dorian held his hand, but still… he was free to laugh at himself, and that was a good feeling.

And then Dorian was asking about dinner. “You know, I could twist that into an off color joke, too, but I’ll be a gentleman,” he laughed as he grabbed both their mugs of coffee off the counter and sat down on the couch, setting the cups on the table in front of him. Still grinning, he patted the spot next to him, inviting Dorian to join him. “Come have a seat and we’ll figure it out. We’ve got a whopping two whole options in this neighborhood, after all - pizza from a place that’s actually good and pizza that’ll make you regret all the choices you’ve ever made in your life.”

\----

He followed Cullen over to the couch, and for a moment he played as though he might sit in the man’s lap before he took up the spot Cullen had patted. From across the coffee table, where River had spread herself out on the floor, she looked up and gave him a look that almost seemed… put upon was the closest thing Dorian could say. Her dark eyes looked from Cullen to Dorian, then she huffed out a heavy sigh before she flopped back down. It made him chuckle, and Dorian shook his head, “Have I offended her already?” he asked, then rested a hand on Cullen’s leg, “and pizza that won’t make me regret the choices I’ve made today would be good. I’m pretty happy with how things have turned out this afternoon and I’d hate to undo all that good work.”

\----

“Oh, don’t pay her any attention,” Cullen grumbled as he reached for his phone to order. “She has two beds, a whole other couch, and my bed upstairs if the princess needs a cushion.” He laughed then and looked up from his phone, “Or, you could always join us,” he called to the dog, “Come on, Riverdog… come on up.” For her part, she huffed again and got up… to walk across the room to the loveseat and plop down on her pillows. “There you have it,” Cullen said, turning to Dorian, “Looks like we’re left to continue that ‘good work’ with no chaperone.”

\----

Dorian smirked, “That so?” he asked before he leaned in and kissed Cullen’s lips. It was a deeper kiss than it had been before, and he felt it all the way down his spine before he pulled away to breathe, “I think I can live with that.”

So he slipped his shoes off and tucked his feet up under him as he got comfortable, and smiled over at Cullen. Might as well be comfortable right? Especially if the little huffs from the dog across the room were anything to go by. Once he was settled, Dorian grabbed up his mug and sighed a bit himself, “But pizza sounds good. Maybe sometimes, though, we could do that cooking at home idea? You know, since we didn’t get to.”

\----

“Prepare for a culinary experience,” Cullen chuckled as he finished ordering their meal - a little of everything on the menu just in case, which meant a pizza, garlic knots, salad, and an order of hot wings for good measure. That done, he put the phone down on the arm of his couch and followed Dorian’s lead, getting comfortable in his usual spot on the couch, though where he typically lounged on the arm, he opted instead to sit twisted towards Dorian, one knee up on the couch and his arm stretched out behind Dorian along the couch’s back. They weren’t too close, really… but the option was there.

Picking up the remote, Cullen snickered, “So, what shall we watch while we wait? It’ll be about 45 minutes, so we have time for an episode of something if you don’t want to start a movie. Or…” Cullen went on and a sheepish look crossed his face, “There are these guys who play video games that I watch sometimes. Pretty short… and hilarious. If you’re into that sort of thing. Maybe." 

\----

Now that the food was ordered and they both seemed to be getting comfortable, Dorian shifted a little so he could fill the space that Cullen left open with his arm. It wasn’t something he’d normally do, but they way Cullen sat was terribly inviting. So he moved in closer and leaned a bit back so he was resting against the other man. It was nice. Dorian was tactile by nature, which was why he enjoyed working with Oswin and Merise so much, and this was… good. Very good. He could feel how warm Cullen was beside him, and Dorian leaned in just a bit so their sides were pressed together. That was even better.

“I think that could be pretty good,” Dorian told him, and smiled up into that handsome face, “what kind of games? I’m kind of a fan of horror games… though not playing. My heart can’t take that, but watching other people play them is fun.”

\----

“Horror games, huh?” Cullen asked as he settled in a little closer. He rather liked the feeling of the other man slotted in next to him. Like that, it was cozy and now Cullen had visions of the two of them snuggled up like that on the couch watching bad horror movies, perhaps under a blanket, since Dorian always seemed to be chilly. He was learning that the man leeched heat whenever he had the chance, and Cullen didn’t mind one little bit being the one doing the warming. “I hope that means you like the occasional scary movie…” he went on as he shuffled the remotes around to pull up one of his favorite playthroughs of a particularly scary game. Nothing too gory, but just lousy with tension and jumpscares… and the guy’s reactions were just priceless. “... because I have to admit they’re a guilty pleasure of mine.”


	14. A Start to Something Good [3 of 3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evening concludes and the morning brings with it the start to something good.

The forty-five minute wait for the food passed much faster than Dorian thought it might. It was genuinely nice to spend that time curled up with Cullen, and after a couple of short episodes, he’d turned and rested his head on Cullen’s shoulder. The man was warm, and it was nice to curl in close. Despite the fact that it wasn’t late, Dorian found that it was nice and relaxing to stay as close to him as possible. The game kept him from falling asleep, what with the screams and the ambient sounds, but it was still nice to rest up against Cullen like he was.

When the food got there - it smelled amazing - Dorian woke back up and felt his stomach rumble. He was hungry, had almost forgotten about it in the wake of all that talking and easy relaxing on the couch, but now he filled his plate a few times and ate well. Cullen only seemed to give him that wide eyed look on his third plate of food, and he winked before he leaned over to press a kiss to the other man’s cheek. It didn’t do too well to eat like this all the time, but… a nice little night in was good. Dorian had always wondered what something like this might feel like: all the pretense stripped away, curling up together and just enjoying a movie and the company, no makeup and clothes and social cues. He liked it. He liked it a lot.

A long while later, once the food had been demolished and the credits rolled on a black screen, Dorian looked up at Cullen from where he was pressed against his side, and smiled, “I’d say we should watch one of those found footage ones,” he commented, “but after all that food… maybe not. How anyone can watch those in a movie theatre is beyond me, honestly. I’d be sick in ten minutes, probably.”

\----

Watching the gameplay and then the movie had been fun - a nice way to be close and enjoy each other while also allowing their brains to rest after such a heavy conversation. Still, as the movie wore on, Cullen found himself less engaged with the plot and more engaged with Dorian. Appreciating each time he jumped at something on the screen, each time he laughed or smiled over at Cullen. And especially appreciating his presence. What the evening had become - this simple movie night - it was just right. Perfect, really, and it went without saying that Cullen didn’t want it to end. And if Dorian was trying to suggest another movie, maybe it didn’t have to just yet. Didn’t he say he didn’t have to work tomorrow, that he could stay up for a while? Cullen didn’t know how long _a while_ was… it was getting late at this point, and honestly, he wasn’t sure if another movie was really what he wanted.

“Aren’t you already up past your bedtime, old man?” Cullen teased with a grin as he leaned his head down and pressed a kiss just above the scar that cut through Dorian’s right eyebrow. One day, he’d ask where that came from, but for now… he had other things in mind. “You sure I don’t need to tuck you in yet?”

\----

That little kiss was nice, and Dorian chuckled for that little tease. Any other time he might have been a bit offended, but… not so much now. “Old man, hm?” he asked as he turned to bury his face into the crook of Cullen’s neck, “I mean… I wouldn’t _mind_ being tucked in, but I’m actually not all that tired. It’s a miracle.” One arm looped around Cullen’s middle and he started to press soft kisses along the man’s throat. He had the next day off, after all. He could stay up as late as he wanted, and he really wasn’t of the mind to go home just yet.

Besides, if Cullen was offering to put him in bed how could he pass that up? “Maybe we could explore all the ways I’m _not_ an old man,” he went on before he nipped at Cullen’s pulse, “that is, if you’re up to it. I’d hate to tire _you_ out, after all.”

\----

“Mmmmmm… is that a challenge?” Cullen practically purred as he took a moment to just enjoy the little electric thrill each of those kisses sent through him, shivering for the light brush of teeth on his neck. This night had gone so far off the path Cullen had expected. Earlier, before Dorian's little gift, he'd been staring down another lonely evening of confusion and regret. What he'd gotten, though, was the first steps toward understanding and the knowledge that they both wanted this - something _real_ … each in his own way, but it was a shared need nonetheless.

And it was all because Dorian had been the bigger man and reached out instead of letting it die. He'd made the effort despite what sounded like years, maybe decades, of not feeling or seeing the need to. That… that made Cullen special. Even more than the kisses and the closeness, knowing that much warmed him through, and Cullen knew that he would carry that knowledge with him in his heart… something to keep him warm even when they were apart.

It was more than he could have hoped for, but just what he needed. Dorian. He needed Dorian, and right now, his whole body was reaching out for the man. So, chuckling, he moved to straddle Dorian's lap, one knee on either side of his thighs, as both hands moved to cup the man’s face. Cullen leaned in until his lips were a breath away from Dorian's. “Because I'd very much like to see you try,” he breathed, voice low and thick, as he closed the thin gap between them, nipping at that soft, full lower lip before claiming the rest of Dorian's mouth and  kissing the other man as if Cullen needed it the same way he needed air.

\----

Both hands smoothed up the back of Cullen’s neck and into his hair as he kissed him back. They’d been sitting there and enjoying each other’s company, and now he had a lap full of Fereldan who was kissing him like he might die without it. Not that Dorian minded. Though after their talk before he’d almost expected nothing like this to happen tonight. Still, he was happy to have Cullen close like that, and Dorian sighed happily against those wonderful lips.

His fingers tangled in those curls, and Dorian tugged hard enough that he knew Cullen could feel it. Dorian couldn’t help himself. He pushed his tongue past Cullen’s lips so he could taste him, and he groaned softly. It had only been a few days, but Dorian had missed this closeness. He’d missed how warm Cullen was, how solid against Dorian’s body he felt, and just how _good_ it was to kiss him. That kiss made his stomach flutter and his heart pound, and when he needed to breathe he nipped gently at Cullen’s lower lip.

“I accept your challenge,” Dorian panted, “and I’ll wear you out til morning if you let me.”

\----

That kiss was like fire and ice - it set a flame burning low in Cullen’s core as it sent shivers running down his spine, and his mind went a bit white when he heard that low groan coming from Dorian. Maker, this was everything. All there was in the whole world was the taste of Dorian on his lips, the feeling of Dorian under his fingers, the smell of Dorian in his nose, and the sound of him in his ears. Nothing else existed then, nothing else mattered, and Cullen shuddered with _need_ as Dorian pulled away. But it was a… different need than before. It was vulnerable and wanting, something aching and empty that desired fulfillment. Cullen would take whatever Dorian gave him, gladly, and not be left wanting… but he hoped he could ask for this.

“Would you?” he asked, breathless, as he let his lips work their way down over Dorian’s jaw and back to his ear. “ _Wear me out_ , I mean. I know last time I… but this time, could you?” He nipped at Dorian’s earlobe, sucking for just a moment before moving down the soft skin of his neck and over his pulse. “It may be selfish,” he went on, between kisses that alternated between soft brushes and sharper scrapes, “but I just… _need you_.”

\----

Oh. _Oh._ This was… Cullen was _exceptional_. Dorian had often hoped for a partner that was happy to switch things up every now and then, and while he’d had that luck on a couple of occasions, he’d never thought to hope that Cullen might be the type. As it was, Dorian was happy to enjoy sex with Cullen regardless, but this was a bit like a dream come true.

A chuckle rumbled low in Dorian’s chest, and the hands in Cullen’s hair tangled a bit more forcefully to pull him back up so Dorian could kiss those scarred lips. He smiled, something that was halfway between a smirk and a lust filled grin, and nipped at the other man’s lower lip, “I’ll take _great_ care of you,” he promised before kissing Cullen again, “and trust me: it’s really not selfish at all.”

He nudged Cullen to his feet, which had River poke her head up then jump down from the couch. She pranced around the two of them with her tail wagging, and Dorian patted her head gently before he led Cullen over to the stairs, “Sorry, dear, this is a party of two.”

\----

Cullen slipped into a happy, warm little fog, body buzzing with anticipation. Dorian knew what he wanted and sounded more than happy to give it to him. That was… that was incredible. Wonderful, really… both that Cullen had found it in himself to even ask and that Dorian had agreed. More than that - it was what Dorian wanted, too... if the hungry look on his face was anything to go by, and now Cullen was excited. For the evening they were about to share, yes, but for more than that. He was excited, truly, for what would come next. Tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that.

But then the sound of clicking nails and River’s excited prancing pulled him from his reverie. “I’m afraid it may take a bit more than that,” Cullen laughed as he leaned in to kiss Dorian’s cheek, “Just a second… I’ll be right back.” To the dog, he added, “Come on, lady.” In the kitchen, Cullen fished out a rawhide and knelt down in front of her. “Now, I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to make do with the couch tonight. No, don’t you give me that look, it won’t kill you. Just… curl up in your spot, and we’ll go to the dog park tomorrow, ok?” He held the bone out to his dog, and she took it gingerly between her teeth before trotting back to the couch.

That done, Cullen walked back to where Dorian was waiting. “Sorry about that...  she’s, ah… she’s used to a certain… ok, I’ve spoiled her.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he grinned guiltily up at Dorian. “But… hopefully that takes care of it.” His hand dropped then as he reached for both of Dorian’s and stepped into the man’s space. “Now, where were we?” he murmured low into the other man’s ear, “Something about taking _great_ care of me, if I recall? I’m _very much_ looking forward to seeing how you plan to do that.”

\----

That little break as Cullen saw to the dog was regrettable, but it was kind of sweet to see him with her like that. Dorian leaned up into Cullen when he came back over, then squeezed the hands that held his own, “Well, I might keep that as a surprise,” he teased. This was going to be entirely too much fun. Cullen was so lovely like this, all blushing and red faced, and Dorian wanted more of it. So he turned and kissed those lips before he nuzzled his face into Cullen’s cheek, “Come on.”

He tugged a bit at those hands and made for the stairs again, “let’s try this again, shall we?”

\----

“Oh, I think we shall,” Cullen chuckled and allowed himself to be led upstairs. It was maybe a little… not strange, but different... to be led up to his own room, but he smirked as he thought, _The view’s nice back here, though_. Very nice, and Cullen was humming with electric anticipation at the thought of whatever it was Dorian had in store. There were a great many things running through Cullen’s mind as he climbed the staircase, some of them things he’d always wondered about or wanted to try but had never had the courage to ask for. With Dorian, he thought he could ask. Maybe not tonight, but he could… now that they’d begun to figure to things out, now that they’d chosen _together_ rather than apart… well, they had all the time they wanted. The smirk Cullen had been wearing melted then, into something warmer as he felt something, hot and airy, expanding in his chest for that thought. _We have all the time we want._

At the top of the stairs, Cullen stopped Dorian and turned him around, face wearing an expression that was equal parts affection and desire as one hand trailed a soft line up Dorian’s chest to his neck, thumb stroking gently over the man’s cheek. “I just… before we… I just wanted to say that I’m so glad you’re here tonight. That you came over. That you really talked to me, even though it’s not something you’d normally do. I’m glad we’re _something_ now, and it’s not… over.” He sighed happily and leaned in for a kiss, perhaps not as hungry as the ones before, full to the brim with emotion and longing. “I’m… Thank you for being here. It means so much and I… I just didn’t want that to go unsaid and get lost in what comes next.”

\----

Dorian kissed him back and let go of those hands so he could loop his arms around Cullen’s neck, “I’m glad I came here too,” he told him softly. There was no hiding all that emotion in those kisses, and Dorian felt it both in his chest and a bit up in his throat like maybe he was a bit choked up. That… that was new. There were a lot of new things happening in one afternoon, and he was having to come to terms with that a little bit. “I just knew I didn’t want to lose you,” he went on, and got up on his toes a bit so he could kiss Cullen’s forehead, “or this, whatever it ended up being. And I’m glad we could figure it out.”

Then he kissed him again and just let it be soft and sweet and warm before he nuzzled his nose in against Cullen’s, “we can make this the new starting point. We did some things, learned from them, and we’ll pick up from here a bit wiser. All the better for us, hm?”

\----

If it were possible to stockpile good moments or feelings that could be pulled out later to turn a bad day better, this would have been one of those times for Cullen. It was perfect - sweet and warm with the excitement of an actual real beginning mixed with contentment and that low fire that was still burning, despite this little break. “A fresh start,” Cullen agreed with a grin, “I like that.” He wrapped his arms around Dorian’s waist, buried his head in against dark hair, and held him close to take that moment to fully appreciate the way they fit together like that - the solid line Dorian’s body formed with his own, the way their hearts beat together in chests pressed against one another. A perfect moment.

But… perfect as it was with all this sweetness… there was still that want coiling back up, pushing itself back to the front of Cullen’s mind, and he chuckled, “At the risk of ruining this moment, though… there was talk earlier of some sort of _surprise_ and a challenge you’d accepted...”

\----

Ah, of course. Dorian’s warm smile morphed back into the smirk he’d worn before and he leaned up to kiss Cullen’s lips before he moved away just enough to pull Cullen by the shirt, “Come on,” he practically purred as he led them toward Cullen’s room.

Once inside, Dorian closed the door over behind them and nudged Cullen back up against it, “Now…” he breathed, “this is a bit better.” Both hands pressed flat against the door on either side of Cullen’s head and he leaned in for a heated kind of kiss. He wanted Cullen pinned in place for the moment, and he pressed his chest against the other man’s to keep him there. Dorian could feel his blood getting hotter, and the longer they kissed like this the harder it was to hide his excitement for what was going to happen. They had all night, they had as long as they wanted, and Dorian had every intention of using that time wisely. So, so wisely. He just wanted Cullen stretched out before him so they could enjoy each other.

He nipped at Cullen’s lip, ducked his head to suck and bite at that gorgeously pale throat, and moved one hand to tangle back in those curls so he could tug Cullen’s head to the side a bit to give himself more room. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” Dorian growled before he bit sharply at Cullen’s pulse, “so… _so_ fucking beautiful.”

\----

And suddenly, Cullen was pinned, trapped with his back against his own door and where he usually fought for control, space so he could breathe, he found that right now… right now, he didn't need or _want_ to. He had plenty of air - _Dorian_ was his air, and it was all too easy to fall, to sink under into that place where he was just want for the lips and fingers of the man pushing against him. Cullen didn't often feel like this, didn't let himself go so completely and thoroughly, but in this moment, his mind relaxed, let insecurities and that incessant need to stay in control at all times melt away.

Fingers shaking with that pure sort of desire sought out warmth, pulling at the fabric of Dorian's shirt until they were kneading into smooth skin and solid muscle, and Cullen let out a low moan with the power of that moment. Any other time, he'd have laughed at Dorian's assertion that he was beautiful - he'd have been blushing and dismissive - but that would have been his insecurity talking. In this world where it was just the two of them, bodies reaching for each other as their hearts beat in time… Dorian's words lit a fire and Cullen was a raw nerve, buzzing and tingling with every swipe of Dorian's tongue and scrape of his teeth. Fingertips curled and short nails dug into flesh as Cullen let his head roll back to give Dorian more room. He _wanted_ to give Dorian more, all of him. Everything he was, Dorian could have all of it.

“T-take me,” he panted as he pushed further into Dorian, body moving of its own accord. “Please… just fucking… break me apart and put me back together. I need it… you. I need you.”

Another time, he'd have died just to think those words. Now, they just tumbled from his lips without reservation or a second thought.

\----

That was… new. Dorian’s mouth was pressed up against Cullen’s neck, so it hid the smile that spread across his features. The hand in Cullen’s hair pulled a bit harder, and Dorian sucked a small mark against that pale skin before he moved back and cupped Cullen’s face with both hands. The man had fallen under, Dorian knew that feeling well himself, and he smiled into those hazy eyes before he leaned in and kissed Cullen again.

“I’ll take care of you,” he promised, and moved to pull Cullen’s shirt up over his head. It revealed pale skin dusted in freckles and blond curls across the other man’s chest, and Dorian smiled as he raked his fingertips over that criminally soft skin. Oh, this was so good. He really would take good care of Cullen, he knew that much, and he wanted more of him falling under and into that space where he just… felt. Dorian wanted to give him that.

Slowly, he got them out of their clothes and into bed, and it was a long, _long_ night together. The last time, which wasn’t terribly long ago, was wonderful. This? This was… Dorian didn’t even have the words for it. It was like time didn’t matter, nothing mattered but the two of them, and Dorian lost himself so completely in how he and Cullen moved together. He’d had wonderful trysts in the past, been with talented men who knew their way around another man’s body, but this was something altogether different.

This was _them_ falling into one another.

Dorian let himself fall, let himself be taken in that tide that had rolled over them both, and it was an experience that he’d never known the like of. It was as if every nerve was firing, like every inch of skin was alight, and he took Cullen with everything he had. Over and over again until there was nothing left, and all they could do was fall onto the soft mattress and curl around one another.  Maybe another time they might play a little more with this, explore some boundaries, but for now it was just… learning one another. Dorian was happy to do that. He loved to know what made Cullen sigh and moan, and he loved the way his eyes squeezed shut and he panted and begged for more. It was perfect.

That morning, he never would have expected that he might be where he was, curled in bed with Cullen and stroking those big, soft curls while the other man came back to himself, but he couldn’t have been happier. Their chests heaved out of sync, and Dorian could feel the layer of sweat that covered both Cullen and himself. He kissed that soft hair, murmured a bit of happy nonsense gently, and hugged Cullen close to him. Cullen would come out of it on his own, but Dorian just wanted him close while they surfaced. Anything else could wait.

Because there was no way that Dorian was letting Cullen go for any reason just yet.

\----

Safe. He was safe and warm and so completely and thoroughly sated. There were strong arms around him and the hum of Dorian’s voice was in his ear. Cullen couldn’t exactly hold on to the words, not just yet, but he clung to the _sound_ \- low, velvet tones that rolled over him and caressed him and brought him up and up, slowly towards the surface. Instinctively, Cullen wrapped his arms around Dorian and nuzzled his face in against the solid expanse of the man’s chest as his own heaved with the effort to catch his breath. How long had it been since they were downstairs laughing and teasing each other? Cullen had no idea - from the moment Dorian had him, he _had_ him. The concept of time simply ceased to exist. There’d just been the two of them rolling together in the dark as their pleasure built.

The act itself had been good, yes. Incredible, the best... but, and this was almost more important, it had been freeing. With Dorian, Cullen felt free in a way he never had with any of his past partners. Free to ask for what he needed, free to let go and allow himself to _feel_ everything, really feel it without reservation or fear. It was… something special. _Dorian_ was special, and as his mind cleared of the fog, Cullen found that he was once again grateful. Thankful that the man who was now holding him like he was the most important thing in the world was there. Thankful that, in just coming over tonight, he’d stepped outside of what was _his_ normal to move towards Cullen. To some, the effort to talk and make that connection may have seemed a small thing… but the way Dorian’s eyes had looked when he spoke of his past experiences, the way his voice had seemed unsure when he spoke of relationships… Cullen knew it was a far more than met the eye. It was deep and genuine, likely confusing and difficult, and Cullen… well, he was just thankful.

Because this… this felt real. This felt like maybe…. maybe it could last.

Cullen chuckled for no reason other than the happiness he felt in a heart that was completely content. Smiling, he pressed light little kisses to Dorian’s chest, wherever his lips touched skin, and squeezed him tightly, despite the fact that they were both still covered in sweat and in sore need of a shower. “You’re something else entirely,” he murmured between those fluttery kisses, “in the very best way. It’s not quite morning, but I’d say you win that little challenge of ours.” He pulled his head back to catch Dorian’s lips in a kiss, then met those beautiful grey eyes as he smiled something shy and affectionate. “Stay with me tonight. Will you?”

\----

That kiss was wonderfully sweet, and Dorian leaned into it so he could enjoy it for as long as he could. It was an interesting thing to watch, Cullen coming back to himself like that, and he rather liked how his eyes seemed to clear and the little smile he wore when he fully came around. It was… nice. It was very nice. One hand smoothed along pale, freckle-dusted skin, and Dorian nodded in reply to Cullen’s question. Of course he’d stay now that they’d worked things out a bit better. The last time, it had been nice to sleep there with Cullen, and Dorian had a feeling it would be even better now.

“Yeah,” he answered after a moment, and leaned in to kiss Cullen’s forehead, “but… shower? Is yours big enough for two, you think?” Once they rested just a bit, though. For right now Dorian just wanted Cullen close so he could kiss those big, soft curls and feel him breathing against his chest. That was a nice feeling, actually. “When we can be bothered to move, I mean,” Dorian went on as he wrapped his arms tightly around the other man, “which isn’t right at this moment. I need… I need a minute.”

\----

“Why, Mr. Pavus,” Cullen chuckled softly as he nuzzled happily in under Dorian's jaw. “ _Bathing_ together? How terribly forward of you.” Feigned scandal dripped quietly from his tone, but he was being silly. Ridiculous even, considering… but he couldn't help himself - he was just so… happy. Content with how close they were, content in their shared warmth and shared breath, and he felt himself falling under again, but in a completely different way. Eyelids heavy, he wore a sleepy smile as he hooked his foot around Dorian's leg, tangling them together even more and pushing the thought of actually getting up to move further and further away. He'd regret it later if he didn't at least rinse off before sleep took him, but for now… right now there was nothing better than this.

“It's plenty big,” he went on, the hint of a sleepy slur present in his voice, “But you might have to kick me soon if you want company. I'm not too keen on moving at this particular moment, you see.” His eyes slid closed as his fingertips stroked lazy circles over Dorian's back. “It's far too comfortable here, with you. So,” he laughed again, soft and low, “It's really your fault.”

\----

“Oh, is it?” Dorian asked with a laugh. Of course it was. Somehow, it was his fault that Cullen was too tired and cozy to move. As far as things to be blamed for went, that was a pretty decent one. He’d smiled and spent a while longer pressing kisses into those blond curls and enjoying how Cullen curled up around him like that. The man was a bit like a big octopus with his arms and legs wrapped around Dorian like they were, and it was nice.

Later, once they’d relaxed a bit more and their breathing had returned mostly to normal, Dorian gently urged them both up and into a hot shower. That was nice. The hot water eased some of the more sore spots, and Dorian had smirked a bit when he saw a few outlines of bite marks on Cullen’s pale skin in the bathroom light. They weren’t anywhere someone might see, but it still made him chuckle before he’d leaned in and pressed kisses over those bites and bruises. They were each sporting some teeth and nail marks, which was rather nice, and that warm shower was a bit of fun to search them out and laugh together. Plus… there was never a bad reason to have Cullen wet and naked so close to him. Were he not exhausted, he might have considered another round then and there.

Then… sleep. Sleep with them pressed chest to chest and Cullen’s head tucked up under Dorian’s chin. Their arms were wound around each other, legs tangled, and Dorian slept easily and deeply. The last time he’d stayed there’d been a bit of worry as to sleeping there, nice as it had been, but this was… this was better. Cullen’s bed was soft and seemed to hug them together even more. Dorian’s mind was clear and relaxed, and the gentle feeling of Cullen’s rhythmic breathing lulled him to sleep. It was easy to sleep like that. He slept hard, so hard that he didn’t move at all, and when he woke later his mind was foggy.

_Shit! Overslept. Where’s my alarm? Why didn’t it go off, I know I- oh. No._

Cullen’s. He was at Cullen’s. He was at Cullen’s, and if the digital clock beside the bed was to be believed, it was just before six. That was about right. One hand lifted from where it was draped over Cullen’s torso, and he rubbed at his face before he leaned away just enough to look down at where Cullen was still asleep. Dorian sighed, chuckled, and leaned back in to kiss Cullen’s hair. There was no way that Cullen probably wanted to be up so early.

So what did he do? Cullen had been so upset when he’d left the last time, so… he wouldn’t now. Not yet, anyway. Though he did need to get up, and he wondered if maybe he should wake Cullen to tell him he just wanted to get up and use the bathroom. Was that too much? Would Cullen think he was taking the piss out of him? He didn’t want to have Cullen wake up maybe while he was gone and worry that he’d left again. Or what if he wanted to run downstairs and grab a drink once he _was_ up? Dorian had never been much of one to lounge in bed once he was up and doing, but… he didn’t want to upset Cullen again.

He was still for just a moment, just long enough for his body to wake up fully and he _really_ needed to get up, before he rubbed his hand along Cullen’s back in the hopes that was a gentle enough way to wake him. “Hey,” he prompted gently into Cullen’s ear, “Cullen? Wake up for just a second for me?”

\----

Sleep had taken Cullen almost as soon as his eyes closed... after he’d wound himself around Dorian yet again, of course. The way they were both warm and soft and fresh from the shower somehow made lying cuddled up with Dorian _better_ than it had been before. His body ached in a way that was completely wonderful, but he couldn’t deny that he was exhausted. Dorian really had worn him out, it seemed. Knowing that, could anyone blame him for succumbing to that blissful comfort? He hoped not. Still the only person whose opinion mattered on that topic was falling asleep right next to him with even breaths and a steady rise and fall of his chest that pulled Cullen further and further under.

And then, all too soon, he was pulled back up. Soft hands and a soothing voice were the catalysts that started Cullen’s mind, waking it from a thoroughly deep and restful sleep. As he surfaced, he allowed himself to feel everything in that happy dozy space between sleeping and waking. His body was stiff and sore, but those hands on him and that low hum in his ear made him smile all the same. And why wouldn’t he? Dorian was _there_ , with him, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with the world in that perfect moment.

Well, except maybe for the fact that, to Cullen, it still felt like it was night, like they’d just fallen asleep. Cullen groaned and screwed his eyes shut as he nuzzled his face in against Dorian’s neck and pulled the man in more tightly. “I don’t wanna. It’s too nice,” he grumbled in a petulant, sleepy little tone, “Five more minutes.” It was far too early. Too early to be awake, and too early to even consider leaving this warm little cocoon of blankets and sheets and Dorian. Why was Dorian even awake right now? Did he really wake up so early on his days off or was it something else? That thought woke him up a little more. “Unless… is everything ok?”

\----

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he answered before he kissed Cullen’s forehead, “just… uh, I was going to get up and go to the bathroom.” Dorian could feel his cheeks heating a little, and he smiled before he nuzzled at that soft hair again, “I didn’t want you to wake up and me be gone or something.” Maybe it was stupid, but he didn’t want to upset Cullen again. “Okay?”

That hand that had been rubbing along Cullen’s back slowed, and he pressed the tips of his fingers in against the back of Cullen’s neck, “if you’ll let me up, of course.”

\----

There was hesitation in Dorian’s voice - Cullen didn’t miss that, and his first thought was _he woke me up just to tell me he had to go to the bathroom?_ But of course he did. After what had happened, of course he did. If Cullen had woken up to an empty bed again, Maker only knew what his reaction would be. Probably a mix of panic and sadness, however momentary… and here Dorian was, trying to save him from even that little bit of discomfort. It was sweet, incredibly thoughtful, and, while Cullen did feel a little twinge that the man thought it necessary, it only served to solidify the thought that yes, this, with Dorian… it was good. It was damn good, and Cullen wanted so much to just hold on to him and never let him go.

_Except maybe let go when nature’s calling_ , Cullen thought and snickered into the crook of Dorian’s neck. “You know, you’re very sweet,” he murmured and kissed along Dorian’s jaw, liking the way his beard tickled his lips and nose. “It’s tough, but I’ll survive without you for a few minutes.” With a sigh, he untangled himself and rolled over onto his back, “I’ll be here.”

\----

Dorian leaned in and kissed Cullen’s forehead again before he sat up a bit and stretched. He was a bit sore from not moving all night, but it was a good kind of sore. Parts of him ached a bit, but he couldn’t really complain. So he slipped out of bed and padded to Cullen’s bathroom. First thing in the morning was never a pretty sight, though, and as he lifted his head after he’d washed his hands and splashed some cold water on his face Dorian frowned at how his hair was sticking up a bit at odd angles. It wasn’t as bad now that his hair was longer, but one side was decidedly more fluffy and stuck up than the other.

“Shit,” he sighed, and ruffled a hand through it before he quickly tied it back up so it would at least look… well, better.

He made his way back over to the bed and climbed back in so he could curl up against Cullen’s side, “Still awake,?” Dorian asked as he wound his arm back around Cullen’s waist. That pale skin was nice and warm, and he cuddled up as close as he could. Dorian had never been shy about wanting to be as warm as possible, and he rather liked feeling that warm skin against his own.

\----

When Dorian got up, Cullen reached for his phone just to check the time. The wrong side of 6am. Well, Dorian did say he woke up early… and this was early. He managed to groan and chuckle at the same time as the phone went back to his side table and his eyes slid closed again. He could close them for just a minute, it would be ok. Just… for… a minute…

_Still awake?_

Cullen jerked, just a little bit, at the sound of Dorian’s voice. “Sort of,” he mumbled with one eye cracked open, then turned his head to kiss just at Dorian’s hairline. “You put it up again,” he said with a disappointed tone, “The bedhead was cute.”

\----

One eyebrow cocked for that, and Dorian could feel his face heat just a little. So Cullen had noticed. He had sort of hoped he would be too sleepy to pay attention. Clearly not. “Hardly,” Dorian answered, and settled back down a little. He had never really been much of one to get back in bed once he was up, but... this was alright. Cullen was warm, and that was better than getting up and getting dressed.

“Not much of a morning person, hm?” he teased.

\----

“Not so much, no,” Cullen answered, both eyes closed again. “I fake it well enough with plenty of coffee during the school year, but…” He wrapped an arm around Dorian and hugged him in close. If he wasn’t careful, he’d drop right back off to sleep again, even if he really didn’t want to. He’d much rather teeter on the edge there in his soft bed with Dorian in his arms. “I’ve been a bit better this summer, what with the kids coming over during the week and all, but… yeah, I don’t see 6am until the fall… usually.”

\----

He smiled for that and trailed his fingers along Cullen’s stomach. Dorian liked the blond curls that trailed up along his middle, and he gently swirled his finger tips through them. Cullen was broad and solid and nice, which was… well, Dorian rather liked that. It was a nice way to wake up, actually. He could count on maybe two hands total how many times he’d woken up with someone in the morning, even less times he’d lay in bed with them, and now just the one time he’d gotten back _into_ bed with a man.

And then realization. When he’d shown up last night, it hadn’t really crossed his mind, but now that it was morning… it wasn’t the weekend. He had the day off, but it wasn’t a weekend day. “Oh… shit,” Dorian breathed, and shuffled a bit to look up at Cullen, “the kids. It’s not Saturday.”

\----

Cullen laughed, low and quiet, “No… no, it isn’t.” He shifted then to roll on his side facing Dorian, one hand raised to trail fingertips in a line from Dorian’s jaw and down his neck. “So we should take advantage of the time we have, hm?” And whether that meant more of this warm cuddling in bed or something a bit… hotter… Cullen didn’t know. Either way, he meant to enjoy this for as long as he could.

\----

“What time do they usually get here?” he asked as he closed his eyes for the brush of those fingers. Dorian’s neck was sensitive, and Cullen’s fingers were the perfect mix of rough and gentle to make him shiver. After last night, he’d half expected Cullen to be too tired to want to try anything for the morning, but… maybe not. “The last thing we need is them coming in at an inopportune time.”

\----

That shiver didn’t escape his attention, and Cullen grinned for the response he got. Learning the things that made Dorian smile or excited him… that was part of the fun, part of what made this so real. He let that hand keep trailing down over Dorian’s collarbone to finally rest on his chest, palm flat against warm, smooth skin. “That would be unfortunate,” he answered softly before tipping his head down to press a gentle kiss against Dorian’s lips. “They get here around 8:00 or 8:30, depending on how late Mia’s running… and since we’re up and I’m awake before any reasonable human being has any right to be… there’s time for… _whatever_. Breakfast, more laying around in bed… whatever, ah, takes your fancy…”

\----

Well, how could he really say no to that? Dorian leaned in and kissed Cullen back before he pressed himself closer. “Well,” he mused, “since you handled dinner last night… I could make breakfast for us?” One hand lifted to tangle in those curls, and Dorian just smiled, “though maybe in a bit. There might be a bit more... unfinished business from last night.”

\----

“If memory serves,” Cullen said with a sly grin spreading over his face, “There wasn’t much _business_ left unfinished.” Mornings at Cullen’s typically involved bleary eyes and joints popping as he stumbled slowly downstairs to make coffee. This morning had already involved more words than he usually uttered before his first cup of coffee, and he certainly wasn’t _active_ in the morning when he didn’t have to be. But this, with Dorian there and warm and kissing him like he did, with those fingers twisting in Cullen’s hair and sending shivers down his spine… Cullen thought maybe a _little_ activity first thing wouldn’t be so bad.

Still grinning, Cullen moved to roll on top of Dorian, supporting his weight on his arms as a low laugh rumbled up from his chest. “But I could start some, if you like.”

\----

“Oh, do. Please,” Dorian laughed as he lifted his hands to smooth them along Cullen’s chest. It was early. He hadn’t had a real shower or brushed his teeth. Any other time he’d be mortified to be so close to someone he was interested in, and yet here was Cullen on top of him and not caring at all. He’d never known that before. No one Dorian had ever been intimate with would have allowed it. Cullen, it seemed, had no issue at all.

One hand moved back up from Cullen’s chest so he could first brush his hair out of his face and then cup his cheek, “you’re very handsome in the morning, did you know that?”

\----

A little activity in the morning would be positively _wonderful_. Anything that resulted in Dorian’s hands on him was wonderful, actually. Cullen’s eyes twinkled as he smirked mischievously. “That’s the first I’ve ever heard of that… but I’m glad you think so,” he answered, leaning down to trail kisses down Dorian’s neck, over his collarbone, and down to his chest. Oh, yes, this was definitely the best way to wake up.

They had to work faster than last night - they had only minutes instead of hours - but Cullen made the most of the time they had. He should have been too sore. He should have been too tired. Despite all that, he couldn’t, it seemed, keep his hands and lips off Dorian. Cullen delighted in finding the things that made _Dorian_ shudder and dig his nails into Cullen’s back, and loved the way they just seemed to fit together, moving with each other naturally regardless of position. They just… they worked in a way Cullen had never known before.

And then after, even with the constraint of time, there was still a little moment to come down. It was all heaving chests and tangled arms and legs and soft chuckles before necessity drove them from the haven of bed and into the shower for a quick rinse off. After a bit of splashing about and more giddy laughter, they found themselves downstairs in the kitchen, brewing coffee and cooking up a quick breakfast of eggs and toast. The clock was ticking down before the kids got there, but there was time enough for this little meal.

“You know,” Cullen said between bites of jellied toast, “I could maybe be a morning person if every morning was like that.”

\----

What a morning. It was a morning like Dorian never had before, but… it was good. It was _fun_. And if Sera or Lavellan ever found out he’d never hear the end of it. That said, it was a damn sight better than having to sneak out under the cover of dawn and pretend like it had never happened. Or, well, like it did happen, but that neither party was terribly interested in it in the first place. This morning, what with the lounging in bed, another round, getting dressed, and now breakfast was so _domestic_. It was like every movie he’d ever seen or all the stories Sera and Lavellan would tell about their mornings with their significant others. It wasn’t that Dorian had ever been against that, not in a general sense, but that he’d never thought that _he_ would ever have something like that.

And now there was Cullen who was sitting beside him at the table and smiling at him like he was the happiest man in the world. It made Dorian’s insides melt just a little to watch him and listen to him sound so happy because Dorian had stayed for an extra hour or two. Who would have thought?

As he wrapped his hands around his coffee mug, Dorian just smiled a bit and studied how relaxed Cullen seemed to be, “I can’t promise it would be like this _every_ morning. Especially if I have to be up at my normal time. You may not want food that early.”

\----

Cullen laughed at that and moved to drop a kiss on Dorian's shoulder. “Strictly speaking, it’s not the food that’s made it so good,” he said through the smile he’d been wearing all morning. Smiles and mornings… they never really went together, but today was special, wasn’t it? “I rather think it’s the company, you know.”

He went back to eating his breakfast, chewing slowly as he thought about how different this morning was to the last time Dorian stayed. How would things have gone last time, Cullen wondered, if Dorian hadn’t felt like he had to leave? Would they have been this good? Well, it really was a moot point now. Dorian hadn’t stayed because his experience had told him he wouldn’t be welcome, and as hurtful as it was - both that he’d left _and_ the reasons why - it was officially behind them now. The conversation last night… it had healed a great deal of that hurt and made it so they could _really_ begin. But still, all this… the morning together, the cooking breakfast… it was probably a little outside of Dorian’s comfort zone. Despite all the sleepy smiles and teasing, was there a part of him that felt odd about all this?

“I’m glad you stayed,” Cullen went on, tone more serious with a soft expression on his face as he let his fingers brush over Dorian’s arm before resting his hand over the other man’s wrist. “This was good. Really good.” He squeezed and then winked before turning back to his coffee. “We should do it again sometime.”

\----

The feeling of Cullen’s hand warmed him, and Dorian smiled. Maybe this kind of thing wasn’t so bad. They could do this, right? This whole normal… relationship thing, it wasn’t so bad. It had been less than a day, but it wasn’t bad. It was good. Fun. _Nice_.

That said, their time together was slowly running down. At least for this morning. It wasn’t late by any stretch of the imagination, but Cullen’s sister and the kids would be there soon. Dorian didn’t need to be there when they got there. That was a level he really wasn’t ready to be at yet. So he leaned over to kiss Cullen’s cheek before he got up to grab his dishes, “I should probably get ready to head out,” Dorian mused, “let you get into Best Uncle Ever mode, hm?”

\----

Cullen smiled for the kiss to his cheek. It was nice. All kisses from Dorian were nice. Also nice? The way Dorian was comfortable enough there to do those sorts of normal things like helping cook and clean up after. It was silly, but that alone made the corners of Cullen’s eyes crinkle and his nose wrinkle up with how his smile grew. With a happy sigh, he got up and followed Dorian over to the sink where, gently, he wrapped his arms around the man from behind and kissed the back of his neck before resting his head on the other man’s shoulder. “Let me get this,” he murmured, enjoying the feeling of being pressed cozily against Dorian, “You go ahead and get dressed, ok?”

\----

“That would mean you have to let me go, you know,” he teased over his shoulder, and pressed his forehead against Cullen’s temple. It was a strange feeling, but Dorian didn’t really _want_ to go. He didn’t want to meet Cullen’s sister or see the kids fresh after a fight-turned-night together. That said, he still didn’t want to leave. He liked this feeling of Cullen pressed against his back. “Five minutes, alright?” he asked before he turned around in Cullen’s arms and rested his hands on the man’s shoulders, “then we can come back to this.”

\----

As much as Cullen didn’t want this to end, the clock on the microwave told him that Mia would be there all too soon. “Five minutes,” he agreed before pressing a light kiss to Dorian’s lips and giving him one more squeeze. “I guess I do have to let you go, then,” he sighed and stepped back against the counter to watch as Dorian made his way back to the stairs. When he disappeared, Cullen chuckled at himself and turned back to the sink to clean up the few dishes they’d used. As he washed up, his mind wandered to this morning and last night, and he felt a blush creep up his face just thinking of the things he’d done and said. No one before had ever drawn that much out of him or made him feel quite like this. It was a little scary, if he was honest, the way his chest ached and they way he felt a bit like he was free falling… but it was also a wonderful, huge, buzzing sort of feeling.

And again, he found himself grateful and so, so glad that Dorian reached out before all this just… died.

\----

It didn’t take long to get dressed again, and Dorian took a moment in the bathroom to finger comb his hair and pull it back up into something that didn’t look like he hadn’t really brushed it. He looked at himself in the mirror before he took a breath and headed downstairs to meet Cullen. Now all he had to do was get a car, and he’d be off home. Home like usual, like a normal day off… at home.

He came up to Cullen and kissed his cheek when he got downstairs, and Dorian smiled, “So… I’ll talk to you this afternoon?” he asked, “or, you know… later, depending on what you guys get up to today?”

\----

That kiss pulled Cullen out of his own mind and he jumped a little as he turned away from where he’d been putting the last of the dishes on the rack to dry. Chuckling softly at himself, he wound his arms around Dorian’s waist and drew the man in for a playful little kiss, nipping at his lower lip before he pulled back to meet those beautiful eyes. He was loathe to say goodbye… but it felt good knowing that it really was just goodbye for now. They had everything in front of them now, and they could move together at their own pace. So, even though it felt bad to end what had been a perfect morning, his heart was still light with anticipation for what the future would bring.

“I’ll be waiting with bated breath,” he teased, “Try not to think of me too much.” Because, really, Dorian would never be far from Cullen’s mind. They hadn’t known each other for too long, but Cullen had a feeling this was only the beginning. The building blocks were all there - there was no question about attraction, the first date proved they enjoyed each other’s company, and the second date proved they could let go and have fun with each other. Cullen smiled as he thought about that evening at the fair. It had been such a fun night, and it was so good to just be free and let the sillier sides of themselves out. And how silly had they been? Winning prizes for each other like they were kids, and…

Amber eyes widened as he remembered what was upstairs hidden in his closet, and he laughed as he held up a finger. “Before you go… just… wait a second, I’ll be right back.” A few minutes and a quick rummage through his closet later saw Cullen standing in front of Dorian again, holding the unicorn Dorian had named Stanton out in front of him, a healthy blush covering his features. “You, ah… left this last time. I wasn’t sure if you still wanted him or not… but here he is.”

\----

Oh, the unicorn. Dorian hadn’t realized until he’d gotten home that he’d left it at Cullen’s, and had more or less expected that it would have been gifted to one of the kids. It warmed his heart, though, to see that Cullen had kept it. He reached out and took the stuffed toy so he could hug it to his chest, “I was wondering where my new friend had gotten to,” he chuckled, and happily leaned in to kiss Cullen’s cheek, “you better believe he’s coming home with me.”

Home. Away from Cullen. Dorian still really didn’t want to go home, but he also knew he didn’t want to be there when the kids got there. Ah well. He set up a car to come get him, which took maybe ten minutes to get there, and then there were small kisses and promises to text later in the day. It was a gentle, nice way to leave things after the afternoon they’d had yesterday and how things felt now. Still, there was that part of him that wanted to stay.

The ride home, with Stanton clutched to his chest, was a bit of a strange one. He’d taken a car home after a night with someone more times than he cared to count, but this was also the first time he’d wanted to _stay_. He could imagine them spending the day in much the same way they’d spent last night, after the talking and before they’d headed up to bed, and it made the prospect of going home to his empty house a bit less appealing than it usually was when he was in this situation. He had the whole rest of the day to do with as he pleased, but… strangely, he didn’t want to do any of it.

What he _wanted_ was to sit on the couch with Cullen and watch more movies. That wasn’t like him. None of this was like him. It was maybe in a good way, though. Dorian felt strangely lighter. Better. Happier. It was a strange feeling.

When he got home, though, it was a typical day off doing typical day off things: laundry, puttering around the house, a late run. All things he should be doing. He did them like he always did, too, but he couldn’t help but just feel like he really didn’t _want_ to. Even when he sat down for lunch and flicked on one of his favorite documentaries about some of the mysterious settlements in the Anderfels, which he loved to rewatch, Dorian’s mind wasn’t completely on it. It was on those soft kisses and smiles from that morning. It was strange to feel so preoccupied.

That was how the day went, too. The time moved equally too fast and too slow, and he was restless. Normally, he’d go down to the gym or the pool when that happened, but today he just wasn’t in the mood for it. He didn’t know what he was in the mood for. Or maybe he did. It was so strange to think of Cullen like he was, as much as he was, and how much he missed the man since he’d left him… what? Seven hours ago? Eight hours ago? It was stupid. He knew it was stupid, but… no. No, he couldn’t think like that.

It wasn’t stupid to miss him. That was just the knee-jerk reaction he always had. It was normal. It was _right_ to maybe miss the man he’d come to care about. He just needed to let himself feel it. Making himself feel bad for thinking of Cullen, for missing him, wasn’t a good thing. He deserved to think about and miss Cullen. He did. Dorian knew he did.

The thought struck him just past six as he’d wandered into his bedroom for… something. Honestly, Dorian had forgotten why he’d even gone in there. His gaze landed on Stanton, who had taken up residence on his bed, and Dorian cocked his head to the side as he stared at the stuffed toy. It was all sparkles and glitter and the promise of something light and happy and nice. It was a reminder of that slightly weird yet ultimately wonderful night at the fair. It reminded him of the fun he’d had with Cullen. That, more than anything, made him smile.

He pulled his phone from his pocket then and looked at it for a long moment. Then he looked from his phone to the unicorn on his bed a couple of times, then chuckled. Why was this even a question? It shouldn’t be. It didn’t _have_ to be. There was no reason for him to fight it. They had, potentially, a long time where they spent time together just because they wanted to. And Dorian _wanted_ to.

_[Text: Cullen <3]: feel like dinner? _

It was a start. A start to something good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, this is the last chapter of what we'd planned out for this AU. Never fear - this whole thing was basically to establish their relationship so we could have a playground for fun dates and cute ideas. And there are several. Including some that center around Cullen's hobby. ^.^


End file.
